Wow, it's been a long and crazy search so far. Haven't found a submissive that is a good fit yet, but I have talked to some interesting people. Still looking and still waiting to find the right one for us.

Well, here I sit eating something of an early lunch since I tend to blow off breakfast...and I ran across one of the sillier things I have ever seen. A company, which shall remain nameless to protect the nerdity of people involved, has a website for taking in money for a service they render...it is broken and not taking money. Tech support doesn't seem to care. I've been trying for the past three hours to get them my money and the responses basically boil down to 'oh well, try again in 24 hours'. Uh-huh...no monies for you! :p

Well, today is my first three day workout schedule. Should be interesting to see what sort of results I get from it. :)

Ok, seriously...it's time for people on the internet to grow up. I just had ANOTHER person I was talking to block me. I check their profile and they have a journal entry up from the day after they talked to me last that goes on about someone they met and hit it off with.

Maybe there is something wrong with what I consider polite behavior and treating a person with the respect they SHOULD deserve if you actually liked talking to them, but just blocking someone out of the blue because you aren't looking anymore is kinda a jerk move. This is something like the third time this is happened that I know of for sure, which means apparently this is acceptable behavior for women.

Ahh, well...I guess back to looking and idly wishing there was a way to go back in time to flip someone the bird and cut all ties BEFORE they pissed me off by being a jerk.

Well, I'm looking for a good sub again. I blame not being smart enough to just stop and let the dream die. :p So, here we are again...trying to find a good sub that fits. :)

All my entries have been way too serious and depressing, so I thought I would change it up some and post something a little random. I wanted to talk about cooking. :p

I used to be pretty much like the stereotypical man...food came in a box that went in the microwave and then you ate it, but recently I've been on a kick of experimenting and I've made some great stuff like quiche as well as a mac and cheese casserole that used a bay leaf in the sauce...since I had them laying around I started experimenting. Tossed them in with a big roast I was slow cooking. Mmm. Drool worthy! ^_^

Well, enough random babble for one sitting. :p

Wow...just...wow. It's come to my attention recently that some of the folks who have stopped talking to me may have used some of these background check sites that are floating around out there. Someone told me that some site out there says I have a criminal record, which is interesting because I don't even have a parking ticket to my name.

So, if you see this site or know about it, feel free to report them to the Better Business Bureau...or even better, if you have always wanted to sue someone or have friend who do, go there and do a background search on yourself, screenshot it, and then go talk to your lawyer about the nice libel charges you want to bring against them. Needless to say, this is REALLY upsetting me, because I have been looking for three years and chances are not ALL of the people I talked to are insane, some of them probably just wanted to check up on me before meeting and didn't think to really check the place they used first.

I'm not usually one to vent, but people on the internet are starting to bug me again. It seems like every time I decide to poke my head out a little and start looking for someone, things quickly go pear-shaped on me and I end up frustrated and sorta wishing I hadn't even bothered. Granted, I've met some people over the years that are fun to talk to, but I've also had to put up with some of the craziest stuff I have seen so far.

I don't do casual, one-time things, so when someone sends me naughty pictures as something of a 'this is what I look like' thing, but doesn't want to meet anytime soon...it leaves me thinking about all the things I COULD be doing with a good sub that I haven't because I keep trying to find someone who is what I am looking for and not just a quick bit of sex. I'm really starting to hate people so much.

Well, for some crazy reason I decided to message a couple of people who's profile really caught my eye, so I guess I'm semi-actively looking again...okay, the only possible reason is that I suffer from the crazy. :p

Here is hoping this time things go a bit better and aren't so frustrating with folks talking about wanting to meet, but never actually doing so. :p

Well, another year older and not much to show for it. :p Yesterday was a typically boring day and I got a few more messages from folks who claimed to want to talk and see if we hit it off, but once again they apparently aren't serious, because as soon as the talks turns to actually meeting, they go all quiet. Really makes me wonder why they even bother if they don't have the nerve to actually meet someone.

Well, I have a birthday coming up and I find myself idly considering doing something for a change. :p I usually just sort of let it wander by without really considering it much...it's just another day and has been for some time, but for some reason this year I am debating actually trying to get something going on and see if I can't make it a fun day at the very least.

It's been a long, annoying search so far and as much as I hate to say it, I think I'm done. I may start looking again, but I'm taking a break and not going to be active and actually messaging people and putting myself out there. Just too tired of the flakes and fakes that seem to be wandering around the internet.

That being said, if you are a submissive woman and interested, feel free to message me. I always love talking at least.

Two years or searching now and still no luck. I've gotten to meet a lot of people that can't be honest with me though and I'm seriously starting to think this is some sort of strange attempt by fate to turn me off of women completely. :p

Going to a more passive style of search again for a bit. It's just getting to be too annoying to keep putting up with the BS people seem to want to throw out there. Hopefully some folks who are interested will contact me...if not, I guess we'll just have to wait until I feel like taking an active role in looking again.

I wish I knew what is going on with the website here. Sometimes it tells me people who are fairly close are 100+ miles away and sometimes it tells me they are 37 when they are around 100. I think the distance measurement system is a little wonky, so it makes it hard to know if folks are near enough to bother talking to. :p

You know, I've met some really neat people on this crazy ride so far and every time I start to faulter and want to stop, they remind me that if I'm not looking, I can't find that perfect sub that is out there that is the one that will make us both happy...so I'm going to keep hammering away at it, because even if I don't find them anytime soon, I think the journey is still worth the hassle if just for the folks I meet along the way. :)

Well, I think this time I'm done for good. It's been over a year and a half since I have started looking and almost without fail everyone I have talked to has either gone quiet at random or has been playing some sort of game where they talk and talk about meeting but can never manage it. I even talked to someone out of state who was supposedly going to have some vacation time down this way and when it got close to time, they just went quiet on me. It's been 9 days, so it's time to toss the emails and pictures they sent and just forget about it.

It's been dragging on so long that the payoff of actually FINDING someone doesn't seem like it would be worth the hassle and constant grind of having to sort through hundreds of emails just to have 99% of them not be serious or real and the ones that are real seem to be batshit crazy. I mean, seriously...my favorite excuse so far was that they had a friend who didn't like us, so they were done talking. Can people not be honest and just say they aren't interested or whatever random reason floats through their head?

Enough ranting...I'm going to keep talking to everyone who is talking to me right now and wait for them to get bored and wander off, but I don't hold out much hope of finding anything and once the replies taper off to nothing, I'm going to just close out my account and stop worrying about it.

Well my birthday is coming up here soon and I find myself thinking that as I get older my list of wants seems to get smaller. When I was a child I always had a big list of things I wanted as a present, but now I find myself thinking about the only thing I really want would be to be done with searching and not have to wade through endless wastes of time like I have been.

Heck, right now I'm about to toss out the info and emails from two woman who I have been talking to for over two months because they both went quiet on me and in that time they haven't been able to meet with me once. I mean, seriously, what kind of relationship is it supposed to be if you can't even see each other? The only people who DO meet up and respond seem to be the ones I'm not that interested in...which makes me think either my standards are too high or something.

Ranting aside, I guess it's back to looking again, since right now I am only talking to two people. One of them lives out of state and the other is older enough than me that I'm a little iffy about the whole deal.

You know, the usual joke is that men are scared of commitment and will run at the first sign of it, but I've been looking for a submissive woman that was a good fit for over a year now and I have to admit it is really depressing the number of women out there that can't even seem to commit to a meeting, much less a serious relationship or any sort. I could understand if you didn't WANT a relationship, but talking about how you do and talking about how you want to meet and then simply going silent when the time comes to actually set up such a meeting or always being busy for months on end and never having time for a meeting is just...I don't know...wrong. It's dishonest. If you don't have the dedication to actually meet someone or to make time to meet them over several months time, you don't have the dedication to have even a casual relationship. Not to be crude, but even a fuck buddy is going to expect a little more than seeing you once every half a year or so.

I keep holding out hope that there is someone out there that is what I am looking for and that we can improve each other's lives, but I've only meet a handful of people so far and none of those have panned out. That handful came from what has to have been HUNDREDS of emails and chatting with folks. Makes you wonder if people are just dishonest because it's the internet or if they are dishonest with themselves and don't even realize it. Gotta love the human mind.

Well, this has turned into something of a rant and that wasn't my intention...I just sort of wanted to throw my thoughts and ideas out there for the heck of it. I guess I'll wrap this up on a 'high' note saying that I'm just too plain stubborn to give up on such a great idea and dream, so I'm not beaten yet...just sad about people in general and thinking maybe I hold people to too high of a standard for integrity. Ohh, well...when life gives you lemons, throw them at people. :p

Well, we are working our way towards year number two of searching for a submissive that is a good fit and so far we have met a few metric tons of flakes and jackasses mixed in with a few people who are at least honest and can communicate. It's been a heck of a ride so far and as frustrating and depressing as it can get, I'm going to keep plugging away. By my own logic, it doesn't make a lot of sense to give up just because there are so many people out there not worth the time...becaus somewhere out there is someone  who is and who may even be the perfect person for you and if I stop now I never get to meet them.

Prose and philosophy aside, here is hoping that person gets in touch with me soon. I'm really starting to hate dealing with people on the internet. :p

You know what...I've decided that I really do hate people. Over the years I've made jokes about being an omni-racist...but so far I have yet to find anyone who even seemed really serious about getting together. Hell, I don't know...maybe I'm just butt ugly and can't quite admit it to myself...of course, part of me is sad if that is true, not because it means I'm ugly...I can live with that, really...but more because it means that people are so superficial that if you don't look a certain way they are willing to throw away all the potential that could be in a relationship. Not because you are rude, or not someone they want to talk to...but because you aren't pretty enough.

I can accept that I am ugly...but I know I'm at LEAST interesting to talk to. Heck, if nothing more than the fact I tend to look at life a little differently from everyone else and some of the stuff I have been through makes me accepting of other people...but hey. Such is life. If people want to throw that away and make me get all emo like this...fine. I'll polish off the last of my leftover pitcher of mixed drink from this weekend and just wait until I find that one person who hopefully is what I am looking for...or at least is fun to talk to. :)

Recently I've really started to get interested in the idea of taking pictures. Ideally this would be of a nice, sexy submissive that was all mine, but I'm getting to the point where I am all impatient and willing to branch out...starting to wonder how hard it would be to find a woman who wanted quality pictures that were also naughty.

Getting frustrated at dealing with all the people out there who aren't serious or they are just some sort of spaz...probably going to just give up if something different doesn't come along soon. Been looking for well over a year now and it's just so frustrating and depressing.

You know, I have to wonder how many people fall for the REALLY transparent scheme that goes on around here? There is a person who keeps making profiles that talk about their master wanting to retire and the text is almost identical every time...and each time you talk to them, they mention they are PERFECT for anything you want...except they need money before they will meet with you or anything. :p

Ahh, well...I'll stop babbling about that for now and get back to hunting down the elusive real person who is serious!

The person I am currently talking to seriously has such a rough schedule it makes it hard to get together...it's a shame I've been looking this long and this is the best I can find. Seems like there are so many supposed submissives out there that just want to play games and aren't serious about actually meeting and getting to know each other. Ohh, well, I guess I'll keep plugging away at it until the right one comes along.

Currently considering a submissive, so not really looking anymore, though still welcome conversation with anyone interested.

Ugh...well, this is new. I actually had someone block me for the first time on here...apparently they aren't interested anymore and rather than say that they just shut down communications. Is it really that hard to say 'sorry, I'm not interested.'? It's amazing how many people just stop talking instead of saying that. I guess on the plus side, it makes the ones who do that much more refreshing, because at least you know what is going on without having to guess. :p

I'm sort of wondering what is wrong with people...I mean, I know this is the internet, so most folks take it as a liscense to be uncivil, but it's amazing how many people will just go quiet instead of doing something simple like saying they aren't interested anymore. Maybe I'm not using the right words or something, but it happens a lot and the really strange part is it is always someone who is interested and then randomly decides they aren't. It would be nice to find out if it's a case of they found someone they liked more, they decided they didn't like me, random insanity...whatever. Ohh, well...I guess I'll chalk it up to people being people.

Wow...I've already started to feel better after taking just a short break. It's nice not to have any sort of hassle and just relax and do whatever for a while. Hopefully, things will keep looking up. :)

Well, it's the new year and so I am going to take a break from actively looking for a while. I need some time away from dealing with all this mess. I'll still check in from time to time, so if anyone wants to talk and is interested, they are more than welcome to message me, but I'm not going to be looking...at least not until I get to feeling more energetic about looking.

Wow, the amount of fakes and flakes is starting to get really, really old...it's going to be an effort to keep plugging away at this until the end of the year, but unless someone spectacular comes along or at least promising, I'm really looking forward to just dropping the search and giving it up as a lost cause.

Well, I've pretty much given up at this point. I'm going to keep looking for another month or three to make sure it's been over a year...I guess because I'm stupid, but I've had it with the BS that keeps cropping up and it's quite literally gotten to the point where unless someone perfect comes along, it's just not worth the hassle anymore to keep looking.

Well, I've got my hands full with people right now who might fit what we are looking for, so I'm going to stop looking QUITE so hard...especially since one of the people I am talking to I met by pure chance and seems like a pretty nice fit. :) Here's hoping.

Well, I stopped really looking for about a month or so there because once again I thought I had found someone who would fit what I was looking for perfectly...except every single meeting attempt keeps falling through for an entire month, so it leads me to believe that I have once again found some insane person who is playing some sort of game where they pretend to be interested, but somehow can never actually commit to even meeting in a safe, public location to get to know each other...

It's really depressing, because this has been something of a dream of mine for a while...not even that HARD of a dream to make happen I thought and yet here I am almost a year after I started and still nothing to show for it except frustration and an understanding of the phrase 'bitches be crazy'. No offense...I'm sure there are some non-crazy women out there...but so far my life seems to revolve around meeting the crazy ones or the ones who can't really be interested because they are in another state.

Ugh...a friend on here told me to go to another page because I would have better luck and they didn't have as many spammers/scammers...been there maybe a month now and someone just told me the same thing about THAT site and that I should go to yet some other site. Yeesh, is it that hard to find non-crazy people these days?

This whole search for a good fit is getting frustrating again. Months keep rolling by and the few people I DO spend time talking to seem to go silent at random...so either something pops up or they decide they aren't interested suddenly with no warning and lack the decency/manners to just say so.

Oh, well...I guess I need to just keep plugging away at it.

You know, it's really sad that I think I met someone who would have been perfect, but my own fear of commitment and the growth required of me to be a good dom scared me off. Now thay have found someone else and I doubt I will ever get that lucky again...I guess if I do, I have learned not to be so timid. It doesn't help that people seem to expect me to instantly be all in charge and dominant, but I'm strange and my main concern is that everyone is having fun and I can't be sure of that until I know someone very well.

Well, it's been something like half a year now that I've been looking with no real luck, but at least I have met some really interesting people and gotten to meet some folks I think made some changes in my life.

Huh, I have to admit it was interesting...I actually had a stranger contact me on here about not giving up on finding someone. It's nice to see there's still some decent folks floating around out there. :)

After months of serious looking I've come to the conclusion that people are just plain nuts. There are so many people that just don't seem to know how to act like a normal person on the internet and that's enough to make me question if I want to go through the trouble of meeting them or not.

Ohh, well. Such is life.