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| I did not write this but it is so very true, I had to share.
What does any slave seek? Someone who is both Powerful and Compassionate in the balance right for their personal need. That balance varies from individual to individual. And yes, there are many other more personal factors also. But in essence, that is what a slave needs. Someone powerful enough to control them to the core of their soul, and someone compassionate enough to apply that control with discretion.
Someone who is extremely trustworthy & gentle in their absolute firmness makes an excellent Master or Mistress. Someone who is there to guide through control, but who would never abuse via domination. Someone who accepts the slave’s limits (including a safe word, or gesture if gagged), yet brings his slave right to the edge of their capacities.
Loving D/s is never about the Master taking control, it is about the slave constantly yielding control to her Master. An effective Master knows his slave well enough to always insist with gentleness, never asking for more than she will give. A slave does not say “no” to her loving Master because she never needs to — not due to fear of him.
A slave should feel enriched by her Master’s loving attention; her focus should not ever need be on pain which he has caused, or the Master has done wrong upon her and upon himself.Control does not mean abuse, control does not require pain — it requires a slave’s respect and dedication to her Master. A good Master is deeply respected and trusted absolutely because of the unconditional love and acceptance he gives to her. A Master does not abuse a slave or disrespect a slave’s desires, rather he guides them to fulfillment by his will.
A good Master knows what is safe and what is not safe and would never dream of doing anything that would actually harm either himself or his slave. The Master must trust that the slave has carefully considered and established and communicated her limits, and the slave trust that the Master will abide those limits and her use of a safe-word or safe-gesture. It’s only within those bounds that a good Master has the power of deciding how to use his whim.
But everything within the bounds they agree upon (primarily set by his slave experiences and fears) is then in the realm of the Master’s control. He will both manage all his own actions and guide his slave’s actions to their mutual satisfaction. This means he must be very observant, caring, self-aware, gentle, loving, and have compatible interests with his slave. A Master dominates through pleasure, by knowing the sub and using her own pleasures against her.
Masters can create and steer a scenario that makes a slave feel like she didn’t create the place she’s in, yet is exactly where she most deeply desires to be. I recently read a quote online that said, “A Master never makes his slave do anything, he makes her want to do everything,” and that is what it’s all about.
The Master creates a large buildup of interest and release of tension by sending her mind into a condition known to many as ”subspace.” Subspace is an altered focus, a narrowed reality; it is a feeling of ecstasy for the slave. It provides a firm center (or focus) that evolves when the Master guides all the slave’s actions, allowing the slave to let go of all the extraneous distractions and just “BE” for a while. It is total ecstasy.
D/s is very individualized. Many outsiders only see the most extreme activities in their interpretation as pain-oriented SM, but D/s can be much softer too. It all depends on the individuals and their interests; that’s why the choice of a Master is so important.
The slave is choosing her future — it is very important to wisely choose who she gives herself to, not just because someone expresses interest in their skill. Always explore compatability on the larger scope of life and for safety’s sake, check references if possible! It takes many months to find the One with whom a slave has such complete trust for her safety and respect to yield the control deeply enough to share a real-life interaction.
If you meet someone online and feel the need to meet also in real life,the face-to-face meeting should not be rushed. The timing of coming together where touch is real and control is total is also not something which a Master that truly cares about a slave’s well-being would ever order to progress on a certain time-line. This is one decision that needs come from the slave’s trust in her Master’s providing a safe interaction. Until the slave feels fully safe and ready and has communicated her desire for it, it simply shouldn’t be discussed. No implied pressure, no explicit orders, nothing, period. A true Master would NEVER order an online slave to come to him real-time (in person); it is dangerously inappropriate to do such.
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