Consequence

It is a word that dominates my life, my thoughts, my being. My world is conceived by the myriad of events, the predisposed genetics, the habitualization and socialization that is now my minds eye. Sometimes the thought occurs to me that in a single moment in time I can’t help but make whatever choice I make, no matter how much I agonize over it. My programming will only come to the one conclusion at that moment in time. Another’s programming might come to an entirely different one. Slight influences in information to my brain and a different moment in time could change that outcome.

I have no idea what the relevance might be, but I think about it sometimes. I am an amalgamation of my past, a consequence of my history. It doesn’t bother me either, more of a curiosity. Do I pity the villain, victim and fool alike? Maybe, but actions have consequences too.

My decisions until now will have and have had consequences that will in turn affect decisions again. Hopefully something went right in all that character creation of life and I’ll make a few good choices.

Hopefully

My Perspective:

I have had to continually evaluate myself over the years, my way of thinking, my state of being. And it’s thanks to being a Dom. I have a fair idea of how “normal” people think, and for the most part it’s similar to me, I even enjoy vanilla sex, I certainly like the outdoors, enjoy vacations to tropical places, reading books, a good dinner etc. But not many hours of a day go by when I don’t imagine a scenario where my girl is willingly restrained in ropes pleasuring me in some manner or another, or being punished, or forced to orgasm, or just suspended, making her go shopping with a butt plug and so on and so on.

I had to learn I was different, not evil – very religious childhood – just different. That took a lot of introspection, and some pretty down times, even did a lot of foolish shit as a kid. I decided at some point, I liked myself, with a few possible improvements, and things have improved.

 A good experience with a sub helps immeasurably for one’s confidence too, finding someone willing to submit and trust you enough to do it, is awe inspiring.

Anyway, I was just musing how much I’ve truly had to look into myself. I still do it constantly and I can still be an idiot, but I wonder if I would have gained the same perspective if I was vanilla.