I think I would like to add a new complaint to my list. Really long, drawn out, over descriptive, self flattering, excessive, narcissistic, disgusting, pretentious, insecure, blahblhablah, self descriptions.

Please note that the entire time I am reading these, I'm just wishing your message and/or profile was over already. That way I never have to be exposed to your unrightfully over inflated ego again. 

So, I may have gone on another stealing spree. Not sure if I will ever find anything that matches up to my last one though... -Also, by stealing spree, I mean I took jokes from other places and put it here. I'm not a shoplifter.-

Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a sub say to their Master

1. How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?
2. Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!
3. Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?
4. God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!
5. And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?
6. Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?
7. Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!
8. Who died and left you in charge?
9. Do your own damn laundry!

   And the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master...

10. What do I look like, your maid?

The worst part of that? I would totally say 2, 4, 5, 6(as a joke), 7, 8, 9, and 10. xD I may be a bad sub like that...

Now speaking of my last list -I may be adding these asI go along- I seem to have found an extended version of it.  I think I'll add some of them because they're pretty funny as well.

Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass. Then draw a red circle around it. Finish up by putting a slash through the circle. (should turn out to be the international no-spanking zone sign).  

Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly.  It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off.  

Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered (like in figure skating or diving)

When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters. 

If you take a message for your top, write it on a post-it and stick it to your rear.  

Tell your dom/me a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment. 

Only speak in movie quotes.   

Give your dom/me a massage while wearing a joy buzzer.

Send your dom/me an invoice for your services.

On a completely unrelated note, I found the cutest and funniest animated kitty thing. SO adorible. Certainly the best one: http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat#p/u/0/3VLcLH97eRw

 And there is a whole channel of them here: http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat

It is totally worth your time if you like that sort of thing :3 

During wax play, sing “Happy Birthday to Me ” and blow out the candle

In the middle of an intense flogging, close your eyes and snore.

Using your best Howard Cosell impression, give a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.

When ordered “Look me in the eyes!” do it cross-eyed.

During a public verbal humiliation scene, stick your fingers in your ears and say, “Nyah, nyah, I can’t hear you!”

Decorate your Top’s leathers with neon polka dots and stripes.

Put a whoopee cushion in your Top’s chair.

“Just say, ‘No.’”

Use the toybag for dirty laundry. Forget to switch the contents before the next play party.

Stick an Alka-seltzer in your mouth at the start of a scene. Work up a good foam, and call out your safe word.

Sing while being cropped.

Speak a language your Top doesn’t know.

Giggle incessantly.

Tell your Top you can’t count because your hands are tied up and you can’t see your fingers.

Take messages for your Top by writing them on post-its and sticking them on your rear.

Superglue the nipple clamps shut.

Attach “clappers” to all the lights in the dungeon just before a paddling

And I am such an evil jerk I would make it a point to do at least half of these xD Hope you got a good giggle out of this like I did! Stolen from someone's tumblr but I don't think I'm going to post the link to it on here. Save the girl some sanity.

So, I've been off camping for a week, so, this is a little bit delayed because it happened right before I left, but whatever.

It seems to me that there are a lot of idiots on here (I know, redundant statment) who think that either:

a.) They can actually report a "fake" account

b.) That all girls under 25 and under 200 pounds are guys

c.)They realize you can't actually do anything about a "fake" account but think that all girls are dummb enough to fall for "You're a guy unless you hop on cam right now and show your tits and if you don't I'm going to report you to get you banned."

Now, even if you COULD report people for being fake, you would have to have some kind of proof. Your paranoia doesn't count.

I've had shit like this pulled on me several times. I was stupid enough to partically fall for it the first time. I hope that a few girls can avoid it in the furture.

I feel like this is going to come up, so I'm just going to say it now. I'm still not a guy. Message me doing the above? Get laughed at and insulted. Threaten to tell other guys? Whole heartedly encouraged to do so. It won't effect me. Thousands of other guys out there that will enjoy my personality and some will get all the proof they could ever ask for. Poor fools that will never get that because they are idiots.

I really wish there was a little more originality on this site.

Getting the same questions over and over makes me want to pull my hair out. It also makes me very much less inclined to answer them for the tenth time that day.

Questions like:

• What got you into this lifestyle?
• What does submission mean to you?
• How are you enjoying this site?
• What have your expirences been?
• How has your search been?

I know that these are all well meant questions, but they are honestly really boring. Not to mention I've been asked them sooo many times.

Another thing, what is it with people making endless assumptions? Because I'm not with someone I've been really hurt and now I'm taking it out on all these other doms.

Right. No. That isn't it at all. I'm just endlessly picky and for good reason.

Also, because I'm not with someone, I'm obviously afraid to commit.

Again, no. Still just the fact that I'm endlessly picky and haven't found the right person yet, Not that complicated here people.

So, from time to time, I get in the mood to go and fuck with my search settings. I spend a bit of time going through a bunch of retarded profiles and just kill a little bit of time.

Most profiles, as you probably have noctice, suck. Nothing exciting, many either too short or too long. (Hypocritical, I know, because my profile used to be an endless block of text as well.)

What really amuses me, though, is the ones that have the worst spelling and no punctuation. It would annoy me on most occations, but a few days a ago my friend had me listen to something. 

If you feel so inclined, go on youtube and look up "A dramatic reading of a break-up letter" I laughed pretty hard, but I also have a wierd sense of humor. Apologizes if you don't like it and I wasted your time.

Anywho, everything i read now with that sort of English usage has that guy's voice reading it in my head. Helps me make it through those really terrible profiles. 

Also, slightly off topic but, there are some god awfully ugly pictures around >< I'm sorry but if you wieght 300 pounds or anywhere near it, KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON. I think I saw at least three or four different girls (I also mean girls because none of them were much more than 20) That had their boobs hanging almost to their belly button and their belly brushing their thighs. 

Not many people, guys included, find that attractive to look at. Keep it for private and for people that are truly interested in seeing it. I have nothing really against overwieght people except when they have to show the world.