In the past, I was very skeptical about these types of relationships and believed that they could not exist. So in the past, if there was ever a time I cybered or watched a person's webcam, it was purely just to get off and never to speak to the person again... But something has begun to happen.

On one of my jaunts through a webcam chatroom, I happened to bump into this person and we started talking. I certainly did not go into this chatroom expecting anything serious to come out of it and I don't think he did either. I think we were both expecting a five minute experience and then a never-again-experience. But that's not what happened. Instead, here we are almost a week later, and we just keep having this experience. And it seems to be getting more and more deep, with more complex "scenes".

And I can't stop thinking about wanting to find out how seriously we're planning on taking this? I fantasize that this will now become a life long thing and one day we will meet face-to-face and live happily ever after, and I feel embarrassed to say that... I realistically think that one day, one of us will just stop showing up online... And I guess, my question is:

How do I broach talking about how seriously we'd both like to take this experience between us? Is it too early for that kind of discussion? Any words of advice are greatly appreciated!

So, I know it's been awhile since I wrote. It took me some time to come to terms with my first munch experience. Though the good news out of the experience (that's right, I'm starting with the good news - since when do I do that?!?!?), is that now I'm even more determined to put myself out there. B.U.D's munch is definetely being attended. The kids are going with their Dad to a family barbecue for Canada Day that day, and I still get to celebrate with them afterwards down at the Ponds, so it's all gonna work out great!!

So about my first munch experience. The boyfriend and I were all ready to go, drove down there and the nerves were outrageous. I was shaking and sweating and felt like I was going to pass out. We parked at Safeway and walked over to the Lodge. I had never personally been there, so I had no idea where we were going.

Finally got to the lounge, and there was one lady sitting at a four person table. I thought, surely she wasn't here for a munch. If she was, she'd sit at the six person table or have a grouping of tables. The boyfriend and I took a seat at a two person table, hoping that people would show up and it would then be a comfortable enough setting to walk over and introduce ourselves.

After ordering our food, we asked the waitress if she knew of the munch happening and she said she didn't know. A couple people came in and sat with the lady, but there was no way to know for sure if it was the munch. For all we knew, it was just some people from the nearby apartment building having lunch together.

After eating our food, a few more people joined the ladies table. I, of course, being a newbie and a total chicken shit, wasn't about to walk over to this group of individuals minding their own business and all of them looking like best friends who weren't looking for new friends, and ask them if they were actually the munch. After about an hour there, we decided it would be better to leave, feeling mighty defeated.

So there you have it. The munch didn't happen for me because I didn't just get up and walk over and ask a simple question. It would have been better if there was some way to tell that it was a munch and not a group of friends having lunch in a situation where more friends weren't invited. Sitting at a larger table would've also helped, instead of a small table in the corner of the lounge. When you're new and you don't know where to go, that can be misleading.

Again, the good news is, I'm oober excited about going to the B.U.D munch. I've chatted with BUD as well as a few other attendees of his munches, and they've seen my pictures and I've seen theirs and I feel like it'll be more comfortable. Almost like I'm not a newbie, but alot like I'm a newbie. I just hope that it's welcoming and comfortable. If I have another experience (where I have this expectation of what a munch is due to resources on the internet, and then the expectation is crushed) I think I just won't go to another munch. Maybe that's not the direction I need to get something out of BDSM, being that I don't get anything in my vanilla relationship!

On another note, I was looking around the internet the other day. Now as alot of people know, my interest in sexuality is rather high. Not in having sex (I took a sexual addiction assesment test, and I am proud to say that I do not meet the criteria for a sexual addiction smiles), just in studying or researching or exploring sexuality and sexual behaviours, etc. And some of you also know that I have a bit of an entrepreneurial spirit and hope to eventually run my own business.

Since I first got pregnant with my first child, it has been a consideration of my to run my own business from home. And one of the easiest ways to do that for stay-at-home Mom's according to my Mompreneurs book, is Network Marketing, or Direct Sales or whichever word you want to use. That got me thinking about companies like Avon or Mary Kay. But then I remembered reading about Passion Parties a couple years back and decided to check out all the information that I could find about this particular company and some of it's competitors, such as For Your Pleasure.

I have become extremely interested in the idea of becoming a Passion Parties consultant, and did some research on it locally. I've left my contact information with my nearest consultant and hope to hear more about this opportunity. They offer a rather low commisssion rate, and I would have to recruit other consultants to make the most amount of money possible. But, I would get to learn more about sexuality, promote sexual health, sell sexual products and earn money doing it, which could eventually pay for a house or schooling in Sexual Therapy or Sexology, which I would love to get into.

I'm worried about my outside interaction with this particular opportunity. I've been a stay-at-home Mom who kind of relies on my hermitism (don't know if that's a word, but my desire to rather stay in my house than leave it). I don't know a whole heck of alot of people, so finding people to host parties with or finding recruits would take alot of extra work. But I think, just like with any other business, marketing would be were my focus would have to lie, marketing and networking. Which on a professional level, I think I could handle. Something I'm considering, if you have any input, I would love to hear from you. You can message me on here or send a message to valerie.rayne@yahoo.ca.

Relationship-wise, things are going really good for the Boyfriend and I. I'm still massively lacking in exposure to BDSM, and he's being a tease about it most of the time. Joking around about how he's been a bad boy, or after I'm done being pregnant, I have to be his slave for a month. I think that he hasn't really gotten to the point of realizing that this is more than just like a phase in my life, or an interest that will pass with time. Maybe one day...

Well that's all for now....