Today has been one of those days where I just don't want to know anything. Things have been pretty stressful and I've had a lot on my plate. I had to deal with some very difficult people today while working, but that's pretty normal. I had to raise my voice to some of them which I really would rather not do, but I just had to. Along with that, there is my urge to go back to school and get my MFA, but I really don't know if I can handle four plus years of school at the moment. Finally, there is the current family matter that I'm having in which a family member is doing awful health wise and likely wont make it for too long. At the moment there is just a lot of family tension and decisions to be made. I can handle all this though. I always seem to handle. 

Triathlon training begins tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. It's been a couple of months since my last triathlon and I only have about two weeks of training for this upcoming one; two weeks may seem like a little but it's a decent amount of time for me. I've also had a lot of pent up stress and urges, so this training will keep me occupied and help relieve that. 

I'll look deep into your eyes, wrap my hand firmly around your throat, and remind you whose good girl you are. 

So earlier today a lady got ridiculously pissed at me because I held the door open for her. She thought I should know that she's not some "weak and helpless girl" that can't open her own door and doesn't need a man to do anything for her. Well, it looks like my manners got me chewed out. I expected a "thank you" but instead got a kick in the face. Anyways, male or female, I'm going to hold the door open for you and continue to be polite.

P.S. she had horrible coffee breath. 

My needs and urges are just slowly building up and here I am without a release. There are days when I cannot even concentrate and that really does become bothersome. The problem is that I can't seem to find the time to satisfy these desires, needs, and urges of mine. It's been some time since I wrapped my hands around a supple neck, used my firm hand to leave an ass a vibrant red, left someone panting and begging for more, and left someone with a lasting impression after I've roughly used them. The problem is all me though. For some time now my days and nights have been constantly occupied and I cannot find the time to fulfill my cravings. I need to slow down and find some time for myself. I need to find this time before it becomes too unbearable. I hope I do and I'm just not all talk. I constantly tell myself that I'll put some time aside yet I just seem to piss that away. 

Oh please, tell me more about how you can be a total dick because you're a Dom. Tell me about how you are so high and mighty and so right in being a complete bastard without any form of manners. Stay classy internet. 

I'm just so anxious to get back into my running schedule. I haven't been on the road due to an ankle injury I received a few weeks ago. While exploring an abandoned hospital a staircase gave out on me and a friend. The staircase seemed fine, study, and in good condition, but midway up it just went. I landed pretty bad on my ankle but it wasn't that big of a deal. I suppose I was the lucky one since my friend got a rusty nail through his thigh. Anyways, I can't wait to get back out there and do my running. It's one of those things I do because it puts me at ease, makes me happy, and overall feel good. Yes it's also due to better health but there's more to it. This fucking ankle better get in tip top shape and quick. 

It's absolutely annoying when you just can't seem to get any rest. You toss and turn, over and over. It really makes no difference if you close your eyes or not since the sleep just won't come easily. The worst part is your thoughts constantly racing as you try to relax. Fuck.

I can't help but be amused by people who make huge embarrassments of themselves. 

Alright so here it is, to those who wonder why I'm never available. Typically, I work 12 hour days, with two days off. With my career I travel a lot and it is extremely necessary that I do. I reside in Southern California and it will always be home to me, but at the moment I'm in another state. Chances are that once I'm done with my current gig and head back home, I'll have a little off time and on to the next gig/location. As for what I do, I don't want to get too much into detail but it revolves around media. With jobs in the media, they only last for so long and you take whatever gig you can get. I should be wrapping up very soon and heading back home. I look forward to being home but I also look forward to moving onto the next job. As for why I don't attend munches, dungeons, clubs, and so forth, I just don't. It isn't my thing and most likely never will be. So to sum that up, I'm busy as all hell and will probably burn myself out. 

Sometimes it feels like high school all over again.

 I'd consider myself a very responsible person. I'm well mannered, thoughtful, easy going, and usually respectful. Every once in awhile I just can't help it though. I feel the need to be the complete opposite of all that. There are those nights when I choose to throw those certain attributes out the window. Of course, the following day I'm a little conflicted by that choice. 

I am most definitely aware that I can be very manipulative. For as long as I can remember I have been. I find myself using individuals and situations for my advantage. It has paid off in some areas and yet hurt me in others. When it comes to being this way, I hate it and love it both equally. My manipulation can be very subtle but make no mistake, it is there. There are times when I have to stop myself and think twice about my actions. Though it'd be a lie to say I did not enjoy having things my way. I just need to keep it in check and know my boundaries. I very much like to think that my moral compass isn't completely broken. 

I cross my heart and swear that I'm well mannered and pleasant person, but I just wanted to destroy some peoples faces today. My temperament has nothing to do with the lack of rest I've been getting lately. I woke up feeling fine and dandy but for some reason I kept crossing paths with immense assholes today. My fist was just begging me to let it break some noses. I felt as if I was doused with pheromones that attracted nothing but inconsiderate and rude bastards. Luckily, I can control myself when needed. 

I know I have to be up early. I know that it will be a tiring and draining day. Here I am though, wide awake and pissing away valuable hours of rest. I'll pay for this later.