Its amazing how health returning can bring about so much change. I didnt know how sick I really was until they were operating on my heart. Ever have your chest cracked? I dont reccomend it. I had over a year of recovery from that and that was just to let bones knit and the scar to form. The pain still hasnt gone away and the cold is a bitter enemy that chews on my wounds with teeth of age and time. But strength is returning. Im able to stand and move, walk and such. Ive even returned to armored combat. Im obviously not the fighter I was at 25 but I do ok. But the insidious thing is not a scar you can see. Im dealing with clinical depression now. Doc said that anyone who survives a life threatening thing like heart surgery or whatever has a good 25 percent chance of coming out of it with clinical depression. Guess who hit the lotto! But Im not trying to retreat from this any more. I saw my doctor and am scheduled to see a therapist soon. They started me on meds and I think they're starting to work. Im able to focus now and ignore the voices of insecurity and the nagging doubts that wreak havoc on my sense of peace and balance.

For years I wasnt able to pursue kink because of poor health. But now that I can breathe again, now that I can move again, now that blood is flowing to the proper parts again, the impetus to dominate, the drive to possess and conquer, the desire to shape a woman with my will and bind her to me with pain and pleasure, theyve all returned as vigorously as ever before. My wife isnt at a point where BDSM is a need in her life. Shes still getting used to me not being dangerously close to keeling over dead at a moments notice to even think about kink stuff yet. She went through her own pain right along with me and suffered when I suffered. She loves me completely and stuck by me through the darkest hours of my life. But she was there when I woke up with tubes sticking out of me and she's reassured me shes not going anywhere anytime soon. Id take a bullet for that girl.

Thing is, she understands my need for kink and thinks it would be a good way for me to reestablish myself in my own eyes. She knows that you get strong by exercising and even though she's not in a place where kink is a possibility she knows how much I miss it. She said if I found someone to talk to or even play with to play safe and come home.

Shes secure enough to trust me and thats precious to me. She doesnt wanna know details, she just wants me to be happy. Like I said, Id take a bullet for her and I think she knows it.

So Im really not looking, just kinda happy in the knowledge that I have an outlet should something acceptable happen and someone Id trust enough to play with should appear in my life. And what do they say happens when you arent looking? I got a message from a perfectly nice girl about one of these asinine journal posts I put up here and she seemed very hip and cool. I read her thingy and found out she was into medieval stuff too and we in fact had mutual friends. As we spoke it became clear that neither one of us was looking to rush into anything stupid or rash. She had recently lost her master unexpectedly and was still feeling that loss. But for some reason she felt like it was ok to talk to me and we got along very well. Many of the same kinky interests, many of the same attitudes, but what struck me the most was her total respect for my situation as a husband and father and her unwillingness to cause problems in that area of my life. It was very clear to me that her level of maturity was rare and a very lucky find.

Conversing with her has ignited my imagination again. That and the help of the meds has allowed me to be creative again and Ive been writing erotica like I used to. Weve been writing a bit back and forth and her imagination and expression are unique and captivating. As my focus returns so does my drive and the urge within to feel flesh beneath my nails is rising. I cant predict the future but I hope that strength and health continue to flourish and I continue to earn the trust of both my wife and this wonderful submissive I have met.

Wish me luck. I *REALLY* dont wanna fuck this up.

Shes beautiful. Soft. Pale, her smile is shy but when she cant help it it comes out like the sun from behind clouds. She hides her hunger but there are times when a single fingertip makes her body betray her. Her lips are sweet but as yet I've only sipped from them. I'm waiting to drink deep... savoring the anticipation. Its been forever since the beast inside me has been fed but as ravenous as it is, as I am, Im not willing to risk destroying such a beauty, such a sweet sweet girl. But the images of her bound and helpless before me, the desire to nip at that place on her throat where I can feel her pulse racing, they are growing stronger every day.

miracle of miracles. A truly nice human being came my way and I think we're gonna be good friends.

You wanna know how to drive a gorgeous submissive woman completely frickin crazy?

Oh MAN I am fired up. Long story short theres a famous guitarist who I've loved since I was 13 who has shaped and influenced my playing to this very day. Through going to shows and hanging out and talking online, jamming together over skype, I've been able to have contact with this cat and be kinda friends with him and his band. Great guys, spectacular players, good to their people. Anyway, I was here in the mancave playing Jezebel... oh Jezebel... her and Roxy are my bitches. A pair of hardtail harlots that moan and wail... but only when *I* say so... with her trampstamp tattoo on her pickguard to the maple fretboard that melts under my touch, Jezebel can snarl out a lick, spit it at your feet and dare you to get up and dance to it, or she can sing real sweet and pretty like a rainstorm at night... and Roxy! Of the two she's the tough bitch. Stripped down, doublecut LP meets a Melody Maker and has a love child... this is Roxy. Edgy and tough, she likes it when I play fast, but when the leslie is groaning and Roxy is pulsing god I SWEAR I've fucked actual women that werent this good.

Aaaaaaaanyway... I digress.

So, I posted this clip of a song idea, raw, just me playing live over tracks I laid down on my looper, and I sent a note to some of my facebook friends to check it out. I just had a feeling about the piece. Ends up, this guitar legend hears his wife listening to it on their computer and comes in the room going "What's this??" So he posts my video on his bands official website and now his fans are digging my music and saying all SORTS of nice things about it.

Sorry, not very sexy or kinky, I know. But it's rocking my world all around and what the hell, nobody reads this crap anyway :)

Hi. My name's Animal and I play the FUCK out of a guitar.

Cheers!

I love to feel the flesh beneath my hands get warm. The blood starts to flow to the area and the skin flushes pink. The nerve endings catch fire until the slightest brush brings about a rush of sensation that envelops her. I love to feel that connection between my fingertips and her skin. There's a friction, a glide somehow that makes me run my fingers over her body, questing for pleasure. I love to run my callused fingertips across her straining nipples, feeling her pull away, then twisting and turning her nipple in my fingers until she surrenders to my touch. Pain mixing with pleasure is what I offer, not for the timid or the weak.

I love when she has the discipline to stay still as I continue my rough inspection of her body. I expect access to her most intimate places, both physical and emotional. Nothing is more intoxicating to me than to hold a woman captivated completely and not by bonds of leather and steel, but by a whisper and a touch.  When she has the courage to display herself to me, to offer to me what I seek knowing she risks disapproval and rejection, this shows me her true strength and displays her true worth to me.

Just thinking out loud. Nobody reads this shit anyway :)

holy shit so I havent been on here in ages right, so I get bored and check out a chatroom. First thing I see is some drooling loser ***running his fingers*** through some other idiots hair and her ***purring* like some window licking moron. I swear to god I thought people outgrew that stuff back in the '90's, didnt they? Oh but they're 'kinky' though. But what if their modems suddenly didnt work? Then what happens to their kink?

I feel sorry for them. 3D people are a LOT better.

Ok, so I signed up for. If you're on there and you see me, say hello! I'm just as creepy there as I am here, just newer :)