Well, I am back again! 

I took some time to clear my head and get things straight.  I thought I was about to enter into a great relationship, only to end up vexed and totally played.  For those of you who are just looking to get laid...don't bother emailing me.  You will not get sex here...For I am waiting for that one true Master to untie my bonds of chastity.  Yes, I put on my own chastity belt, so I do not end up finding some man with really bad intentions and desires, not to mention ANOTHER One who does nothing, but lies.

I for one am the real deal.  Sex enhances BDSM, for it is a tool...it is not a requirement for a slave to give Sex to a complete stranger.  I feel a courting time is required before you get a piece of my pie.  By courting I do not mean wined and dined...I am talking about a getting to learn about eachother phase.  I want to know what Your desires are first and foremost, so I can adjust my submission to best fulfill Your fantasies.  You will not get my submission online.  I will not put on my cam so you can see me masturbate and follow orders.  I am a irl kinda girl.  Online is again a tool...to be used...once a relationship has been established. 

Once We/we are REAL...You will find that You are in the company of a REAL OBEDIENT slave, and there is nothing like having a woman who loves Sex and giving up control.  To be loved by such a woman is a rare thing in this world.  Trust me, I have heard horror stories of marriages ending in divorce over lack of roles being established.  I want to be the rarity!!!  I want to be the woman who sets all the other women's standards.  I want Your friends to be jealous over what You have...Would'nt that be fun? 

Anyways...

I am tired from travel and need to get my arse back to bed.  However, if my Prince Charming...fuck that my Master...is out there...Come to me and save me from having to live the rest of my life standing up, but instead on my knees RESPECTING You, as You are my Truest!

Caio people!  Hehe ~ goes off giggling!!!!

Today was yet another day of hard work and no play.  I love the holidays, but cannot stand the work involved to make them special.  However, as I was stringing up lights around my mantle and hanging stockings...It made me think of something naughty.

Would it not be fun to be a Christmas Angel.  Have your Dominant tie you up in Christmas lights, play wih you with candycanes...and roll pinecones up and down your body, and did I mention whip you with a reindeer crop?  Sounds like real fun to me.  You can even dress up like a naughty elf and ask Santa if you can sit on his lap.

You do know why Santa has no children of his own, right?  Because he only comes (cums) once a year...lol.  I love telling people that joke.

Well, it is time for this little slavegirl to get back to work. 

To all my CM friends...

I apologize for making anyone worry and confused.  I spent some time in the hospital for an infected peptic ulcer.  A bacteria apparently attacked my stomache and cause it to bleed.  After several IV pushes and antibiotics, I started to feel better.  I am home now and just logged into my email here.

Please be understanding as to getting back to you.  I have quite a few pages of emails and I need to go through them one by one.  Sorry for worrying some of you...you know who you are.

I am soooo very blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life.  Thank you soooo very much.

Hugs,

Secret

What does ths mean? 

I had a guest stay in my home over the weekend.  He is a friend and was taking care of me and my business while I was bound in bed from being sick.  I have never been with this person, ever...and never saw him in the sexual way. 

However, as I was changing the sheets, I caught a smell of his hormones and it set me a fire.  I have never dated, thought of dating, or wanted this man.  Yet, I got instantly wet.  Oh, and I feel I should point out, he is not in bdsm at all.   

So, why did I get aroused?  Curious!

I have seen the last pair of fracken granny panties!!!  Come on girls, what the hell?  Women wonder why men sneak off to strip clubs or watch porn out the ying yang...Well, one clue is...THROW OUT THOSE FRACKEN UGLY GRANNY PANTIES.  Yes, you know exactly what I am talking about.  Those ugly white, cotton, elastic banded panties that sag in the crotch area.  Go buy yourself a slinky teddy, or some black lingerie, or a nice pair of satin panties or thong.  For crying out loud!!!  WAKE UP LADIES, MEN ARE VISUAL HUMAN BEINGS!!!  Men love to look at a woman to get their appetite.  If I had to look at a pair of granny panties all night, I would roll over and have nightmares as I tried to sleep.  Instead of a bra burning session...Burn those damn panties.  They are gross, and visually unappealing.  Nothing says..."fuck me," like a hot black, lacey babydoll.  Oh, and one store for great lingerie...Fredricks of Hollywood!!!

One way that is fun to awaken your man in the morning is by slipping his cock slowly into your mouth.  I call these "morning delights."  The fun thing is, if you do it slowly...they will often not feel it.  Which in turn makes it even more exciting when he wakes up...hehe.  He will be sooooo pleased and happy that you took the initiative to not only awaken him with some excellent head, but he will likely want to pound the hell outta you once he is up...hehe.  I love it for one...Makes him feel very alpha and sending him off to work in the morning with a smile on his face!!!

Another marriage going down the drain.  So, to add another person to the below percentages...A male friend of mine confided in me that he is going to file for divorce.  I looked him in the eyes and asked him why?  He said that his wife, (who I think is a real pain in the ass bitch), told him that if he wants sex he has to clean the house.  Now, I totally get that if two people work fulltime they should help eachother.  However, she does not do a fucking thing but lay around all day watching those stupid Bravo TV reality shows.  Why the hell, should he, who works 65 hours a week, come home and clean house to get sex?  I felt like giving him a pity blowjob, but I am not like that in any sense of the way.  I am not a Dominant, but lemme tell you...I would love to take that lazy bitch upstairs, tie her up and make an example of her.  Please don't think I hate women, I mean I am one...lol.  I hate lazy women who emasculate men and make them beg for sex.  And then they wonder why everytime they get married, divorce follows.  GIVE YOUR FUCKING MAN SEX!  Don't make him beg like a child wanting cookies.  STOP THE MADNESS!  For crying out loud, am I the only flipping female who feels this way?  ~Pondering~

On a different note: Do you know that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  Why? Because women stop sucking cock.  Why use the bait and switch tactic to get a ring and alimony?  You are a senseless waste of a human being if you do not put your heart and soul into your marriage. Shame on those women who do not get in touch with their men!  What is wrong sitting with him on Sunday, watching a football game, or even surprising him with tickets to an actual game?  Why make a man pine over you when you don't give him anything back.  Men are very visual, put on a damn lacey teddy and thong, instead of those god forsaken granny panties.  For goodness sake...Wake up girls or else you will see all the wonderful men pass you by.  I love men!  I try and make him feel like the only cock in the world.  I treat him with respect and worship his cock, as he treats me like a princess in chains.  Let's go girls...get your knee pads ready.  Join in the Cock Revolution!!!

So, today was amazing.  I went out on a date and it felt so good.  He treated me like a complete lady.  He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how good I smelled, and all I could do was smile.  He bought me a dozen roses, and Harry London chocolates....mmmm.  I gave him a good bottle of wine.  We have an age difference, however I told him how wine was like a man....It gets better with age...*giggles*.  We could not stop looking into eachother's eyes.  He said I reminded him of Drew Barrymore, just cuter....lol.  Conversation was excellent.  We ended the date by going to a hotel, but not for sex, just so we could talk.  The hotel ended up having one of my favorite movies for movies by direct...Which happened to be "We Were Soldiers."  After watching the movie, we talked for a couple hours, touched a bit...ok, allllot...and then he escorted me back to my car.  As I got into my car, he kissed me goodbye.  Then as I pulled away he still stood there.  I was not on the road for more than 5 minutes when my cell phone rang.  It was him.  He said he wanted to talk to me all the way home, so he can be assured I was safe.  Once I got home, we hung up.  I am sitting in my bed smiling big and happy.  He is so real.  He was not only a true Dominant, but was very good looking, educated, and so easy to talk to.  It is now 3:36 a.m. and I cannot sleep.  Tomorrow we are going to meet somewhere closer to my home.  He said he has a big surprise for me.  Honestly, I hope it is NOT a collar, not yet.  I need to have him work for my submission, not just give it out this time.  He will respect me more that way.

So, who did you go out with tonight?  *laughs* ~..~

Wow...Do you ever sleep?  I gues not!  I betcha you cannot sleep because I am running through your head all night long.  The thoughts running ragged in your mind...*SCREAMS OUT*.  You will never have me, never, never, never, never...and it is making you mental.  *TRUST BABY*

On again?  Oh come on now!  I know I am a cute lil dreamslave, but dayem.  It is killing you that I got one over on you.  You shake your head and *grumble*.  The fact that you never got to smell my feminine odor, or run your hands through my hair, or feel my curvy smooth ass before your spanked it...is KILLING you.  The fact that you will never have me is making you maddened.  *Madness* slams fist....Oh the *Madness*.

The simple thought that I am up late, looking at other Dominant's profiles...And...Not yours...Is driving you insane.  You cannot stop looking at me or reading about me.  I am your dreamslave.  The "ONE" your heart has always desired.  *sighing*

Admit it...You are up late because you are thinking about me.  Because I have enticed you so very much that you cannot stop reading my profile nor looking at my picture.  You may want to run, but you cannot hide from my smile.  *giggles*

Now that I am completely over my fake...lol...I am actually going to seek out a good Master who can teach me how to be a dreamgirl.  I soooo love the feeling of a Dominant caressing my face and ordering me to cum.  Looking into my deep brown eyes as I moan loudly and out of control.  One of my biggest fantasies is walking into my husbands place of work, all dressed up sexy, and giving him a huge sexy kiss in front of all of his co-workers.  So, they know that he has it made.  I love it!

Ok, thanks to some REALLLLY nice people I know, who call me the sweatheart of CM. 

This so-called dominant is a PREDATOR/FAKE/PLAYER:

theultimate192
theultimate


I love my friends!  You guys/gals always look out for me.  BIG HUGS to you!

Today started out rough, being that I barely got any sleep last night.  However, I came to an assumption last night...and it was backed up by a Dominant who was kind enough to email me.

I did absolutely nothing wrong.  I believe the man who I met on here was a player.  I believe he was trying to get sex out of me, and was using all the right words to land it.  He is an expert at telling a woman what she wants to hear.  Another Dominant pointed out....That he probably read everything he could about me, and used those words and mental connections to get into my pants.   When I told him that I would NOT give him sex upon meeting him, he all of the sudden got phone issues.  He lied to me and told me that the last message he left me on my phone was by his work phone...which is funny, because it still came up with his name on it...hmmm.  Once I was able to get more clearer in mind...Another small lie popped into my head.  He told me he was on a trip to Texas, yet...a few days later on the phone, he mispoke and told me..."while I was in California."  It is my guess, as well as other True Dominants on here, that he has been talking to more than just me.  

You see, the one thing is...I never told him everything about me.  And know this for sure Bob...I happen to hold 2 master degrees, one in education and the other in medicine.  I also hold two bachelor degrees, one in psychology and one in engineering.  (I decided that I did not want to waste my SAH time).  I may be a slave, but I am not a bimbo who does not know anyhing about life and men for that matter.  You were never looking for a woman to settle down with, but rather a one night stand that you could write off in your book.  Was I sad?  Yes...Because I thought I could control your mind...and I did.  Little do you know, but I am an expert in Mind Control thanks to the U.S Military Intelligence, that I worked for, for 5 years.  You drank my Koolaide....Congrats....The joke was on you!

Have a great day Bob!



 

I met someone tonight!  Someone I felt I could trust.  I let down my inhibitions for once, and decided to jump in...and got burned.  He thought he knew me, and everything there was about me...yet he did not.  He calls himself a Master, yet he is not.  He is a dirty talker and a user.  All he wanted was to hear my voice and, and get off.  I could not believe his gull.  Why can a woman not just have a simple conversation to get to know someone first...why always jump to sex?  Makes no sense!  He failed my litmus test!  His loss!

Why is it that "intelligence" is soooo often frowned upon by a Master.  i mean what is wrong with an intellectual conversation other than what makes one another sexually excited or how one perfers to orgasm?  What is wrong with me being a professional and dominant in my work world, then coming home to being the submissive and loving wife, who has some intelligence in her head.  Having a Master's Degree does not mean i want to be a Dominant.  It is a total relief, coming home from a hard day of work, not having any control over what will happen to her once she walks through that door.  Brains is sexy, because us with them...know what You want!

I have taken a small break from collarme to put things in my life, in order.  I am finding soltice in playing online games and just being myself for a change.  I have been through a great deal recently and so I felt the need to take some time for myself.  Now that I have my Master's degree pretty much...I can take a huge sigh of relief and kick back and enjoy life for a bit.  I have been having a great deal of naughty urges lately that I have found hard to keep inside.  I feel like I need to tell all about them, but feel shy doing so.  I am kinda in a shell right now!  I would love to be pryed out of that shell...spanked, flogged, whipped, and made to do something completely out of my relm of comfort.  I need a breath of fresh air!  Come on...lemme out!

Ok, this is a strange journal entry, but oh well...lol.  Why is it, that i have this extreme urge to play a Daddy's girl?  Why do i enjoy playing a teenaged girl who is having her first sexual experience with her BFF's Daddy?  I have no clue where this fantasy comes from, nor do i think my Master would enjoy this.  So...BIG QUESTION!  How can i entice Him into wanting this fantasy or wanting to play it out with me.  i know that my sole purpose is to please my Master, but He is always good to me, letting me have some free agency, because i am sooo obedient.  So, how can i get him interested into wanthing this?  i mean we have never done any role-playing, but it is something that i need and desire.  i mean if i do not get it, oh well....but it facinates me.

Thanks to anyone who sends me a line on this!

Have you ever heard the cliche, good things come to those who wait.  Well, it has finally happened for me.  i am officially collared.  i have been wanting this my whole life and i was very excited to have this honor bestowed upon me.  It was not a fancy ceremony, it was just a simple statement..."my beloved"..."A'maelamin".  i felt freed from the shell that held my soul hostage.  i felt alive and full of desire.  i cannot put into words how the collar felt.  it was a magical experience.  i can finally feel like a real slave, a slave with a complete ideal, a slave with a path, a slave that can finally serve her Master! 

Today has been a rollercoaster, but now my mind is at ease.  i sometimes wonder how much time i have left on this Earth so i can begin to enjoy life for a change.  Escaping my daily life has been fun and its making me into a better slave.  i stop and smell the roses now from time to time, and it is having a profound effect on me.  Within the last few months i felt i found a girl that i could confide in and play with, but that soon turned to tragedy because i was being honest.  i believe in complete honesty and i guess some people still want to be lied to.  Anyways...so i am still on a quest, however, i have been introduced to a wonderful girl.  She is not from my area, but she has potential to be a great friend and playmate.  Funny how things go when they are not meant to be.  i do not know how far things will go, because i move at a glacial pace when it comes to relationships...but even if it is just friendship it would be great to have a friend to talk to all the time.  When life gives you lemons...make a margarita...lol.

Why?  When you confide all that you are and give 110%, and have so-called complete honesty, do you get hurt?

Why?  Who hurts their slave?  Who makes them feel unloved and put them into a depressive state? 

Why?  Why are men so hurtful?   i thought i found a man that would never hurt me, that he would change the way i view the male gender, since men have loved and hurt me, my whole life.  Why is it, that i am the girl who always gives herself and gets hurt.  Why and i the girl who has to cry herself to sleep every night because a man has hurt her.

PLEASE...SHOW ME A MAN WHO WILL NOT HURT ME, AND I WILL SHOW YOU HEAVEN.  i AM FALLING APART. 

i was recently told, that happiness is inside all of us, we just need to find what makes us happy.  So, i pondered this question...and i came to certain ideals.  Happiness for me is being owned, loved, cared for, protected...and all the little woman things, like a bit-o-romance, and perhaps some sweet nothings.  However, noone can perfectly give you ALL those things, and it would be a very lonely life if you sought out for one person who could.  So...the next question in this parallel is...Do you take what you are given and be happy?  or  Do you make it known of what you need, and if those needs are not met, do you move on?  For the first time in a long time...i have no idea.  This will take some nights to figure out.  Until then, i will remain steadfast to my ideals.

It seems like forever since i have written a thing.  i have become more and more private with my personal life.  i am very much in love with my Master.  He is all i want and all i can dream to have.  He is the most caring and loving Master.  He is my everything...my life!  i will never be perfect, allthough i strive to be, yet He takes me as i am.  He has my heart, my mind, my body and soul.  Each breath i take, takes me to a higher level of love for Him.  He is my world and my universe.  He is my complete happiness...wrapped up in His hands.  He completes me!!!

Missing the One.  i dream of You constantly...i think of You constantly...i breath You in constantly.  You have consumed me.  The power of a true Master can be hard to accept fully, simply because a slave wants more.  When ones mind is controlled, and her life functions are controlled, and she is completely under a total power exchange...then what is the next step?  Is there a deeper method of control?  i want to go as deep as can be done and still maintain my sanity.  Master...take me deep...take my breath.

Ok, so i am on a quest.  i am looking for some of the hardest fantasies that this site has to offer.  i am not looking for scenes where a submissive or slave is blungeoned to blood, i am talking about sexual fantasies of lust and desire.  i want to compare those fantasies to my own, to see if i am normal, as per for a slave's mind?  i would love to include some stories in my manefesto that i am writing.  So, send me some of your dirtiest and most lustful fantasies.  i would love to read them...and if they are good, i will respond.  So, do you have what it takes to write something sexy and unusal?  Only time will tell, and something tells me that your time is ticking...so instead of reading this journal, put your mind to work...hehehe. 

PS...Dominants, both Masters and Doms, slaves and submissives welcome.  Would love to hear from all orientations.

i post a question here.  Why is it that when in a past relationship, the so-called EX's for lack of a better term, always try to discredit the new love in your life?  Finding little ways to nit pick on them and make false alligations?  I cannot stand this.  Sorry for the vulgarity here, but, this must be said "GROW THE FUCK UP."  Srop trying to ruin something beautiful because of your jealousy and wrong doings.  If someone is your EX, they are for a reason...because they "FUCKED"up.  i apologize again for my cussing, not one to do that in open, very shy and quiet.  But, i could not find the correct terms other than some "colorful metaphors"...thank you for that terminology Spock!!!  i just find it very immature and very hateful for someone pushing you into the ground, when they see you are happy.  THIS i MUST SAY....i HAVE NOT SMILED AS MUCH AS i HAVE IN 2 YEARS.  SOMEONE SPECIAL MAKES ME LAUGH DAILY AND GIVES me THE BREATH i NEED TO BREATH.  HIS LOYALTY AND TRUST IN me GIVES ME THE POWER TO PUSH FORWARD.  i LOVE YOU...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...MY ARAGORN!!!!

Well...today is not looking so bright.  Up all night in deep thought.  Wondering what could foul up my day today.  i am such a happy person, always looking for the good in people and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes i think i get reemed big time for giving people the benefit of the doubt.  But, there are way too many nice people in this world, so why should they pay the price for others.  So, this brings up a thought.  Why do people, in relationships, make their new love pay the prices for others wrong doings?  i have made it one of my priorities in life, to remain neutral and love someone without baggage.  Why bring baggage, it just complicates the love that is brewing...and it can ruin a "higher love."  Sorry, for the cliche, but hey we all live by them, most of the time.  Sooo....with this being said, i challenge everyone who reads this journal entry, to throw away your baggage for one day, and see what wonders come your way.  How deep you can become, how connections can be formed...more and more.  If you do this, PM me and tell me about your day...i want to know if it was a positive experience!!!  Hugs everyon!!!!

One of the best nights of my life.  He finally told me His feelings!!!  i feel giddy like a schoolgirl right now.  He is going to collar me.  i am so excited i can barely breath.  i feel like i am suffocating.  i am so emotional, but a good emotional.  Teary eyed and heart pounding...skipping beats.  OMG...i feel free!!!  FINALLY...My Knight is storming my castle.  Come and take me my Lord...take what you desire!!!

What does it take?  What is that saying..."Good things come to those who wait.?"  Well, how long is the "wait" part?  My hourglass is begining to lose its last little sand pebbles.  But, what is next...lonliness, mass depression, more masterbation...which is better, being with the One until He so chooses to collar you?  Or being alone and wallowing in your own selfishness?  i am the Mona Lisa...and my smile is begining to dwindle.  The luster in my eyes is begining to fade...Save me, "WAKE ME UP INSIDE." 

What's in a name?  Shakespeare wrote that...any guess as to what play he made that statement?  For those who do not...Romeo and Juliet.  Or how about this one, "Where is Poloneous?  He is at supper!  ...at supper?  Yes, but not where he eats, but where he is eaten."  And one more for good measure, "Friends, Romans and countrymen, lend me your ears, I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."  You may be asking...why on earth is a slavegirl quoting theatre.  Well, do we not create scenes in this lifestyle.  Are we not thespians on a great concourse?  For a slave, such as myself, words take on a whole different literation.  We feel the words...the words that connect us as Master and slave.  Words that make us decide our next action...words that COMPELL us to be what we are...words are powerful as is the hand that holds our fate...Our Masters hands...yes...those hands are the only hands in our world!!!

Someone once told me that if "love" existed, then its like jumping from a building yelling "Geronimo" the whole way down.   i have that feeling.  It is obivious that He does not.  Because when you have that feeling, you have to say it.  So...i have come to the conclusion that i am just what He is settling for, that there are no fish swimming in His sea right now.  i guess variety is not the spice of life, because at least when you are afraid to lose something...you will do what you can to hold onto it.  Each day You are loosing me more and more.  Not because of my selfish reasons, because i am Your slave, You are loosing me because i dont feel like i am Your slave.  No Collar...No Love...No slave.  Why did it take me soooo long to come to this conclusion.  i guess it is because "i love You" and did NOT want to accept it. 

Arrrr...Nothing again.  i am begining to lose faith in Him.  i really do not know what to do, do i ask Him, to i begin to clam up...what do i do.  He asked me yesterday why i was down...i told Him i would be ok, He asked me if i was "sure" and i said i would be ok again.  i know that seems deceptive, but if i told Him, it would not be genuine when or if it does come out.  i do not want it forced...why can i tell Him all my desire and likes and things of that nature, but cannot have a simple conversation about feelings.  i have been soooo hurt.  By just about all men in my life, will i end up adding Him to that list?  i really do not want to.  He is special and dear. 

i love him sooo much.  i try to show Him by my submission to Him and doing whatever i can to show Him i care and love Him.  i think it is time....He needs to come to a decision...or i may have to let Him go and lose the possible love of a lifetime.

You have me...let go, and tell me...or else You will lose me!!!  You know who you are!!!!

Ok...i had another "down" time and needed to write.  

When a slave is loyal to her Master, fully and completely, if she feels this way, is that appropriate?  or  Is she not supposed to have any feelings as such?  Maybe i am supposed to be shallow and not have any emotion...is that it?  i believe in a higher power of love with a Master.  A complete love...a love that binds them as a couple, as well as binds me as a slave.  Love is definetly an ingredient in this type of dynamic.  TRUST IS AS WELL...A friend told me today that TRUST is foremost...He is right. 

i will have to go back to pondering in my pit.  Please, just tell me You "love" me and mean it. 

Had a fun filled weekend.  But, thought opening up to Him more and telling Him more desires would have helped...but it did not.  Sometimes i feel this is a game to Him, yet i am sooo serious about it.  This is not a game to me, it is a lifestyle, a way i desire.  What shall i do...i am lost and confused and tormented...is this just part of MIND CONTROL...to have your slave lost and confused?  Well, tonight i will again program myself, in hopes that my submission to Him, shows Him my desire.  SCREAMING OUT FROM THE PIT....FIND ME PLEASE!!!!

Why am i tormented?  i have a burning desire for the one i serve, yet no collar.  i die alittle each day He does not bestow His collar on me.  i have given Him my all, He owns my mind, my body and my soul.  i love Him with each breath i take...yet no words of "love" back.  Please, if a single soul can hear my voice in this dark pit, please give me a sign you love me, and want me forever.  i die alittle each day...save me!!!