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Shadowsphere

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Friends:
closetwhore

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... Not looking ...


I have removed all but one photo from my profile. Since I am not looking, there is no need to keep them up ... ----------------------------------------


Addition to profile:
Yes, I am a Dominant but I am also a romantic at heart. As my interest list suggests, as a Dominant, I desire all that D/s encompasses, but I also need the tenderness that a loving relationship provides.
Vanilla surrounds us and it's foolish to believe one can escape that fact by installing a set of rules and guidelines that isolates D/s from the vanilla aspect instead of blending the two together. Both lifestyles are distinct but obviously, they also have their grey areas where the differences between the two are not so clear. The "1950's Household" that some D/s relationships participate in is just one example of that grey area and how it blends D/s and vanilla together. It does not make obvious to others the fact that D/s is the main staple of the relationship and, it still provides both people in the relationship with the emotional food and mental stimulus they require to be content in their positions as Dominant and submissive.

---------------------------------------------

Hello ...

At this time, I wish to keep any D/s activities I and any potential partner experience relatively private, out of the public eye of those around us ...

I'm probably one of a hundred or more "Dominant" men trying to ignite your interest. So how do I separate myself from the rest?
Well, that may not be easy for some but everyone is unique so I will attempt to define in these few words, including My interest list, who I am and what it is I want/need.

Physical appearance holds a certain level of importance to Me as it does with many on here, both Dominants and submissives.

My concern is not only for myself but for the submissive/slave as well. My eyes and ears are always watchful and listening for the slightest signs of trouble, enjoyment etc.

I have been involved in the D/s lifestyle for a few years now, privately and in the local D/s bdsm community in Winnipeg and in Calgary. I prefer the more private aspects now ...

The ideal situation for me right now as it is for many I'm sure would be to exchange messages so that we may get to know each other, explore each others wants, needs and desires.

In the long term, I want some form of commitment from a submissive.
A commitment is something I have desired for what seems an eternity. I want/need someone who's wants, needs and desires come as close to complimenting mine as possible.

I need a relationship that is a near perfect blend of vanilla and D/s, with D/s being the mainstay of the relationship, well disguised from those that might not understand nor approve.

Call it a 24/7 if you wish and it might be just that. 24/7 does not have to mean living together, it can mean the D's relationship has it's place and time, depending on the submissive's home situation.
I believe something close to 24/7 can be achieved and that is what I will strive for but, there must be allowances given for normal life and when life may get in the way. Still, I believe D/s has it's place even then.

Thanks for your time ...

Shadow ...

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4/24/2016 7:10:49 PM
I'm not sure when it was you saw me that day but I do know where, because you told me in your message. I'm really happy you took the time.
You said a smile crossed your lips when you saw me, I smile I wish I could have seen that day but sadly, I was not aware of your presence.

Thank you for letting me know and, for still trusting me. You've told me things when we first knew each other, and just the other day when you messaged me, it's a trust I will not break ...

I wish you much happiness dear bunni ...

3/1/2015 8:19:10 PM
Almost four years now since you shed your earthly chains. I still miss you so much my sweet cherished girl.

How can it still feel like it was yesterday ...

7/15/2014 6:47:43 PM
Once again, my eyes look west towards Calgary, a trip I like to make at least twice a year. On this trip, I will have the company of my youngest of three boys.

Perhaps I'll meet up with some old friends ...

12/2/2013 7:31:26 PM

I miss you so much my very cherished and loved girl ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZwI5wXU1z4&list=FLrPpcSKIUlrmFMidy6s0s6w&index=41


11/28/2013 7:49:16 PM

 

I wish I could go home, to the fields and forests, to the creek under the bridge.

Home to where the villains hid, their fortresses buried in a thick of trees.

I wish I could go home, to where the empty can lay in the drive, kicked so many times.

To the neighbourhood where first friendships began, lost now but never forgotten.

I wish I could go home, to a childhood once lived, all was new and waiting to be explored.

A house long since torn down, the landscape long since changed,

Nothing remains the same. I wish I could go home.


7/6/2013 5:56:10 AM

Two years ago today, you left suddenly ...

I think of the loving and cherished friendship we had.

I think of the never ending bond I feel, and how that bond has affected other lives intertwined.

I think of that connection and how in time, it will bring us all together.

I think of what was, what could have been, and what will be.

I think of your message on the disc I only recently watched to the end.

I think of your revealing message and how someday, you hope we will all be one. You knew when I didn't.

I think of how fortunate I was to have the chance to know now, those cherished souls I have known in the past.

I think of how much I miss you still and always will, my dear cherished and very loved friend ...


myheartistaken: February 17, 1974 - July 6, 2011


7/2/2013 6:44:44 PM

The weather is hot and is going to stay that way for a few days. I am sooo glad I have access to a pool. Thursday, it`s `hit the pool day` ... WOOT


4/3/2013 6:46:24 AM

This morning while leaving Tim Hortons, I saw this "slightly overweight" woman yelling at her very young child because he couldn't open the car door. Seems she had to walk to the other side of the car and open it for him.

The fact that she felt yelling was necessary irritated me but I left it alone. As she came around to her side of the car however, she put on a big smile and spoke to me, telling me how much she loves My Challenger.

Since I was "slightly miffed" at her because of what I saw and heard, I smiled back immediately and responded. I told her what really makes it look great is that black spoiler in front, I call it a Cow Catcher. You wanna see how it works I asked?

Well folks, I found out she can count to at least 1 on her fingers ...


2/17/2013 4:59:17 AM

Happy Birthday my very beautiful and cherished friend, I miss you everyday ...

February 17, 1974 - July 6, 2011


2/8/2013 7:05:59 AM

Well, What does one do when he has two days off during the week? Maybe I'll kill a little time perusing peoples journals, perhaps find some that are unique, deep, meaningful and enlightening.

Then of course, I'll find some that will make me shake my head in disbelief.

Like the little entry below for instance, and I'll explain a little first. She, or who ever owns the profile has sexually explicit photos of a young woman on the profile. Those photos are clearly from the internet because I checked. This person then writes a journal entry.

"She" says: ok...wow! this is silly....1 day on this site and i have 172 messages...hmmm. anyone know what's up with that????

 Shakes head ...


1/22/2013 7:06:18 AM

Sleep is elusive on this cloudy night, so through the wet grass I stroll. The dampness clings and seeps into old worn seams.

With hands in pockets, my thoughts wonder to those important in my life, past and present. Most have gone now, some existing only in ancient memories and welcomed dreams.

At 3 a.m all is quiet, what light there is plays tricks with the mind. I walk the streets alone and in the distance, amber and reds paint the towers that are their hosts

Soon dawn will arrive, the moisture that pools on green leaves will dry. Soon, I must sleep, to once again dwell in the realm of my ghosts.

Written August 26, 2012. Edited and posted January 22, 2013

Shadow ...


12/16/2012 6:21:10 AM

Yes, I am a Dominant but I am also a romantic at heart. As my interest list suggests, as a Dominant, I desire all that D/s encompasses, but I also need the tenderness that a loving relationship provides.

Vanilla surrounds us and it's foolish to believe one can escape that fact by installing a set of rules and guidelines that isolates D/s from the vanilla aspect instead of blending the two together. Both lifestyles are distinct but obviously, they also have their grey areas where the differences between the two are not so clear. The "1950's Household" that some D/s relationships participate in is just one example of that grey area and how it blends D/s and vanilla together. It does not make obvious to others the fact that D/s is the main staple of the relationship and, it still provides both people in the relationship with the emotional food and mental stimulus they require to be content in their positions as Dominant and submissive ...


12/15/2012 4:11:51 AM

Sometimes. and it is rare on this site, someone comes along who is genuine. Someone who is willing to, and able to see through and lift the veil that surrounds someone's heart, it could be anyone's heart.
That person knows the veil does not mask, disguise or deceive. Like a large sheet of cloth covering a treasured piece in an old house, it merely protects.

 

Such is the heart of an old soul that has been hurt, it is sheltered yet, yearns to open up and explore once again. Who there, is willing to lift that veil and take a peak?


7/27/2012 6:41:18 PM

I thought it was about time I updated my photos so, one updated photo added ...


7/17/2012 9:16:08 PM

I was browsing journals this evening when I read one written by a submissive accusing another submissive of stealing one of the first submissive's photos and using it as her own cover photo.

Being the curious person I am and, knowing how to use "Google image", I decided to check out the complainant's own photos.

Seems a few of the photos she claims as owned by her and/or copy-write by her are plastered all over the internet on many many ... many porn sites ...

Bad girl, trying to get all your friends to gang up on someone when you're guilty of the same act you accuse someone else of committing ...

No spanking for you ...

Shadow ...


7/6/2012 5:24:05 AM

One year ago today, you shed the chains that bound you to this earthly existence. Never a day goes by that I do not think of you, that I do not miss you ...

Your memory will always have a place in my life. I will never forget you my dear cherished friend ...

I miss you ...


7/5/2012 8:30:27 PM

I have to ask, are there any men who respond to ads such as the one below and if so, what is going through your mind? The answer is, YES, there are plenty of men who reply seriously to these personal ads.

Are you that stupid and desperate to believe it's an actual personal ad by an actual submissive who yearns to be your total and complete slave?

Below is the personal I read, one of many on CM that reeks of "make me yours sucker and I'll take you for all you have"

Sex dometic slave seeking for new home

I know my place as a good slave and I am willing to serve with all my heart

I am just 25 and i am  new into this and i am ready to relocate as soon as possible

I do not have a Job but i can work and support Master

I seek a master that knows his place as a good Dom 

He will be able Own and use provide for my needs.

This is an English Canadian!? (laughs)

Guys smarten up! You make us all look bad! Use Google images to check the photo on the so called submissives profile. I bet if the profile reads anything like the one I exampled here, that photo will show up on at least half a dozen porn sites and. If so, that profile is made for one reason and that's to suck you out of whatever money you're willing to spend to "relocate them".

Just my thoughts folks ...


Shadow


6/10/2012 8:37:10 PM

The other day on this site, in a conversation I was having with a very lovely and intelligent lady, I was asked the question: How could I be searching for a submissive when I still think about the one I lost suddenly July of last year. Having already had a few exchanges with this girl, I knew she had lost two people she deeply cared for about 15 years ago so simply asked: Do you have moments when you shed a tear or two when thinking about your parents? She said yes, but it isn't the same.

Why isn't it the same?

How many on here are romantics at heart?, How many actually understand that although your finally ready to move on, you will never completely get over the loss of someone you cherished. How many on here really understand that no matter how much time passes by, no matter how many years go by, there will always be moments when a tear or two will run down your cheek while thinking about the love you shared with that person.

The pain will lessen with time, as it has with me, but the memories of someone you cherished will always be with you. Those memories will at times, reawaken the emotions felt so long ago ...

Just my thoughts ...

Shadow ...


6/1/2012 7:14:48 PM

After waiting many months, the time finally arrived. Thursday evening, My oldest son and I attended Roger Waters "The Wall" concert in Winnipeg. The Wall is not just a concert, it's a life event. Words cannot describe the incredible and powerful experience.

If you have the opportunity, go see it!


5/30/2012 8:54:31 PM

On Monday, I received a message from a local dominant. His message said he had a 26 year old submissive who has a virgin ass and, he was peddling her services. All I had to do was pay her and I could use her in anyway I wanted ...

Gotta tell ya, I thought about it for a very brief second. My very next thought was, prostitution is illegal, as is buying their services, as is pimping their services. Besides, no matter what the so called sexual benefits might be, I've never stooped that low as to pay to get laid ...

Yes, if you're selling yourself sexually, that's prostitution ...

Good luck with that folks ...

Shadow ...


5/22/2012 5:04:48 AM

It had been a long while since we actually talked. The passion and intensity that brought us together and, tore us apart years ago is long past. Knowing you still think of me as you do instills in me, a new confidence and pride I have not felt since July of last year. Thank you for that, it means a lot to me ...

I wish you well and hope you find what you seek ...


Shadow

 


5/20/2012 8:38:13 PM

And I still hold your hand in mine,      in mine when I'm asleep ...


5/15/2012 4:01:17 AM

It has to be the most lame, stupid, idiotic, moronic, brainless, dumb, irresponsible, unthinking act I ever witnessed in a parking lot.

Walking back to my car after shopping at Costco, across the large parking lot, I see someone unloading his shopping cart. He was about 5 parking stalls away from where my car is parked, with no cars between his truck and my car. After unloading his cart, he pushes the cart away from his truck, gets in, and drives off quickly.

As he drives away, the shopping cart he pushed gains speed while rolling down a slight slope towards my car. I could do nothing but watch as that rolling cart, which is the size of a small tank, impacted against the side of my car!

Two dents on the door, one dent on the back fender and scrapes along the paint as it scraped along the side of my new Challenger!!!


3/17/2012 4:33:34 AM

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY TO ALL

 

 

A special St. Patrick's Day wish to you my cherished friend. I miss you ...


2/20/2012 7:32:15 PM

Collarme needs a new category for submissives. "Lesbian male submissive" ...

OH WAIT, someone is actually using that one ...

To each their own I suppose ...


2/20/2012 8:36:41 AM

"The thickness of some peoples skulls is in direct proportion to the amount of grey matter that skull insulates"


Seems a waste really ...


2/19/2012 7:53:57 PM

This has been on my mind lately and I really feel the need to express my thoughts. I usually prefer to not get involved in the overall happenings on CM but I felt this needed saying ...

There has been a huge influx of "18 to 20" year old "women" on CM who call themselves Dommes. I put "18 to 20" and "women" in quotation marks because both are questionable.  I say questionable because of some journals that I've read suggest some of these "Dommes" are actually under the legal age of 18 and/or could possibly be men/boys or, they are 18 to 20 years old females but not Dommes, and are looking to cash in on quick and easy money ...

Now, most of these 18 to 20 year old Dommes are financial Dommes. Hmmm, what a surprize! They demand financial tribute, clothing items, gifts and/or gift cards etc from the plentiful amount of submissive men on CM, who wish to serve a female more superior to them

I've read several profiles where they are demanding some "low life piggy" or "which low life piggy" will pay for their tuition. Another demands that some "stupid worthless" male make her car payments, a 1999 GrandAm to be exact. The words in quotation marks are theirs, not mine ...

Some of these Dommes state they have no intention of camming with the "worthless men" that contact them, many say they will provide no further photos. Perhaps a simple photo of a card, a card held near their face so that their face is visible, a card that has their CM screen name on it would suffice?

Now, what I haven't seen for myself on profiles, I'm merely repeating what has been said in other journals and yes, some of those journals belong to male submissives who have been burnt by these "18 to 20" year old financial Dommes.

In some ways it's actually a good thing because reading their profiles does provide amusement and entertainment, not only for me but for others that see them for what they are ...


Just my thoughts and the thoughts of others ...


2/18/2012 6:10:03 AM

Well, it's my birthday and I'm wondering, what shall I do today?


2/10/2012 7:38:08 PM

After the initial mild shock, this experience brought a chuckle to my throat ...

Last night, someone took the time to write me, someone I had not heard from previously nor did I send a message first. It was an intelligent letter, one that came from someone who had an open and quizzical mind.

I replied respectfully and openly, commenting on all she had mentioned and asked about, including non bdsm subjects about Manitoba ...

Her reply was swift, short and "mean teacher" like in her written tone. Seems I cannot spell properly!

I wasn't using proper English and couldn't spell simple words like color, center, behavior and more. Just a dumb country hick Canadian who, because I didn't spell properly, shouldn't even be on Collarme ...

I'll not bother writing her back, advising her that she may need a valuable lesson in North American spelling education.

I'm from Canada, we do spell some words slightly different than our friends in the States.

Some of those words are "colour", "centre", "behaviour" and more. When going through the alphabet. we even pronounce the "Z" differently. Well, most of us do.

The history behind the different spellings is irrelevant. I don't even  agree with a few of them and with some, I will use the American spelling once and awhile, "just because" ...

So, before you get your panties in a knot over someones spelling, perhaps it's a good idea to make sure what they have written has actually made a mockery of the English language ...


1/6/2012 4:53:55 AM

Unbelievable! At 2:20am January 6th in Winnipeg Manitoba, it was raining. Incredible ...


12/24/2011 2:11:54 PM

This is a wonderful song by Sarah Mclachlan Called Winter Song. It is how I feel this Christmas ...

The lake is frozen over

The trees are white with snow
And all around
Reminders of you
Are everywhere I go

It's late and morning's in no hurry
But sleep won't set me free
I lie awake and try to recall
How your body felt beside me
When silence gets too hard to handle
And the night too long

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by

Oh I miss you now, my love
Merry Christmas, merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas, my love

Sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Up at the tree and I see
Your star up there

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by


12/18/2011 8:24:23 PM

Tonight as I walked, the snow gently drifted down from the heavens. With each snow flake that melted once they caressed my face, I was reminded of you. So beautiful and unique yet, gone far to soon ...

Never did I think I would miss someone as much as I miss you ...


12/16/2011 4:48:40 AM

Everything I have written in my journals have been my own words, my own thoughts. Only the words below have been borrowed. They express the turmoil and yes, my feelings in knowing that I must move ahead with my life.

Yet, I know she will always be with me, in my heart ...

It is a lovely song ...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes there's a time you must say goodbye
Though it hurts you must learn to try
I know I've got to let you go
But I know anywhere you go
You'll never be far
'Coz like the light of a bright star
You'll keep shining in my life
You're gonna be right here in my heart
That's where you'll be
You'll be with me
Here in my heart
No distance can keep us apart
Long as you're here in my heart

 


12/3/2011 5:33:42 PM

Just a dream I had but oh, what a lovely dream. Spring has come and I once again walk along the trail we both loved.

 

It’s finally spring, and poking through the needle covered forest floor on each side of the trail, are thousands of daisies and tiger lillies. These flowers were your favorite.

The many birds sing their songs while their babies are nestled high in the branches. There are chickadees everywhere. You have said, what a lovely song they sing.

Looking towards the ground, I see new saplings. They will grow as big as those already here, for I have seen them grow with me as I walk through my younger years.


You are here, I feel you all around me as I stroll slowly along the path, is that your hand I feel slip into mine?

Your wish has provided the essence of life for all these living things. You are a part of all that lives there now. Some day, I will be there with you, and together, we will nurture all that grows there, as you do now ...

 

Miss you ...


11/27/2011 5:11:29 AM

 

How do I begin to say what I want to say and when I say it, am I asking you? Am I attempting to rid myself of the guilt I might feel when I decide? Will I be dishonoring your memory or maybe, disrespecting the relationship we had?

Perhaps you guide my fingers even now, smiling as you let me know, it's ok, you understand.

You were the best friend I have ever had and I loved you so much. Others we both knew have told me you would want me to move on and I believe that, they have said you told them so, and I have seen the letters you wrote them, letters that are filled with words of love for me.

When you moved, you encouraged me to find another, even though your love for me was strong in heart. Our friendship was a rare one, full of love, caring and a special kindness, all unequaled. The wonderful gift you gave me after your passing tells me and others, how thoughtful, caring and loving you were, I thank you for that. If I had a choice, I would rather have you in my life.

In my thoughts and in my dreams, I have thanked you many times for coming into my life and for finding me when you did, for without your help and kindness, I might have died. You gave of yourself unselfishly as a friend, only to fall in love with me, as I did with you.

So now, my cherished and very loved friend, please understand. I do not mean to dishonor your memory, or the exceptionally wonderful relationship we had when I say, there will come a time when I will decide to move on, just like you wanted me to do. I don't know when, for one never really knows when someone will come into their lives, or who that someone will be.

Yes, I know you understand, thank you ... xxxxxxx

I miss you, you will forever be in my heart, your memory will always have a place in my life. I will never forget you dear friend ...

 

myheartistaken: February 17, 1974 - July 6, 2011

 


11/17/2011 7:43:38 PM

May 31st, 2012, I'll be going to a concert I never really thought I would ever see in my lifetime, a concert that many thought would never be resurrected again due to the passage of time.

"The Wall", brought back to life and glory by Roger Waters, a founding member of Pink Floyd, is not merely a concert, It's an epic production, created by a man who's imagination was far greater than the technologies of the time in the 1970's.

I have been a Pink Floyd fan for many years, This concert will be an experience.

My only wish, is that I could share it with her ...

I miss you ...


10/29/2011 10:16:11 PM

Tonight I went to the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation "Night of Miracles" at the Convention Center. Ace Burpee, the Master of Ceremonies was brilliant and very entertaining. He sure got those people bidding on the items that were donated. One pair of Winnipeg Jets tickets for the Montreal game went for about $1,050. ~hope I got that number right~

Had some good people and a good friend sitting at the table with me ...

Thank you, it was great getting out again ...


10/29/2011 10:09:54 AM

A thoughtful friend on CM sent this to me, It's a poem by David Harkins.

Thank you Elena ...

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want, smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

Perhaps it's time ...


10/27/2011 7:12:00 PM

Not willing to escape the darkness, I live in a world devoid of light, her cherished light. For now I feel it is where I belong, while I search for answers as to what I really want and, do I really need?

It has been months and the pain has not subsided. I miss you so much my lovely and cherished friend ...


10/22/2011 7:58:27 PM


 

It was October of last year when we last walked the trail together, a place we visited many times before. It's a place you loved, saying it was so beautiful, so incredibly peaceful. We sat among the trees that heralded my love of nature for as a child and up, I witnessed their growth, as they witnessed mine.  Now, those same trees bare witness to my grief, for my heart is filled with a tremendous sorrow.

 

This time, as I slowly walked the trail we both loved, it was your ashes in my fingers, not your hand. With each raise of my arm, you were free to drift with the wind, allowing your spirit, your essence to play among the trees and fly over the water. Where you settle, new life will take hold I know.

 

With each new sapling, with each new flower, I will feel your presence when I visit there, perhaps needing some peace of my own.

 

There's a place that holds a special place in my life and now, it means so much more to me now, for you will always be there ...

 

To my cherished and very loved friend, I miss you ...

 


9/27/2011 8:37:25 PM

As I listen to people telling of how immortality of their physical self would make life so much better, I ask myself, why would they want to be immortal? Is it because they would be free from their inevitable demise and the mysteries that death holds for them? Perhaps they dream of seeing the future as it unfolds right in front of them?

I don’t fear death, I know what awaits me and no, I’m not pushing religion, or any denomination that I am aware of. My personal faith, beliefs and experiences bring to me, an acceptance that we are physically reborn, if you want a name for it, call it reincarnation. A different body, same spirit, or if you wish, same soul.

Do we have soulmates, maybe more than one? Is there someone on this world that we connect with spiritually and emotionally in some way without ever knowing or meeting them?  Perhaps we dream of them, we feel them but cannot place those feelings or understand why we have them.

I believe we all have at least one soulmate. There may be others that we have a deep emotional and spiritual connection with during our journey through the ages. Perhaps because of some horrific event that has stamped it’s terrifying and memorable mark on our soul.

When one lays awake during the night, unable to sleep. When, months later, one can think of no one else but the one he has lost. When one’s heart cries out endlessly, thinking of the one who loved him, the one who cared for him when he was very sick and unable to function. When one thinks of her and how she gave of herself unselfishly, helping him end the nightmarish dream that was his past life. When one thinks of how much she loved him, even as cherished friends, that she thought of herself as taken and refused others.
When one thinks of a time when they will once again share their lives with each other.

When one experiences all these and more, one knows he has lost more than a cherished friend, he has lost his soulmate …

I do not fear death. It may be years away but when it is near, I will embrace it, for she will be waiting, searching for her soulmate and somehow, we will find each other once again …

 


9/21/2011 8:45:10 PM

Simply put, it's only a box, but it's contents are very precious. Soon, when the leaves are their most beautiful, she will forever be where she wished to be, in an area she once described as the most peaceful place she had ever visited.

Soon, I have a journey to make, to a place of meditation, a place of beauty and solitude. A place that will forever hold even more meaning to me now ...


9/2/2011 3:14:50 PM

myheartistaken: February 17, 1974 - July 6, 2011

What began with what seemed a quickly won battle when a benign tumor was removed, ended with the loss of your precious life weeks later, when an undiscovered cerebral aneurysm ruptured.

The loss I feel has no end and my heart cries out with each tear shed, there have been many such tears.

You meant so much to me, were so many things to me but mostly, you were my cherished friend. You were always there for me when I needed you, how do I live without you now?

You gave of yourself unselfishly when I was sick and you took care of me, comforted me. It was during this time, the seed was planted and our love for each other began it's life in both our hearts. Our lives intertwined once again and we became one.

Because of your career, you eventually moved to Toronto. You listened when I spoke and took my advice, relocating was something we both knew was the right thing to do.

The decision was ours to make and because of your now very busy life, we both thought it best to go our own way and remain the closest of friends and we were that, and more.

My sweet girl, long after we decided our friendship was what we would hold on to, you told others you had no desire to look for another, that you were happy and content with what I had given you and I guess, I somehow still gave you.

When told that by one of our friends, I had and will have for a long time to come, so many emotions that well up inside of me.

My sweet girl, you are not here to read this but if you are, if you are watching over me, trying to comfort me as I cry, know that I loved you. Know that my heart is breaking because you are no longer in my life and I don't know how I will live without your loving friendship. It was more than just an ordinary friendship, we were more than just friends.

Thank you my sweet girl for all you gave me and continue to give because now, I have our memories and they grow richer with each thought ...


8/31/2011 8:30:36 PM

How many days must it be before my eyes are no longer red,

how does one move on when the person they lost was life's very essence.

sigh, just can't write anymore right now


7/19/2011 4:17:30 PM

Two weeks have passed since the curtain was drawn, those weeks seem like years. No longer do I see your sunlight, only thoughtful reflections of what was our cherished friendship.

I feel abandon yet you have not done so, I see your face in the clouds. Are you watching over me?

It has rained everyday but do others notice? It matters not, every drop is filled with thoughts of you ...


7/6/2011 6:05:54 PM

A very close and cherished friend of mine has passed away from complications after surgery.

I am not continuing my search because to be honest, I just haven't got it in me right now. That search was senseless anyway ...

Thank you to all those friends on here that I have been chatting with, I will continue those exchanges, just not sure when I will respond so please have patience ...

Shadow ...


4/22/2009 3:55:19 AM
I'll start off My first journal on here by talking about adding people to your friends list and such.  I am an individual, I don't want to become one of many on someones list. I dislike the mentality of putting someone on your list "just because" it can be done.  If you feel you want or need to remember Me, message Me first, we'll chat and then perhaps, put me down as a friend. :)
The fact is, I hope not to be on here long enough to make dozens of friends. Friends anywhere is a wonderful thing but I want to spend My time with someone realtime so will devote the time on here for that reason mainly, searching ...

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SSBBWBitch
 
 Age: 27
 Raleigh, North Carolina