A Cynics Translation Of Shit Dom's say
"My submissives need to be sexually adventurous."
- I want to try a threesome. Yeah. Threesome. The epitome of my sex fantasies.
"My submissives need to be into domestic servitude."
- I finally moved out of my moms house and don't know how to work the washing machine. Or the dishwasher. Or the broom.
"I like power exchange."
- I have no clue what it means, but I expect you to defer to me on everything. Oh yeah, and call me Sir. Sir is awesome.
"I'm the Dom and you're the sub. You have to do what I say." (
- I can't get you to listen any other way, because I don't know what I'm doing.
- I'll throw a temper tantrum if I don't get my way.
- I'm going to abuse you, and want you to accept that.
"I want to break you."
- The more broken you are the more awesome I will seem to you.
- Broken toys are easier to control.
"I'm into financial domination."
- My power bill is overdue.
"I want you to find a third."
- Because I'm damned lucky to have gotten you after hundreds of copypasta messages were deleted. I know I don't have a chance of finding someone else.
- You are non-threatening to other women, whereas I am creepy.
"We should have an open relationship."
- I'm already seeing somebody else.
- I'll see other women. You can only see other women. Preferably in front of me.
- I'll see other women. You can only see who I approve of- which will be nobody.
"You should let me mentor/teach you so you can learn things and get a good start in the lifestyle."
- I want to stick my dick in it.
"The younger generation needs guidance."
-I want to mold my own sex doll.
"I'm protecting my girl(s)"
- Making sure nobody figures out my partners are fucking the emotional equivalent of a spoiled toddler.
"I can't get involved in the local community because I'm too important, I can't be seen there."
- I'm a fucking pussy.
- I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.
"We should stay away from the local community. They suck."
- And they've told me not to return.
"You should stay away from the local community. They're terrible and I want to protect you from all the terrible doms."
- I don't want you to learn that my One Twue Way isn't.
- I want to protect my current relationship with my wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever while keeping you on the side.
- I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.
"Send me your picture."
- I need wank fodder.
"No, I won't send you my picture."
- I look nothing like what I described and am verging on repulsive.
"Here, have a picture of my penis.
"
- You better act like its awe inspiring.
- Mine is super sad, so I sent you a picture of somebody else's.
"My wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever and I have an open relationship."
- No, we don't
"I expect my submissives to be fit."
- If you don't fit the current ideal of beauty, then you are not attractive to me.
"I expect my submissives to be of exquisite beauty" (I actually saw that one!)
- I'm trying for a remake of Beauty and the Beast.
"Move across the country and live with me."
- I want to isolate you from everything you know so the option of "NO" becomes unfeasible for you. Buahahaha!
"Change your profile to reflect that all other doms/tops/masters/whatever must message me before messaging you."
- I'm an insecure twat.
- You are way out of my league, and I know it. I don't want anyone else to let you know it, too.
- I just don't trust you.
"I'm an 18 year old Master."
- I wanna pretend that I'm awesome.
- They haven't dropped yet.
Addendum: This is intended as a funny. I know all Dom's aren't like this, they're all unique little snowflakes. Some are wonderful, great, and awesome. Just amazing to behold, a real treat. And some are kindof... Smurshy.(New word!)
Don't get your panties twisted- Unless, of course, you see yourself all over this writing. In that case, twist those fuckers up good.
