I enjoy the time between christmas and newyears. I get 2 days off. I have today, friday and next week monday off. Unlike most of my those I know, which only get 1 day off. Though I find myself in a quandry of what to do. I am open to suggestions. If anyone is interested, perhaps we could meet for lunch or something? I enjoy talking to those into the style that is willing to share their knowledge. Might even swing by Noir friday. Hmm... we shall see who and what suggestion I recieve this week. My door is open to any and all suggestions and thoughts.

What say you?

Hope everyone has a great Thanskgiving. I can't say mine started out well. Something about my vehicle's waterpump forming a leak. Almost did not get to drive out on wednesday due to repairs. With luck it was fixed and with a little driving all night I made it.

As with each year I am glad to be with family. Able to relax and take a break from things. However, I think my fetish side has been neglected lately. Guess it is my own fault. Been busy with life and and not truly sure where to go from here. I can't help but think back to times when I had no control. Giving of myself for others to use me. I can't help but think of it as a dream that I wish would never end. Though sometimes it is nice to talk with people that are in this life style. I think that is what I enjoy and desire most. Being able to be myself. Not hiding my fetish desires that are a strong bond I seek to connect with.

Guess it is the aspect of being able to express everything. To share in all things without expectation or worry of being pre-judged for an our of the normal interest. I think life is telling me I need to change something, but I have a feeling that I cannot do that alone. Anyone else know what I mean?

Well the weekend turned out to be interesting. I went checking online and headed to "Wicked Detroit" this past weekend. Was interesting, but I believe it to be more fun to bring friends that are equally into things. THough there is something to be said about observing others in action doing what they enjoy, as we all should. There is another party this weekend, but alas I have other engagements taking my time up.

For once, a weekend with very little to do. If you have suggestion, what to hang out and do something, then let me know. Though I am finding I am open to suggestions and ideas. Part of me just wants to go out and do something. The other part of me is thinking about the good opportunity to let the fetish side of me loose. Well, more like not-so loose .

I guess the other thing is that my curiousity to expand my experiences is also surfacing again. Amazing what unexpected free time brings.

It is wierd to look at something years later. Looking back I can see how reactions to various things occured. I think the most interesting is my affinity for bondage and its start in self bondage. It is amazing to see how simple things evolved to pushing with new and better ways to prevent escape for a time. I wonder how many of us started this way.

Left for the weekend with confusion and thoughts in my mind. Came back with nothing but desires for further rest and disconnect. Amazing how nice it is to leave the world behind and just live in the immediate surroundings. No computers, phones, or the like. Though I was with close family and enjoying the weekend focused on the simple things in life, I found I was missing something. I am not sure what. Try as I might, the thought has yet to come to me. I even looked in the back of my car at one moment and had ideas of wandering away to the woods for a self-bondage session, but the idea was like a flash. There one moment, gone the next.

Eh... I even looked down today to realize the marks of past events had once again faded. My skin seemingly like sands on the shore. Recieving changes to the surface, like feet in the sand. Only to find that with time the imprints fade. Though to a casual observe it will look as it had never happened. When to those that watched that shoreline would have seen what had passed and know what everyone else would not be aware of. Later this weekend I felt myself circling the marks. Not really sure why.

Guess there is a part of me that wonders why I am the way I am. The other part of me wonders why I even try to continue on with my life. One of these days, the lost thought will come to mind. Hopefully it will be like a call out of the night. Like a howl in the night pulling me back from the edge of a darkness I some how am eager endure. Like a self imposed bondage to lock me away from the world with the key not being anywhere's with my grasp or knowledge.

If you know what I mean, then tell me where or what that key is and how to be released? Is it guilt, rage, or what? There is just a part of my mind and body that needs to be released I think it is beyond my ability to let it out. Let alone experience...

It has been quite some time since I have written anything. I have had some experiences since then, if my profile info did not already clue you in. What is interesting is that there are parts of me that I did not know existed before. An example being that I have been whipped and the like before, but never to the point of having black and blue marks. Which happened earlier this week and are just now going down to the black only spots. What I find interesting is that though the initial pain is intense. The afterward issue of sitting and the like did not feel painful. However, lest it not me said I was not sore. Amazing what an hour can do. Felt like I went to the gym or helped someone move heavy items.

On the flip side, life has made things interesting. I look and wonder when I will have time to do things. Like with changes in schedules and general life pursuit, I get to thinking where will life take me. I often find myself thinking in choices. If I go left or right what could happen? Do I pursue something or let it go? Should I go back or leave? Sometimes I just need to get out of my own mind and not think. Be it work on the car, fix a computer, or just simply watch a movie I have not seen in awhile with friends.


Eh... I wonder if my bondage / submissive self is a reaction to a decision or a means of escape for the mind to ignore some other issue. I hope all in life is well...

After reading a survey I took about my kinky thoughts, I found myself desiring more then I realized. Guess, the desires to experience things with trusting kinky friends is driving me onward. I wonder what I would do or look like to another and their more experienced and bondage enjoying ways? I'm curious to know what I would be made to do and how enjoyable those different things would be? Maybe you will show me more of this life I have yet to experience?

Wel after a weird couple of weeks, I am feeling better then ever. Crazy how after you are sick you feel better then you did before you fell ill. Something sad when looking at the TV or PC takes too much energy.

Anywho, been rather quiet on here. Have had a few people check out the profile, but nothing has come of it. Is it so hard for someone to start up a conversation? To say hello and get to know there interests? I know it is a crazy thought, but if someone sends a message and you read it. Should you not reply. Even if to say a I will think about it. Had someone try and chew me out when I did not reply while I was not feeling great. I replied, but they called me every name in the book. I have to admit that getting pissed for something that is beyond my control is just nutty. Sadly I got a kick out of their long tyraid about it.

Such is life.

Spent most of the day lounging on the couch. Was not feeling well. Ended up watching some Red Dwarf episode starting at season 1. Kind of funny to look back at BBC shows and realize their version of 1 season is 6-7 episodes. Kind of ironic when compared to the more famous Doctor Who. Yeah I'm a nut for SciFi and the like. That and British Comedy. Depending on things I may end up going to the Auto Show tomorrow. Else more Red Dwarf.

Another year has gone by and the world is still here. Let's see what this year brings us all. Maybe it will prove to be a year of interesting for all of us.

Every once in awhile the world surprises me. There are time when I am just sitting around working hard on something and then it will hit me. I will step back and see that something I was doing or saying just made more sense or seems more right than in the past.

There is something to be said about pure open conversation. I find that talking to my buddies at work, I can't seem to maintain a good conversation. That is to say, their interests are not the same as mine for some things. So, to have a conversation that a person that steps outside the norm or work and takes you to a better level is thrilling. It is like a shock to the system that you did not know you needed, but afterwards continue to desire.

It is nice to be able to let parts of myself out again now that life as returned to normal. I can only hope things continue to grow and expand my horizons. Who know what I will learn about myself, while learning more about the world and other things. Nothing like a good conversation to spark the imagination.

Is there something wrong with browsing for bondage gear the entire time I am watching the movie "Mr. and Mrs Smith". Oh the ideas that can flow.