As I sit here more than a little drunk I think about things and try not to relive the past to much . We all have ex's and baggage we have to carry around . I dwell to often one the one that got away and the one that never was . Life is short and the heart is like a black board . You can wipe away most of the old stuff but some remains no matter how well you clean it . Other people made you who you are and if you like who that is don't change for the next one just be who you are . I have changed over the years and not all for the better but I am who I am . I won't change for you and I don't want you to change for me . Why would you ? I like who you are now !

Life is like a box of chocolates . At least that was said at least a million times . It's true it is . You open the box and there are things you like and things you don't  . I liked and finished it and that is why I am writing . I love vanilla ice cream but don't like vanilla sex it is just not me any more . I find my taste change on different levels . Is it so hard to understand what someone likes but makes you feel sick is ok ? Personally I don't feel the need to suck a dick but love when it is done to me . Sliding my cock into a woman's ass gets me off but the idea of a guy looking back at me asking for it does not get me where I want to be .

If a woman does not want to be with me but with my girlfriend I will ask to watch . If a guy ask no . It is just me and I know guys who get off on it . I am not a saint and don't want to be . Evil is more fun . There are just so many different flavors in life nor to enjoy those we find we like . If watching your girl or guy being filled in everyway gets your fire started rock on . Just don't ask me to join . I will help film it but not join in . Be legal be clean and be happy . Unless that legal stuff is outside in a park or a court house GOOD LUCK !

Just keep in mind every now and then  when your eating your milk chocolate think about a little white or dark chocolate . No body but you has  to know (unless your in a airport bathroom) . You never know you may find milk chocolate kind of bland . Be safe and be well Tal ya'll .

Hmm as I was asked today if I would like to fuck a friends sub . I wish I could have stopped myself from laughing but it can out just behind the drink I was about to enjoy . I asked his forgiveness and explained I had no use for a his whore . He told me she was his sub slut . I told him she was a sub whore and he was a dumbass if that was what he wanted . I try to let everyone live as they want and be happy for them . Once in a very long time I have to express myself . I love sluts . They will do as they are told when the are told . A whore will do anyone and most anything no matter who or what is going on . Don't get me wrong I like fucking a sub in public when I know it is safe but I have know to many whores you will just jump from bed to bed and if that is what they are into more power to them . I am a man who wants to know when he leaves no one is walking in the back door when I am going out the front . That almost cost 2 men their lives when I was with my second wife . I love me a freak in bed but there is a limit .

 He likes watching other men fuck he and that is what gets them off but I am different . She can eat as much pussy as she wants as long as I am the only dick . At 50 life does not seem as long in prison as it did at 33 . Well sex was not going to happen but I did show him a few things on how to keep her in line . I should say I made her happy because the sounds she made as that board hit her ass was nice . It's been a long time since I have made a sub dance to a crop and tails but she did it well . He needs better hooks and rope if she is going to dancing as much as he wants her to . We talked about making her a cross but as I pointed out they are nice but she can't move on it . There are times you just need to watch her dance when you let those tails fly across her smooth skin .

I had the biggest laugh today . My friend of some 23 years asked me to teach him to be a Dom . I thought it was a joke at first but I could see through my tears he was serius . As I wiped my eyes I told him he had to just be this way and it was something you don't just learn . After I thought about it and I was wrong . It took me years of learning to become who I am and what I am . Many a dead end was seen . Trial and error was a way of life for a time . Then came the day I learned to listen and find out what she wanted not just what I wanted to be . There are those who crave pain while others just want to be dominated . To her who taught me that ropes and paddles where fun things I will always hold you in my heart . From hot wax to electicity I have found may things to turn into a toy . I have opened my mind to things once thought taboo and discusting now I find fun . Yes you can be taught if it is in you , The thing is you have to want to learn and you have to be open to new things . Also helps to enjoy her cries of pain as she begs for more . Tal .ehezma 

 I was wondering today about allot of things . To many to even worry about but one thought crossed my mind why am I still here and what do I have to do to be able to finaly leave ? I looked back on all the lives I have changed most for the good and a very few I have come close to ruining . I have never taken a life but I know I can . I know I have never been the cause of a life being lost but there are a few I can say I have helped staying here . I know I still have things to do as a new woman has come into my life and I have this desire to see many sunrises with her . There is still that nagging feeling I have not done what I was sent here to do . I thoink I know what it is but as with all ofe us I am not sure . Most are just here to do a daily job have kids and move on . For me there have been to many times I have been ib the right place at the right time . Plus the few times I just went down another road and paid dearly for not doing what I know was right . All the friends and lovers I have known has brought me to a point where I think I know what to do but unsure of the right road to walk down . What I want to do and what I need to do are on a balance and I must not tip the scales in the wrong direction . One way and I live a life I so want and the other I live the life I know is best and help others . A choice must be made and soon or the scales will fall on thier own .

Sometimes just writting things down helps you to clean the mind and see the road clearer .

Why a simple why . Why is it so hard for 2 people to find each other ? You would think with as many people we have on Earth 1 person can't find another who they like well enough to just say hello lets talk and see what happens . So many beautiful women on this site and I read where so many women get flooded with mail from men who just want to get thier rocks off or just order them round before they get to know them . Why can't we guys just say hello I am a man with large hands who is looking for a nice small bottom that needs to be spanked . I like this that and other things .Wow that was easy . At least for me . So why is it so hard for guys to do this and then let a woman tell them yes or no with out her being cussed out or told she is a fake . There happen to be millions of women who think I am not someone they would want to know . There is one on the other hand who does want to know me and make the rest of my life so very much better than before she came into my life .

One out of 50 billion or so and she found me . Yes I am very luck she did find me . I am also very lucky that she gave me time for her to know me and me know her . A little time and a lot of talking can go along way . Guys if your told no then maybe you need to change a little to be a better Dom or Master . Ladies If you get cussed out or anything like that ignore the guy and keep looking but if you have time let a guy know why he was turned down . Not all of them but the ones who need just a little help .

I have come to understand that there are sub/slaves who never need be broken down . I would say 99% don't there is just a small few who want it and need it . For the most part when a sub/slave ask for a collar she need only be trained in the art of seving the one she is with . As we all have our different wants and needs they only need to learn what is needed and wanted . Just as it is in my best interest to learn what pleases her it is in hers to know what pleases me .

I know it is her job to please me but is it not best to understand what she needs and wants from me ? I think that the more I understand her the more she will do her very best to please me . I know for the most part being a sub/slave comes from withing . I think once she has her heart set on becoming a sub or slave there is not much more to do than to teach her her roll in my life .

I never fully understood the stripping down and rebuilding of the sub/slave and after talking to a few I now understand that the only time she does need to be stripped and rebuilt is when she has left one person for another . As for those who have a sub/slave who is hard to train well for my part enjoy the punishment as much as she does .

Any thoughts to this one way or the other please let me know .

I have come to understand that there are sub/slaves who never need be broken down . I would say 99% don't there is just a small few who want it and need it . For the most part when a sub/slave ask for a collar she need only be trained in the art of seving the one she is with . As we all have our different wants and needs they only need to learn what is needed and wanted . Just as it is in my best interest to learn what pleases her it is in hers to know what pleases me .

I know it is her job to please me but is it not best to understand what she needs and wants from me ? I think that the more I understand her the more she will do her very best to please me . I know for the most part being a sub/slave comes from withing . I think once she has her heart set on becoming a sub or slave there is not much more to do than to teach her her roll in my life .

I never fully understood the stripping down and rebuilding of the sub/slave and after talking to a few I now understand that the only time she does need to be stripped and rebuilt is when she has left one person for another . As for those who have a sub/slave who is hard to train well for my part enjoy the punishment as much as she does .

Any thoughts to this one way or the other please let me know .

I talked to a old friend this weekend . I asked if you shot a man at say 500 yards and then slipped away could you say you had gained honor from the kill . His reply not only stunned but left me speachless . "It is not the kill that you gain honor . It is not the fact that you served your country by killing your target that you gain honor . Anyone with a gun knife or bare hands can take a life . Death at some point comes to us all . Taking a life is a job for some and there is no honor in doing your job . Honor is gained by saving a life and giving yours so another may live . What I did for my country gained me no honor to my self and the medals I have gathered are just symbols I did my job well . My honor was gained when I chose not to take a life and disobey my orders to save not the target but those around him . The target was taken out but later at a better time and place . I gained my honor from not taking the shot that would have hurt others because of it ."

  We talked and we agreed that when man was given the ability to kill another man with out being able to look him in the eyes and watching the life leave him that was when we changed . When we lost the ablity to have to watch as the person we killed lose his life and feel the blood on our own hands that is when we started to changed from strong men to what we are today .

I have to find something else to read than those Gor books . I was at Walmart and saw a woman walk not far from me . I thought wow I would give 2 gold tarn disk for her . A voice by me asked what a gold tarn disk was . I looked at my nephew and realized I had not kept my thoughts to myself . For those who have ever wondered yes even the biggest mouth is at times at a loss for words . I just told him to shut up and we walked on with him laughing at me but not knowing why I was so red .  

The more I read the more I learn . The more I learn the more I think . The more I think the more I wish I had bought stock in Advil . 

  It's not so much what people say or how they say it but the thought patteren behind the words . We have people here world wide and we talk all over the place with friends and people we don't know and just a few that we wish we had never knew drew a breath .

  To many times I have seen (ok how do I put this ?) men talk to a sub or slave as if it is his right to have every one bow to him . I know Masters and Doms who treat thier dogs with more respect than some guys on here treat women they have never met . If your here to find sex there is 2 better ways to get it .

1) Go to a bar and find some scank how does not care what you do or look like as long as you buying drinks .

2) Ladies of the streets . Yea the will do most anything and they need the cash more than the bar does . Plus you going to get laid with out the hang over .

  If you don't think your not paying for sex now then your not married .

  I guess this little rant is all about respect and giving it to those who deserve it and getting it from those who think you do . Next time you see a woman who say she is looking for a extreme anything this is not a sign to trash talk and beat down . It is an opening for a conversation to find a common ground to build a relationship on . Yes I said relationship . Unless you find her on the street and chain her in a hidden basement There has to be a relationship no matter how small or it is just about ..... I am not sure what it would be about . I do know that with out that small thread of something then there is just something big missing . Something important and very needed .

  I was once told that if a man does not love his slave she will never serve him to her fullest . It is not about her love for him but his for her . When she feels his love it builds on what she has and makes it grow and exspande beyond she ever thought it could be . I have seen this in the eyes of subs and slaves here . A light that shines deep and bright . Every man wants those eyes to look at him and shine for him . Only a few will ever see it .

  So what is so hard with a hello I am Paul and I am looking for a nice ass to spank and a heart that wants to burst with love . I can work with everything else as long as you can give your heart to me and understand that it is my way and should you ever want the high way I will miss you but there is only a few things that will make me kick you out . Understand I am not perfect and not looking for it but I am looking for a sub/slave who can go from kneeling at my feet to making snuggle bunnies on the couch while watching old movies and drinking hot chocolate . (I am not crying because the movie is sad ! Your sitting on my keys !)

  Let me find someone who will unlock the darkest parts of my heart and soul and I will show you a love that will make Juliet tell Romeo (Why can't you be more like him ?) .

                                           Be well and stay safe .

  What happened to us ? We use to be the center of our families . We once could walk down a road and never had to turn our eyes because someone who needed help was reaching out to us . There was a time when a man would ask for help and we where there . Not even asking for the thank you we knew we would get . A woman could walk down the city streets and know she was safe . She knew a single cry would bring help and her attacker was beat and sent to prison if not right out killed for attacking her . Once a womans honor was something a man would give his life for . Now honor is something you read about in books if you you can find the right books .

  There was a time when a man opened a door for a woman and she would not look at you like a leper . There was a time when men knew they where men and what it ment to be a man . Now to know what it is to be a man you have to know where you live . It varies from state city community an the block you live on . Most of all it depends on who is raising you . MY father was never around to teach me about what it means to be a man . I often have to judge that on a day by day basis . I do know that being a man does not give me the right to treat every woman like she is a slut and should bow down to me when I tell her to . Submission is a gift to a man and he needs to remember that she has the right to get up and leave when she feels she needs to . We do not buy her heart it is given as a gift and we need to remember it is a gift that can and will be taken back when we abuse it or forget that it is not only a gift that is given but is something we have to protect and honor .

  Beat her abuse her treat her like a filthy little slut . What ever makes her and you happy do . Forget that she has a heart and it also needs to be fed and nurished and you will spend many an hour wondering what the hell went wrong . We can be Masters of our world as long as we remember that at the center of our world is a heart that needs us as much as we need her . Once we learn that then learning we need her more than she needs us will be so much easier . With out her we are Masters of nothing but a void .

  She bows before me as the Master of her world . My heart bows before her as she is the reason it beats and grows stronger each day by her love . To you dear lady and the love you bring and the strength you give . You bow before me but my heart kneels before you .

Ok I will admit my profile needs a lot of work but damn please don't send a note asking me what I like to do the ask if I am some kind of sick twisted pervert ! I call my self a Provert . I have been doing this long enough to know what I am doing and have mastered it . 

I honestly don't think she is out there . I look and I wait but I don't think we are going to find each other . At least not in this life . I know your out there but each day time grows a little shorter and I know that the sands of my hour glass are getting fewer . I have met people and I have good friends but I look and I don't see you . I know your there my heart calls out and it hears you call but it is a faint whisper . I think that if I could just spend one day with you this life would have been worth it but your to far away to see . Is it my heart wants you so much it hears only a ghost ? Only time will tell .