I have started to really think about what i like and don't like. i still feel unsure of what it is that i am looking for but was looking into what i know from experience that i like.
I always wanted someone to put me up against a wall choke me a little tell me how to stand and what to do and get fucked hard. i finally found a ex to do it a few years back and i felt it lacking not sure if it was due to the fact that he said he wasn't into it but would try for me or if he just wasn't the right one. But this is one thing i would like to try again with someone who likes this and experiment and see if this is the road i want to travel down.
As far back as i can remember when i was a child and we played cops and robbers or any variation like this i always wanted to be the one that got captured or tied up which i believe is a hint to me at least subconsciously that its something i will like still today. hey i may be wrong but there is only one way to find out.
On the other side some of my friends are just pussy's ( they have no balls) for a lack of better way of putting it. i have always enjoyed making them give me massages (which i love getting) and doing things for me like hard labor, helping me shop, cleaning, etc.. it always made me happy when they listened. my one friend in particular i would hit and degrade to make him do what i wanted if he failed to listen. and when i came home later and thought back on it i enjoyed the power i felt i had over him. i don't know what that makes me. sometimes i felt i was a bully but i know he liked the abuse so i stopped feeling that way and decided that it was my duty to have the type of abuse with him to get what i wanted from him. about a year ago it stopped between us i just lost the interest in him not sure why though. so i don't know what to think of where i stand in this lifestyle.
I felt that i should write this journal entry to give a little more incite into my mind and thoughts so if someone wants to message me they know where i stand on knowledge and how to help me develop where i am in this lifestyle.
This is why i put myself as a switch because i believe that i could easily go both ways but who knows i could be wrong but only one way to find out and that is to try new things and see what i like.
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