Absolutly addicted to anything Survival. I watch Dave and Cody in Dual Survival

all the time. I just cant get enough! I have learned so much I WILL be able to survive.

All I need to do now is learn more about how to gut animals and more about plants and bug life. ALso more about snakes the poison ones. I need to learn how to rock climb and how to repel. I need to learn about the tools needed to do this and how to make (make shift) items to copy in survival situations. I am learning alot it is very intriging and gives me lots to look forward to. How impressive Dave is amazing he can make weapons out of the jungle or sticks. He is not scared! He killed a freakin alligator by his self. Awwwwh

and Cody was so upset Dave could have been hurt. Yeah right My money was on Dave the whole time. Cody is just another tool for Dave hehe evil grin. He is a master at fire and minimal housing. I have just one thing to say to Cody put on some freakin shoes BOY. I aplaude Dave for his patience!!!! I love DAVE! I looked him up on FB and he is married

:( dam. Too bad for me. Boy oh boy could a girl have fun with a guy like that.

Everyday would be an adventure. Where can I find a man like that?  

I have also watched almost every episode of I shouldnt be alive which was also very informative....learning from others mistakes. You will never know when you will need this knowledge but it is better to have it than not same as a gun.

The real purpose of life is just to be happy—to enjoy your life. To get to a place where you're not always trying to get someplace else. So many people spend their lives striving, trying to be someplace that they're not, they never get to arrive."

Dancing around my office

BLISS I feel blissfully happy and content :)

happiness is not a real thing in that it’s only a temporary state of mind experienced after the pain ceases.

Human life hugely comprises of desires and expectations. These are all pains. Psychological ones. When a desire or an expectation is fulfilled the pain comes to an end, and the state of mind temporarily experienced then is called happiness. Happiness is not real in that it’s always transitory. After a while it would fade away and another pain would start. This cycle of happiness and pain goes on endlessly in most peoples’ lives.

If you are a truth-seeker then it’s imperative to understand that happiness is not a thing to pursue. Happiness actually suggests a disorder in you. If you are feeling happiness then that means things are not quite right with you; you are still prone to miseries; because happiness can not exist in absence of pain. If there’s never a pain in your life you can not feel happiness.

Absence of pain is not happiness, but contentment. The way to free yourself from miseries is contentment. In contentment there’s neither happiness nor pain. This state can also be called “perfect happiness” or bliss. But I prefer to call it contentment. Contentment lies in the state of neutrality which is right between the states of happiness and pain; and that’s what your mind seeks. Consider happiness and pain as extremes. Both are useless, unnecessary. That happiness is an important thing is your false perception.

You must have noticed that when you desire something there begins in your mind some unrest which continues until you have got the thing. This unrest is psychological pain. When you get the thing the pain comes to an end and what is then felt is happiness. But how long does it last? Not for long time; because that’s not the mind’s nature. In some time your mind again slips into the state of neutrality – wherein you can choose to find contentment. But what you do instead is give way to another pain and so the cycle continues.

When I say happiness suggests a disorder do not feel startled. Let me rephrase it. HAPPINESS IS A DISORDER. Now you can surely feel startled! Let me explain it. Happiness is a disorder in that it is never separate from pain. It’s a plant which grows from pain and produces fruits of pain. Happiness is something which would never let you transcend pain. Thus, in order go beyond pain you first need to understand the futility of happiness. When you transcend happiness you would automatically be free of pain.

Consider these instances –

You feel happy when you find a great job.

You feel happy when you win a competition.

You feel happy when you graduate.

There can be countless other things that may make you happy. Now let me tell you these are, in fact, incomplete sentences. Read the complete sentences which might give you some insight.

You feel happy when you find a new job – because now your life standard will improve and you will be able to do things which so far you only wished you could.

You feel happy when you win a competition – because now you will earn respect and people will look up to you and remember you as a winner for the time to come.

You feel happy when you graduate – because that has opened the doors to further goals and now you are geared up to pursue your higher dreams.

Do you realize something now?

When you win a lottery you feel happiness. You think you are happy because you won the lottery. No. This happiness is not because of what just happened, but because of what will now follow. You won a lottery; now you will buy things, and fulfill long cherished wishes and desires. The thought of it is precisely what’s making you happy.

Your pursuit of happiness is like a journey which never ends. First you chase some point as destination. Then as soon as you have got to that point you look up to another distant point as destination. Yes, you are happy upon reaching each milestone, but that happiness is not quite because you reached there, but because you now see yourself closer to the next point. As soon as one chase finishes, new one begins. As soon as one pain converts into happiness another pain is given way to. The problem is this: Happiness is always linked with the future.

You are happy not because you got something today, but because of the thought of what you will do (or what will happen) tomorrow with what you have just got. What if you can’t do that tomorrow? What if it doesn’t happen tomorrow?

What is called “perfect happiness” or bliss in spiritual terminology is nothing but contentment. Being happy with what you have today, because you have it, not because of what you will be doing with it tomorrow. The moment you expect something from tomorrow the unrest has started in your mind. Then as long as it is not done the unrest remains. The pain is there. And if you fail to do it, then it gets worse!

Some people say they don’t want lasting happiness. They have accepted life as a continuous cycle of happiness and pain. They would even argue with you saying pain is important in life because without it they wouldn’t feel happiness. Do not listen to them. They are weak-minded and cowardly hypocrites. Ask them, if they are so convinced that life is a cycle of happiness and pain, and that pain is necessary, then why on earth they are always striving to keep as much away from pain as it’s in their power. Why do they cry in sorrow? Why do they grieve over it when they lose a friend, or get depressed upon losing love?

In truth, everyone wants lasting happiness. What most people don’t know is that happiness can not be lasting. There’s no such thing as “lasting happiness”. The thing which is closest to the idea of lasting happiness is contentment, which I also call "perfect happiness".

How to attain perfect happiness or contentment? To attain contentment in life you must give up each and every type of expectation and all your desires. You will say how’s that possible in this world. It is possible. All it needs is practice and conscious perseverance. Live in Today. What you have today is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Stop counting on friends and relations. There’s no place for attachment of any kind. Don’t even expect things from God. Yes, make friends and relations, make plans, dream; but take it as if the life is a game and all this is a part of the play. Do not forget the reality, that friends, relations, even God are all fictitious. No one in the world is here to make your life better. You are your own shepherd. Then even if you lose in the game you will be content to have played the game. There’s no place for pain; and thus, no question of happiness.

Contentment alone is bliss. The choice is yours.

Every once in a while, I like to revisit the subject of lazy communication

because I hear and read about so many people making excuses for why they’re reliant on texting (or emailing/instant messenger/Facebook) instead of picking up the phone and having face-to-face interaction. If I’m to believe everyone that engages in lazy or should I say crumb communication, they (or the people they’re getting it from) are The Busiest People in the Universe.  

Now while the telephone has undergone many transformations since it was originally invented in 1876 and we no longer have to go through a convoluted operator process or use a rotary dial (well unless you have one of those very cool ‘retro’ phones) plus you can ‘carry’ them with you wherever you go, in essence, the telephone is still the telephone. After face-to-face communication, it’s still a great and next best form of connected contact with another person.

Now just in case anyone has any doubts as to the ease of making a call, you pick up your phone, either key in your number, navigate to your phonebook and search for the name, select from recently dialled numbers, or even from your favourites. You then press on the green button with a telephone on it, it rings, the other person picks up and says hello, you respond, and hey presto you’ve made a telephone call and you have the beginnings of a conversation. This could all happen in about 5-30 seconds unless you’re really labouring over it. It may come as surprise to some of you but your phone (and theirs) has a call function on it.

Millions, in fact billions of people are still making calls every day, so why are we making so many excuses for the commitment dodging, intimacy afraid, no telephone call making, text messaging lovers of this world?

How have so many people managed to convince themselves that there’s a revolution in communication taking place that means that you can actually believe you’re in a relationship with someone who lives in the same postcode/area code as you and slips you dinner, drinks, and a shag periodically but they rarely, if ever pick up the phone? Yes really. I’ve heard from far too many readers that are struggling to get over someone that they were with for anything from a few weeks to several years who they only spoke with on the phone occasionally. What the what now?

Text messages are for quick, no frills communications and greetings that sandwich around actual calls and face-to-face.

I’m thinking reminders to get milk, letting one another know that you’re on the way, you’re running five minutes late, that you’re home, that you had a great time, that you tried to call and to call you back when you’re free, you’re going into a meeting but looking forward to catching up later, goodnight, good morning and yes, even the odd dirty text if that’s what floats your boat.

They are quite frankly a crap substitute for human interaction where you see facial expression, body language, tone etc. If you’re happy with text messages it’s like saying “I’m a teenager with hardly any minutes on my phone” or “I like crumbs of pseudo attention”. Text messages should be your minority form of communication – if it’s the majority, you can be assured that there are other signs that all is not well

.

Now some of you may think I’m harsh because you’ve either been 1) making copious excuses for why someone only texts you and won’t pick up the damn phone or is only texting when they want a shag/ego stroke/shoulder to lean on/money etc or 2) because you’ve convinced yourself that you are busier than everyone else and too busy to make phone calls.

The truth is, they’re just not that special

and you’re not that busy. Really. Whether you’re making excuses for them or you, it’s time to ask yourself how you ever really expect to have a relationship that can grow?

If you’re too busy to pick up the phone, you’re too busy for a relationship. As in a real, healthy, connected, intimate, mutually fulfilling relationship with all the landmarks

.

You like it surface. If you’re the one who loves the texting, you’re trying to have it on your terms and put out a little to get a lot

. If you’re the one that’s being managed by text, you’re getting sold on words while building a sandcastle in the sky. This is a fantasy.

It actually often takes more time to write a text than it does to make a phone call. I’ve often found myself rereading, shortening etc and that’s just with friends! Romantic relationships involve analysing their texts and analysing and rewriting your own responses. Do I sound too desperate?Do I sound too excitable?

Ever been stuck in a long drawn out ping pong of texts/emails/IM? Jaysus! A phone call would have done and dusted the conversation in minutes!

Texting is too ambiguous, non committal, and yes, sometimes a tad juvenile. It is the mainstay of the unavailables of this world – beware! Distant communication from people that like to be emotionally distant.

How to deal with lazy communication? Be up front – “I’m not a texting person so it’s best to catch me on this number during the day and this number in the evening” or when they send that first text, reply and add “OK and give me a call later and we can catch up then”. If they text and you don’t respond, they then know why – because you said to call or you said that you’re not a texting person. You can also call them when they text.

In olden times, which is barely a decade ago, people picked up the phone to make a first date and beyond. One word: E.F.F.O.R.T. You are not textforbooty.com or textalastminutedate.com or instantegostroketextservice.com or even moneyinminutesbytext.com.

Start as you mean to go on – don’t let your relationship be managed by text because you’ll end up all on their distant and very shady terms and there is no point trying to close the door after the horse has bolted as you’ve already shown you’re OK with crumb communications.

If they refuse to call, don’t try to waste your time teaching them – they haven’t just come out of the womb into 2011. They’re saying “I don’t have time to call you for even one minute but I have time to tap out some piddling text”. Buh-bye.

When someone wants to call, they call.

Some will chance their arm because they’re used to getting away with it in other relationships – they don’t with you - You’re not that woman or that guy which means they have to step or, or ship the hell out. It’s up to you to uphold your standards

and not pander to standards that they’re used to from others who may have less.

You want a relationship, not a permanent date or repetitive strain injury from tippy tapping all the time. You want to be able to pick up the phone, to get a call, to not be waiting around and to feel like your contact is building and of course, hear their voice. Always remember: crumb communications equals crumbs of attentions equals you being left ‘hungry’ in the relationship. Go and get ‘fed’ by someone that wants to engage with you.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Give up the past.  I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

I feel sorry that she is doing this to him, but he has to learn the hard way.  He doesnt listen to me at all and now I know why. It is even easier now that its even more clear to me how he feels its obvious. He tried to speak to me but not really. He came to the point after only 2 sentences. All he wanted was to have sex and use me. Its a natural thing to want sex. But I thought we had something more significantly special. I never thought he was in love with her more than myself. I thought he wanted a poly house and the love would be spread evenly....boy oh boy who was I kidding. Myself I was in denial and being mis lead by words that meant nothing. In the end ....when he finds out what she is really doing and comes to the realization that what he thought they had is also a lie. That is the day I would pay to be a fly on the wall. I know it will be a bad day for him cuz I have been there. Its so bad to find out that the one you loved didnt love you back the same way. While she is busy getting revenge on him he is waisting his life away waiting for her to fullfill promises she wont keep. What makes him think she is an honorable person?? The part where she lies and steals. Remember love is blind and I have been there and even if its right in front of your face sometimes you have to hear the words. I never believed untill I heard him say it....I keep the message he left to remind me.  He said it agian this time when contacting me he said we want a poly house. I almost fell out of my chair. She called me in the end and another reason I wont see him or her. She explained he will no longer be allowed to participate in the lifestyle she was in charge now and he was off the market and that I was to back off. She called me desperate and was very matter of fact. So while she cuts him off from all the people that care about him, he lets her do it so what can you do to help somebody that dont think they need help. He will realize one day that he gave up the real deal for an unkept promise.  You live and learn.

OMG I am so tired I could fall asleep right here at my desk zzzzzzzzzzz. Not enough time in a day. I miss the kinky people here, but have no time for this. I have a fulltime job and a teenager (need I say more ) lol. Creating of my business, patent attornies, search of engineers, looking at web designs, web hosting, Domains, endless contracts, and never ending calls....seems there is no time for me. Sometimes I leave for lunch and sit by the lake dodging the alligators lol, for some me and God time. Thinking and reflecting feels so good. Most of the time everyone just seems to want or need something from me. Wish I had somebody I needed something from. Its just me and you God. I thank you for all the goodness you are showering me with.

I love you and really cant wait to come to you.

What cures a broken heart ....as  Tom Hanks said in Sleepless in Seattle WORK WORK WORK work will save you. I believe him and it is saving me too. Of course getting out of this town will be most benificial. That way every movie theatre you go to, or every resturaunt you go to. you wont be having to deal with the memories that you wish to forget. I never again  want to think of him whispering in my ear as he pulled my hair back

(You will always be mine forever) to find out in the end he never wanted me or the poly house.  

Not much time on my hands for answering all these emails.....so sorry. I will be free soon , maybe in about 3 months or so when I am flying all over the states selling my new idea that is being pantented now. Dam takes so long hate the waiting, but so much more to do. It is so exciting to get the idea be told by important people yeahhhhhh perfect ( Wish I would have thought of that). So happy now I can see my future and it looks bright down there at the end of that tunnel. I will make so much money, its difficult to think this big.

I am to speak little bout this until patent is done. Tons of research being done websites , domains, web hosting, marketing material for on site sales, and working fulltime so needless to say I have NO TIME. After patent is secured. Then I can create my first machine that will be molded .......my my the fun begins. After my first is molded, made installed and running then I will begin my sales efforts to the rest of the apartment communities around the world .....and they all need it!!!!!!! I am being so blessed by God and Karma for the loss I have incured in my heart. Although I will never love like that again I have a bright financially secure future. The only questions will be where will we vacation this year and how many can we stick in our schedule .....most will be tax deductable for work OMG to get paid to travel WONDERFUL It will be exilerating.  

Sorry for the loss that  Whitney Houstons Family is having to go thru ...truley is a great loss, she was a great person and the voice of an angel. RIP Mrs, Houston.

To ADELE congrats on your award......you have a fantastic voice and a big heart. 

You will gain much for your loss. Waiting for some up lifting music next!!!

Happy Sweet 16 to my little angel.

Happy kinky valentines to all you kinksters.

I hope most everyone has beautiful plans for the people they love and cherish. Cherish what  you have together. 16 years ago to this date I lost my husband and my daughter lost her father 4 days before her 1st birthday. Needless to say its a rough day to get through every year for us. Today is the day to show your love to everyone in  your life that is loyal and loving to you. Give romantic cards, candies,  flowers, make nice dinners for him, wear something sexy for him and relish the warmth in your heart when he looks you in the eyes, as nothing lasts forever. Dance put on some songs from Twilight sound track dance in your living room look in his eyes and see and feel the love.

As I look around and see all the wonderful things happening for all the lovers on this romantic holiday. Tears flow with joy for them. We miss you. RIP my love. I have loved you for a 1000 years and will love you for a 1000 more. twilight wedding song.

Happy bloody valentines

Is everybody ready for some FOOTBALL!! Whohooooo put your jersey's on .....

Going to be a blast ...kinky football party :) hmmmm suddenly intertesting.

Love all the naked bodies runnin around eye candy.

Sade : Love is stronger than pride! Wow I must not love him anymore :) RIP

I'm an enigma, a concept that only exists becuz you created me. 

If you dont like me, will I go away? I think not. 

When you go to sleep do I disappear from exsistence, I think not. 

Will you ever be totally rid of me ? I think not. 

I am your psyche, I will never go away! 

The fact that you like to dislike me, makes me even happier.  

Timing is everything !!!!!

I have finally learned. Actions speak louder than words. Love is a verb, by definition conveys an action. When somebody loves another, you see it in their daily actions towards the one they love. Love is not just sweet words. Words are empty. Action is what brings meaning to the words previously spoken. To actually do that which shows love, to take the time, put fourth the energy, and show your love through the course of doing an action. That is love.  

Better days ................HEAT it is so nice to have heat in your vehicle. The simple things are what I seem to be noticing. I have been warm coming and going to work these days.

New job last year which lead to a new automobile. The SUV is nice, but I think back to having no heat in my car for 2 years. Last winter was the worst. Up very early to get to the worst job I have ever had. I was so cold really freezing. I would take blankets, wrap my legs as much as possible sit in grid lock for an hour in half to med center. It will be something I remember for all my days. It seems the memory is vivid because I was involved with a player hiding behind dom title. What really gets me is that I didnt see how mis treated I was. Wow love is blind. He was a mechanic and could have fixed this for me at anytime. Although I hardly complained to him, I didnt want to have to ask. I wanted to see if he really cared. I got my answer and never recvd any heat. We worked right next door to each other for a while when I was at Maaco. Worst job ever. Dont take your cars or trucks to this place. Why is it that everytime I am warm really warm and cmfortable I think back to those freezing times. ......  

It will never last. She is already suspisious of what he is doing. Why else would she bother to call me on New Years Eve. I bet she wanted to make sure we were not together. As if. roflol She will never truley trust him. She would be right not to.

I really dont care what she thinks anymore ...after I found out she lied to me about being a slave and she stole 1000.00 from my freind I trust nothing she says. It was all an elaborate plan in between them 2 from the begining. Him hiding in closets to talik to her on the phone ...Dom ? more like a player.He would say but but she is my freind and has cancer WOW.  NO excuse for him or her. She will get whats coming to her. Karma is a bitch. What she did to me will turn around on her. This is what I know for sure and I take great comfort in knowing this to be true. I do not have to worry anymore about the negative phone calls from him or her...BLOCKED..............THERES AN APP FOR THAT lol. 

Nice to live drama free and back to normal. Loving it a little to much.   Of course he is still coming to my house not invited leaving furniture outside?? Weird with no way to contact me. When I ask for my bro's furniture back he said no or made it impossible now he is dropping it off in my yard. What a strange cookie. I will never answer my door to him ever. Even if I was home that would be like inviting the devil in.  

If you cant enjoy life, you will never be happy. Love isnt finding someone you can live with, it is finding someone you cant live without. Happiness is a journey not a destination. Work like you dont need the money. Love like you have never been hurt and dance like no one is watching. Dont be afraid your life will end......be afraid it will never begin.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!

i HAVE BOUGHT SO MANY FIREWORKS THIS YEAR, SO MUCH TO BE HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR.

i HAVE BUBBLY MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.  COUNTING DOWN TILL WE POP THE TOP. I NEED TO FIND A NEW PLACE TO POP FIREWORKS, i MOVED FROM THE DEAD END STREET i USE TO LIVE ON FOR 15 YEARS. THAT WAS

THE PERFECT DEAD END WITH LOTS OF FEILD AND CONCRETE SPACE. iF YOU KNOW OF ANY REALLY COOL SPOTS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME.  LOOKING FORWARD TO A SPARKLING NEW YEAR!

A great relationship is about 2 things: 1st about appreciating  the simularities and 2nd respecting the differenses.

Isnt it IRONIC? That we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurts us.

Coming home .........coming in thru garage. Wow the house smells fantastic smells of christmas tree pine and cinnamin. Also dinner mixed in with the other smells mmmmm he is busy in kitchen with dinner and other chores getting done. All so we may get to the bedroom earlier. He is task oriented to please. Although when I walk thru the kitchen he stops hits his knees and kisses my hand. I lift him up by his chin turn him around towards the counter ....back to what you where doing. He is dressed in lose fitting warm pj pants and a tight thermal shirt. I am behind him close touching. With one hand I grab hold of his chest from behind and the other hand starts to slide under clothes he flinches because my hand is so cold, and this is what I wanted to feel his chill bumps hehe. Alittle temp play is always fun. I feel his hard strong body up and down. My fav is going for the v on the sides of hip mmmmmm it leads to the throbbing tool. I feel long enough to make my/ his cock hard. I take my hand out and pull his hair back whisper in his ear about what a good job he is doing and I cant wait to take him tonight. He gets more chills. I lic him from the bottom of his neck to right behind his ear then a little soft kiss in his ear. I cant resist.....pulling his loose pjs down to his knees while he is still cooking at the counter then smak his ass a couple times hard. Just alittle warm up. We have to be careful because there are other people that share the house. The chance of getting caught thrills. I walk back to the bedroom it is clean bed made and candles burning my lap top out and waiting for my use and he has drawn a bubble bath for me. Ahhhhh all the comforts of a fantastic slave . I slip into the most wonderful bath and relax. He comes in while I am relaxing and asks if I needed any assistance he had a few moments till dinner would be served. I said yes would you get my back so he washed and messaged my back for a few then he said just a second I have something for you....he runs and then returns in moments with a warm towel just out of the dryer and I stand while he has the towel open and ready for me. mmmmmmm all the comforts of the perfect slave. He runs and finishes dinner I dress in my comfy pjs also. We all sit down to dinner that is served with wine, candles and soft christmas music playing in the back ground. The meal was great. Perfectly made with love. The child is dismissed first, she is off to computer land right where she wants to be. Although she does like to watch the interaction between us. I am sure she feels the undertones. I pick up our 2 wine glasses and look at him as he is starring right at me ......hurry with the clean up sexy I AM WAITING .........  

Listening to songs spending lots of time on you tube awsome website. Killer new set up there. Appreciating the music. Thinking of you , missing you , r.i.p.  my love !

I want to tie him to my bed and take control. I want him naked the whole time.I want to own his body. I want him to have ask for what he wants. I want to tease and play with all of him. I want him to feel good bad and everything in between. I want him to cry !!!! I just need to figure out how to make him? I want him to laugh till he crys mmmmmmm I want to go further into his mind and make his body follow. I want him to hit his knees and beg me to take him OMG i need him. My mind is going crazy wanting to use him. I imagine him tied to the bed face down spread eagle. As I lay in my bed with him tied down I have the vision of yumminess to indulge in for as long as I want. He is now at my mercy. mmmmmmmm As he is just starting to get relazed I go to the closet and get my bondage bag that he is very familiar with hehe evil grin. He starts to tence up. He doesnt like pain so I am more interested in mind fucking him, but pain will accompany pleasure . I sit down on the bed next to him and start to scratch him with my sharp fingernails. From top to bottom of his body his body moves with the pain. Then i smooth it out with some warmth with my soft warm hands rub him form top to bottom watching his body relax again. Then out of no where a belt hits the bed hard just missing him the sound sends him thru the roof....thank god he is bound. He is very hard to control at this point he starts to beg for release of bonds.......absolutly not.  I am speaking to him with his hair pulled back ....I say why are you whining the belt missed your sweet ass??? He says he is scared and wants out of bonds NO. This is the part i really get off on the begging. This is where I can have anything I want.  While he is in this position with head pulled back I tell him to stick out his tounge and do his job please me. I make it very hard for him to reach he has to really stretch. I am telling him he is not pleasing me cuz he cant reach so i am going to break out the canes he tries even harder to plez me he is eating that pussy like never before but it wont save him from an excellent caning. I want him to later took at the marks and remember. His neck goes limp when i let his hair go. He has cum all over his face as he has plezed me well. Now his reward mmmmmmm The caning begins but he is tired and limp. I start out soft and  let the canes run up and down his body no lashes yet. I make him scoot down from edge to force ass in air. i take the edge of the cane and play with his asshlole tease tease tease. With his ass in air I get a full veiw of his hard cock . I love this veiw so I will cane for a while.   Thats just the back side now i will flip him over for the front side use but i will let him use the restroom get something to drink if he is brave enough to go out of the room naked. Most time I will get him something to drink and feed to him while in bondage.Flip   

Wow Happy Thanksgiving everybody. I want to thank everyone who sent messages wishing me happiness. I hope your day was as wonderful as mine. Family, food going down memory lane laugh till we cried.Fantastic stories and memories of the loved ones that have passed.The day flew bye faster than I wanted. Too bad we wait till holidays to get together, but thank god we get those days. These days are so precious. As I get older I do not take them for granted. Why so serious??? ( batman ) giggles... So many well wishes from people I rarely interact with. From the one that i have an intense bdsm relationship with for years NOTHING .

As I walk thru day to day life. I watch with very different eyes. I watch life going by people , places, things happening all the time all around me.  I know I am not alone although at times it seems the world is so much bigger since I found this lifestyle. I wonder why I see with these new eyes. I ponder  ( are they or he or she in the lifestyle? 

I always knew I was different and didnt quit fit into the norm. Things that turned me on. Made other girls shreek. Sometimes I feel so alone. I know I'm not just feels that way. Its almost like I am floating above myself watching. I feel like the predator laying in wait. 

I see you. I know you are out there, I am looking for you, I can feel you so close, I feel you longing for me as i long for you. As I watch Twilight I feel so drawn to a love of this nature. So deep and undying. Love that stands the test of time. I want forever ....  

No matter how long we have traveled the wrong road,  we can always turn around!!!

Who are You?  Where are you with yourself & the Lifestyle ?

I stumbled across an acticle titled the 9 levels of submission and I took it as gospel .

Now I see that it was one falliable human beings opion rather than fact. Much like my website or my blog. This site and my articles are nothing more than my ideas , thoughts, and opions regarding D/s. If by some chance my readers find the words were helpful, great! If not no biggie. I encourage you to remain true to yourself regardless of what others might wish to label you. Once upon a time I really did care what others in the lifestyle thought of me. I wanted approval and perhaps validation. These days I am far to busy living my life to care. That may have changed due to experiences or because I've grown up since then. Or could be a combination. I may never know.  Regardless of the triggers, I am at peace with who I am. I want this for all of you as well. If you take time and listen to your inner voice I think you will agree that to live by other peoples labels is a waste of your precious time. Am I real ? Am I submissive? A  Slave? Am I a Dominant? A top? A player? Nilla even? Are you asking yourself those questions? I know from experience that others ask you. Its fine to have common terms. Common terms allow us to communicate accuratly with each other. Proticols are really helpful when dealing with so many different people and labels. Do you find you might be overly consumed with those labels? Does it make you feel better to say you are a slave instead of submissive or better because you say that you are a master instead of a top?

Why?

I happen to know the answer. I know because of my experience and feelings.Insecurity. When we are not secure with who we are we look to outside  sources for validation. This doesn't make us bad people. It makes us human. I challange you to simply be happy with whom you are. So maybe you are not any of the labels or terms I've listed above. SO WHAT! Your world will not stop turning. Promise. You might even find someone who suits you much better once you begin to concencrate on yourself as a person first and label second. I for example, I avoid men who too strongly identify themselves as Masters. I avoid them like the plague. I get the feeling they cling to that identitiy like life rafts. It reeks of insecurity to me. I will not be able to see an insecure male as a dominant. Therefore, we will not match. I need to see you as dominant. I could care less how other see you. If I am not feeling it, it's not going to work. Same thing with submission, you can scream to the high heavens about how submissive you are but if he or she doesnt see that , then its over.  I dont suggest playing a role.  That can only last for so long before you grow weary and give it up. That might be why so many people on line vanish into the abyss. They grew tired of working to be someone they are not and they dont have the strength to speak the truth. It was far to draining trying to live up to someone elses idea of who they should be. I get that. I am not condoming it but I understand it. So where are you right now? Still trying to fit into a box or label? Attempting to re-create yourself ? Does this make you happy?  Good luck on your journey !    

Hmm he is in pain ...but none that I inflicted .......dam. Its a White Snake day listening to Here I go agian......mmmmmm the girl is so HOT!!!

The tears that fill my eyes blind me...... but I dont really mind, atleast I dont have to see the person you have become.

Its a weird thing with him he waited till halloween again. This is the 3rd he has ruined for me. He had all month to come for that thing/tool but he picked Halloween. I geuss you cant really stop scary things from coming to your door. He was by far the scariest. I was literally rendered speechless. I couldnt even look at his face wow. The ego ..how rude, just show up whenever you want. Always has to be on his terms at his conveinance. I flew open the door expecting a darling little cinderella. It was halloween and the door bell rang or knocked every 5 to 15 minutes for hours.

Look before you open lol. But it was him. I said nothing just looked at him, he said I came for my tool. I close the door. Go to garage hit opener and showed him where it was still no words are spoken, he takes it and leaves. He has a movie that belongs to me but of course I would have to go thru hell to get it.....I wont go there anymore. ez to just go buy another.

Wow the Twilight Saga !!!!!! Re-watching them and have been realizing how much about D/s it has in it. The more I watch the more I can feel it. I cant really explain how thrilling it is to me. The dynamics are definatly there!!!!  MY daughter reads about this constantly.

She is tuned in to the dynamics already and says regular life is so boring. So this must be the modern day Cinderella??? What are your thoughts on Twilight Saga.  

What a great weekend !!!! Feeling more and more like my old self but much stronger!!!!Group of strong ladies went out to a bachelorette party at a resturant.We had the whole patio reserved and we suprized the bride with lots of temptation 5 handsome men mostly naked hard bods. Wow I would have changed my mind for sure.  It was an absolute blast. Going to make it mandatory I go out like that every weekend. I forgot how much fun you can have ...all you have to do is LEAVE the freakin house.I will post a couple of the hot bods so we all can enjoy mmmmmmm I hope you all had a fantastic weekend.One sad point is I missed the eros halloween party :( so sad DAM cant be in 2

places at once.

After some time and much thought.  You cant always feel dominant.  Life is mixed with vanilla senerios all the time. I want a comfotable mixture. We will have to be discreet most of the time. Although most around me know of the dynamics except for a few who may not understand.......but they fAde to the background. Day dreaming of going to the park with my slave starts out exercising walking along the trails, as it gets hotter and the sweat starts to cover his body make him take off his shirt so I can admire his glisening chest and back. Having fun squirting him with even more water....mmmm and the shorts i requested he wear are white and becoming somewhat see thru. As we make our way down the very long trail he becomes hotter and wetter by the playful banter. We go pretty late as I want to be there as the sun goes down and not very crowded. As his shorts become more wet they start to stick to him showing his tool. This is a lovely site. He is also been told not to wear underwear go commando i request. We take a small rest on the side of the trail and I look to see if the coast is clear. It is and I request he stand in front of me and I slip my hand under hi shorts up one leg and cop a feel mmmmmm making him somewhat hard and he is shy of his hard on in the middle of the park but he has no control over it. I keep lightly touching and feeling it as he just stands there flinching. He is trying so hard not to let it get hard his thoughts are reeling. What is she doing?? After a rest we start walking again fast and I am having fun watching him try to do this while aroused. I continue to squirt water and play till he is completely wet and the shorts are completely see thru. We are coming to the end of the trail and he is begging not to be seen like this by any one ....awh he is so shy. I ask him what will you do if I grant your wishes? He says of course anything miss. I grant his wish with his submission and take him back a little further in the woods while still slightly light and make him hold two branches way apart from each other so its like he is on a cross. I take his shorts down to his knees and flog him with a switch. At first ever so lightly and then a few hard lashes to leave my mark for him to later think back on our time together in the park. In between the lashes I am licing his cock touching it softly then harder strokes getting him hard then the lashes come and it goes soft over and over till he is begging for release his release as his arms are so tired. He is not bound just mentally bound. I ask him what he will do for me in exchange for his release......he of course says anything for you miss. I ask him to take his shorts off so he is naked in the woods mmmmmmm and fuck me hard and he does and his release explodes inside of me. What a killer trail!!!!!