I wandered into Wonderland.  It was a cool day under a hot sun.  Everything was upside down and downside up, so, I thought I might stay a while.  Pain was Heaven, Bliss was Hell and which one you would feel in the next instant, no one could really tell.  I took my chances, but then suddenly went running away, hid behind the trees for a while when I saw him walk my way.  Curiosity got the better of me, I must admit, so I peeked around the way.  Much to my surprise, he was nowhere to be found!  I cursed myself and kicked the dirt and continued wandering around.  "Bravery is never wasted", I thought to myself and so promised to be more bold, more brave, and take the chance on tasting...what he offered.  Maybe it would grow me big again.  Maybe it would grow me small.  Maybe, just maybe, a thousand other things or maybe nothing at all!  So, I curled up under a tree by the lake which I'd eventually found.  And I wished that he would come again, though with my luck, he'd make me drown.  Ah!  Dreams and schemes.  These, as such, are  mine.  A simple dream for a simple girl.  Daring to dream, daring even more to wake, let's just say that I fell in pretty deep.  And the rest?  Those are secrets for me to keep.

I can be a victim or a volunteer.  I'm going to be a volunteer. - The Haunting

Terror rather than horror....I can dig it.

Undone

The rapture of your touch enthralls me as you burn the skin you touch with your scornful words, vicious serenades, promises of more to come.

You lay waste to any thought of pride I might have, replacing it with the shame that you fashion and place inside me.

I am spellbound.  Utterly captivated by every part of you,

every part that you allow me to see.  I want to see it all.  I want to see you.

I want...and it does not matter because there is only you and your wants.

There is only this moment and you are here with me.

It is enough. For now.

 And then, it is gone again and my soul claws at itself

willing itself to not exist until the pain returns, your pain,

the chosen kind to inflict on me.  I want to be the object of

your desire, just a thing, just a girl for you to take all of your

contempt out on, your brand of violence out on, your idea of

sick, twisted love out on until I become what you want to see,

not some dream of me, but me.  The one you made.  And unmade.

Made to be broken, built back up, broken again, and say the only

words my swollen, bruised mouth can form, "thank you".  You are a god

and I could not choose not walk down this road with you. No matter the

pain and abuse, the violence in your eyes, the lust growing into some

heated, hated thing, the punishment with each word, each time your hand

wraps itself around my throat.  I am enthralled.  I am in love.  I am in love with

pain and violence and you are the absolute personification of everything I ever

wanted, needed, and ran away from. 

I will crawl upon the altar, all you have to do is whatever you will.

I will clear from my mind everyone and everything I've ever cared for,

and minister only to your depraved, disgusting desires. I will call it love.

The masochistic need in me is greater than any desire I might have for

traditional things.  You could brand me and throw me aside, you've already

branded my soul.

You are the addiction, You are the pain.  You have the control,

and are the only thing that makes me come undone.