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I'm tall, lean, fit, healthy - generally independent and self-sufficient - generally competent, good at digging into details and aware of my limitations. I don't need help, advice, guidance to live a happy successful life. When it comes to my life partner, social life and activities, I want to be able to express my opinion, but am generally easy-going and accepting of my partner's decisions. I'm a sociable introvert - that won't change. I like outdooor activities - healthy activities and diet - won't give those up - social/culture activities for me are pretty much 'go along'.
Then there is the other side of the coin. It has a slight patina but begs for more. I want a partner who wants to dominate that side of life: 24/7, lifestyle BDSM, use, train, humble, disciplne and punish, subjugate, enslave; condition me to accept, expect, normalize my roll, my fate, that my body, its use, and the uses it is put to, are of utmost importance and controlled by you.
You feel no doubt; no need for psychological analysis in these things.You know you're a nice person; perhaps mildly sadistic, but not damaging/dangereous. I would be valued and treasured for what/who I am. However, your real, deep, fullfiling satisfaction, pride and accomplishment does not come from the gift of my surrendor. What you want, what you need, your ultimate satisfaction - and security - is dependent on you finding the right opportunity and making of it what you want.
This won't be easy; not like slipping off a wet log. We both have a lifetime of experience and habit: some need changed, some built on, and some enhanced. You need to teach, and we need to live new habits: engrain that I have NO physical/intimate boundries; that I no longer have a choice between your desire and my desire; that I don't even weigh such things; that my roll is to submit and accept, to have my reluctance or protest over come. You understand that being overcome - not allowed the freedom to not respond and submit, is my want - and what it leads to - an intimately, sexually, dominated core and ever present feature of my partnered life. I'm willing, but certainly not anxious to relocate.
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Feb 2023
Last night, I awoke from a dream in which I'd been asked if I needed or wanted sex. I laid there and thought about it. I need food, water, air. In that sense I don't need sex. However, I more than want sex. It crossed my mind that sex is like gravity - always there. But that's not it either. While gravity is always there (I've not yet made it to the space shuttle (I have an ever-present sense of humor)), it is non-variable, mostly out of mind, never sought - nothing special about it. But, sex ...
Sex is magnetic attraction. Specific. I'm looking for a magnet that's looking for me. A magnet leaves some of its pull with something it attracts - creating mutual attraction. A magnet's force is always there, but varying with its application. A magnets attraction is personal, intimate, reaches in and through it's . The attraction disturbs whatever I'm doing and spins me to face it. The attraction pulls me in, turns me as it wishes, drags me where ever it wants. A magnet is not hindered by clothes, or for that matter, not hindered by any external factor. A magnet is its own force; immutable, forever; justified in its actions simply by being. By its very nature, an attracted to a magnet, kept in its field of strength, is too weak to ever escape. A magnet posseses that which it attracts; every edge, every corner, every facit.
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