Collarspace.com

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Friends:

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I am new to this lifestyle. But I have already learned a lot about myself. For staters, I am not capable of having a D/s M/s relationship that is purely physical. I am an emotional girl. To be able to allow myself to trust someone so completely as to allow them to do as they please with my body, I need to know they have my heart in their concerns as well. I want to serve someone wholly, meet their needs to the best of my abilities. I want them to mold me and shape me into a better person. I want them to be able to meet my needs as well as I need to meet theirs. I need to feel like I am enough, more than enough for you. I need to know that i please you that I meet your needs. I need affection and even love. If you're incapable of these things then I am not the girl for you. If you aren't emotionally available to me then I am not enough for you. If you need tears and I give them...then know its as much emotional, if not more than physical. If you get my tears be the man who will make shedding them worthwhile. If you make a mess of me, please be the man who can clean me up. If you want all of me, and i give it to you, please be the man who can take care if all of me.

I am finding things out about myself that i never really knew, saw or realized. Some of it is so outside my character that it is kind of frightening, but completely arousing. I am sarcastic, witty, funny, affectionate, loving and loyal, hard on the exterior but all mushy on the inside. For all the great self esteem i have and portray, under neath it all is still a girl who is completely unsure of herself. I am a sarcastic bitch, i am finding my playful side again. Hell, i am finding a lot of myself i had misplaced. My wit and charm ;) my affectionate side. I am finding that I am still pretty badass, even at 35~


I have been called a control freak before! IMAGINE THAT, if you can. Yes, i believe i must be true in certain areas of my life. I like to make decisions without having to ask someone, which brings me to the fact of this sudden desire to be completely submissive to someone is completely out of character for me!


Then I found myself having these wild and vivid daydreams about being completely submissive. Having someone control every aspect of my sexual being. Being able to find someone who could make me bend to his will. Someone who could turn everything i hated into the biggest turn on imaginable. It has become nearly an obsession, to learn and see and think of submitting to someone else, even if for just a little while.


I have always been one to enjoy knowing that i was sexual pleasing a man. It is one of the greatest turn ons to me ever. To know that what i am doing with my hands, my feet, my mouth, my legs, my breast, my body was creating pleasure for him. That i could be the sole cause of someone else physical enjoyment.


Combining my desire to please another while being completely dominated has led me here. To see what the kinkier side of life has to offer. To see if this lifestyle's utterly frighteningly pleasing temptations is just some type of fantasy i need to fulfill or, something i want, need, in my life on a permanent basis.

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TBR
 
 Age: 40
  California