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Pan Transgender Submissive, 85,  Hell, Canada
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SaraTonin

SaraTonin - photo 1
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SaraTonin - photo 14

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Hi my name is Sara and I am very bi, very submissive, and very open minded. So much for the verys. I live in Los Angeles again. I've been bouncing around southern California like I'm barefoot on hot asphalt.

Just a quick update, it appears that I am no longer desired by southern California. The robust employment environment has left me penniless and soon to be homeless. So thank you Los Angeles, you deserve the residents that live in you down to the very last douche bag. I am picking up my few meager belongings and headed for a distant land where I will live in a basement and freeze my ass off. Go screw yourself LA and all of you who reside here.
I am not sure what box to check in the gender category as it always seems to be either or. I am a nonoperative trans person with no plans to part with that which nature gave me. I have grown fond of that. I do not live as Sara 24/7, as much as I desire to. My transition was interrupted by a series of lifes fun random occurrences. I have been hovering in limbo for 5 years. I'm not who I wan't to be and not who I was. If I were to hit the lottery or patent the formula for the fountain of youth or find a kind soul with the patience and desire to join me in that life I seek, my less glamorous self would be a distant memory. Life is hard enough without trying to juggle two of them.

I have to be completely honest, I am untrained and inexperienced. Given the nature of the CM user, I don't see that changing anytime soon. Flakes, fakes and liars, with an occasional gem that lives 3000 miles away or is in a monogamous d/s relationship. Ive been surrounded by this lifestyle for many years, but it is only recently that I have felt a compulsion to join it. Some might wonder how I know I'm submissive or that I can be owned. Truth be told, I don't. I have always had a submissive nature and now I am hoping to explore that side of my being.

My fetishes read like the boilerplate profile for most cds, tss, or tgs. If you don't know what I mean by that please ask. I like variety in sex from sweaty, rough and loud, to soft, sweet and tender. Some dominants seem to think that submissive means completely docile and compliant. If you think that, I'm definitely not for you. I tend to speak my mind and if I see a mistake or injustice I'm going to try to correct it.

As for what I am looking for well that is a big question and I not sure I know the answer. I guess different things at different times. There are a lot of things I look for in a person I wish to serve, gender is not one of them. I think both sexes and those in between all have their beauty and I wouldnt rule any out. I don't need a full time or serious relationship. However, I don't see the point in pursuing meetings with a person if there is absolutely no chance of that meeting growing into something meaningful .


My Limits are fairly standard, I'm not into blood, needles, bathroom games, extreme pain and I've never really understood the sexual aspects of infantilism. The last is not a judgment, just a lack of any ability to understand on my part. Also, no bare-backing or similar high risk activities and I never ever top. That would be as unnatural to me as speaking ancient Babylonian. Finally, no activities that could lead to legal entanglement.
Like anybody else, there is a lot more to me than I care to write or you care to read. If you don't see it ask, I am honest to a fault and I have yet to find a subject that I feel is too personal or embarrassing to be honestly discussed.

Username:

Description:

Province:

Country:

Relocation:

Height:

Weight:

Age:

Sexuality:

Ethnicity:

Joined:

 SaraTonin

 Submissive Transgender

 Hell 

 Canada

 Willing to Relocate

 6' 3"

 185 lbs

 85

 Pan

 Caucasian

 08/07/05

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Transgender

Dominant Female

Dominant Male

Domme/Dom Couples

Mascdom Couples

 Lives For:

 Shopping (Expert)

 Travel (Expert)

 Corsets (Expert)

 Crossdressing (Expert)

 Cybering (Expert)

 Puzzle Games

 Photography

 Industrial Music

 Loves:

 Flea Markets

 Going to the Opera

 Movies (Expert)

 Musical Theater

 Scuba Diving (Beginner)

 Snorkeling

 Bondage

 Leashes (Beginner)

 Rubber Fetish (Beginner)

 Spanking (Beginner)

 Stockings

 Strap-Ons

 Vibrators

 Arcade Games (Expert)

 Cartoons (Expert)

 Comedy Shows (Expert)

 Historical Shows (Expert)

 Online Chatrooms (Expert)

 Role Playing Games (Expert)

 True Crime

 Intellectual Discourse (Expert)

 Liberal Politics

 Libertarian Politics

 Nihilism (Expert)

 Writing

 Goth Lifestyle

 Alternative Music

 Blues

 Electronica / EDM

 R&B

 Seventies Music

 Likes:

 Art Galleries

 Beachcombing

 Clubbing (Expert)

 Coffee Shops

 Fine Dining

 Garage Sales

 Museums

 Raves

 Renaissance Faires

 Volunteerism (Beginner)

 Bicycling (Expert)

 Climbing (Beginner)

 Sailing (Beginner)

 Anal Play

 Breast Play (Beginner)

 Canes and Crops (Beginner)

 Gags (Beginner)

 Hair Pulling (Beginner)

 Humiliation (Beginner)

 Orgasm Denial (Expert)

 Pantyhose Fetish (Beginner)

 Role Playing (Beginner)

 Uniforms (Beginner)

 Board Games (Expert)

 Card Games (Expert)

 MMORPGs (Expert)

 Online RPGs (Beginner)

 Science Fiction

 Simulation Games (Expert)

 Sitcoms

 Web Surfing (Expert)

 Art Collecting (Beginner)

 Cooking

 Drawing

 Gardening

 Painting (Beginner)

 Sewing (Beginner)

 Singing (Beginner)

 Astronomy

 Economics

 History

 Mathematics

 1950s Lifestyle (Beginner)

 Classical Music

 Funk

 Opera Music

 Operetta

 Punk Rock Music

 Rap

 Reggae

 Rock Music

 Show Tunes

 Agnosticism

 Golf (Beginner)

 Skiing (Expert)

 Tolerates:

 Antique Shows (Beginner)

 Aerobics

 Hiking (Beginner)

 Weightlifting

 Eighties Music

 EMO Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Nineties Music

 Curious About:

 Cages (Beginner)

 Chastity (Beginner)

 Collars (Beginner)

 Hypnosis (Beginner)

 Medical Play

 Munches

 Serving as a Maid (Beginner)

 Outdoor Bondage

 Sensory Deprivation

 Suspension (Beginner)

 Tickling (Beginner)

 Wax play (Beginner)

 Meditation (Beginner)

 Archaeology

 Nanotechnology (Beginner)

 Paranormal (Beginner)

 Female Supremacy (Beginner)

 Lifestyle BDSM (Beginner)

 Polyamory

 Swinging

 Buddhism

 Taoism

 Dislikes:

 Bar Hopping

 Fishing

 SCA (Beginner)

 Camping

 Dancing (Beginner)

 Genital Punishment

 Fisting (Beginner)

 Plastic Wrap

 Horror Movies

 TV News (Expert)

 TV Sports

 Karaoke (Beginner)

 Cuckolding

 Hip Hop Music

 Jazz

 Bowling (Beginner)

 Darts (Beginner)

 Hates:

 Bird Watching (Beginner)

 Blindfolds

 Foot Worship

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Conservative Politics

 Hard Limits:

 Gambling

 Diapers (Beginner)

 Fire Play

 Knife Play

 Needle Play

 Watersports

 Body Art

 Tattoos

 Baseball

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Journal Entries:
9/17/2010 5:55:05 AM
I've been away for quite some time and I'm not sure if I am going to come back. It isn't for a lack of interest that I have gone from here but a lack of ability to visit the site. If I ever find myself on stable footing again, a situation that seems highly unlikely to me at this point, I will come back and try to respond to all of the messages i've let stack up.

3/29/2010 12:13:52 AM
I was looking on the recent journals page as I accidentally hit the "Recent Journals" button when I was trying see "Who's Viewing Me?" for a little ego boost. I noticed they have buttons for Female posts and Male posts, but none for those of us identifying in between.

I know we dont fit conveniently into the boxes society likes to use for ease of identification and instantaneous judgment, but here? I would think that in this subculture there would be some attention paid to such details as that. I know that the BDSM community is often as judgmental as the vanilla world is on this point, but usually there is the illusion of inclusion even when the reality is we are not welcome.

1/11/2010 12:06:57 AM
God I'm a fucking idiot. I have been on this site off and on for what 5 years. I have been through the process enough to know that mostly, people are here to live a fantasy, if even only online for a few minutes, days, weeks. I have learned that if something looks too good to be true, it is. Even if it doesn't look to good, there is a 90% chance it isn't true.

Knowing all of this, having all of this experience and understanding of the online human animal didn't help one iota this last month. I got played. Not just played, that usually brings with it no more than an annoyance. I allowed myself the luxury of hope and dropped my guard. I gave him everything I had to give, I bared my soul to him and revealed things about myself some of my best friends don't even know. We communicated daily and often for an hour or more. He seemed to be taken with me and I was foolish enough to open myself up to the possibility that he was for real.

Now nothing. No IMs, no email, no CM messages. None of my messages have generated a response. On top of everything else that is broken about my life, career, social life, finances, and health, I have a broken heart to stack on top. I am in a perfect storm of negative Karma. There is not one single aspect of my life that I can think about that makes me respond "well, at least there is that."

To quote Otter from Animal House "You fucked up. You trusted us." If you are reading this thinking, cool a live one, you can put your dick back in your pants. I won't be making that mistake again, not now, not ever.

12/24/2009 10:47:33 AM
I was surfing profiles on this and other contact sites today and something began to bug me. There is a tendency for trans to declare that they are "sexy". While I know that "sexy" is more than how you look, is it really for any individual to claim to be sexy, after all the definition of sexy is different for each viewer. What if I am not attracted to trans or blonds, or boastful people. Saying one is sexy, is like claiming to be beautiful, passable, or young. Those claims are all relative to the viewer and his or her tastes. Now I will reread my own profile to make sure I didn't do it as well. ;)

12/21/2009 8:44:48 PM
A really, really bad week.

12/19/2009 5:49:03 PM
I am beginning to remember why I walked away from this quest in the first place. When I was young and bulletproof, nothing could bring me down. I've reached a point in my life now where I am filled with doubt. I thought we were supposed to get more confident as we grew older.

I have seen two trans gurls this week that have shaken my resolve and made me wonder why I am even here. I look at both and see perfection in what they are. When I look at myself I see a collection of flaws and needed improvements. I'm having a bad week.

12/16/2009 2:45:54 PM
Look, I get that not everybody is into people like me. I'm not into everybody on this site either. But when I do a search for individuals that are interested in or have indicated that they are interested in submissive trans on their profile, it would be nice to see something in their bio about that. I guess more people subscribe to the similarities between transgendered people and scooters. "They are a lot of fun, but don't let your friends see you on one."

I will tell you this right now, I have my limitations, I am far from perfect. However, I am confident enough to know that I am way smarter, funnier, more interesting, even tempered, rational and understanding than almost anybody on this website. So go ahead and be embarrassed that you are attracted to some tgs. It is sad and pathetic that you can't face your own desires or even more pathetic that you are too insecure to share them with a community that, in theory, should accept these interests. It speaks volumes to me when a "dominant" is to sheepish to admit who they are.

11/7/2009 12:38:23 AM
Well, it finally happened. I honestly never expected to see it, but there it was right before my eyes. Somebody is using one of my photos as their profile picture. My feelings about it are bipolar (theres a shocker). The modest and generous part of me wants to assume it was an accident. The honest part of me thinks it was intentional but maybe not as a primary photo. Its a bit easy to find that on most sites, and CM especially so. I am flattered that somebody would use my photo as their picture but also concerned because there are things in that profile that dont reflect me as an individual.

I feel like I need to say something so I have. One more thing I would like to say is that I appreciate this "community" of like minded people. It was another member that pointed this out to me. So without mentioning a name, Thank you for being kind enough to help me keep my identity.


10/22/2009 9:49:03 AM
I have noticed several profiles on this and other sites where cds, tvs, and such will "offer" themselves to a dom to transform in any way that the dom wishes. Then the individual proceeds to detail the changes she is willing to undergo. Oh golly thank you, such a sacrifice you are making to let a dominant, the gender of which you limit to your own tastes, alter your body in ways you limit to your fantasies. These tend to be written in such a way as to act as if they are doing you a favor and they may deem to select your offer if the mood so strikes them.

If I ever come into money I would like to take one of them up on their offer, but instruct the surgeon to put the breast implants on their back, or reconstruct their face to look like Earnest Borgnine, or give them lipo, but redistribute the fat in a hunchback.

News flash, THERE IS NOTHING UNIQUE ABOUT YOU, YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN THE THOUSANDS OF OTHER TRANS OUT THERE. With few exceptions, you can randomly pick any tg on this website and there is probably an 80% chance that the same thoughts go through their mind as well. We are like sand on the beach, you cant spit without hitting another with the same dreams, desires, fantasies and delusions. Stop acting like you are somehow better than everybody else because it is YOU making the offer, I somehow doubt anybody outside of your head gives a shit.

10/18/2009 8:55:34 PM
If this lifestyle were a plant, I would have a brown thumb. I could clear a room full of fetishists faster than a born again christian. Sometimes I understand the need to get as far away from me as possible. Other times, I am at a loss. Yet other times, I know the reason, and that reason puts another dent in my already bruised and battered self image. To those of you that fall into that final category...Thanks.


10/17/2009 2:57:33 AM
It would be funny if it weren't me that this is happening to. Kinda like watching "Something about Mary". It makes you squirm in your seat, you can't watch yet you cant tear your eyes away. This is the life I've been so graciously given by providence, destiny, God, Allah, Ganesh, Yahweh, or what ever fictional universal force or bed time story gets you through your day. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that it all stops.

10/10/2009 11:00:48 PM
I find it amusing in reading some of the profiles here, specifically some male dominants that are over 40 that insist any "sissys" be under 30. I guess maybe they don't want subs that have enough sexual experience to realize that that "big dick" is actually a pathetic example of the male form and that dom does not mean pot bellied, bald and lazy with poor grooming habits.

9/28/2009 12:46:34 PM
I have logged onto CM for the first time in a year or so.  I guess I must owe some people apologies for not replying to their messages. Many have probably even dropped out of my mailbox. If that is the case, please message me again. I have been trying to be good about replying. 

10/26/2006 12:34:52 AM
Why is it that I get messages from people asking me if I want to meet when we have never corresponded before and they have no picture in their profile. "Oh yes, I am so lonely and horny that I don't care what you are into or what you look like, just do me." I have plenty of opportunities to meet a person blindly, I can walk out my front door. There seems to be no shortage of people to say no to out there.

On another subject, I guess I blew one of the few chances I have had at an interesting or meaningful encounter. Sometimes things just feel wrong and sometimes the timing is bad. Sadly, I doubt there will be a chance at revisiting it down the road, it sounded pretty final to me.

I think perhaps I am in the wrong place in my life to be looking for a dom/domme to be a part of it. I should have been here 10 years ago not now when I feel the way I do.

10/2/2006 5:51:10 PM
I guess I am about as close to surrender as I have ever felt. I have gotten messages from a lot of people that I could see myself involved with on some level, but usually something doesnt quite click or the disance is problematic.  LA is not, from what I have seen, much of a major center for the lifestyle. I guess there is enough sexual content and opportunity just in the non-fetish areas.
I seem to bounce back and forth between wanting a to be wih a dom and a domme. It doesnt change quickly but it does see to over time. Right now I guess I am leaning towards trying to meet a dominant couple and seeing what the dynamic feels like. If that doesnt feel right I am begining to think I will never find an owner or a place in this lifestyle. That wouldn't surprise me, it happens a lot to me in different social groups

8/7/2006 2:02:51 PM
Well if you were unfortunate enough to stumble across my profile over the past 8 months or so, I had left it as under consideration. In all honesty, that ended quite some time ago, but I wasnt ready to jump back into the waters again until I had straightened a few things out in my life. While they are not yet fixed, some seem to be headed in a more positive direction and I am hoping that they continue to do so.

12/6/2005 1:16:43 AM
Well, I generally feel as if I should use this space for relevant topics, such as meetings and or encounters. I don't have any to write about, other than those that I have been corresponding with. It would seem that the correct parties have started to stumble across my profile for one reason or another and I have a number of individuals that have peaked my interest.

I've come to realize that I am far too complex and there are so many caveats and exclusions and complications in being involved with me on any level save the most superficial. I can only imagine what it must be like to sit on the other end of the keyboard thinking, "well THAT has go to be the last possible issue I am facing". What they must feel when there are yet other things that could make things difficult. As if being seen with a 7' tall blonde barbi/stripper wannabe with a deepish voice and a slight predisposition towards surgical addiction isnt enough of a handful; there's MORE?

9/1/2005 9:56:01 PM
My journal for this site is likely to be a dull as the user manual for an electric razor. At the moment I am living 100% vicariously through my friends, who have eventful, exciting and text worthy lives. I'm afraid that mine is far more mundane and domesticated. The way things have been going, I am more likely to find a handball partner here than friends for more nefarious pusuits.

Oh well, it is what it is.

8/11/2005 11:27:52 PM
So I want to thank all of those people that sent me advice both in terms of expectations, and in my skill as a writer. Suffice it to say that never again shall I attempt to write something like that in the midst of a bout of insomnia. Also, I think the latent drama queen in me rose from her torpor and laid waste to my reason and easy going nature. So anyway, thank you for putting me back on the rails.

S

8/9/2005 6:27:11 AM

I am not sure what it is a new person should be writing here. It isn't as if I have met anybody here. I don't think I am the right person for the audience on this site. I read so many profiles with a chip on their shoulder about my lifestyle. It is discouragong, I've got enough self confidence and image issues without having them reenforced by narrow minds with narrow interests. I dont expect everybody to like me, but I hate being singled out as unacceptable by so many.


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