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The reason I never join the sites is because I never manage to keep up with them. For one reason or another, I always loose track of the address. But I am making a promise, right here and now, to sign on collarme more often. That can be a part of my new years resolution.
In other news: I am still in classes, despise the midwest and all of its glory, want to trasnfer to somewhere in California (maybe near San Francisco), and found out our barn cats had kittens.
My life isn't exciting; but then again, I never promised it to be.
Eight Easy Steps
Alanis Morissette
How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone |
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Ive been overly busy these days, what with preparing for the coronation, tests, and a benefit concert (that went rather well, all things considered). I have a speech later this afternoon and keep wondering if my visual will hold up alright. Knowing my luck, Ill be in the middle of my speech and the pictures will drop like flies to honey.
The first World History test was yesterday and all in all wasn't that hard. Of couse, when you studied about twenty hours total over the weekend and monday, how could it be? A few of my classmates don't even have the book, so I felt slightly better when coming to class. How cruel is that? I need to not take joy in the fact that they aren't prepared.
I wish there was something going on on campus this week but besides having fresh fruit for lunch yesterday, theres nothing. I hate that; the nothing that takes over our sleepy town and buildings. A good friend is leaving our hall today to move in with her cousin because both are having roommate troubles. I wish she would stay because she brings so much to the boring nights and days. I think I am starting to have seperation anxiety from home and from her leaving. I hate being so far away because most of the students are only three hours out at the most. Thanksgiving really can't come soon enough.
Parting song for this entry....
The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most
By Dashboard Confessional
Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect makeup, but
You're barely scraping by, but you're barely scraping by
Well this is one time
And this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please
Everyone, or anyone at all
Or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most |
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Nothing too special about this weekend, as mostly everyone went home. A few girls on my hall had their siblings come down for family weekend. I went to the movies and dollar general, had a fun time. Today? I worked on things for class, studied, vocalized, ect. I ordered pizza for dinner but only wanted the breadsticks. I hope people are hungry and will take this medium peperoni off my hands.
Parting quote for this entry...
We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?
--David Foster Wallace
Parting song for this entry...
Broken Hearts And Concrete Floors by Dashboard Confessional
So I'll hit the pavement, it's gotta be better then waiting
And pushing you far away cause I'm scared
So I'll take my chances and head on my way up there
Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten |
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Save a horse, ride a cowboy! Well tonight I was dragged away from my books and music and forced to go out. After getting all 'sexed up', complete with hair and make up, the group took me to a barn dance. Let me tell you, I dont think Ive had a better time in my life. Country music, fast dancing, and being flipped by a guy in a red shirt and ball cap. Loads of fun! I feel so...alive...like Im on a high that I just dont want to come down from. I hope I never come down...
Parting song for this entry...
Babygirl by Sugarland
Dear Mom and Dad please send money,
I'm so broke that it ain't funny,
well I dont need much just enough to get me through,
please dont worry cause I'm alright,
see I'm playing here at the bar tonight
well in this town I'm going to make our dreams come true.
well I love you more than anything in the world,
Love your baby girl |
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I'm not into the ideas of slave but submissive. Please stop asking me if I will relocate myself to where you live and be a sex slave. Thank you. Also, I am mostly on this site for support and friendship; not wanting to get into a relationship right now.
Parting song for this entry...
Maggie May by Rod Stewart
The morning sun when it?s in your face really shows your age
But that don?t worry me none in my eyes you?re everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn?t need to coax
Oh, maggie I couldn?t have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that?s a pain I can do without |
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Song for this entry...
Your head is humming and it won?t go
In case you don?t know,
The piper?s calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How ev?rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
And shes buying a stairway to heaven
And one would hope everyone knows where that comes from... |
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Another late night in the performing arts building. Another lonely night of walking home with eyes on the stars, wishing on every single one that streaks across the purple abyss. I walked into the dorm, eyeing the couple at our front desk. No comfort came when I walked up the stairs to my floor. Tonight I spent too much time wanting something, anything more than what I had.
Parting lyrics for this entry...
Hallelujah from the shrek soundtrack (Im a dork, I know)
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Maybe I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah |
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Nothing too special happened in class today, besides speaking with our choir director about the Homecoming Coronation ceremony. Ashley volunteered both Kasey and myself to perform a piece in front of everyone. Lucky me, right? After my first class I went to the practice rooms to work on "At Last" and I still have the feeling I'm off key. I would have worked longer if a friend hadn't dropped by and insist we work together on a choral piece. Theatre auditions are right around the corner; my audition still seems rocky at best. Ah well, I only hope to find a saving grace and pull off the mentally disturbed Lady Macbeth. A few meetings came my way after World History; as if my academic and arts schedules weren't filling up enough as is. I wanted to head to the studio this weekend and work on my painting but thats looking to be neither here nor there. Outside of being pretty busy, there is little to say about what has been going on around here. My roommate keeps dropping hints at how quiet I am and its leading me to believe she wants someone else to share the room with. I'm not a mute, not do I pretend to be in social atmospheres. But when I'm studying or working or doing yoga, I tend to be silent. I prefer the silence of the room because then everything that matters can be heard. You can lay ontop of a person, feel their heart beat and stare into their eyes. And you know what? You hear everything. You see into them instead of at them like when in conversation. I explore people, I jump in their skin whenever we touch or look into each others souls. The connection you feel...is too much for words.
This entries parting song...
"The Best Deceptions" by Dashboard Confessional
Well don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over
And all the "best deceptions" and the
"Clever cover story" awards go to you
So kiss me hard
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips
Will be of service to keeping you away
And
"Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight |
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