So only in to the fifth day of the new year I am trying to keep it positive still...but...I still do not get why people put up profiles on here if they aren't serious.  Maybe I will be able to figure that all out in 2014.

The word for 2014 that I am trying to eradicate from my vocabulary is 'can't".   I mentioned it in a meeting of peers yesterday and they all laughed.   It took me back a bit. I guess the premise is I am wanting to remove any negative obstalces.  Try something and if it doesn't work, try something else.   That seems to work best for me while I am on this journey.  

Where in the world are the real female submissives?  Hello?  Is this thing on?

Its amazing when one attempts to be polite and asks a simple conversation starter how quickly a sub can get very 'bitchy' and move into block mode.  I get it.  You get harassed.  Woe is you, etc.  But really, a block after asking "How is your journey going?" 

No wonder a lot of these so called subs end up alone and stay that way.  Lighten up folks...its the holidays.

When the profile on here says:  "i'm sarah, i'm a college student who is tired of vanilla relationships and looking for an online Dom/Master to train me." 10 times out of 10, its some guy about my age who is pretty messed up as a troll.

The current profile pic represents my two big fetishes wrapped into one shot:  bound ankles in stilettos.  Very much a man here, tvm. 

Always open to messages, we may not always agree.  Been on this path since 1993 so I have seen a few things and experienced a few others.  Somethings just don't float my boat anymore.  No visual/audio confirm, no go.  Plain and simple.  Respect that.  cheers.

Manage expectations:  first you are not going to find Mr. Right Dom or miss right submissive right off the bat here.   I have no clue why people won't just slow down and be patient and actually treat others with respect and build friendships.

Subs who have chips on their shoulders annoy me.  And the ones that love to point their finger and judge me even before they get to know me are a complete joke.

Slow down people...slow....down....

There are two things I never get about CM:  one is why some guys are so insistent in showing pics to the world of them sitting there holding their meat? Seriously, you think that will attract anything but flies?  And the other is sub-missives with multiple profiles under a myriad of names.  Does that improve your chances?

A little information piece I hope will be useful for the new ones that are truly seeking.  SB

What is the BDSM Lifestyle?

"BDSM" is an acronym  that included other acronyms. Examples are: "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" is a catch all phrase used in conjunction with the word lifestyle. So the terms bdsm and "bdsm lifestyle" cover about all that is done or will be done.    Individuals engaging in bdsm are oftten called  " bdsm'er".

What follows is a good article describing BDSM.

 
What is BDSM?

(author unknown)

       Good question! It can mean bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D/s), or sadomasochism (S&M) There are more definitions for each of those words than Baskin-Robbins has flavours. In fact, there are as many meanings as there are people trying to tell you what it all means. This is not intended as a "be-all-end-all" on BDSM; it's merely a guide put together from many different sources, not the least of which is my own head.

    It most often means sex involving dominance and submission. There are numerous variations, none of which can be termed more correct than the other. BDSM (or S&M, D/s, B&D) ranges from spanking to bondage to tickling to "flogging" or whipping. You as an individual set the limits in agreement with your partner.

    People often get the wrong idea of what BDSM means. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality has nothing to do with destructive behaviour. A 'D' (dominant, top, sadist, master/mistress) person simply wants to dominate in sex while the "s" (submissive, bottom, masochist, slave) person often wants to be stripped of any initiative. You can be both, or either, switching roles as part of your play or swapping 'sides' over time.
     

    BDSM And Feelings.


    BDSM supplements the more commonly accepted sexual feelings. You may perhaps wonder if loving someone and practicing BDSM can be combined? The answer is yes. You feel love the same way as other people except a BSDM relationship frequently seems much more intensive and passionate. Openness and trust, meaning communication, are absolute musts in a BDSM relationship. If your partner allows you to dominate it is a sign of absolute faith in you. This faith is based on knowledge about your partner and the limits that must be respected. You will realize the full meaning of words like affection, intimacy and passion. As a form of insurance, BDSM partners should agree on 'codewords' (also called 'safewords') the "s" person would say in order to stop or moderate the 'session' if it's become too intense.

    Is there still room for excitement when you know your partner inside out, you may ask? The answer, again, is yes. Openness and trust clear the ground for activating your fantasies. This in turn heightens intimacy, passion and ecstasy. But keep in mind that fantasy and reality, as in other aspects of life, don't always match.

    As indicated already, there is no right or wrong form of BDSM play. For instance, you don't necessarily have to stay either master or slave in a relationship. Some want to incorporate a form of BDSM in most aspects of life. Others limit dominance and submission to sex, as part of the playful side in a relationship. (or something in between!)

    In the beginning, you may well find it hard to express your feelings in words. You may wonder what the reason behind all this is. Experts can't pinpoint exactly what circumstances make a person turn on to BDSM. Possible traumatic experiences in one's childhood are not necessarily important factors. Think about it this way instead: You're not alone out there; we're all in the same boat. There are many support organizations out thereto help you learn and to assist you in accepting and enjoying your sexuality.


     

    How Can BDSM Be 'Practiced'?


    Dominance and submission provide the key to BDSM. Many people play roles in which they act out various forms of dominance, punishment and subjugation. A certain sense of humour does not hurt in an S&M fantasy. Bondage is one of the more 'common' forms of BDSM. Bondage covers everything from soft silk scarves in bed to chains. Spanking and whipping are just as common but the degree to which these activities is carried out varies greatly. It is important to remember that the limits are set by the "s" partner. Many begin with a light warm-up, a spanking is one way, and gradually increase the sting or "thud" sensation to the pleasure/tolerance level of the "s". Symbolic gestures and the imagination and feelings of the partners before and after the punishment are just as important as the spanking or whipping itself.

    BDSM play can be an extremely emotional experience for "either end of the whip" (or flog or paddle or strap or...). A very important aspect of "after-play" is aftercare. The "D" may be experiencing feelings of insecurity over their enjoyment of 'hurting' their partner (this is more common with, but not limited to, a novice). The "s", especially a novice (but, again, not limited to), will probably be running through a wide range of emotions that may well include tears. This is frequently a better time for mutual holding and soothing than it is for a Q&A session. Talk, communication, is essential, that can't be stressed enough, but allow some time to pass for the whirling emotions to settle. THEN talk. And talk. And be honest. This is where tact and that aforementioned sense of humor can be a great help. Be sensitive to your partner's needs.

     

    "Ok, I wanna 'Play', now what?"


    Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Read. Have fun. The words safe, sane, and consensual are the foundations of this 'lovestyle'. (did I mention Read?) BDSM isn't about abuse. It isn't about a powerplay. It's about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. There are a ton of good and informative books out there. I urge you to check out the D/s Kiosk link on my Main page. They are a resource center beyond any other I've seen so far. But, remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of safe, sane, and consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person! (but do have fun, while you're at it, it just ain't worth it, otherwise!)

    Safe means no injuries. It means taking precautions to ensure that such possibilities are minimized. It means picking your partner carefully, even if you're only getting together for what may only be a single day or night.. or a few hours. Especially in such cases.

    Sane is to be aware of your and your partners limits. If you want to continue playing with your toy, don't break it. Be aware that not all damage is visible to the eye. You don't want your partner to spend the next 2 years of their life in therapy.

    Consensual is about consent. Mutual consent. With all parties involved. It's imperative that limits, likes, dislikes, etc, be worked out prior to any play, not in the middle of a scene. This is a good time to establish safewords, too. Remember, if your partner doesn't want to do it, it isn't BDSM, it's abuse. BDSM includes a wide range of activities involving a negotiated transfer of power between consenting partners. BDSM is not about abuse or other nonconsensual activities.

     

    What the Hell Are They Talking About?

     

    A Glossary for the Uninitiated


    These definitions are set down here for your entertainment. Please do not carve them in stone anywhere or tattoo them on visible parts of your anatomy. I did not come up with these, please take any gender references and change them to suit yourself.
     

       1. Bottom: the one with her butt in the air and tongue hanging out
       2. Consensual: agreeable to all involved
       3. Dominant: power-hungry bitch
       4. Endorphins: happy drugs released by the brain when you're in love, in pain, or eating chocolate
       5. Limits: the point at which something fun becomes un-fun
       6. Masochist: endorphin addict
       7. Negotiation: exchanging info before a scene -- what you've done, what you might do, what's a definite no-no
       8. Novice: new or inexperienced pervert
       9. Pervert: practices kinky sex (and practices and..)
      10. Play Party: SM sex party
      11. Rebel Bottom: likes to make power-hungry bitches prove it
      12. Sadist: gets all wet from making girls moan and scream
      13. Safe Word: a pre-set word or signal that means "slow down" or "stop" -- useful if you like to scream "no" when you really mean "yes"!
      14. Scene: a date or period of time set off for SM play
      15. Submissive: likes to keep power-hungry bitches happy
      16. Switch: enjoys topping and bottoming (not usually at the same time!)
      17. Top: the Big Cheese; sports a nasty smile and nastier implements
      18. Vanilla: good ol' egalitarian licking, sucking and fucking!