"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"

Sometimes things fall into your hands at precisely the moment you need them. Call it synchronicity, coincidence or just dumb luck, but these words have given me strength and I feel fortunate to have found this source of wisdom when I had despaired of finding any way around the elephant in the room.

Another pearl from David Deida's Book "Blue Truth" .....

"Herein lies the delicious torture, the "flowery combat" of intimacy- the lover who really turns you on deep in your sexual heart will also really frustrate you in more superficial moments.  If you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover's deep confidence and integrity will turn you on, except when bulldozing your feelings and nit-picking the content of everything you say in a moment of conflict. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover's spontaneous laughter and fluid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of whacko hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep communion, the masculine and feminine open as a singular gift - two facets of one jewel. But in more shallow moments, their surface differences can clash.

When trying to communicate something verbally, for instance, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, hoping that a conversation will traverse a relatively straight path from Point A to Point B to Point C to conclude with a solution or mutually agreed-upon resolution. The feminine enjoys talking like dancing, as a way to connect in feeling, as a way to swim together and enjoy the currents of  shared energy.

In most couples, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine's loopy style of talking on and on toward nowhere in particular, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine's rigid aim and know-it-all grid of the Way Reality Is.

Because masculine and feminine attract each other like magnets, you will attract a lover whose essence is your reciprocal, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what you enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking. But on the surface, your differences may drive you crazy.

The key is to view these differences as part of the wild beauty of clashing worlds and revel in the passionate tempest they create when they meet. After all, the "mediocrity" alternative would be wholly unsatisfying to a truly masculine or feminine essence, an essence that inherently craves the extreme full measure of intimate eroticism from a partner."

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately in my attempt to understand the inherent differences between men and women and why two people who often seem so incompatible on paper are drawn to each other with such force and magnetism, with such extremes of hate and love that those around them literally duck for cover - why the intense passion and magnetism of the extremely feminine and the extremely masculine cannot ever seem to stay apart for very long, becoming inexorably drawn to each other despite their glaring differences.

I ran across the writings of a man named David Deida who puts the concepts down on paper with such grace and clarity that part of his book literally brought tears to my eyes. He is a refreshing change from the wimpy "New Age" style writers, and though not a "lifestyler" (to my knowledge at least), he is unapologetic about the inherent male nature and its desire for control, direction and logic. He is equally skilled in his uncanny comprehension of the female psyche and its driving forces of security, presence and love. I highly recommend his books to anyone seeking a greater understanding of the male/female interface.   

I have included some excerpts here, for anyone who cares to read them. Be forewarned this posting is long, so not for the recent Literacy Coalition graduating class.....


"One of the deepest feminine desires in sexual intimacy is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything. Then, a woman is free to be pure energy, pure motion, pure love, without having to analyze all the options and decide which ones are best. She can enjoy her man taking responsibility for the direction, so she can be what the feminine is: pure energy. Logic and decisiveness are the domain of the masculine; passion and abandon the feminine.

Like the ocean, the native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction. The masculine builds canals, dams and boats to unite with the power of the feminine ocean and go from Point A to Point B. But the feminine moves in many directions at once. The masculine chooses a single goal and moves in that direction. Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean, the masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction: the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive and the source of life.

Any time you try to force your woman to be more like a ship than an ocean, you are negating and even maligning her feminine energy. Any time you talk to her and expect her to analyze her mood and situation to the point of being able to fix it, you are talking "masculine" with her. She can do it, she might even be better at it than you, but it won't make her a happy woman.

A happy woman is a woman relaxed in her body and heart: powerful, unpredictable, deep, potentially wild and destructive, or calm and serene, but always full of life, surrendered to and moved by the great force of her oceanic heart. When you ask her to analyze her emotions, it's like building walls around a part of the ocean and turning it into a swimming pool. It's safer and more predictable, but far less alive and enlivening. Most men have made their women into swimming pools by continually treating them like a man, talking logically with them about their feelings as if they can be analyzed to the point of "fixing" them.

Women do not become free by analyzing themselves. They become free by surrendering into love. They become free by surrendering to the immense flow of love that is native to their core and allowing their lives to be moved by this force in their heart. It may involve brief moments of analysis, but primarily it involves deep trust. The best way you can serve your woman is by helping her surrender, to trust the force of love, so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is, and give this love which naturally overflows from her happiness. This does not involve analyzing the building blocks to her loving. Analyzing blocks is a man's way, as in a football field or a chess board.

Let her be the ocean. Encourage her to be as free as the ocean, as deep as the ocean, as wild as the ocean, and as powerful as the ocean. Be so full in your loving, so strong and stable in your presence, that she can just let go and surrender the limits she has put on her feelings. Let the emotions of her heart flow unguarded. Let her love be expressed with no limits. Let her go mad with love.

Love has its own intelligence. Honor love's intelligence by realizing that analysis is not usually necessary to serve your woman's best interests; in fact, sometimes it is impossible. Love your woman with your whole body, perhaps pressing her against the wall with your chest, pressing your love into her, breathing with her so that she relaxes her tension and surrenders to the love in her heart, and let her relaxation and surrender liberate the wisdom inherent in her loving. You have much to gain from the depths of her feminine gifts.

The feminine is an infinite source of love, inspiration, and power, both physically and spiritually. Feminine women are connected with the elements of nature in ways that more masculine people usually aren't. Feminine women may seem wild, untrustable or even irresponsible from a man's perspective, but such women are simply free of the masculine need to live in a world governed by reason and control.

The feminine body is free to be moved by love, and by life itself. And this is highly valued by most men; to behold a woman free in her expression of bodily ecstasy is one of the most awesome visions most men have had. Whether in a strip joint or a sacred temple, men have been attracted for thousands of years to witness the feminine embodiment of ecstasy.  A woman who is at home with her feminine essence is at home with energy, be it sexual or spiritual. For such a woman, there is no disconnection between sex and spirit. Her sexual surrender, if she is with a worthy man, is the same as her devotional or spiritual surrender.  

This is what you get in a woman with a feminine sexual essence: A woman who is all over the place emotionally. A woman whom can you depend on to change her mind. A woman who is much more sensitive than you are to flow of the subtle energies in your relationship. A woman who brings you delight and awe in the ecstasy, both sexual and spiritual, that her body expresses so freely and beautifully.

It is all one package. You can't have a woman who is always logically consistent, reasonable, and on time, and who also fills your heart and flesh with energy, instantly and throughout the day, with her bodily expressed love and ecstasy. She can animate reasonable masculine energy when she wants, but if she has a feminine core, much of the time she will want to dance, in wrathful anger or enchanting joy, beyond the need for reason. It is pointless to become frustrated about it....she is simply the physical embodiment of the female psyche, in all of its magic and chaos.

So choose a woman who is your complementary opposite. It is only a feminine woman who can give the gifts that you, as a masculine man, need. Along with these gifts, however, come the relative chaos and emotional weather storms that most men dread. Realize these are aspects of the same energy that turns you on. In fact, you can learn to be turned on by her dance of anger as much as by her slinky purr. This capacity is one of your gifts to her. You can learn to stand free and strong no matter what emotion she displays. You won't leave, you won't turn away, or dissociate in disgust. You can meet her enormous energy and stand full, loving her through the storm, embracing her complete feminine power, dark and light.

You will only be happy in intimacy if you choose a woman who is your sexual reciprocal as a partner. Developing the skill and strength to equally embrace her dark and light sides takes time, skill and strength, but in doing so, you learn to provide your woman, as well as the world, with a man whose gifts are uncompromised by fear of feminine power and chaos."

- Excerpts taken from "The Way of the Superior Man", By David Deida

On November 20, 2009, the world lost a truly great man.

He was one of the last of the great World War II generation: men who took responsibility for themselves, their actions and the people under their care.

He fought in World War II, came home with vision and hearing damage from artillery fire, and never complained a word about it to anyone. He lived his life with dignity, honor and integrity and never a hint of a victim complex.

He was stern, stubborn, honest, accountable, compassionate and wise. In short, he was a Dominant before there was ever a fancy name for it.

He was married to the original Pixie, my beautiful and feisty little grandmother, for over sixty-two years, and loved her with a fierceness that could only be called unnatural. He knew the value of loyalty, commitment and dedication, and he knew how to make his woman feel treasured, loved and protected. They flirted and played and talked until the day she died in 2007. Every night as they went to bed, he would whisper the same three words to her as he kissed her forehead...."Good night, babygirl".   

His passing has left a void in the life of everyone who knew him, but especially his only granddaughter, for he formed the template in her mind of how a real man should act, and he never considered the possibility that she might not find it in this day and age - because that kind of man no longer exists.

You will be missed forever, Grandpa, and loved for even longer.

"One more day
One more time
One more sunset
Maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still
For one more day with you"

Thirty Seconds

There are times in every submissive's journey when she questions her own value, when she wonders if she is worthy or deserving of love....when she wonders how a strong and supposedly intelligent woman can keep making the same mistake over and over again....how she can ignore irrefutable evidence of her folly.....how she can mistake her own blind loyalty for some kind of desirable quality.

The past has a way of insinuating itself even when its presence is greatly unwanted.....those dark rooms in a woman's mind that hold her trauma, her past hurts and disappointments, her shattered ego and her injured little girl.....hallways and rooms she is terrified to tread alone, they contain demons who have abused her so routinely that she hardly remembers what it feels like to be whole or to feel safe; those are the dark places she is simultaneously ashamed and defined by. Those are the places that drive lesser men to slink away in fear as they realize the magnitude of the beasts they are facing.

The sick part is that when the dam holding back the demons of a thousand horrible memories fails and they come flooding back in to torment her once again, the twisted little part of her dark side welcomes them.....lays herself bare to them with a masochistic smile, knowing they will take what they want anyway, just as they have always done. They are at least a familiar misery whose pain she is well-equipped to handle. And perhaps deep down, she has always known they would be back.....perhaps deep down, she knows that she deserves nothing better.

"Tender-handed stroke a nettle And it stings you for your pains; Grasp it like a man of mettle, And it soft as silk remains."

Aaron Hill (1685 - 1750)

“The demons, are exceedingly jealous of those pursuing the way under obedience...They do and suggest everything possible so as to separate us from this path. They propose plausible excuses, they contrive irritations, they arouse hatred against the [teacher], they represent his admonitions as rebukes, they make his words of correction seem like sharpened arrows.”

—St. Theodoros (minor redaction)

Hah....

Let me save some of you some MAJOR time....

It's safe to say that if you are flashing any kind of a "gang symbol" in your profile pic and/or wearing enough chains to cause a riot in the Tanzanian gold mines, we will likely not have a whole lot in common.

Thank you,

The voluntarily-Bling-free  Pixie on the Barstool

Since I was a young child, I have always been fascinated by the idea of nudist colonies.

Not so much the actual nudity itself, but more the concept of people trying to perform the daily tasks of life (barbecuing, playing volleyball, cleaning the kitchen, baking brownies, sorting through bills, arguing, picking up coins from the floor, pulling arguing children apart....) all done naked.

The very idea is at once hilarious and mind-boggling to me, so imagine my delight when I found a website for a local nudist colony that actually featured a photo gallery of a "nude debate"...

http://www.sunsportgardens.com/inc/galleryimages/6/1507245.html

(The picture of the man adamantly making his point (naked) while the clothed man in front of him blocks his ear is priceless....)

Finding things like this restores my faith that there are still situations and people that can make me laugh hysterically.....gotta love those nudists....The Pixie may just have to  pay a little visit there soon....

So it's high time for yet another observation on this perverse little microcosm we inhabit, and this time my "objet de ridicule" is the CM "form letter"....

Spend any time on this site as a "submissive" and you will see a daily influx of these special little email bombs....they are usually easily spotted by several things:

1. The author uses far too many exclamation points and endearments, speaking in an overly-familiar manner, as if he's known you for years

2. The author makes numerous factual errors such as location/state and then, when called upon it, comes up with a lame excuse like, "Well in my enthusiasm for all of the other things we had in common, I didn't notice we weren't in the same state"  Yeahhhhhh........

3. The author makes grandiose statements such as, "Where have you been all my life?" in an attempt to make you think he has actually read your profile and not just taken a cursory glance at your tits while he was masturbating with one hand and mass emailing with the other

4. When confronted about the silliness of the whole thing, the author either blocks you or goes completely silent, like a little boy caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

Here is what I have to wonder about these men (to call them Dominants would be an unforgivable faux pas):

1. Are they actually finding success with this strategy? They must be, otherwise they wouldn't continue with it. It's like the equivalent of throwing a million pounds of shit at a clapboard fence.....eventually something will stick (though eventually a very pissed-off Tom Sawyer will come along and be none too pleased about the cleanup job.....never mind, archaic reference that no one will get....)

2. If they are finding success, what does that say about the general intelligence and desperation levels of the submissives and slaves here? I mean, I know what being an attention whore feels like as well as anyone, but come on ladies....you have to maintain at least a modicum of self respect here...

3. Do these men not realize that a submissive would rather receive one sentence meant just for her, than a novel meant for just anyone?? It can be as simple as a compliment about her smile or an observation about her profile content - something, anything, that would indicate a hand reaching out in this cold and impersonal online world.

It is reasons like this that quality submissives and slaves throw up their hands in despair and go elsewhere. So please, Ye Online Spammers of the Puny Intellect, do everyone a favor and ply your wares in another locale, preferably a turnpike rest stop or the restroom of the local bus station.....there are more than enough homeless women eager for a free can of Schlitz beer....

As for the Pixie on the Barstool.....she will be sticking around for a while....this barstool has gotten quite comfy as I sit and observe the machinations, the angst, the drama, the play, the tomfoolery and shenanigans....who knew that an amateur psychology degree could be obtained from just a-sittin-and-a-sippin'?

Ugh.....being a night owl is really a curse sometimes.....being on CM after midnight is like walking into a 24 hour Walmart, complete with  dark-eyed insomniacs, freaks, shift workers and pervs...

I try to avoid overt confrontation, but this particular individual has become quite offensive lately.

To a certain African-American "Dumbinant" who apparently enjoys mass e-mailing late-night pictures of his cock to unsuspecting subs......(this is the third email I have received from him).....

Come now, let's not embarass ourselves any further, huh?

Number one: I am a nurse so not too much impresses me.

Letter B: If I must be brutally honest, the head is disproportionately tiny compared to the shaft.

Roman Numeral III: Get over yourself. It's 2009 and "jungle fever" just isn't that much of a novelty anymore.....we're all just people.

Number four: Try to get the wildly swinging camera strap out of the frame next time, along with your soiled underpants. Both are the mark of a true amateur. I've taken better pictures drunk, beaten and bound, with one hand tied to a ceiling joist and the other servicing myself.

So NOooooo.... I am sorry to burst your bubble and even more sorry to have given you this very undeserved publicity and attention by allocating a spot for you in my journal, but you are not "ALL THAT"....unless of course, being impaled by small-headed donkey penis appeals to the average sub....

*shrug*

- One VERY unimpressed Pixie who would rather spin around on her barstool than indulge attention-seeking exhibitionists

Human Need

Each day when I go to work, I am surrounded by this vast ocean of human need. It's an almost palpable feeling as I walk down the hallways.....eyes turn to me and silently plead that I do something - anything - to help them, make their lives better, comfort them, heal them.  As much as I love my job, sometimes that role gets overwhelming and I have to build an invisible shell around myself in order to avoid being completely drained of my energy. Being in control, being the caretaker, the one on whose shoulders life-or-death decisions rest....it gets exhausting and I think it's beginning to take it's toll.

Sometimes I want nothing more than for someone capable of handling me to take my sword away.....to debase me down to the bare essentials of self.....to disassemble, diagnose and reassemble my psyche. To give simple and concise instructions that leave no room for me to second-guess, misinterpret or question them. To make it clear that failure to follow them will bring immediate consequences. To create an environment for me that is devoid of choices....where my mind, my body, my heart - and especially my MOUTH-  can be quiet.....still....at peace for a while. To think one step ahead of me and cut off my varied and creative attempts at manipulation. To be proud enough of me to not allow any subpar behavior. To care enough to pay attention to the subtle nuances of my personality, so that the mental enclosure being built painstakingly around me will be more inescapable than any physical one. That is the mark of both a gifted Master and a loving Man. 

I know of the dark and fierce side that most intelligent and strong submissives try to hide behind an empty-headed "Oh master!! I will do just ANYTHING to please you!", with their vacuous eyes and the smile of an 18th- century-belladonna-intoxicated-lady-in- waiting (whew, that was WAY too many adjectives).....but there, lurking in the darkness, is the wild woman archetype - like a beautiful, tempest-tossed ship which has broken free of its tie lines. Approaching her is not for the faint of heart or the easily seasick. But she seeks an anchor and without it, she will eventually cast herself on the reef, quite unwittingly....and become nothing more than a once-beautiful wreck washing up on the strand. 

I know it has been said time and again, but for a true submissive, there is no greater freedom than just being able to exist in situ.....just exist, in a place where no outside worries or danger can intrude. In that safe place of absolute control where no decisions can be made, and the only responsibilities lie in making her Master happy and satisfied - THAT is indeed Nirvana.

Perhaps one day I will experience it again.....until then, I will have to be satisfied with the beautiful writings of other subs/slaves who have found that place of which I speak....Thank you for your inspiring writings - they are appreciated by those of us standing outside in the cold and sewage-laden back alleyways of CM, trying to dodge the criminals, illiterates, minors, married men, serial killers, players, pedophiles, "polys", misogynists, clinically certifiables and just plain weirdos, and wishing for nothing more than a warm and welcoming hand reaching out just for us.

-the Pixie (on her very cold and very frosty alleyway barstool....can anyone help this Florida girl detach a frozen tongue from a beer stein??)

Just a little "jungle warfare/damsel in distress" story I wrote a while back....(fairly vanilla, so if you're looking for spreader bars and ball gags, you may want to skip this one...)

___________________________________
The Watcher

Decision made, he grimly stands up, the promise of death blazing in his eyes.... 

Seems I am in the "posting" mood tonight.

I don't know who is more ridiculous around here, Dumbinants or Subs....so I will share a sample statement from each and tell you why I think it's hilarious.

From a Dominant's profile: "Seeking a woman for a fast-moving relationship". I mean, he may as well have just come out with, "I would like to meet, talk briefly and move right into the 'sex' part as soon as possible"...at least I could have respected that kind of honesty.

From the maudlin musings of an apparent drama queen sub's journal: "Sometimes I just want to curl up into a little ball and bleed to death". *sigh* Yeah, I mean seriously....it must be tough being young, healthy, educated, well-fed, well-clothed, with high speed internet access in the richest country in the world...I can see why life itself would be too much of a burden at this point....

Anyway....somewhere there is a highly amused chessmaster looking down on this little mudball we call Earth and having a fine chuckle at our self-important striving and our interminable angst (assuming this deity has a mouth and the vocal cords necessary to form the actual sound of laughter.....which theoretically would not travel in outer space anyway due to the lack of an atmosphere.....unless of course said deity existed in another plane of the space-time continuum...)

Oh Sweet Jesus....somebody hand me my psych meds before my flight of ideas grounds itself faster than an Air France plane in a cumulo-nimbus cloud.....  

Calling all Texans!

My "Personal Adviser on All Things Texan" was recently swept away in a tragic tsunami of self pity and irrationality (all we found was his cowboy hat and what I believe were once a pair of Lone Ranger underpants), so accordingly I am forced to come to the CM general public in order to inquire about the meaning of the following email, and whether it should be taken as an insult or a compliment:

"Darlin', even though most of what you say is about as useful as hip pockets on a hog, I'd still reckon you'd do to run the river with....get in touch if you want to jaw"

I mean what the hell? I am mystified as to this blatant and willful bastardization of the English language and would really appreciate a reliable translation so that I can plan either a witty and scathing response or a polite "thanks but no thanks" . He does, after all, sport a mullet and that is item number one on my scant list of  "hard limits", joining the ranks alongside "jumper cables", "large breasted Taco Bell workers"  and "Mongolian autistics"  (don't ask, I was intoxicated on rotten mare's milk that night - which is their version of a "Roofie"- and I claim no responsibility for that particular act of tent-enclosed debauchery.)

So I am what is referred to as an "emotional monogamist", and I had no idea before now how difficult that would be for most people to accept. It basically boils down to the fact that no matter what sordid or deviant things I/we engage in (and there will be a plethora, I assure you), I want to fall asleep at the end of the night with the man who owns me. I have a deep sense of devotion, intimacy and depth, and I make no excuses for any of it.

I have been frustrated in my search more than once by the "poly" crowd, emerging from their harem dens and trying to sell me their lifestyle as if it were an ice-cold cherry popsicle on a hot Sahara day.

First of all, while I do not judge anyone for their preferences or their lifestyle choices, I just know what will work for me. And I am somewhat puzzled both by its lack of presence here and the outright disrespect and arrogance of people who presume to know what is best for me without even knowing me. (That being said, and on an unrelated side note, I DO appreciate the willingness of said "poly people" to allow me to install those video surveillance cameras in the harem dens...I always was a bit of a voyeur and it makes my batteries last so much longer with a little assistance in Ye Olde Visual Stimulation Department.....)
 
I mean, I know my strengths: I am not horrible on the eyes, I offer intelligence, wit, humor....sexual openmindedness, willingness to serve and be used, a penchant for deviance and a dark side that would scare most Marilyn Manson fans, deep conversation, challenging repartee, experience enough to ensure the most pleasant of experiences.....not to sound arrogant, but I am aware of these qualities and puzzled by their utter lack of value in the lifestyle.

With the help of a very dear Dominant friend, I have begun to figure out why that is. In his words, "Dominants, by and large, are insecure creatures and they need a slave who makes them feel strong without them actually having to be strong." Well said, my Bostonian friend....well said.

Well, skin hunger or not, I suppose this is where I must dig in my heels (or the legs of my Pixie barstool) and refuse to settle for the proverbial "garden variety Dominant" with all of his inherent insecurities...because I know that there is one out there who will not only enjoy, but demand the emotional monogamy I offer....who will not be threatened by my strength and intelligence, but highly aroused by it.

And hey, if not, I will just have to continue to subject my loyal readers (and other innocent CM bystanders) to the seemingly endless stream of randomness that is my journal.

Oh and to the "poly people": please adjust Harem Camera C a little bit to the left and downward. It keeps cutting off the head of the person on the far end, which is most distracting....Thanks in advance.

Until next time....

Your surveillance-loving Pixie on the Barstool.... 

So, today's entry will be, as usual, a flurry of streams of consciousness, much of it the result of (as we euphemistically call it in the medical field) "responding to internal stimuli"...(a/k/a the voices)....

I have recently run across a psychological term that I found very interesting. Most of us who attended college learned about the experiment where the little hapless monkey, when given a choice between eating and being able to cuddle against a little towel-covered object that simulated its mother, chose the surrogate mother because its need for tactile stimulation outweighed even its basic need for nourishment. Well there is apparently a very similar phenomenon in adult humans which is unofficially called "skin hunger":

"Skin hunger describes an emotional and physical sensation these people experience when they go for too long without a certain something that many of us take for granted: touch. Touching and being touched is a basic human need. Those of us who are relatively healthy and independent - and therefore able to give and ask for affection - have likely never experienced skin hunger and can't imagine what it feels like. Hunger. That's what it feels like. A craving for human contact - an aching need to be touched by a compassionate human being, be it a hug, warm hand on an arm, or gentle back massage.So basic a human need is touch that neither children nor adults can live without it. Children who live in abusive homes and who are deprived of touch, have been known to wither and die. The need for touch is real, and persists throughout our lives. Indeed, as we approach old age, touching and being touched takes on added importance; it compensates for the decline in other sensory perceptions, and helps us stay connected with our environment.Touch tells us we're safe, cared for and have value. People who are sure of a warm embrace are happier, more alert, more willing and able to communicate.However, unlike belly hunger, skin hunger doesn't rumble for attention. It may even masquerade as depression, hallucinations, moodiness, anxiety, irritability, boredom, pain and many other symptoms or states of mind that can be mistakenly attributed to disease or physical conditions."

So it's all making perfect sense now, and I told my defense attorney as much....the way I fired that semi-automatic off into the ceiling at the Walmart annual shareholders meeting, the way I bull-whipped the construction crew guys up the road because I fancied them my "royal subjects",  the way I loudly interjected my opinion of organized religion during the local Nativity reenactment (while wearing only tube socks and and pasties), the way I organized that "Crisco slip and slide" for the entire orthopedic surgery floor, the way I honored Rosa Parks by refusing to give up my seat on the front of the roller coaster even after the park had closed for the evening...NONE of it was in actuality my fault! God, it's such a relief to know that I am not crazy after all.....here I was thinking it was me, when the only problem is that I am just extremely touch-deprived. Whew. Now to find some volunteers who would be charitable enough to assist me in my recovery from this tragedy of touch deprivation....hmmmmm......Anyone know of any kind-hearted and selfless givers who wouldn't mind extended sessions of human contact?? (It's for a worthy cause, and the children who play the shepherds in the Nativity next year will thank you....)

And speaking of touch, does being touched by an Air Supply song mean I'm officially old? (It's a rhetorical question, so no smart-assed responses, please....)

I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where I find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream
And I know just where I touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose

And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you
But I know I've got to give it a try

And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then I know how to break em
And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all

Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you, well the rays of the sun are all
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the deep of the night
And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright
I gotta follow it cause everything I know
Well, it's nothing 'till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
And I can make all the stadiums rock

I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that�s ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone

But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really wanna see me crawl ?
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all

Making love
Out of nothing at all...

Mmmmmmmmm......makes me want to go grease up the slip and slide......

Till next time.....I remain your chatty and mentally disorganized,

Pixie on the Barstool

Just a quick observation.....

It is not often that I say anything serious, as I am normally found perched on the proverbial CM barstool, laughing and being indulgently silly and irreverent. But I have had some conversations over the past two or three weeks with a couple of very intelligent and perceptive Dominants who have been kind enough to offer their advice and insight about my situation and my personality. They have not minced words or tried to ingratiate themselves with me, but have simply spoken the plain, hard truth - realities that I perhaps did not want to hear, but sorely needed to. Leave it to an alpha male to wade through the emotional refuse and break it down to the facts and just the facts....

In their quiet strong way, they have reminded me that the world is not such a scary place and that the proverbial wolf outside the door is sometimes nothing more than a girl's active imagination running wild...

I just wanted to say a very sincere thank you to these Dominants who have offered their advice, their emotional shelter, their experience and their friendship, with no expectation of anything in return and no ulterior motives (you know who you are). You make your submissives proud and the world needs more real men like you.

Yet another random observation from the pixie on the barstool....(and this is saying a LOT coming from a near-vegetarian, mind you...)

I have come to the conclusion that there are few things more sensual than watching a man enthusiastically eating chicken wings....*sigh*

My inherent sense of class, dignity, grace and decorum will not allow me to elaborate further....*cough, cough*

Oh hell, who am I kidding......I mean just the way he positions the basket possessively in front of him as his sole focus of attention, enthusiastically digging in with both hands while the sauce runs down his fingers and chin, the way he gets every little last piece of meat off the bone with his teeth and tongue, the glazed look in his eyes as the protein and endorphins kick in and he surfaces for air with this look of complete satisfaction on his face.....I mean seriously.......were chicken wings put on this Earth for the sole purpose of torturing lonely submissives? I am beginning to think so....

Wow.....yeah......anyway......sorry for all that....back to my General Tso's bean curd like a good little vegetarian.....

OK, for one thing I think it's ridiculous to "check off" on your profile which sexual acts you enjoy, because so much of that depends on mood, company, circumstances, environment and trust level. You  may very well enjoy something with a Dominant you have been with for years that you would never even conceive of doing with someone  you just met. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but sexual acts are so very personal and so very dependent on the relationship you have forged....

But I DO think there should be a category in the likes/dislikes section that lists "turn-ons"....because depending on the type of woman you are, you may very well be aroused or turned completely off by certain personality aspects.

For example,  having spent a good portion of my early 20's working in a law office, I have become incredibly turned OFF by white collar men - especially ones whose hands are softer than mine and who would have no clue how to change a tire if I hit them in the side of the head with the lug wrench.

So I am curious about other women here, specifically other submissive/slave types.....Sooooo let's do one of those informal, "Cosmo" style surveys (just between us) to see if we can better peg your style of "Dominant"....and please don't give me that crap about "Oh, I'm a slave, so my preferences don't matter, blah, blah, blah". Yeah, Sister, save that crap for your next Gorean Convention....and feel free to lay off the nitrous canisters for a while and drift back down to Planet Earth where the rest of us are living in a little place called
R E A L I T Y....I mean really - If your preferences didn't matter, you'd be just as happy serving that homeless, smelly, scabies-infested, sign-wielding, penny-collecting piece of crap bum on the corner as you are your current "Owner"....so give that nonsense a rest.

Whether slave or sub, owned or free, collared or buck-wild, your needs and preferences are every bit as important as those of your Dominant. And, for the record, any mature and experienced Dominant knows that a happy Submissive equals a VERY HAPPY Dominant, for all sorts of delicious reasons   ;)

So, either because I fancy myself some sort of expert or because I'm extremely bored tonight, here we go......let's wallow through this hot steaming little mess of social stereotyping together...

1. You are going to be picked up for a dinner date in an hour. What would be your FIRST instinct about what to wear?

A. Jeans and a cute fitted t-shirt, hair in a ponytail
B. Black fitted dress with stiletto heels

2. Would you be happier if the vehicle that pulled up in front of your house were:

A. A vintage restored Ford pickup truck
B. A 2009 Corvette

3. Said manly specimen exits his vehicle. Would you be happier to see him dressed in:

A. Nice jeans and a clean, fitted t-shirt
B. An Italian suit and loafers

4. He reaches your door and rings the doorbell. You open it and he smiles, reaching a hand out to shake yours. Would you prefer his hand to be:

A. Clean, but rough and callused
B. Immaculately manicured and soft

5. You invite him in so that you can gather your things and fetch your jacket. He reaches around you and helps you with the sleeves, allowing you the opportunity to catch a scent of his cologne. Which smells better to you?

A. Shower clean, with a hint of "Old Spice"
B. Ralph Lauren

6. You are driving along and he turns the radio on. What kind of music would you feel more at ease hearing?

A. Classic rock or soulful blues
B. Classical music/opera   

7. He begins to talk to you about himself. What would you be more impressed hearing about?

A. His motorcycle collection
B. His stock portfolio and business plan

8. You arrive at the restaurant and as you pull into the lot, you are happier seeing..

A. Cars and motorcycles pulled up informally on the sides of the road
B. A valet awaiting your arrival

9. You enter the restaurant to the sounds of live music being played. You prefer hearing:

A. A cover band playing classic 80's songs
B. Quiet chamber music so that you can become better acquainted

10. The time has come to order drinks. Which list would you like to hear?

A. The list of draft beers on tap
B. The wine list

11. Which napkin would more likely suit the meal you would be ordering this evening:

A. Wet-naps specifically designed to remove BBQ sauce
B. A clean and pressed white cloth napkin, specifically designed to be lint-free

12. The waiter arrives and accidentally spills a little of your drink on your clothes. Do you...

A. Laugh and tell him/her that it probably would have happened eventually anyway, given how clumsy you are
B. Become outraged and demand both a new waiter and a discount on your bill

13. You are enjoying the live music and your date is holding up his end of the conversation nicely. You seem to click and are enjoying yourself thus far. You excuse yourself to the restroom. What would be the sign of affection you would most like to see from him as you return back to the table?

A. A very obvious "once over" with raised eyebrows and an invitation to come perch on the edge of his knee
B. A dignified welcoming smile of obvious appreciation and a soft, chaste peck on your outstretched fingers

14. On the way back from the restroom, you are stopped en route by another man, who compliments  you and asks who you are here with. Your date notices immediately, gets up from his table and approaches....Which response would bring a bigger smile to your face:

A. "God DAMN it, Sis! I done told you Mama only lets us brothers paw at you like that!!" (spoken in a fake Southern accent)
B. "Pardon me, but I am accompanying the lady this evening...kindly step aside." (Spoken in a fake English accent)

15. Dinner is over and you are preparing to leave the restaurant. You are a having a good time and he suggests that you perhaps go one more place before returning home. Is the place you go more likely to serve:

A. Tequila, straight up
B. Lemon Martinis, with lemon zest garnish

15. For the evening's entertainment, the bar is sponsoring a contest. Would this contest more likely be:

A. Wet t-shirt and/or erotic banana eating contest
B. Eligible "Up and Coming Bachelor" Auction

16. It is time to drive home and on the way, you get a flat tire. What response would you find most attractive in your date?

A. "Well, girl, the tire isn't going to change itself. Hop out...you might learn something!"
B. "This SHIT is ridiculous!! I paid $2000 for these tires! Let's just hurry up and get the AAA guy here so we can get going again....."

17. The tire situation has been resolved and you are driving towards home. A bum is standing in the median asking for money. He gazes longingly into your vehicle and you look to your date to find out how he will respond. Which do you admire more?

A. Rolls down his window and hands a dollar out shouting after the guy with a laugh, "DON'T BUY BEER!!!"
B. Social commentary about how enabling the homeless man by giving him money is effectively destroying his work ethic and the very fabric of our capitalist society

18. You arrive at the house and pull up in front of your house. You have had a couple of drinks and definitely feel attracted to your date.  When he walks you to the door, would you rather he:

A. Throw out all formality and pull you in quickly for a huge hug, lifting you off your feet and kissing your cheek repeatedly
B. Gaze longingly into your eyes as if he's trying to hypnotize you and move in for a slow, romantic kiss

19. The night has pretty much ended and you want to make it clear that you really like him and want to see him again. Would your ideal man respond better to

A. A casual invitation to your friend's birthday party tossed out with a smile, a wink and a coy "I'll expect you here on time,  you know..."
B.   An invitation to your boss' black tie dinner party, where there will be expensive champagne, hors d'oeuvres and ample opportunity for him to "network"

20. Things have progressed to the point where you now have a sexual relationship. Is his idea of "hot sex" more likely to be:

A. Sweaty, spur of the moment, passionate, unpredictable and intense, with very obvious and complete power exchange
B. More calculated and sadistic, with carefully planned exploits into depravity and deviance

OK, so unless you are denser than a group of drunk West Virginia inbreds at a family reunion,  you have obviously seen a pattern here.

If you chose mostly "A's", then you are attracted more to blue-collar, macho, capable Mr. Fix-It types.....you care little for income or social status, but things like mechanical capability, physical prowess and overall alpha tendencies rate very highly with you. You enjoy the feeling of being with a man who can physically handle himself in any situation and who makes you feel safe and secure when you are with him. Attending a classical symphony or business convention probably sound about as appealing to you as pouring drain cleaner on an open paper cut. You would rather throw on a pair of jeans and ride around on a motorcycle all day than go to the mall and shop. You would rather spend an October evening at a good football game than a Harvest wine tasting. Your down-to-earth tendencies, cuteness factor and "girl next door" personality probably make you very approachable to men, but just keep in mind that your future Dominant (if he is well-rounded) will probably also value a woman who can slip into a black dress and heels without tripping down the stairs and who is able to discuss current events without sounding like a character from Green Acres. Try to expand your horizons by exposing yourself to some cultural events without losing your wonderful authenticity. Becoming a versatile and well-rounded woman can only make you a better submissive and will only make your Dominant that much prouder to have you by his side....

If you chose mostly "B's", you are one shallow bitch....HA HA just kidding....no, seriously. It just means that you prefer a more sophisticated white-collar type of man, probably one who earns a great deal of money and can support you in the manner you feel you deserve. Attending a BBQ or going horseback riding probably sound about as appealing to you as rolling around naked on broken glass and rusty razor blades. You prefer cocktail parties to tailgate parties and probably wouldn't be caught dead without your makeup and dresses on hand. You are elegant and probably very beautiful, qualities which may make you seem unattainable to the "average Joe"....This may or not benefit you in the end, since you never know when you may encounter your dream "Dominant" and what attire he may be wearing at the time. Your natural grace, social capabilities and charm make you quite a catch, but keep in mind that behind any Fortune 500 man, there is a little boy who still likes racecars, big trucks and loud music. A well-rounded  Dominant will most likely also want someone he can go to the airshow, rodeo or blues bar with, who can throw a few things in a bag and take off to Key West for the weekend, or who can hold her own on the back of a horse or a motorcycle. Try to expand your horizons, let your hair down a little, have some spontaneous fun and keep an open mind and you may very well find the best of both worlds...

Ahhhhhh......that was very cathartic...  
Back to my Jack Daniels and opera music...... 

The Pixie

Good conversation is one of those things that you never really  miss until it's gone....it is truly the "lost art" and the true mark of a secure and mature man. You can tell a great deal about a man based on his ability to participate in and lead an engaging conversation, and to this day I have come across few qualities more attractive or elusive.

If only the average "Dumbinant" knew that good conversation is the true source of all attraction...the spark that ignites the fuse....the flame that can easily take a woman from zero to passion in a hot minute (with the help of a little wine and a roll of duct tape, that is...)  

I mean, think for a moment of the truly magical conversations you have had in your lifetime:  the effortless way they flowed, the smooth segue from one idea into a tangent and then back again, the twisting and scenic mental byways, the delight borne of intellectual stimulation and compatibility, the huge mental sigh of relief in being able to relax and enjoy the journey with a kindred soul....the stripping away of pretense as your minds intertwined in what I like to call the "waltz of the ages". 

On the other hand, the lack of good conversation (usually found in one not at ease in his own skin or his chosen role) - the awkward silences, lack of give and take, prolonged and painful responses, no meeting of the minds, closed-minded comments, paucity of humorous asides, boorish and immature attempts at humor, dry and stale cliches, stilted or formal dissertations, small-minded or self-righteous commentary, ridiculously strained attempts to keep up; all of these can destroy a budding interest and kill the mood more quickly than a grenade under the bleachers at a Texas pep rally, Ya'all!!!

(Quick A.D.D. note....I just noticed that I reference blowing things up A LOT in my writing.....what can I say? I really have a penchant for things that violently explode in my direction...and NO, to my knowledge I wasn't a Palestinian, Kamikaze pilot or bukkake queen in my last lifetime.....)

Getting back to the topic at hand, I believe I am going to start an Academy to teach Dominants the art of fine conversation, including witticisms and clever repartee....(What can I say? I'm just a giver).....HOWEVER, true to my diabolical nature, I will make the learning process one of negative reinforcement (or, to use a euphemism I have proudly coined: "Reverse Pavlovian Methodology").  And in honor of my recent "mishap" (see prior journal entry) , I have been inspired in my creative efforts...

We shall perhaps start by seating them in a "Level 1" booth with an absolutely gorgeous and charming woman, a "conversation queen", if you will....She will be friendly, very easy to talk to and pleasant. If the student (a/k/a "Dumbinant") commits any of the aforementioned offenses, she will activate a red button (we ALL know that any button that promises negative sequelae must be red) , thereby inflicting a moderate electrical shock to the buttocks of the awkwardly stuttering lummox via a special "punisher cushion" (think of the hemorrhoidal donut cushions the old people use, but specially wired for the administration of said punitive measures).  In addition to this potent physical reminder of his significant conversational shortcomings, he will be whisked away to the next table and presented to a decidedly less attractive and far more unpleasant woman, with whom he will have a chance to either redeem himself by stepping up his elocutionary skills or suffer consequences which will become progressively more dire and unpleasant.  We shall proceed in this fashion until he is either sufficiently charming, or requires medical attention for his electrical buns...errr, I mean burns.

I will be accepting applications into the charter class shortly.....and due to the cost of constructing the "electro-punisher" cushions, enrollment will of course be very limited...I recommend applying early to get the best seat (no pun intended).

That's all for now from the delightfully loquacious Pixie on the Barstool..

Just a quick word of advice to my female readers from the rebellious and slightly-electrocuted pixie on the barstool:

When the side of the box says  "Not for internal  use", I HIGHLY recommend you avoid the urge to be a contrary little minx...just place the device down on the table, step away slowly and obey that sage little warning, my dear friend.

Come to find out, it was placed there for a very good reason.....
 
I mean, who knew??

OK, so the voices in my head are telling me that it is long past time for a new chapter in the "Journal O' Hell".....so here I go, releasing the steam valve and allowing the contents to spew forth like fake cripples at a Benny Hinn faith healing service...

<start rant>

Just because I have a productive life and career and have neither the desire nor the ability to be chained in your cellar all day covered in honey and fire ants or, worse, out slopping your pigs while you sit in the house and eat pork rinds does NOT mean I am not a "true submissive". Just because I think it's distasteful when a Dominant does not remember that he is first and foremost a role model, does not mean that I am unable to be unquestioningly obedient and loyal. Just because I don't want to come join you and your eight "slaves" in Dumpwater, Arkansas, where I will cook "ya'all" deep fried food and speed along your imminent cardiac deaths does not mean that I am "topping from the bottom" or trying to call the shots.

Here's a topic that has been beaten to death worse than Whitney after a Bobby Brown coke binge, but Dominance is really not about actions at all....it never has been. The "official" definition tells us that Domination/submission is a state created between two people wherein they have agreed to function in pre-defined roles in order to meet the needs of both. But that is the dry, cardboard description....there remains the intangible.....the nebulous.....the indescribable.....which is why this lifestyle can be so breathtaking and why you may find ultimate beauty in a submissive that someone else would never look twice at; why the form we find ourself occupying is far less important than the mind that dwells within it.

So, Dungeon Dwellers, let's for a moment hang up your coats of human skin on their wall hooks, feed "Precious" her snacks, put the lotion back in the basket, and let's strip down to "essence", if you will....and consider what Dominance really is, from that misty place deep in the mind's shadows (or your deep, creepy well where you have that FBI agent hidden; either one will suffice)...

Dominance is a look, a glance, a touch of assurance....

It's a warm hand and a reassuring smile.....

It's a feeling that infuses the soul and an all-consuming fire that burns deep inside....

It's a welcoming lap and a ready laugh....

It's the ultimate protection, the unbreakable trust and the unyielding will....

It's the trial, verdict and sentence all in one.....

It's the possessive mate, the doting daddy, the protective warrior and the strict disciplinarian...

It's the mess of tears and disappointment rolled up inside the thrill and the happiness....

It's the hunger for a person's soul as much as her body....and her devotion as much as her action.

It is the quiet moments of certainty and the frenzied moments of passion....

It is the forge and the anvil...

It is the ultimate courage to step off the ledge and offer trust...

It is the look that speaks volumes and the voice that brings her running to your side, or cowering in fear...

It is the blank canvas and the red paint....

It is the safety of shared secrets...

It is the love for what has passed and the anticipation of what is yet to come....

It is the dark nights of contention and the bright mornings of resolution...

It is the intimacy of a place where there are no judgements or secrets...

It is bodies fatigued by exhaustion and sweet pain...

It is the unconditional staying power of devotion...

It's silly laughs and comfortable silences...

It is the massive responsibility for another's life and well-being...

It is the certain knowledge that you are where the universe intends you to be, and she is kneeling by your side...

*sigh*

That turned out to be far more romantic than I had intended, so I suppose I must balance it with this: if one more imbecile writes me asking if I will do his dog, his wife, or his inanimate machine, I swear to Christ I will strap a C4 vest on him and herd him into the nearest Trekkie convention prior to detonation (thereby solving two problems at once).

And I know this has about all the appeal of ripping off your fingernails with pliers and dipping them in acetone, but I must leave you with a verbatim email from one of our resident CM "Dumbinants" who apparently did not like the content of my journal postings....

"Girl. You have a mouth on you that would drive a fuc*ing priest crazy. If you keep talking that shit, I will make you eat it from a bowl - how would you like that, you bitter jaded bitch?? You should be glad you have such a smokin hot little body, that is about the only thing on you that is useful. Try spending your time learning how to shut your mouth instead of writing stupid articles and maybe some Dominant will want you. If you were my slave, you'd have no teeth left in your head"...

As much as I could wish, pray and hope to find a man with that kind of masculine appeal and gentlemanly bearing, he was (most unfortunately) spoken for...ahhhh, a girl can dream, can't she??   

That's all for now from the pixie on the barstool.....

<end rant>   

Warning: the following is a paid advertisement of "Chicks against Witless Pricks (C.A.W.P.)" and NOT a comedic posting. Dumbinants are warned to check with their physician before starting any intellectual exercise program.... 
________________________________________

The universe has a funny way of protecting you when you most need it - of showing you the truth when you would have otherwise missed it.

*Glances around for the closest unoccupied soapbox*

I know that most of this has been covered in one way or another ad nauseum, but sometimes something so stupefying happens that you just have to step back, shake your head and try very, very hard to maintain your faith in mankind, "man" being the operative prefix.

Now call me old-fashioned, but I think that society has all but erased the concept of what a "real man" is....in the name of political correctness and misguided "feminism", we have created a society of weak-minded and weak-kneed men, as fickle as the changing winds.

To show character when no one is looking

To show loyalty when temptation appears

To show integrity when faced with a quandary

To show courage when others cower

To show patience when circumstances are difficult

To show devotion when it's so easy to be fickle

To show steadfastness in a world that values the disposable

To show wisdom when others are impetuous

To show perception when it's easier to judge by appearances

To be protective when those in your care are threatened

To be honest even when it may injure you

To be kind when you don't have to be

To be accountable when the dust settles

To be decisive when you might be wrong

To be compassionate to those weaker than you

To take your responsibilities seriously when it's easier to walk away

To show class in a "MTV" world

To maintain your standards when no one else does

To be strong but not abuse it

To be selfless when it feels better to be selfish

To have honor in a dishonorable society

These used to be lessons a little boy learned from a very young age, but I can count on one hand (well, one finger) the number of men I have met here who display these qualities.

The pensive little thinker in me ponders on a daily basis what will become of all of us when there are no men like this left. The world is becoming a scary place and the more we attempt to erase the innate differences between men and women, the bigger disservice it will do all of us in the long run. A "gender neutral" world benefits no one, as much as I hate that damn toilet seat being left up.

So let the rest of the women burn their bras (mine cost too much), wear their Hillary pant-suits, get angry when doors are opened for them and just become as masculine as possible......as for me, I still await the Dominant male at whose feet I can feel like the woman I was always meant to be, and I know that I will never feel more powerful than when I am on my knees before him. If that makes me old-fashioned or weak, then so be it.

*Steps down from soapbox semi-gracefully, snagging the hem of dress on that god-damned rusty nail (again). Can someone PLEASE fix that thing??!?*
 
______________________________________
The preceding was a paid advertisement by Chicks Against Witless Pricks....and does not necessarily reflect the opinions or viewpoints of Collar Me or its management or staff. Please stay tuned for the season premiere of "Whose Ball Gag is it Anyway?", followed by the long-awaited fifth season of  "Are you smarter than a Gorean?"

 

Let's start this week's episode of "Pin the Insult on the Duminant" with a quote from one of my favorite nihilists.....

"To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence." Friedrich Nietzsche

So our theme today will be predictability - boring, rote, unremarkable and yawn-inspiring predictability.

Why is it that I have developed an almost scientific formula for the response of the typical "Duminant" when I deign to descend from my ivory grammar tower and reply to an email?? I mean, this is not King Arthur's Court here....no one on this site (to my  knowledge at least) is an actual "lord" of anything (except for perhaps the Jergens-covered tissue castle that is stacking up beside their bed). So when I am  met with commands like "You shall address me using my proper title Whore, or there shall be dire consequences", I have to wonder just which episode of Star Trek/Star Wars/Harry Potter they are plagiarizing from. As an added bonus, exactly what consequences do any of them have the ability to visit upon me, being that most of them live in their mother's basement and sell french fries to an already-too-obese American public all day? And to make matters worse, when I actually try to have a rational conversation with them, or better yet, explain the absurdity of their delusions of grandeur, they wrap their plastic Walmart cape around themselves and doing the little girl run and  kicking up their leather-booted heels, dash off into the night, covering their ears and screaming, "But I AM a Lord! I AMMMMMMM.............!!!!!" 

Wow.... It's funny in an almost catastrophic kind of way that grown men could conduct themselves in this manner. I often wonder what fun little contaminant the "Collar Me Kool-Aid" has been spiked with, but then think better of trying to find out. Because, as my nihilist friend would also say: "“Battle not with monsters, lest you become a monster, and if you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”

I think the "abyss" in which some of these so-called Dominants live probably takes the form of a padded room with a massive vault of tragically empty cranium contained within.

My only question is, how do I get the five minutes of my life back that their maniacal and mindless emails stole from my otherwise-philosophical day? It's like superimposing a god-damned Pee Wee Herman soundtrack on top of a beautiful opera...entertaining perhaps, but ultimately enough to make you want to commit an act of the postal variety.....

That is all troops...

By the way, to the couple of intelligent people I have had the good fortune to speak and correspond with over the past week (and you know who you are), thank you, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart. You restore my faith in Dominants.....  

How fragile and tenuous the gossamer strands that bind two souls together.....how imperceptibly they begin to form - and insidious in their arrival and perpetuation, unnoticed they begin to forge themselves stronger, more numerous and inescapable.... until at last you look around in surprise, your limbs entwined, your heart wrapped up tidily, your very breath drawn only at the mercy of their silken bindings....and, realizing the futility of the struggle, you sigh in resignation and surrender to this age-old and bittersweet Captivity, knowing the Spider's bite will hurt but for a moment.

- Shattered

Random Thought of the Day

After being involuntarily subjected (naked) to a multi-hour public television marathon (for bizarre and sordid reasons I shall not go into at this time), I have come to realize that I truly despise people who feel the need to raise their eyebrows up when they hit the really high notes in a song....it's so contrived and over-dramatic and it drives me almost to the point of murderous rage. Murder that, in my opinion, would be wholly justified just to prevent the particular genetic trait responsible for that horridly infuriating facial aberration from being passed on...

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.....