A submissive should be a person of high morals. These morals should consist of proper conduct and a propensity for doing what is right. She should have certain qualities that reflect her Dominant’s needs and his direction and her own set of values.
She should be able to accept herself for whom and what she is and should know her limitations but realize that things do change and she will change also. Keeping thinking “stuck inside box” is self-defeating and prevents any positive change. She must take pride and pleasure in the person she is.
She must have excellent communication skills and talk openly and honestly, about what is in her heart and on her mind, she should be able to express her beliefs and opinions and her wants vs. needs and her responses and reactions. She should be able to talk about anything and everything. Having the ability express all of these things directly reflects the intimacy between her and her Dominant, as she fears no recrimination for expressing herself in this manner. She knows that if he senses any turmoil he will guide her through it with a loving and gentle manner. He will wipe away any tears and soothe her scenario calls into play use the honesty of the submissive and the Dominant.
She has the ability to grow within herself, look for, and attain new goals. It is not important if these are mental, physical or emotional; as she grows and sharpens her abilities, she is preventing the relationship from stagnating. This helps her to grow as a submissive and discover new ways to please or serve her Dominant.
She must be able to honestly speak up, be open and truthful about what she says... She must not ever hide her emotions, fears, limit fantasies, ideas and thoughts and never ever tell her Dominant what she thinks he was not to hear! A successful submissive is honest, does not lie, deceive or intentionally manipulate. Honesty builds trust and this is the basis of a relationship. To lie breaks down the trust and therefore breaks down the relationship by removing its very foundation.
A submissive possesses humility. She knows that she will make mistakes and that she is not perfect and admits to them. She strives to correct them. She has an attitude of pride, but humility is necessary to prevent her from being arrogant.
She is intelligent and can think for herself. She has the ability to make informed decisions to whom she will submit and just how deep her submission will go.
She is loyal. This is a very important trait it is the ability to uphold her Dominant’s rules over anyone else. She will not act in a manner that will raise doubts in her Dominants mind about her commitment to him. She will stand by her Dominant even when difficulties arise. This tends to go hand in hand with commitment, as both are necessary for the loving term relationship to survive.
She displays undying obedience. Her willing obedience is as pleasing to her as it is to her Dominant. A submissive does not obey out of fear of the Dominant. She does because she has an incredible desire to please her Dominant. Obeying one’s Dominant is a part of the exchange of power.
Patience is one of the most important qualities a submissive must have. She must be able to wait for things. A Dominant has no tolerance for a pushy submissive. She must be able to wait for things to happen in her Dominant's time not hers. She should be able to determine the difference between what a necessity is and what is not.
She must possess a very healthty sense of pride – self-esteem. She knows who she is and her whole identity does not depend on other’s points of view. A solid sense of self-esteem is necessary to prevent her from becoming too dependant on her Dominant for her own mental picture of herself! This is not to say that she does not listen to advice or other’s opinions, it simply means that she is able to differentiate between what she feels applys to her.
Respect is one of the most important qualities a submissive must have. I think she must have the ability to show respect through the tone of her voice, manners and her general attitude. She must respect her Dominant and be respectful to others. She has to show respect for her Dominant at all times and not just when she feels like it. This does not mean that she will not have arguments it simply means that’ she will strive to have a respectful demeanor even at those times.
Service should be done willingly. She should be able to know what pleases her Dominant. She has to set very high standards for herself and strive to exceed them and go that one extra step. A Dominant may not always acknowledge her good deeds but becomes more and more aware of her willing service and compliance. I think that this is one of the things that helps create a healthy D. /s relationship. I have learned anything that is done with the direct intention of pleasing the Dominant in some manner can be seen as service.
When I close my eyes and visualize the ideal submissive I see a woman who is dressed neatly, hair nicely styled and wearing carefully picked accessories. Nothing about her is ostentatious,. She carries herself with pride and dignity . She is demur as she appears shy, modest reserved. . . Submission is not about sex. It is about sensuality. It is about trust. communication , vulnerability and caring and honesty. It is about being the beautiful sensual woman that resides within. It is about knowing who you are. Submission is not about sex. It is not something one can learn, it is not sex and it is not dirty. It is about a beauty that comes from within, it break down the walls of a lifetime and lets the beautiful sensual woman come through. It is about knowing who you are. In addition, what you want. A submissive is not weak. She is strong in the knowledge of who she is.
It is the freedom to let go knowing that your Dominant is there to catch you if you should falter... It is about pushing to be the very best you can be. Not only as a submissive woman, but also as a human being. It is about learning growing and giving.
It is also about pain, as there is no growth without pain. , as there no freedom without the inner strength to let go of all those walls. There is no sensuality without breaking down all those walls that took years to put into place.
We all need the combination of private plus public time. I want to find someone who enjoys vanilla things also like the mall or movies or dinners out. I seek and need that D/s connection wether together or apart. I believe the submissive wants/needs controls and rituals and protocols.
A submissive needs to serve and please. She does not dress as a slut in public, behind closed doors is a different story.
My thoughts about bdsm are that it is 95% mental. I think it is composed of play, control and the exchange of power. It is not all about sex it but is about a combination of so many factors, the main being emotional need and the need for a relationship built on honesty, communication and respect. I am a very assertive Dom who loves long discussions and the ability to be given equal time in some parts of the relationship. I am looking for a sub who, needs someone who respects her need to be a friend, lover and confident. I have been hurt a lot in the past by settling for the wrong person. I cannot afford to do this anymore.
I am looking for a sub to meet with chemistry between us! Of course I want her too feel that it is honorable for her to fulfill my needs. She will want to be held accountable for her actions and corrected!
Correction is not punishment it is a reminder. I believe any sub who tops from the bottom is wrong and needs to be taught the difference between that and communication.
In short I am trying to find submissive who has character, assertiveness, while knowing that topping from the bottom is wrong, and class.
