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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Transgender Submissive, 54,  Santa clarita , California
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SindeeSux - photo 1
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SindeeSux - photo 10

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im a very submissive sissy gurl, working on being better i am taking hormones so i seem to change a bit every day , though it is all too slow for me. The hormones have given me small breasts so when the time comes, implants will look nice.

i enjoy service and servicing as a good gurl should,

i love bondage, hoods, blindfolds and gags. i can be classy to slutty depending on my mood, and your desires of course. i love to wear high heels, and have quite a few pair to please you with. i am as they say a work in progress, far from complete, a canvas with but a sketch of what could evolve, all that is missing is a hand to guide the brush.

if you need a pet, a toy or someone to enjoy alone or to share i just might be what your looking for. im not interested in one night flings, i crave an emotional connection, and a sense of belonging , i can still feel i belong locked in a cage at the end of a long day.

Im open to relationships of many kinds and learned a long time ago to not say no without fully understanding. i have few limits , and open to most things.

im not a bimbo yet, so treat me with the respect you would give any other prized possession in your life and you will capture me . oh and while i must admit i love them and think they are magnificent when hard, and before me, Do yourself a favor, keep the cock pics for request only, id prefer it if you showed it to me when i was bound in front of you .

Lastly im d and d free, please be the same.













 Submissive Transgender

 Santa clarita  


 Willing to Relocate

 5' 9"

 180 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Transgender

Dominant Female

Dominant male

Domme/Dom Couples

Female Led Couples

Male Dom Couples

A Poly Household

 Lives For:

 Scuba Diving (Expert)

 Anal Play

 Blindfolds (Expert)

 Bondage (Expert)

 Cages (Expert)

 Collars (Expert)

 Genital Punishment (Expert)



 Masks (Wearing)

 Orgasm Control (Beginner)

 Outdoor Bondage

 Lifestyle BDSM


 Fine Dining (Expert)

 Fishing (Expert)

 Flea Markets


 Museums (Expert)

 Musical Theater





 Body Worship (Beginner)

 Breast Play

 Chastity (Expert)


 Crossdressing (Beginner)

 Electrical Play


 Local BDSM Community

 Erotic Hypnosis (Beginner)

 Gags (Expert)

 Gas Masks (Beginner)

 Massage (Giving)

 Medical fetish play

 Modern Primitivism

 Obedience Training (Beginner)


 Maid / Butler Service (Beginner)

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Public Play

 Rubber Fetish

 Sensory Play (Beginner)


 Vacuum Stimulation


 Wax Play (Expert)


 Historical Shows

 Science Fiction



 1950s Lifestyle (Beginner)

 Female Sovereignty

 Goth (Beginner)


 Art Galleries

 Beachcombing (Beginner)

 Clubbing (Beginner)

 Garage Sales

 Going to the Opera (Beginner)


 Volunteerism (Beginner)


 Hiking (Beginner)

 Horseback Riding



 Rollerblading (Beginner)

 Begging (Beginner)

 Canes and Crops

 Eye Contact Restrictions (Beginner)

 Domestic Service

 Fire Play

 Housework Service


 Mental Bondage (Beginner)


 Clothing Selection (Beginner)

 Plastic Wrap Bondage (Beginner)

 Role Playing



 Speech Restrictions

 Stockings (Expert)

 Suspension Bondage

 Arcade Games (Expert)

 Board Games

 Horror Movies

 Online RPGs (Expert)

 Simulation Games

 Body Art




 Intellectual Discourse



 Cuck Options

 Keto (Beginner)



 Amusement Parks

 Antique Shows

 Bar Hopping



 Curious About:

 G-spot Service

 Erotic touch (Beginner)

 Foot Worship (Beginner)

 Polyamory (Beginner)

 Vampirism (Beginner)


 Bird Watching






 Liberal Politics

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Journal Entries:
5/1/2022 3:08:02 PM

Part 2 

So we moved to a new bigger house and soon I discovered the brothers that would start me down the path that turned me into what I am today. So the brothers slightly older were loud , bold and of course very dominate. For the first few months things were normal , but soon things took a decidedly darker turn.  
Things started with them hazing me at school , and the long walk from the bus stop . On the bus they didn't know me but as soon as we got off at the end of the street they would start , and when the girls that lived next to their house were there they puffed up and would show off , having me carry all the books , and taunt me.. I was just happy for the attention... and I got a lot of it from them, especially when summer vacation came from school . That's when things became intense.  At first it was fantasy role play , but  there was always some excuse to tie me to a tree or tie me and lead me through the forest that was behind our houses .
Within a few weeks,  the clothes were off when I was tied, and they would leave to go home and get lunch , but always return with something for me. that I had to eat without hands. Then around the middle of that first summer the boys got a tent and set it up in the woods by the house,  far enough away to be partially hidden , and keep curious parents from dropping in.  
The tent is where my training really began. From simple ties.  To elaborate  ties , to whipping with branches , to inserting things in me , the summer flew by and I finally felt I belonged , I felt the brothers cared for me , and wanted me , and I wanted to please , I ed to nothing for fear I would again be alone if I did. I remember feeling it was wrong somehow, but I didn't care , I was wanted, and that was all that matter.
As things continued to progress they seemed to take good of their roles and the pain became more intense as the whipping increased in both duration and force . The  s I was to take and hold inside became bigger.
One day one brother had me tied over a stool  in the tent and was working a candle in me. After he had covered me with the hot wax  from the same candle. when the other brother came over pulled my hair to raise my head and stuck his crotch in my face I could feel his hard cock under the jeans as he rubbed across my face.. I moaned and bucked forward as the candle went deep , and I was pushed into those jeans ,I could feel the heat , and the dampness from his precum. That was to much I guess and before I knew it his pants were off and his hard cock was pushing against my lips I felt a sharp pain as a paddle came down hard on my ass,  and I opened my mouth to protest and it was immediately filled with a hard  cock.  It made me gag and my eyes tearup , but it felt good and he was holding my head , and telling me to relax and how good it felt , so me being the submissive I am, i relaxed into the feelings and took as much of him as I could . He held my head firm , and began to stroke my mouth Stopping occasionally so I could catch my breath , and he could make sure I was alright. It made me feel good , wanted and in my own way loved.  Upon seeing this the other brother started rubbing his hard cock on my ass and between my  cheeks. He took out the candle and put something cool over my hole and pushed his fingers in and moved them around to spread what he had applied , next I felt something hard and warm push against me and begin to slide in , it was about the size of the candlethat was just removed.  But softer , I felt him slide in until his body was hitting mine. It hurt not bad , but an exciting hurt . It was something crazy, and naughty , but felt so good . All at once  things began to flow ,and each alternated their thrusts so I was being bounced between the two hard cocks inside me I had two hands on my head , and two on my waist pulling me deep in each direction. I felt wonderful despite the pain,  I relaxed and began to not only enjoy it but make it better ,I used my tongue and lips on the hard cock in my mouth , and  I began to contract my muscles to squeeze the cock in my ass . To soon the brother fucking my ass began to come, I didn't want him to pull out so I ground back on his still hardcock , and kept him inside until the other brother came in my mouth. It was hot and tasted strange , both brothers fell back to the floor of the tent laughing , that laugh you have when you just finished a great orgasm . Me I was still bound to the stool  but I was squirming , holding my mouth open wanting more . I had changed during those  last few minutes , and became a sexual animal ,  lost my innocence, virginity and any dominance  that might have remained.  I felt more loved and wanted than I ever had before and I knew I was meant to serve and destined to be a toy for hard cocks , and much later wet pussies, but that's a story for another day . 
So the brothers fucking me became a daily thing that summer , and would spend many nights camping out tied in someway usually covered on cum.  When school started things were different , I wasnt hazed,  the brothers treated me like a prized pet , taking care of me protecting me , making me feel I belonged.  Sex became more rare , only ocassionally away from the tent  and maybe on weekends as the brothers began to have other Activities and friends , we had several more summers , but none as intense as that first one when they brought me out . By the last summer with them I was insatiable. I was addicted and they knew it . They begin to have other freinds join our camp outs , and they would always have me pleasure their guests,  one time I time I remember they had several freinds over , I was made to jerk off in a bowl in front of all of them , then suck each one until they came each in turn adding their cum to bowl. Then I was made to lap the cum from the bowl and move on all fours  while they all talked and drank some liquor one of boys took from his home . Soon I was tied , and once again the center of attention as I was fucked, and whipped until everyone fell asleep . This was one of the last times we were together , they had both grown and had girlfriends , so I was not as important , they did have one more surprise for me before we were done . This starts another chapter in my life ... for next time . 

5/1/2022 2:16:53 PM

  My story 

Where to start ? I like many Tgs, I started at a very young age , i was treated different , family members dressed me in effeminate clothes,  and taught me domestic skills , sewing cooking,  cleaning , serving food and beverage to others. Already trained as a feminine physical submisive by the time I was 6 . I had my first encounter with 2 sisters that lived across the street.  We were playing in their back yard , and they had me get  in a big cardboard box.. Where I grew up backyards were very large and acre or 2 so a backyard seemed immense, and you could be isolated yet still be in the yard . Amy way  they started telling me a story about giant would challange their pray , before they devoured it. As they told the story , they had me strip , to show the spiders I would follow the orders , soon I was in a box naked with the girls holding my clothes . My last test to prove to the spider I should not be devoured would be to stay in the box until they returned . I stayed in the box the rest of the day until it got dark . Then the oldest sister came out and dropped my clothes in the box and told me I could go and one day would make someone very happy. I got dressed and hurried home as fast as I could , but i had missed dinner and it was dark , two rules icouldn't break.  I walked into the house to the waiting belt of my father and the screams and swats of my mother for being late . Though the pain was intense I was used to it , to me this is how parents showed theoir love.  And unknown to me at the time  was about to come next in the new house . Sometimes  I still wonder what happened to the sisters  they moved a few weeks later , and my family  moved a  months later.  

11/26/2021 8:49:51 AM

It's been such a long time that I have made an entry in my journal.  But yes I'm still here , still on Hormones and trying to schedule some surgeries to make me better . I have let my hair grow its past my shoulders now , and for those who love heels I wear them daily , I am well dressed and for the most part accepted as I present , female . During covid I have lost touch with many of my freinds and yes  lovers. My life has continued to evoke and as I mentioned,  trying to make those last steps to become a desired man maid women. Things were going well until this panic swot the world . I've mostly tried to keep out of the endless debate on governments , politics and religion , so I'd rather talk about sex and all that . 

 I hope everyone is looking forward to the holidays and renewal of a new year , I know I am 

1/23/2017 12:59:43 AM
This will be short, I just want to apologize if I am delayed in replying to anyone. If you have been following the weather we have experienced torrential rainfall and wind gusts in the area I live, my back yard, pool and garage have been Flooded, a covered storage area has had the cover dropped off,and it's contents damaged, and plants,trees and debris liters the yard n pool . I expect to be spending a lot of time trying to recover from these storms and take some actions to minimize damage in the storms on the horizon that might hit late next week. So please forgive me if I'm slow to respond, I will be extremely busy. So have patience with me.

11/26/2016 3:25:09 AM
Well yesterday was thanksgiving, started cong and prepping on Wednesday, cooked n cleaned dishes all day thanksgiving, except to watch the Macy's parade. I'm recovering from a really bad cold and bronchial infection, I was living on day .night caplets. Still have a bad ćough, but getting better. I've been bad lately and messed up my injection schedule. But that just goes with everything I know there is a light switch in this tunnel and I'm determined to find it. I have decided I've been alone long enough and with a bit of encouragement from a very smart woman, I have decided to get out there more, and learn to not worry what people think about the way i look. She reminded me that it is a difficult path and doesn't happen over night. I have just always had low self esteem, and not happy with who i was , but lately I haven't been happy with who I am becoming, but as I venture out Im discovering I'm far more critical in myself than are others. I am a bar maid for a few functions here in la, and have found it very rewarding, to the point I am feeling confidante and actually get excited at the though of having great makeup and a sexy outfit and serving a club full of supportive people. You can't believe how great it feels when you get feedback from the club owner that one of the regulars thought I was pretty hot. .. I know I'm not a glamorous model, but I'm working with what I was given,and what the hormones has given me, and like those models I'm totally open to all the cosmetic enhancements available today.from injections to surgery. Now if I just had the money , when it's meant to be it will. (a funny thing about me I enter every contest that shows up in my in box, I know but you got to dream right) I guess I'm becoming comfortable in my skin again, and will make the best of however it is perfect or not. I sincerely hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. sindee

10/12/2016 2:19:17 AM
Setbacks n resets. Things have not been kind to me since august. However I have pulled myself up and dusted ,yself off and decided to make each day product8ve, and a move forward. I'm still taking my hormones though I have been lacks in the timing and consistency, but no more.every dose on time. Along with my supplements to further enhance their effects. Next on the list loose the hormone induced weight so my body is ready for the next phase , a bit of cosmetic s urgery. My goal is to be passable, or at least have onlookers unsure. The hormones still induce vivid dreams , n nightmares.all my sexual fantasies come bubbling to the surface when I sleep, sometimes I surprise myself with the direction n content of the dreams. No worries, I have not a thought about being dominant,or switch, and dram of ,y place as a toy for the pleasure of my owners in each dream. I'm excited to see what will happen next. I have some more things to do around the house, t then I'm contemplating on a road trip for a few weeks. sindee

9/16/2016 1:06:55 AM
Well things have not been going according to plan of late.. being a natUral redhead with fair skin, I have a high risk for skin cancer and the other week had two suspicious spots removed. A few days later I took a bad fall at work (slipped in some water on a freshly waxed floor and had to take a day off a day layer as I was to sore to sit for the long drive too and from ... the next day I was told my services were no longer needed.... but that's okay , that just means things will be changing for the better and something is out there for me .

8/27/2016 10:38:32 AM
Well Its been awhile since my last entry, Lots of water under the bridge since then and a fair share of emergencies, catastrophes and general chaos..
i had to remove a nipple piercing I had for a very long time because the hormones have made my breasts and nipples enlarge to the point the point i had a constant infection of the piercing, so I removed it in order to heal. so in a few months , i will get another one and will again be even. Im disappointed at the moment as my breasts are no symmetrical , when the time comes for implants, they will have to be different to compensate. but its not unusual, it is a common occurrence. 
Its been two months believe it or not since the Doc added the additional Hormone to my regime. Not a lot of additional changes, Things are very slow , but continuous. next step is to see if laser hair removal works, I was told a while back it doesn't work with red heads, but with some of the new lasers the wavelengths might be more compatible with red hair. Lets hope. another 1 inch in length and I will get my first feminine hair style , I was watching a movie the core , with hilary swank, she had a shorter style , that i could pull off , and still wear at the office. now to find some one to do it , I have a friend that is an award winning stylist but she is about 150 miles away , so i guess a road trip . 
life is interesting, and very frustrating, being in my position stuck between, it can be very stressful and definitely that's a toll on ones self. I am trying desperately to not become a stereotype , but it seems that is the inevitable outcome without a lot of effort and discipline. the effort part is easy , but the discipline part , well is hard to keep when you continually question why. That my friends is the result of the hormones, the absolute biggest change i have seen is in my mental state. My emotions are always on the surface, and good or bad, they flow change in a microsecond. I cry and get sad a lot. especially during the interval between shots, i start very calm, docile and happy, to sad to angry and frustrated  , until the next injection , I can keep the anger , and frustration at bay, but the sadness i find far more difficult to control . but it si a constant work in progress. I'm going to get the continuous release pellets they place subcutaneously, but they are quite pricey , 600 to 1200$, But they do last a while. Right now they will have to wait. As I have found myself with an ending contract looking for the next. not to go off on a tangent, but its funny how no company hires any more they just give someone a contract. SO I have put in the ether that I am available and lets see what happens. I keep hoping I get brave enough to actually divest myself of material possessions, save for the necessities to allow me to concentrate on the task at hand. Yesterday at work, I was looking up the location of a foreign supplier and somehow real estate in that country popped up.  I was amazed I could buy a nice home and a little bar restaurant, or a spa or hotel compound for less than my current house. so the world is full of possibilities.
Sorry for my rambling, I tend to not always talk about things that we are on this site for. I guess i need a spanking ...and a little discipline, so i don't forget what i'm here for.. 
big huggs 

7/17/2016 10:35:06 AM
I apologize for the failure to keep this up, I was neglectful of my duty to maintain this journal. anything offered as an excuse would be just that, and is immaterial. the fact is I didn't complete it and was called out for not doing so.
soon to the goings on.
FIrst and most importantly the hormones are slowly changing things, I recently had to remove a piercing in my nipple I have had for a very log time, because my nipples are no to large to accommodate the ring, and it was continually infected. No worries , once the swelling has gone down and things stabilize ill get new piercings . i have always had stainless rings , because they were less slikely to bend when they are pulled on or tied ,, so I most likely will keep a sstrong material , even though , my preference is to get 14k gold ones. 
I still dont have the slightest Idea who honored me with the lab dildo , but thank you , it was a very nice gesture, and maybe one day  i will be able to properly thank them in person. i know to a lot of folks the idea of a dog or horse and a human is disgusting, but to others it is the fuel of many fantasies. More than once have I been threatened to be given to the dogs for the entertainment of my owner.
okay continuing to catch up , i finally was cajoled into buying a replacement vehicle for my 200k mile truck. and that has been a nightmare process. i actually have nightmares over it . 
SO  after you have sat through all the regular stuff now to the important things. The doc added an additional hormone to my regimen , i now take two oral med sand 1 injection. I can tell the additional med if working since my nipples are again becoming sensitive, not like they were initially , but none the less sensitive. The doc said my breasts are coming along nicely, and there is enough tissue to support nice size implants, which I am hoping to arrange for next year.  My brain continues to change , i now feel calmer and more subservient than ever before, and get frustrated when I cant get things accomplished.
due to the action of the hormones, many of the chastity devices i have tried to wear come off during sleep. I purchased a ss belt  which is the only one so far i have found effective 24 7, but it has the issue of cleaning and hygiene which will prevent continuous wear like  the other style. I was thinking a few strategically placed piercings might accomplish the same thing, anyone here that has had experience in this please let me know. .
hope you are having a great weekend

6/4/2016 11:06:36 AM
Well I've been bad n not keeping my journal up to date. First I went through a rough spell with the hormones, mood swings n all ,then weight gain , I've speed, but can't seem to lose much , good thing is a lot went to my hips ,but and boobs. Anyone have a good ideas pounds, if I can loose a bit from my wais, i just mighthave a good figure. So now for the fun stuff, I can't wear a conventional make type chastity cage any longer. So that's a good thing I have a stainless steel chastity belt , but I need to loose a few pounds for it fit correctly, and I have to finish polishing the edges, and during the holes so it doesn't cut or scratch. That's the other thing my skin continues to soften, and my hair is getting longer in the next few weeks I will get my first fem haircut. It will be short but cute. I got an interesting package in the mail last week from someone, still don't know who, but I am now the proud owner of an anotomically correct life's I've copy of a Labrador cock, complete with inflatable knot. Im trying to determine the meaning.. either they think I'm a dog, a bottom bitch or something. Very interesting gift so who ever you are thank you I think and let me know the meaning. Oh and no I haven't tried it out yet, Im waiting to hear from the sender. I promise I'll start worrying more often.

2/13/2016 11:26:15 AM
Another day, the cold big finally won, I'm sure the hot cold weather didn't help, anyway going to get well this weekend, had a major sys source removed yesterday, so things should start getting easier. I actually lost a bit of weight. So there is hope. I wasn't too get a certain shape, and if I can't do it with diet n exercise then surgery it will have to be. I'm planning to take a some time in the 2nd qtr next year at the latest to shed my skin so to speak, get my implants and a few other minor things done and emerge as the person I have dreamed of being for years. So those are my plans , like everything else they are subject to change. Especially if the right man sweeps me off my feet and whisks me away and takes ownership ship of me. Don't get me wrong wild animal sex is fine, but the hormones have changed me mentally also, I really want a bit of passion, thrown in the mix. I never realized just how important romance and passion were in a relationship until now, plus I'm getting the nesting Irene and the urge to belong. Yea i know, mush. . Most men would rather watch sports on TV than be romantic. That okay if you want to watch sports as long as I'm appriciated, and respected for the prize i am. Oh and it doesn't hurt if I'm bound on my knees in front of you while you watch the. TV n I try to avert your attention. Never forget a card, a flower,a touch n gentle word, show your feelings to your significant other and if they have feelings for you are always appreciated. .. Happy valentine's Day extra big huggs , n long passionate kisses sindee

1/31/2016 10:03:56 AM
well I was bad this week writing in the journal. very busy week at work and at home. had my 6 month checkup with the doc, ensuring things are all on track n the hormones are not doing bad things to my system. another crazy week at work, I need to stop working so hard , I just want to pretty and serve not be in a high stressed high profile job where I can't be me at work, and have to hide under men's clothing everyday. big storm today high winds, torrential rain. just Adds to a depressing weekend, became sick with cold friday . so far im fighting it to a draw mostly in that void between really sick and well. seems with the stresses and all the sick people around me I've been getting sick alot. which is unusual for me. I used to get sick once a year , and of course sometimes when I was first with a new boyfreind. why am I telling you this? for a few reasons I'll now explain. when I get sick or injured is when I seem to be the horniest.when I have a fever I have the wildest sex dreams. I'm not sure why it happens but it does I remember once I came home from I Stent in the hospital for an accident and even though I was bandagwd and in pain, I was used like the arc toy I was born to be. they were careful and considerate of my injuries but still used me for their pleasure, even managed to tie me up and put a good and gag on me. I was told it was too remind me who I was. it was both painful and intensely erotica at the same time, my kind and body disconnected,and for a moment I felt as if I was inside them feeling what they were feeling, the excitement and passion and animal urges, and I was able to move my body to enhance their feelings until the shear pain from my injuries snapped me back.what happened after that you may wonder, they took care of me and continued to use me in a variety of devious ways,always pushing me , yet respecting the value of their toy, and as I healed, they replaced the cloth of the bandages with the mantle of their control and power. im not sure if what i felt and experienced was real or the result of the pain medications for my burns, but it opened a flood gate deep inside me and at that moment I became became the embryonic submissive slut pet and toy that has been trained and directed to become what you see kneeling before you. it's kind of ironic that my injury, pain and helplessness un released a a tidal wave of sadist behaviors from them that fulfilled us. while they were on one hand the most sadistic person I have ever known, on the other they were the most compassionate, loving and respectful person I've ever had the pleasure to serve. they possessed the rare trait of wielding absolute power and control over me, while meticulously assuring that what was required to maintain my health, both mentally and physically surrounded me. I would be used in ways I could never have imagined and suffer in a variety of ways until they were satiated by my submission n pain, then I would be cared for , until I returned to an often new normal state, all the while relating unset their control, practicing learning to be better and wanting with ever atom in my being to serve and please. and longing to be able to feel their excitement again.

1/26/2016 9:10:24 PM
Well the weekend came n went. Got some of my list done,then on Sunday I managet to twist my ankle n ended having to keep it up and iced to get the swelling down. Things are going slowly,I just wish I could have started this journey when I was in my teens,I doubt it would be so hard.anyway. now that's things are starting to fill. Out I stereo my diet and exercise to get my body. Was hoping to have my waist training corsets by now but they seemed to have disappeared after they were delivered. Need to get some sleep tonight I didn't sleep well last night. Till tomorrow

1/22/2016 9:43:33 PM
Well its Friday this week has been horrific, the hormones added a new trick this week, I've been on an emotional rollercoasterafter the first few weeks of the hormones, but this week I hit bottom, I was so depressed I had to fight with myself th breathe. I almost walked out of work and totally lost it with everyone. I was seriously lost and in trouble. By the time I go t home Thursday night I was a basket case . I couldn't talk, and managed to take some anxiety meds, and go to bed. Woke up this morning, not wanting to work, but after delaying the enevitablei went to work.just waiting for the fallout. I was ready yesterday to stop the hormones, walk away from my life and disappear. But I talked myself out of it and will continue on. But I have to say the longer the hormones are in my system the tougher it gets to walk between the world's. I am looking forward to the day I can leave one behind and concentrate on being the sissy that I am wanting to be.

1/17/2016 10:32:29 PM
Sunday, recouping from a bad stomach and my hormone shot. Having A problem with one of my nipple rings because my nipples have enlarged enough I need to get a larger size to fit. Got some sexy new shoes, I'm going to have to get dolled up and take some pics,it's late time to go bed

1/16/2016 11:10:12 PM
Sat today is Saturday, not much going on, got some new shoes I ordered, had the lawn guy come by to give me a quote to cleanup my yard. Not cheap won't buying anything for a while. Lol Very emotional day today, my hormones are at tier lowest level of the week, and I have found I get very emotional, today or started with anger, actualy woke up that way, then frustration over the situation that unfolded, then anxiety from the cost to start getting the yard in shape, and finally utter sadness when everything finally sank in. Fun day. Tomorrow will be better.

1/15/2016 9:40:25 PM
Well its another Friday, long week at work, been falling asleep early. Tonight in trying to stay awake long enough to write. Well things arts in limbo right now, all not confident enough to go out. And haven't felt up to even trying. I know it's the hormones, but I know they will be worth it in the long run. I do see that my skin is softer, and my nipples have finally calmed down

1/12/2016 9:45:35 PM
Well Its the mid point in another week, Busy and stressful at work, tiring and t0o short at home. Some days it gets extremely hard, to not only maintain the daytime personna, but to switch when im home, I so want to go to work in femme as it were, but that would be a death blow to my job, so I will stay enfemme at home for the itime being, and get dolled up to go out in the evenings. 

1/12/2016 12:59:18 AM
Well it seems the stress levels associated with work, and life are taking thier toll, today I came home form work , and had a light bite, and sat down to relax and woke up at 1 in the morning. I hope this fatigue is not an artifact of the hormones, but after the second consecutive where within 24 grs after receiving it , i was so tired I couldnt function , im beginning to believe it is . tha tjust means weather ior not I have to continue with my daily walks. maybe tonight , i wont be so tired.

1/10/2016 9:34:06 PM
Well I missed a few days, the rainy cold weather and the associated traffic and using stress took its toll and have me a sinus, then a migraine headache. My affliction, migraines n sinus issues. I've had migraines as long as I can remember. The sinus issues come from years of technical diving. Well I'm waiting I n my new corsets to start waist training, tomorrow I start start taking them down , I have a few other things that are also missing. Spent the day today cleaning the house, packing Christmas. It was still cold n damp so I wore leggings n an oversize sweat shirt, and my new wedge sneakers to break them in. Sunday is shot day, every Sunday I take my hormone shot, things are slowly beginning t to happen, my nipples are still sore, and my body shape is ever so slowly changing, I notice when I put on clean jeans they are tight in places they didn't used to be. Still going through major emotional upheaval, constant questioning. The hormones drift now are like a cloud, where logic and reason are entangled with emotion and fear. I hope soon the fog become clarity. All u can do is trudge in a direction, since I have no bearings at this point, I hope it's forward, but u know there are times I give myself the illusion of movement, while I remain motionless looking, listening for something to tell me im still on the right path.

1/7/2016 9:47:07 PM
Its thursday night. , been a rough week 11 hour days. No time for much of anything. I did clean up my room a bit. Going to get a pedicure Saturday, my toes need to be pampered. I'm waiting on my new waist training corsets and my sexy slips. Seems like they take forever with the holidays and all, broke out the adjoins cookbook to start eatIng better. Wanted to start walking this week but it's been reading sorting lunch and when u get home. Once in in for the night I don't want to go back out so I have managed to not reach my goals this week. I'll figure or an alternative for the future. Not feeling much of anything this week, I'm going this weekend to get dolled up maybe go out for a bit. Well tomorrow is another day and the alarm goes off early.

1/6/2016 9:46:29 PM
Wednesday evening, rained most of the day today. Floods, wrecks, fun drive home. n In a generally good mood today. Usually it takes 2 or 3 days for the hormone levels to peak, before selling until the next shot. I can feel the thoughts changing when I relax and let them. I worry about my hair, creams n fragrances, and constantly about my weight. I am more empirical, which is messing with me, and the longing need to belong seems to get stronger as each day passes. So far the worst thing is the lack of energy come Wednesday I hit bottom, tonight I fell asleep on the couch ... I was exhausted. And with that I shall sign ?for the night.

1/5/2016 10:10:06 PM
It's Tuesday, a cold rainy day, work as usual, not hard, but monotonous. I am finding it harder to switch gears, male female boy, girl, arrive submissive. The toll on my physche is immense. I find it easy to be become paralyzed, and difficult to move forward. Today I began a few more things to get me moving forward. Diet, exercise, meditation, and setting time aside everyday to be me , and say no to those who would sick the life from you, instead of sharing it. Very tired tonight, need to rest. More tomorrow.

1/4/2016 10:16:17 PM
Today was the first work day of the year. The stress was overwhelping at work, very emotional when not, the first day after my injection always is more emotional. And everything seems to feel like it weighs a ton, but is okay because you know the rest of the week until the next week will be calm. I'm still in a constant fight with my weight, it seems like if I drink water I gain weight. Lol. I've become used to having sensitive nipples all the time now. I continue to pump my breasts mostdays, so now they are visible in tshirts n sweaters , I become more conflicted as the days go on, at work I still feel my maleness, and when I'm driving, most of the rest of my day, I feel I should be dressed, maybe not presentable but feminine at all times, but yet I'm embarrassed to expose myself in public. Well its past my bed time and 4 comes early until tomorrow.

1/2/2016 10:59:21 AM
well its 2016, lets hope this year is better for those if us that didn't fair as we would have liked in 2015. first i want to complain , its 2 days into the year, and i haven't had sex, but hey why would 2016 be any different than so my new years was horrific, very long story lets just day it all ended by me having to break down my own bedroom door to throw two people out. so if thats how 2016 is going to be , can i get a mulligan? Ive decide 2015 was the last year i would be single , and not collared or owned. 
any way things are progressing, My nipples continue to be sore and sensitive, and my breasts are filling out nicely, I am developing  the tissue i will need to get more natural looking implants. Im also noticing that im beginning to get a little growth in my hips and thighs. the last few injections were god with out any side effects or weirdness that i have felt in the past.  my blood pressure which spike after the 3rd or 4th shot has returned to its normal state, and i've made the appointment to get my 6 month checkup with all the blood work. ( which i hate. It requires a 24 hour fast, along with several vials of blood to be removed, I hate that part and yes , I have almost passed out when that happens. i have had several comments that my hair seems thicker and fuller, even the girl that cuts it wanted to know what products i was using , if she only 
any way . time to get motivated for the day , and  begin in earnest the preparation of hte house to rent , providing me mobility to follow not only my heart, but gainful employment any where in the world it might occur. unless of course  someone comes along sweeps me off my feet, and locks me away as their toy. hey a girl can alwasy dream right? 

12/19/2015 6:18:44 AM
I've been bad in not writing in my journal. Things have been hectic around here. Work, a revolving door of guests, family, roommates , and of course the effects of the hormones. At first there were no changes at all, now things are actually happening besides making my nipples sore. At first I had no desire for sex, and felt continually anxious, as time has passed and my body has accepted the hormones, my breasts are becoming fuller, it's difficult to hide, they are clearly visible when I wear a tshirt . I have had to replace my nipple jewelry because my nipples are so enlarged. My boy parts are shrinking and, I stay tucked almost 24/7, still debating haven't several piercings done to keep me in a permanent tuck. But that's another story. Any way over the last/week's my sex drive is beginning to return, it's a total different feeling, now or makes me feel even more submissive than before if that's even possible. To be continued

10/11/2015 9:42:45 AM
well its been a few months since i started the oral hormones, and a month since the injections at the therapeutic dosage, My nipples have been sore and aching for the last month, and i think i am getting some fullness to my little titties that I had started last year with the use of a pump and herbs. most of the changes are mental , I am emotional and cry over stupid things, yet I am calmer, and am not filled with anger, and frustration over the things around me, except when my injection is due. i can feel the testosterone creeping back in. My sex drive has diminished to zero, but my compliance and pliability had increased significantly. i was submissive before , now im even more so .

9/7/2015 7:00:42 PM
I have been bad t at wiring things went off the radios for a while. The hormones knocked me for a loop took a few months to get used to them, I'm ready for the next phase and the final dosage for the next year. Then I can stop with the shots. I found some men love the idea of the shots and even want to administer them. Any way still hoping to find someone that will mild me into their perfect sissy. Someone to captivate and enslave me and us me as the sissy I am.

7/24/2015 9:41:49 AM
Been a crazy Rolla coaster kind of week. Why is it so hard to have good days? Seems like the world if filed with more and more self righteous, selfserving classless idiots that think they are owed everything n if they can't get it. They steal lie n cheat until they are 1 nanometer above their neighbor.

7/16/2015 7:47:38 PM
Tomorrow starts month 2 no major changes yet physically a lot emotionally though. I so want to be 24 7 , but I have to pay bills so.... maybe soon. If luck holds I'll see the doc tomorrow for refills.

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