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Profile 2.0 patch that fixes all previously known bugs from all previously made patches. And free-to-play here doesn't mean I charge you for that sweet stuff that other people are using.
Wait, that came out totally wrong.
Qui ne risque rien, n'a rien. Perhaps it's curiosity or just a simple twist of fate that brings me back here. Maybe browsing is enough to sate the curiosity or I just have a yearning for simple conversation between people with like minds.
Crap. That came off as pretentious. Lets start again.
Hello all you nice people who came to look at this profile. I shall endeavor to stock it with something that is interesting. I would use gaudy colors and backgrounds but I'm afraid it might chase away people. I hear that's what Facebook is for anyway (I swear, one of these days I'll join that devilish medium). I hope that my mundanity is uhm, surpassed by my depravity?
That's a terrible rhyme. My haiku and iambic pentameter training are rusty, so unfortunately that will be all you get.
What you will get from me, hopefully, is an enjoyable experience. What has happened to the cordial face-to-face meetings to see if personalities click? Obviously if you're here and reading this the sexual compatibility issue is there - but there's no little blue pill for boredom and disinterest.
A little about me. 30 Now! HOLY HELL. Male. Not necessarily the best-looking chap around, but I "overcompensate for my shortcomings" with a splash of wit and a pinch of charm. A smile and a self-effacing joke can go a long way (as well as make good cover for the urges within)
Okay, that sounded a bit too Dexter-ish. I promise, I keep my creepiness down to normal "guy leering at you from across the room, and you're not sure if he's going to buy you a drink or follow you 10 feet behind you in the dark to your car" levels for the most part. The only thing that grabs control of me more than a set of finely-crafted leather and metal (I wonder what the pre-pubescent kids in the Bangladeshi sweatshops think when they make those down the manufacturing line?), is a random foray into the realms of nerderation and the metaphysical existence of the self.
Was that too convoluted? Translation: I have a short attention span, but it's fun to watch. Think of a terrier. I'm kind of like that. A terrier who has read Sartre. In French. (L'écureuil!!!.......) Because everything is better in French. Except for French Fries. Ever been to Montreal? I grew up near there. Poutine is just awful. But it's what you suffered through when they never bothered to check your ID at 16 and serve drinks to you and your hick American friends when you forayed up there to watch Expos games, and leer at strippers that rode the pole somewhere between domestic beatings
(ah, nostalgia)
So obviously I'm not "from" Rhode Island. Which probably means you have figured out that I'm not of Italian or Portuguese descent and while a "30 minute ride" is "ACROSS THE ENTIRE STATE!" - back home that was how I got to my friend's house next door after walking uphill both ways during a volcano that was erupting freezing rain, so a drive isn't a big deal (but that effing toll across the bridge over Narraganset from Newport is just ridiculous)
This is what happens when you let your brain write without a filter. I just re-read that last paragraph. If you didn't stop there and run away, at this point - caveat emptor.
While we can all claim Jeckyll & Hyde personalities, I like to try to find a balance. Ying and Yang. Enter David Carradine Kung-Fu Cliche Here. The thought of a woman as a partner that's totally submissive seems oxymoronic (yer an oxymoron). What fun is it walking all over someone who just takes it? Brats, backbone, intelligence, are mandatory. BYOB(rain) to this party. You can Mensa it, brown-bag it, or just fake it, but damn it you'd better have it.
Any guy that finds a total order-taking and obedient submissive fun is probably recovering from a divorce where the ex took the kids and most his money, and now needs some chick 16-18 years old that doesn't know better because he's sure that he can boss this one around to over-compensate and feel like a man again while his wages are garnished and child-support remains unpaid.
Oops. Guess the cat's outta the bag on what I think of some "Daddy Dom" relationships. Or maybe just the "Daddy Doms" that I have run into in the few forays into such things like munches and parties I have been to.
At least I'm totally upfront that I am (was and now a recovering as) an asshole.
Well shucks, I meant to just put a blurb up, and here I am with a wall of text. And I've not really gotten into the nuts and bolts of things.
Professional (and expensive) education, which I'm still paying back so don't count on me being some kind of "spoiling meal ticket." I like to think I have myself put together, but I still fall for some of the nerdy and almost childlike things in my life (but not in a "wine at Neverland Ranch kinda way," more like I just wish that Nerf guns were as cool when I was a kid as they are now - I totally missed out). At one point I was the jock in high school that stuffed drama kids in lockers. Now I have come to the revelation that I should have only stuffed drama kids that poorly interpreted the works of Arthur Miller in lockers.
That guy who tried to express the angst of Willy Loman through interpretive dance? Yeah. That guy. Should have kept him in there. It would have done the world a favor.
It took awhile to reconcile my love for sports and my love for... uhm, Fanboy-ish things to come together. But I swear I'm a better person after my identity crisis. It's a constant battle as a recovering asshoholic. But with the 12 step program and daily affirmations, I swear my levels of douchebaggery are only at DEFCON 4 levels. You'll know when the doomsday clock ticks down.
I can't keep my own secrets and lies. I'm terrible. My emotions are written on my face for all to see, and while I love poker, I totally suck at it. God. It's awful. You can read my cards just by looking at me. I just accept that generally I'm as transparent as a window, and about as emotionally coy and subtle as a microwave dinner.
Enough about me. As Michael Bolton once said "NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART!"
Am I looking for 24/7? Full Time-Dom/sub? Sounds like way too much maintenance, and I would be frustrated with a woman that felt that she needs constant supervision or orders from me. I never rule anything out, but I like to be challenged. The ideal "sub" would make me not just a better person, but a better dom. Of course I would never admit it (Man thing. Not just dom thing. Duh), but that would be the ideal situation. Preferably old enough to drink, and ideally aged below 40, but I never discount "experience" if the intelligence is there - and an older woman can stand my general "maturity" (re: Lack thereof) level.
Women with kids - how can I put this. I fully understand your situation and it's complicated and I cannot imagine what you must go through. But it's hard enough for me to be responsible for myself on a daily basis. I'd need to "warm up" to the idea of inheriting children. So I'm a great guy. You know, just not "that great." Sorry. Besides, chances are your 10-year old is more mature than me. But I'm smarter than him and would make fun of him for that. And I'd tell him things like "You're stupid 'cuz I'm older."
No cyber-bulling here. I do it all analog baby.
Someone just send me a humanitarian award right now.
I've been experienced on and off in the lifestyle since I was 18. At the beginning, I didn't realize I was dating a real masochist, or what that exactly "a masochist" was, much less the significance of it all. Let me tell you a "true" masochist is not the easiest "introduction" into the lifestyle. There was a lot of "You want me to do WHAT?" expressions (You know, like in the last scene in Top Gun when Tom Cruise tells Tim Robbins he's going to put on the breaks when they're being shot at by an enemy plane from behind? Yeah, like that reaction. That was me and my prudish inexperienced brain contemplating what she was asking for and trying to reconcile it with "you don't hit girls.") However, After some post-traumatic stress therapy, and further experimentation, I seemed to have come to the realization that I not only do I have a knack for this sort of thing, it's kind of fun. Maybe I'm a natural sadist? Maybe it's Maybelline.
Don't take this crap too seriously. I swear I read some of the profiles and it's like people have never had sex before. "I'm big bad dom, you do what I say," or "I'm sultry submissive vixen, I make all your dreams come true, just rub my bottle master." Cramps happen, funny noises happen, shit, there's "pilot error" and "performance anxiety" and all sorts of things can go wrong. I mean hell one time I was "going at it" and I couldn't get "into it" because I was taking any unused energy to keep back some... poorly timed flatulence. Now, how do you excuse yourself in a "sexy" way mid-coitus to take care of that?! HOW?! I still don't know. Needless to say, it didn't end well for all parties involved.
So be kinky, be fun, be bratty, be flexible, be sexy... but don't forget to smile through the mess if something happens. 'Cause.... well.... It's funny, man. Whether you want to admit it or not. It's okay to break the fourth wall now and again.
Drop an e-mail if you wish to know more or would like a REAL picture. (But okay, ASK for it. I don't assume because you mailed me you want one.) I'd rather.... not.... post it up for all to see out in public. I am a self-proclaimed professional and very important person who should have bodyguards and a bulletproof Limo to be chauffeured in at six bucks a gallon, but alas, you'll just have to take my delusion for it.
Good luck and happy hunting, because if you actually read all this you really ARE a masochist.
-B
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Who's brilliant idea was it to schedule the International Beer Festival in Providence in the same venue as Rhode Island ComicCon?
Because I want to kiss them. With tongue. |
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New pictures. Of my roommates. They think I'm really cool. But I think that Balloonicorn is stealing from my wallet at night to support his out-of-control coke habit. |
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NASA potentially finds a planet that supports liquid water 600 light years away. That means this planet has twice the intelligent life and half the newsworthiness of a Kardashian. |
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Dear Collegiate Athletics,
My love for your product is being seriously and severely tested by supposedly "educated men" who run programs that focus on covering up systematic and criminal abuse rather than reporting it as both law and morals dictate.
You run a University. You should have standards. You do not run a hedge-fund investment company that trades on speculation and futures but makes up numbers to give to their accountants.
I'll worry about my 401k and banks that want to charge debit and account fees that are greater amounts than their stock value.
You stop hiring child molesters.
Thank you for doing your part,
Mr. Snark. |
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Dear family,
Four hours at 325.
A flightless bird is not rocket science. |
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Yes. I *did* make a "Bunnicula" reference. Eat it world. |
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Decided to talk to some of the Occupy Providence people in Burnside Park today, since they are exercising their right to Democracy.
Upon talking to them I am now firmly wondering if it's too late to re-instate the British Monarchy. |
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WARNING: All communications this week may or may not be infused with themes and/or lyrics off Alan Parson's Project albums. Viewer discretion is advised. |
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I'm getting way too old to stay up all night doing work. I am. This is just ridiculous at this point. I mean, granted I'm in a little grace period right now where I'm just at that "special sort of place" where your mind fluctuates between the "real" and "surreal?" You know like how I can sit here, and next to me is a very casual handbag that says "Music" = "Life." And my mind goes off.
Of course I think to myself that the owner of this handbag 1) Probably has a very poor taste in music to begin with. 2) Is not someone I want to be stuck in a "forced social situation" with. 3) Is probably a hotter piece of ass than I can pull down, even on a good day, and 4) Is currently wondering why I am probably staring blankly at the wall, because my mind is in the "overactive tired zone" while my body looks like it was just frozen like a statute, or rejected from some zombie version of the Biggest Loser.
Cool Story Bro.
I figured I had a few moments, and this seemed like the perfect place to put up some semi-anonymous crazy. I realize that this is not helping my chances of using this site what it's intended for, but what else am I going to do? Update facebook? hashtag/staring pervert on twitter? How do I know these things without either account? I'm certainly not about to confess my crazy to my folks. They spent so much time trying to pray so many things away for me as a kid for me to think about disappointing them now. Not when I'm this close to usurping complete control of the trust funds and power of attorney from them.
Great. Someone just sat down next to me with an iPad. And worse - they pulled out one of those accessory keyboards for it. I'm in a personal hell right now. And shockingly, it's not the "music" = "life" chick. No. Instead it's some guy. Five bucks says he spent 10 minutes trying to match a wristband to aviator shades on Saturday night before going out and seeing what he could successfully mix with RedBull. You know his conversation skills vary between his Fantasy Football team, Jersey Shore, how important he is, and what his (inflated) gym routine is.
But I was right. "Music" = "Life" Chick? She is SMOKIN'. But you can tell from the looks of her that she has one of those "on again off again" relationships where there's a lot of drunk and/or angry sex, and whenever she tries to start a discussion about "us" with said male, he gets angry and breaks up right there, only to call her later when he's drunk, horny, or felt his self-worth and/or sexual preference challenged by life.
See? See what happens when I'm exhausted from looking up bullshit stuff in annotated code all night? I start making up plausible back-stories for people. I'm going crazy. This is the step before rampant narcolepsy. I'd better stay away from chairs near walls, otherwise trouble will occur.
But I swear I'm going to smash the hell out of that douche's iPad if I can claim insanity afterwards. Look guy. I'm sure back-to-back episodes of "Family Guy" and "Entourage" are important. But stop demeaning my gender in public.
God, he's almost as bad as what guys on this site write on a daily e-mail basis.
The nerve. |
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Fully expect to see people jumping from windows on my morning commute today. Nothing warms the cockles (-Muttley snicker-) of my heart than seeing these Boston Sports "fans" suffering this week.
That's PAYBACK FOR THE MISERY YOU GAVE ME as a Detroit Tigers fan living in New England when they lost 119 games. It's also Payback for being a Lions fan living in New England suffering through an 0-16 season. That's right. Suck it Sox and Pats fans. Tigers in the Playoffs, and the Lions didn't blow a 20 point lead. It's MY turn now. Don't cry on my suit. I just had it dry-cleaned. |
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Back from Vegas. And I remember everything that happened there. I went absolutely nuts, I mean I cannot believe the stuff I did. But I will break the code of "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Because you need a report of something so shocking, sinful, and terrible that it must defy all logic. So here it is:
I split 10s and doubled down when dealer was showing a 6.
I hope my parents can forgive me. Eventually. |
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Found: The Very Best of Asia: The Heat of the Moment (1982-1990) at a store on a discount rack for 2 dollars.
Hands down. Purchase of the week.
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Hurricane Schmurricane. So what if I live on and island. It's been kind of humorous to see the summer regatta crowd looking mighty confused as to what to do. They can't use their yachts during a hurricane, and they can't get back down to their house in the Hamptons, because that will get hit too!
They have to do the unthinkable. Find a place to hunker down in, even if it's that motel that's next to an IHOP. The stories of "Slumming" will be quite enjoyable at the next polo match. Especially since it's the big annual USA v. England match. http://www.nptpolo.com/
(I may be snarky, but sometimes, real life gives me gifts) |
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Ah, I forgot how great it is to be where I grew up. I feel bad that everyone else forgot that I like to play inappropriate music loudly.
Oh, did you think that meant punk or metal? Gosh no. It means "Midnight Train to Georgia" - at midnight. Maybe followed up by some "Because the Night" and let Patti Smith go head to head with Natalie Merchant in a retro diva throwdown.
Yes. This is what I do on vacations. I excel at unintentionally cock-blocking myself. |
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Been awhile since I updated everything. Kept busy. Lets just say it relates to my work and sometimes I just get flooded.
Now remember, there are no substitutions here. Only the geekiest with a quirky sense of humor need apply.
What can I say? I'm a target-specific predator. |
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I cannot tell what's a bigger warning sign:
1) The woman who speaks in glowing terms about her ex-boyfriend who was "great" but she had to "take out a restraining order against him, but it's worse than it sounds."
2) The woman who tells me that not only does she have three cats but has named them after Harry Potter characters, and tells me in great detail the difference between her three "babies" (and how they related to their names) or
3) Someone so full of daddy issues she has two kids by two different men but can't find a "good man" to be their father and doesn't want them growing up like she did (without noticing the obvious parallels between her behavior and her mothers)
Oh you think that these approached me on this site? Goodness no. These are women I've met this week in "real life." So what you say to me here is generally less crazy than what I meet in person.
I have to stop doing pro bono work. |
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Oh no. I lost my cut-and-paste opening that I send to all new female users. Not sure what I'm going to do now. |
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Just when I think my life can't get any worse - I cough myself awake at 3:00 am....
And the pain of waking myself up with this cold is totally redeemed when I find that Fast Times at Ridgemont High is on. Finally. Some good luck (I'm grasping at straws here) |
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Still no voice. And Robitussin is expensive. Well it is when you buy it by the gallon.
Oh and ladies? If you're going to send a story from out of the blue, at least make it something that doesn't sound like it belongs in a book that has a pastel-colored cover with a shirtless guy in long hair riding a horse along a beach. I mean I realize that many of you try really hard to further the stereotype that "the only funny girls in this world are lesbians," but can we at least try something that makes me smile?
As a present? I'm sick. |
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A once in a lifetime opportunity where I have my Friday AND Saturday obligations canceled, a holiday on Monday, and now I'm too damned sick to travel and see friends and family.
I get it, I'm sick, but did you have to take my voice too? I mean isn't that just overkill? A whole weekend where I can communicate only through text? Great. Judas Iscariot had it easy in the Inferno compared to this. |
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So a 22-year old Australian undergrad on a summer internship finds missing dark matter in a telescope, and all the news cares about is that Justin Beiber has tattoos.
That's it. I'm listening to Chuck Berry all day today. |
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I asked my lesbian nerd friend to explain "steampunk" to me, since I am a geek, but as a self-proclaimed "art fag" she has me beat. In explaining she said quote "It's what happens when Goth kids discover the color brown." She then proceeded to show me a picture of her dressed up like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner at a fashion show last weekend.
Why?! Why God do you torture me by having this creature in my life yet always unattainable?!!! ITS NOT FAIR. |
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Get talked into going out for drinks with friends I haven't seen in awhile and sure enough, later in the night my best attempt at a pick up line was "I'm not intelligent, I just crush a lot."
Who lets me drink? They should be fired.
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I was not raptured today. I suppose that means I am a sinner. Good thing most people who look at this on here are looking for one. |
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Empty Interstate + Def Leppard's "Hysteria" at full blast = Epic Win. |
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...no WONDER I got a funny look when I asked if I should bring my SuperSoaker if there were going to be watersports. |
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Ah. Shibari. Yes it's really neat - I do like intricate rope formations. Only problem is that you do not want to ask me to do it. You see I was kicked out of Boy Scouts because I couldn't tie a knot to save my life. Also, I didn't want to drink the wine that the Scout Master kept trying to give us. |
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I don't think you know exactly what you are looking for if you ask me "if I'm into sadism" followed by "tickling" in the same thought pattern. Somehow I'm not sure those go together? |
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Fringe benefit of Newport, RI - Driving down America's Cup Avenue blasting "I'm on a Boat."
Sometimes life gives us presents. |
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| Age: 26 |
| New york,
New York |
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