The sorts to whom this journal entry is directed aren't going to read this anyways, but all the same for prosperity's sake...

At least have a clear body photo on your profile if you plan to message. I understand all too well the need and desire for discretion and privacy, but sparing truly indistinguishable features or marks, I don't think that's too much to ask. Or, at least attach a photo to your message.

And really, don't try to BS me. I religiously reverse image search, especially if I suspect a profile of being fake.

Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.

I've been talking to this subbie woman the last few days, and it seemed like it was going all right although I was a bit skeptical about her and keeping an eye out.

She was wanting to do more stuff for me than just chat, so I gave her a task and told her up front that if she didn't do it I would give her a punishment, and I am NOT a pushover when it comes to punishment...she agreed, so I told her to write me a 200-word essay on a topic of my choice and send it to me by this morning. Surprise surprise, when I came on this afternoon, no essay. So, when I caught up to her this evening I told her to smear toothpaste on her labia and clitoral hood, write the essay then and there, and under NO circumstances was she to remove it until the essay was sent, read, and approved.

The toothpaste wasn't on her for a minute before she got whiny about it, and it took all of five minutes before she just had to wash it off -- without safewording, or getting permission, mind you. I get that people have different levels of tolerance for pain and discomfort, but the truth is I've used toothpaste this way and had it used on me for years, and even for people with exceedingly low tolerance it's not that bad.

Punishment is punishment for a reason. It's supposed to be unpleasant (within hard limits of course) and designed to discourage future misbehavior or disobedience. What punishment is not, is doing what you want a dominant to do anyway, but under a different context that doesn't change the nature of it at all.

A word about photos, profiles, speaking to submissives, and chatting. First, I've gotten a couple messages about how my profile photos don't look very "dom-like". To that I'll say, "dom-like" by whose reckoning and expectations?

There's an overwhelming perception in the kink community that in order to be male and dominant, one must project a hyper-masculine, alpha male image. Not true, and in fact in my experience in real-life BDSM across several communities and countless friends, not only is that image the minority, it's also viewed by many as an obnoxious stereotype indicative of nothing but insecurity, inexperience, and misogyny. See, the "Domly Dom" phenomenon (and jokes about Domly Doms) that permeate real-life BDSM communities. Believe it or not, dominants come from all walks of life, have wildly varying personalities and preferences in how they approach BDSM, and by no means whatsoever can one judge another simply by the image they project. Especially when it comes to a stereotype.

That's not to say masculine Doms or alpha male personalities don't exist, and cannot be secure and experienced, or respectful towards women. And, if a subbie attracted to those traits, that's their preference and their prerogative in partner choice, and there's nothing wrong with that. But, that isn't me, as I prefer a more subtle, leadership-based tact to domination than machismo -- and if that's not your preference, okay. I'm not going to project an image to pander or attract submissives...and if someone is so singularly shallow as to reject a person on the basis of how an image is framed, NoMFuP.

Second, I've gotten a couple messages about how I talk to submissives. Apparently, treating people like human beings seems to be an issue. Just because you are a sub, doesn't mean you are my sub, and unless that negotiated arrangement is in place I'm not going to treat you like my sub. That also means I do not want you to treat me like I am your dominant -- least of all without my consent.

That means informal conversation, no protocol, and all-around respectful treatment. If your cup of tea is being treated disrespectfully regardless of consent by complete strangers, more power to you -- but that's not me, and I'm not changing who I am or how I approach others to cater to your prurient interest.