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I do not know if I am too old. I do not know if I dont have enough money to relocate you. What I do know is that no matter where you are in the world, if you have a sincere desire to obey and are a masochist we can budget and figure it out. Maybe I cant take you on your dream vacation to the Greek islands on a chartered yacht, but two can live cheaper than one.

If you want to be a 247 caged , tell me how you can pay your medical insurance, retirement fund and part of the mortgage of the place you will be caged. I can take care of myself, I dont want a slave that cant take care of itself or plan a way forward. I want a slave that can serve me.

What I know is that I am a dominant sadist of modest and reasonable means. I do listen. I can care. But I want you to work as hard to make this happen as you might want to work for me. I am not the solution to your financial security or a means for you to find a better country to live in than the one you might think you live in.

I want to be loved. I have extreme kinks. I do not demand or expect anything but a sincere desire to serve. I am experienced, competent and realistic about all kinds of s of Ds. My main kink IS Ds. Do you chose to obey or not? That is it. The rest is icing on the cake.

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3/28/2022 10:43:52 PM
Subtle Tease of The Day

This one is simple. It requires no toys or even touching. You don't even need privacy.

Every hour (or a feasible but consistent interval) complete this sentence:

"I get aroused when I think of ... and I get wet when I imagine..."

That's it. Take a moment or two to fantasize. You don't have to share your thoughts. They are welcome

1/14/2022 10:47:01 AM

Kink is all relative. I have many extreme ones and some mild ones. The thing is, I only have few "must-haves". 

I am not and will never be absolutely monogamous. That isn't to say I am looking for a poly relationship or some sort of stable of slaves. Hardly that. That is negotiable.  

I have a simple rule "obey". I do not llike "funishment". Again, we can negotiate what that meanns as eveery dynamic is as different as the conswenting folks involved.

I enjoy orgasm control, teasing and denial. You must be willing to give me that control.


The rest of it is optional.  

I wish you all peace, joy and laughter.

6/22/2014 5:30:17 PM

A lot of dominant men that want a M/s relationship think that slavery is just a given.

They think along the line of "You are slave. You obey."
And that isn't how it works.

It should be "She wants to be my slave, and will try very hard to help me help her get there. So we will try, learn and grow." Because the end-state is an ideal that can never be achieved.

There will always be some doubt, some inconsistency, some new trigger or rebellion. It is inevitable. And it is niave to think otherwise. Or at least I think so.

11/12/2012 1:31:07 PM

10 Things a Dominant Needs from a Submissive

(Reposted with permission from http://kenovasir.blogspot.com/2012/06/10-things-dominant-needs-from.html)

1. Know your Responsibilities.

Dominants have responsibilities. We hear a LOT about that in our community. We have the responsibility to be forgiving and understanding. We have the responsibility to be strong and independent. We have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and our partners. We have to accept accountability for whatever happens with the submissive. We have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and (often) our submissives’ actions.

Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities. Those are play rules, or relationship kinks.) Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with your Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with your partner. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

2. Remember Patience?

Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is a little girl…

When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.

The same with fetishes. I understand you are a HUGE anal slut. But let’s build up to that. Yes, I can probably put together a scene with 23 different ass sensation toys, and a half dozen different positions, with FancyRopeWork (tm). But why? Let’s share other experiences. Let’s learn each other before moving into what should be a permanent relationship.

It takes time before a dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for us to learn your little idiosyncrasies. It takes experience to recognize your body language, and to be able to intuit your fears and your feelings. There will be false starts, and stops, and pitfalls, and awkward situations. If you actually want a relationship with your Dominant…be realistic about it. (see #3)

Expecting us to immediately rock your world...it happens sometimes. But most of the time, it takes time and effort before we know you well enough to really rock out.

3. Have Realistic Expectations.

You aren't perfect? Well, neither am We. We’re learning every day. A good Dominant (one who will eventually be worthy of the title “Master”) is constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading. Expecting a 29 year old to pay for all your dates, have a fully equipped dungeon, be the perfect boyfriend, help pay your rent when you’re behind, god-like lover, and be a Master-of-All-Toys is, frankly, naive.

It takes a lot of work to build a relationship - and that relationship has to be built from both ends. We understand that you are sacrificing a lot when you surrender your body - often, so are we (see #9). We are as giving as we can be of our time, our money, and our emotions. It hurts us just as much when we're dropped, dumped, manipulated or lied to. But, you may have noticed, we don’t have “Dominant support” groups, by and large. So while you’re risking more of your body and heart on the front end – we’re risking a hell of a lot of our soul and our mind on the back end.

If we’re with you, and making an honest effort…respect that. We respect you (even when we’re calling you cunts while whipping your ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something amazing. We recognize your talents and efforts. Please, recognize ours.

4. Consistency.

It’s a real roller coaster ride to have a submissive who is one person in the morning, another at night, and a complete third when she skips her meds (see #7). And roller coasters are fun…but they don’t make for great daily activities.

We’re going to do the best we can to enforce the rules consistently. To respond to your needs as much as we can, when we can. To be the same Dominant on Monday that we are Saturday night. What we ask in return? The same thing from you. Make the effort (see #9) to follow those rules. Don’t give us the A#1 effort Saturday night at the party, and then just coast on the relationship for the rest of the week.

There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Monday through Sunday in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. We honestly don’t care if that level is low, medium, high, or barely existent. We’ll work with that – that’s what a Dominant does. We motivate, we train, and we guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… the greatest Master in the scene couldn’t deal with that 24/7. Neither can we.

5. Discretion within the relationship.

Yeah, so. Going online and chatting in a slaves group, or on , about how your Master doesn't scratch your itch, or how you're so disappointed he didn't do SexyMoveA#1 last night? That's not cool. We don't (believe it or not) go around gossiping with every Dominant we know about how tight your ass was last night, or how funny you looked sobbing after an emotional edge play scene. Please have the same courtesy - don't assume that just because you're the submissive, you can talk about anything in our relationship that you want to and call it "submissive sharing". If you have a genuine issue in the relationship - we should be the first person you talk to about it. Not your online friends. See #10 about that.

This is not an endorsement of abuse. If you are being abused (physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically, sexually, etc.), for the love of God, go to your local shelter. Your nearest victim advocate. Or the closest police station.

But please bear in mind – below that particular level? Relationships will always have problems…talking to your partner solves a LOT of them.

6. Trust. (No really, actual trust, not "earn it or else" trust)

No, this doesn’t mean trust me immediately from word one. That would be insane.
But this ties in with #8 and #9. You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication (see #10). From both parties. Trust is a two way street. If your Dominant has to constantly prove that he’s worthy of your trust, then why are you with him?

I was once with a woman who had me convinced that it was a Dominant’s job to constantly be earning and re-earning trust. I heard the mantra of “a Master /earns/ trust” at least once a day. The entire relationship was one long marathon of constant effort to “earn” her trust by doing everything she wanted, and never disagreeing with her. It took a slap ‘round the head and shoulders by a senior Dominant and very trusted friend before I realized that I was being used.

7. Sanity.

This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle. If you have depression, bi-polar, manic episodes, or have been described by previous friends, dominants or family members as a "wild and crazy" type...the odds are that you, in fact, need therapy. Possibly medication. There’s no shame in that – a HUGE percentage of people in this modern world have psychological issues that need to be addressed with pills or therapy. Please seek it BEFORE approaching a dominant. We, in return, will attempt to do the same for our own issues. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships should be done AFTER the mental health issues are addressed and under control.

8. Stop Recycling the Past.

Your last Dominant hurt you. Or didn't measure up. I understand that, personally. My last submissive didn't either (see #7). But that said...this is us, starting fresh. I certainly want to know if your last Dom was abusive, hurtful, or cruel. You need to know if my last submissive was, too. That's part of the whole "communication skills" thing in #10 and it will affect how we interact. I do NOT, however, need to hear a daily address list of the A-Z of everything you ever disliked about him...or a weekly update on how I compare to him. Considering that I probably don't do any of the former, and don't care about the latter. This is a new relationship. You wouldn't enjoy me constantly comparing you, out loud, to my last girl. You wouldn't enjoy an intimate partner constantly comparing you to their last lover. I don't enjoy it either. Keep the past, in the past.

9. Honest Effort and Understanding.

You want us to know how hard submission is? Well, we want you to know how hard Domination is. We have to think in three dimensions about the emotional and psychological impact of everything from our tone of voice to our tools, from our clothes and cologne to our cock and cunt hair. It's exhausting at times, and just like submissives...sometimes we burn out. Sometimes we're too tired to be SparkleMasterLeatherDom/me. And just like we are expected (by our Dominant brothers and sisters, if not by our submissives) to be consistently understanding and supportive of slaves rights and feelings...we deserve a little consideration ourselves.

10. Communication Skills.

9/17/2012 8:23:06 PM

This is from _Lava_

but I have permission to re-post it.  It expresses my sentiments very well.


So you think I'm pretty cool (or easy, if you're an idiot) and want to play. I happen to find you interesting and would perhaps like to play with you.

Now what?

Well… now it’s time to negotiate. Before we hammer out the details (time, place, safewords, marks, etc.), I’m going to make sure that we are actually compatible play partners and not just super attracted to / intrigued by one another. I generally get two types of response in my quest for pre-negotiation deal breakers: my potential play partner knows what they like and what they are not interested in and can inform me of such in a more or less eloquent way or I get something a little more like this:

“Tell me about your main interests and limits.”

“I want you to do whatever you want to me.”


Now, from your statement I’m going to assume that you are either very, very new (which I probably already knew), or that you’re a complete moron (which I hope not).

In either case, my response is pretty much the same:

“I seriously, seriously doubt that you ‘want me to do whatever [I] want to [you]’… yet. What I want to do to you is tie you to my bed, put a knife to your throat, cut off your air supply by putting my other hand over your nose and mouth and then light your cock on fire before I beat the crap out of you with a baseball bat until tears are running down your face. Then I want to untie you and drag you to the bathroom by your hair, start the bath running, and shove that baseball bat I was just beating you with up your ass while I hold your head under the water. I want to see the look of terror in your eyes and feel you shaking with fear before I bring you gently back to reality. Then… then I want to see the relief and gratitude on your face as you thank me.”

And then I enjoy the look of horror and the stunned silence that usually accompanies this statement.

No, I’m not kidding. I really do want to do those things (and more), and actually have done so on multiple occasions (though not in that exact order or all in the same session). Nothing does it for me like power exchange, edge play, and that look of fear in your eyes. However, please don’t mistake my wanting to do it with having to do it… to you or anyone else for that matter. I’m just as happy to give you a two hour massage instead.

So, if that is the case, why on earth would I intentionally terrify a new and potentially awesome play partner (other than just because I’m a sadist)? I have many answers to that question:

1) It’s honest.
2) It illustrates the fact that I really can’t do whatever I want (yet) and they probably shouldn’t give such an invitation to someone that they barely know or have never played with before.
3) It makes them very unlikely to try that approach with someone else in the near future and hopefully the shock value of the statement makes that lesson stick in their heads for a good long while.
4) It lets them know where one day, sometime in the distant (or not-so-distant) future, our play may lead.
5) It gives me some pretty nice insight into how they’ll likely handle my policy of brutal honesty in the future, should they stick around.
6) Ignorance / stupidity annoys me. I expect my play partners to be able to communicate their needs and desires.

Now, if my potential new play thing is still sitting there instead of a cartoonish haze of dust left behind on their mad dash for the exit, I will gladly explain all of the above, with an emphasis on the importance of negotiation and difference between “want to do” and “have to do.” Hell, I may even explain what a limit is if they don’t already know (but odds are I’ll pass on playing if they are that new and haven’t bothered to read or ask about even the most fundamental aspects of BDSM). I will then try again:

“Tell me about your main interests and limits.”

“Well, I don’t know what my limits are. You’ll just have to find them…”


NO. No, no, no. I do not have to find your limits, nor do I want to. You, my friend, have not given me the slightest bit of information to go off of, save for the fact that you are either too ignorant, too stupid, too insecure, or too indifferent to your own well-being (or a combination of those) for me to invest any more of my time and energy into negotiating with you… let alone actually play with you. It is not my job to read your mind and carry you through the potential minefield of kink. I have no obligation to you and now, due to your inability, reluctance, or fear of communicating your needs and desires, I won’t even consider taking on the responsibility of keeping you safe during play.


Well, in spite of how annoying I may find you, you have given me very real cause to doubt your ability to keep yourself safe. Will you call a safeword if you need to? Will you tell me you’re okay when I check in with you, even though you are not? Will you tell me if a rope is cutting off your circulation? Will you stop the scene or ask me to pause if you discover whatever thing we’re doing may cause you some sort of psychological harm? Should we make it through a scene, would you be able or willing to give me honest feedback about your experiences throughout?

Probably not.

So I’m going to do the responsible thing and walk away. Before I go, though, I will tell you exactly why I’m doing just that. I hope you can do a little soul-searching and give your next potential partner a little more to go on.

Okay, so I’ve told you how to make me not want to play with you. Problem is, you’re new and inexperienced in the art of negotiation. You have an open mind and would really like to play with me, but you really have no idea where your limits lie. How can you communicate that and not leave me running for the hills? Well, when I say “tell me about your main interests and limits,” why don’t you try something like this:

“Well, I saw some porn / read about / had this awesome dream about being tied up and spanked (or whatever), but I’ve never experienced it and am not sure how I will react. Also, I really don’t want any marks or broken skin.”

Alright… I can work with that!

In time, after we have established a deep trust in one another and I’ve helped you explore some of your soft limits (and perhaps even a few kinks that were once hard ones), I might just be able to do what I really want to do to you.

Who knows?

11/21/2011 2:34:22 PM

Trial Periods, Collars of Consideration and Other Nonsense.


The only reason I call it dating and not something else is because, I am just a dominant or whatever anyway. Really, though, if there were a training period it would be to give an alleged submissive/slave/property or whatever a chance to really think about serving me. It allows me to find out if they are willing to obey or not.

I have been extreme. I may have skewed ideas about what is possible. None of this is easy for anyone. I am perhaps to harsh or unrealistic. I cannot anticipate every possible sequence of events. It comes down to a theoretical game of chicken, and I don't have time for that.

"What if I asked you to do this..."
"I love that.!"
"And this?"
"What about this?"

What I mean is, an s-type is either going to obey or not. I need to find out if they will. They need to find out if they can. But what it comes down to is being willing to commit. I don't like these periods of consideration and what not. Just let me know when you are ready to say yes, and then get back to me. In the meantime, I have other fish to fry.

Selfish right? But I am a dominant man, while I can be nurturing, the role itself is about getting my needs met and sublimating my others'. This only works when that supremely turns on the other. That goes back to the beginning. If an s-type is willing and turned on by serving and then willing and turned by serving me in particular, what else needs to happen? I am not going to bother with a commitment that may go sideways. I am not going to spend months or years trying to "figure it out."

Like Yoda said "Do or do not."

11/5/2011 4:37:11 AM
Honesty is the best way to communicate. It should be obvious, but it seems like people are always putting themselves in the best possible light here. That is to be expected. After all Doms never doubt themselves a s-types are all horny willing subjects. To which I say pshaw. Admit your faults once in awhile. Tell yor story about how overcome them. Succeeding against adversity is what creates confidence, not closing your eyes and convincing yourself that everything is just fine. Be bravely honest, and see what happens.

2/24/2011 7:26:10 PM

I can understand how some married people may have been problematic for poly people due to incomplete disclosure and misleading information about their spouse's consent, but I don't understand why after several unpleasant experiences some people might decide that the risk wasn't worth the hassle.

I actually insist that any potential partners do some more serious questioning about disclosure and yet I still feel like a bit of pariah in poly communities or in other groups. The words "unicorn hunter' are rather derogatory even though I don't like the closed poly thing either. As a result had the following questions

What pro-active steps can a married man, in a poly or open relationship take to reassure women that dating or playing with him can be a good experience, such that the word "married" isn't a red flag?

2/23/2011 11:56:33 PM

I wonder if I am too extreme for people to think I am a real guy, and not just some wanker behind a keyboard.  Some of my writing is about what I consider an ideal situation.  I really don't think I expect to find a perfect match, but I think I can find someone who wants to go on the journey.  If you are looking around and think you aren't that perfect, ask yourself if you want to be.  And then, if you are still of the same mind, we can talk about how I might take you there. 


After all, everyone is different.  I react differently to all kinds of situations.  That is why power exchange is referred to as a dynamic by many.  That means it changes and is malleable.  The fact that I am dominant won't change, but how I might dominate a particular person will.    When it comes down to it, it's all about enjoying obedience.  The rest is just frosting and whipped cream. 

2/21/2011 9:43:04 PM

Our culture seems addicted to three core beliefs about relationships that are almost guaranteed to create jealousy in even the most well adjusted people. Identifying and dismantling these beliefs is the most effective way of dealing with jealousy.

Core belief #1

If my partner really loved me, there would not be any desire for an intimate or sexual relationship with anyone else.

This is based on the scarcity model of love, in which a partner's emotional or love interest in somebody else means that I will be loved less. It is as absurd as the idea that to have a second child is an indication that you don't love your first child enough. It also presumes that sex and love are the same thing and meet the same needs.

Core belief #2.

If I were a good partner/spouse/lover, my partner would be so satisfied that they wouldn't want to get involved with anybody else.

This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame the problem on your partner. This belief makes it your fault for not being the perfect lover. This is also the basis of the widespread romantic myth of the "one and only person on the planet". This is also guaranteed to cause serious self-esteem problems, which is fertile ground for jealousy.

Core belief #3.

It is just not possible to love more than one person at a time.

This again is based on the scarcity theory of love, that I only have a finite amount to give.

All of these beliefs are connected to a primal fear of loss and abandonment, however unfounded. Neale Donald Walsche, in his series "Conversations with God" described fear as "False Evidence Appearing Real". I prefer "Fantasy Existing As Reality", in other words, we imagine the worst possible outcomes and then believe that these are our "real" feelings.

Polyamorists replace these core beliefs with three new core beliefs.

New Core Belief #1

My partner loves me and trusts me so much that we can allow our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others. There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand the potential for giving and receiving love.

New Core Belief #2.

My partner is so confident in me and our relationship that having other partners will not create jealousy that will destroy our love.

New Core Belief #3

Whatever socially unusual arrangements we have set up in our love lives, they have been agreed to consciously and responsibly by everyone involved. We insist on integrity in our relationships.

Once you can get away from the "either/or" polarity, and accept an "and/both" approach, or as some Polys say, having your Kate and Edith too, many of the accompanying demons associated with jealousy will disappear.

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