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galvon
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OregonGent100
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Oredom2
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Dorianoconner
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Tom2016
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A couple of hugely important things to know about me. Seduce my mind first.
#1 DON'T LEAD WITH YOUR DICK. If a dick is your profile picture, then please don't contact me. If you think your dick is your best feature then I don't need to know you.
#2 DON'T VERBALLY LEAD WITH YOUR DICK EITHER. This means that if the first thing you say to me is asking me if my pussy has thick lips I still don't want to talk to you. If all you can talk about is fucking, you bore me.
#3 READ MY PROFILE AND INTERESTS BEFORE TALKING TO ME. This means if you ask me some asinine question that I have already answered, I know you don't give enough of a shit about me to read the materials I have carefully included. Since you don't give a shit, hit the road.
#4 NOTE THAT MY PROFILE STATES THAT I AM LOOKING FOR DOMINANT MEN AND FRIENDS ONLY! I am looking for real relationships. I am not looking for online relationships. I am not on the scene to "play". It is a Lifestyle for me not just a kink. If you still insist I'm sending me "play" invitations your message you will be ignored and deleted.
#5 I have included lots of pictures of me and my profile. I would prefer seeing pictures of you as well.
My fet name is R?n Fola. That's Irish for blood rose. I've earned the name. My fetishes are listed in my Interests already so I will tell about my vanilla side.
I live for music. I have over 1100 entire albums on a 128gb SD card in my phone. I can't live without music for longer than a few hours. I listen to Metal mostly (Symphonic, Power, Melodic Death) but I am a Goth from the old days and I love 80s New Wave. I also have a huge love of Outlaw Country. I read a lot. Fantasy, Sci Fi, historical fiction and history. I also read a lot of science, especially physics. I love coffee, beer, pizza, ice cream. Yeah I am a real health nut. I don't watch much TV. In fact, there are only two shows you can find me actually watching faithfully: Game of Thrones (if they kill Tyrion we riot) and The Walking Dead (if they kill Daryl we riot). I am also a 420 advocate. I stand for the legalization of recreational and medical marijuana. I like smoking marijuana but I am also a medical marijuana patient for a number of reasons. I can't think of much else really...... Oh yeah, I am disabled. I am what you call an incomplete quadriplegic. That means I have spinal cord damage at the neck. But I still have a fair amount of function. I need a cane at minimum to get around but I am still an enthusiastic rope bunny. But I guess that would call for a different profile page. I am also on fetlife.com, same name.
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I am about an inch away from canceling this account altogether. I am sick of men who don't bother to read my profile and are just looking for someone to talk dirty with. I specifically state that I am looking for friends only and I specifically state "Don't lead with your dick" and that means physically and verbally. I don't want crotch pics from 76 year old men and I am not looking for someone who can only have an online relationship because their wife can't know. (That's called "cheating" fucktard.) Do I sound like someone who is on here for sexting? No. I am not looking to have online or phone sex. Please get that straight and try to be at least the tiniest bit respectful. Of course, if you can't be bothered to read my profile you won't read the journal either so I am probably wasting my breath. |
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Your profile should tell me just enough to entice me to want to know you better. If you are leading off your intro to me with a dick pic, you already bore me. |
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Ugh! You know, I realize that this site is about kink, but it isn't necessarily about porn. I am referring to people who insist on posting dick pics to their profile. Some even use them as their main picture. My feeling is this - that's not the kind of person I am interested in seeing. I am not a prude. I happily trade nudes or pornographic materials with a partner privately. But I am not interested in the guys who want the whole world to see it. |
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Ladies, watch out for an asshat calling himself @BrooklynRomance. I don't know this person but out of the blue he texted me the following regarding my age:
50? You look 65. So that's what happens to an uneducated, unemployed woman who thinks she is still hip? You look ridiculous...
So unless dating douchebags who send hateful remarks to total strangers is your thing, skip this guy. #BrooklynRomance
FYI the screenshot is in my pictures for proof. |
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Back to the beginning. When am I going to remember nobody wants or can handle all of me or my neuroses? So I am DONE trying to share or even reach out. If anyone cares to to keep track of me find me at
asuicideinprogress.tumblr.com |
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I am beginning to think men are lying sacks of shit. Any women out there who would like to join me in a kinky lesbian love affair that will become the stuff of legend with the passage of time?
[Imzadi, this isn't you. But a Protector that comes on to you is no Protector at all. These kinds of scum are what I needed protection FROM!] |
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I went through something really heavy last week. I thought I should post it here. Ron was a kink friend and I loved him dearly so it sort of belongs. These are the things I posted on Facebook:
May 18, 2016
I just spoke with my friend Ron who has terminal cancer in his liver, lungs and prostate. The doctor has given him 60 days to live at most. But the pain is already intractable and he is always exhausted.
So, before it gets any worse he has decided to take his own life Friday at noon. However, he would like to talk just before for a little bit to hear a kind voice before he goes.
I am not freaked out about this. I have always been curious about playing the role of psychopomp and here it is. I want for him to leave in peace. Any suggestions of the best things to do or say?
May 19, 2016
I just spoke to my psychic (go ahead, laugh but she is very perceptive). She gave me some great advice and much comfort and assistance regarding my dying friend and his passage tomorrow. The spirits are ready to "welcome him home". Their words. A world where no more pain awaits him. Just love and comfort. It is good to know and I am passing it on to him.
May 20, 2016
Today was the hardest day of my life. As I posted before my friend Ron had terminal cancer and planned to commit suicide today because the pain and exhaustion were uncontrollable. Not close to anyone, he wanted to talk to me before the event.
He made this decision just a couple of days ago not leaving me enough time to fly to him so he asked if he could talk to me on the phone beforehand. Not wanting anyone, much less a friend, to die alone I of course said yes.
His plan was to take a large quantity of remaining morphine and wait for them to start taking effect. He was then going to hang himself.
He called me about 45 minutes before his planned time of noon. We spoke of many things. How he grew up (a sad story), he's a kinkster, so we talked about fetishes, making sure his preparations were done, what Chelsea my psychic said, that the spirits said they were awaiting to "welcome him home" and promised a world with no more pain just comfort and peace, what we thought was out there.
After about half an hour he took the pills. He is a Catholic so we said a few prayers and as he started to feel the morphine I sang to him an old Irish song at the end called Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep. Then he hung up and within seconds he completed his suicide.
I was amazingly calm. I was afraid I would cry but I felt an amazing sense of peace. I felt to my bones that this was absolutely the right thing to do. It was time to stop suffering as he was. But when I hung up I burst into tears while I set up and then performed a small ritual to speed his soul along.
So go to the Summerlands my dear friend. Whatever gods or spirits are there are ready to welcome you home. No more pain. Just peace.
May 24, 2016
I just spoke with my psychic and she says Ron was all over her on Friday. He said there was no pain and it ended quickly. He also thanked me for being there for him at a difficult time, that I was a true friend, and his death (because of me) was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to him. 😢 He thought his send off was the most comfortable thing that I could have done and that he went feeling nothing but piece. This without doubt the most breathtaking thing ever to happen to me and it's not likely to ever be matched. |
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The Sub Has All The Power?
I don't live the Lifestyle to have power. I came into it to give up every iota of power that I can. I don't want power. I want SILENCE. I want PEACE. I want the BEAUTY of *that perfect moment* when He has finally come home from work, I have removed His tie and shoes, perhaps His belt too. 😉 He gets a tumbler of Irish whiskey and sits in His favorite chair. I then get to sit on the floor between His feet with maybe my cheek against His thigh and His fingers roaming in my hair.
Most couples at this moment, the vanillas, then proceed into a discussion of what to make for dinner and then a longer discussion of what to do later. How much time is wasted in these discussions? Half an hour? An hour? More? In my ideal relationship what we eat and what we do is decided by Him , so, there, time saved. We can spend that time immersed in each other and not in petty details.
The problem can be that there is glamor and elegance in the "sub has all the power" romantic myth. A panacea for the vanillas who freak out at the thought that they might even remotely be kinky. It's a sugar pill for the hardcore feminists who lose their mind at the thought of any womyn/wombyn giving up a scintilla of power.
That idea, "the sub has all the power" has no bearing on me. It's a shadow play of smoke and mirrors. |
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I am a cutter. I say I "am" because my experience is that it's like being an alcoholic that's sober. Just because they quit drinking doesn't mean they are not an alcoholic anymore, they are just one who doesn't drink anymore.
Cutting does release endorphins, yes, which helps mood, but it's so much more than that. On another level, it often brings an intense feeling of release, like the open wound allows bad feelings and dark thoughts escape to the outside world. On the other hand it can be soothing when one is feeling empty, the pain reminds us we are still alive.
Through a surprisingly gentle and patient Dom my eyes gradually opened to the wonderful world of masochism. I discovered that I enjoyed pain to an extent that I realized I needed it regularly. And then one day I also realized that since I had discovered the beauty of pain I had not been cutting. Pain sessions had filled in all those moments where I would have previously chosen to cut.
I also discovered a need to serve which deserves a whole essay itself. In any case, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was a submissive and masochist. My BDSM evolved into my love of the D/s dynamic altogether and my psyche has gradually been soothed and even, in places, healed thanks to the combination of once having a good Dom to work with me, help provide a space for me to feel safe and secure and then to guide me toward letting go. |
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I find pain therapy to be absolutely crucial to my sometimes tenuous hold on sanity. It's sometimes the only way I can purge and forgive myself for my perceived "wrongs". At times it also acts as an icebreaker, clearing up a logjam of emotions that I can't seem to release.
On the reverse side of the coin, I was able to perform the same service for my Dom who bottled up a lot of anger and depression himself. A good session of caning/flogging me helped Him release all that darkness. He was a man of exquisite control and never went too far (except just once in our ten years together). I guess you could say we were the perfect Sadist/masochist complement for each other that way.
My therapist taught me that it was important to pay attention to my body signals during the process because most people will find they "store" emotions and memories in certain places in their body. So it's important to be observant to what you are feeling and where. Doing so means you will be able to return to those places specifically during future sessions and make this process even more effective.
Of course, complete communication between partners is more crucial than ever for therapeutic pain sessions to be helpful, not harmful. |
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BDSM is very much about spirituality. Deep spirituality is very much connected to altered states, *exactly* what achieved in Domspace and subspace. In fact, it's culturally based as well. There is an tribal group in South America that uses fish hooks to achieve this. During certain ceremonies the men hook them through several layers of skin. They use symbolic, elaborate patterns that bear all kinds of meanings like "beware" meant for the animals they hunt. Needle play anyone?
My former partner, Nigel, and I did meditation and tantric exercises every morning. It truly expanded our minds, and our sexual practices, and brought us closer in unique and beautiful ways. |
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My Dom was also my Beloved. All our broken pieces fit the other and our demons liked to play rough then danced well together. After years of fear I finally felt safe. I have never felt so loved or wanted. My heart soared even as my ass stung. Binding me He gave my soul wings. I was gratefully on my knees at His feet at every opportunity. I loved Him, worshipped Him, adored Him, craved Him like chocolate. All I wanted to do was please Him.
Still, after 9 years I thought I knew total submission. I didn't. Diagnosed with uterine cancer, He took a leave of absence from work. He was there for every appointment, treatment and overnight hospital stay, right next to me every minute. Chemo complications made me sick quickly. One day in the hospital, so nauseous I had no more in me to throw up, He sat on my bed and held me. Stroking my cheek and looking into my eyes, He whispered, "Let it go, baby. It's OK. I am right here. I will take care of you. Just let go." I realized that my submission could take one more step so I took it. Blindly, I stepped off the edge of the world and trusted Him. I never hit the ground.
Chemotherapy was particularly brutal in the end. The last week I was barely conscious. But He was there particularly the last 5 days again, in my bed, holding me in His arms, stroking my cheek and looking me in the eyes. In the brief moments I had of consciousness I immediately found and locked on to His eyes. "Hey, beautiful," He would say. "You are doing great. I love you." The nurses said He didn't move or even sleep those last days. He just stayed there holding me, not wanting to miss a single brief moment of my eyes being open. I just floated in the cocoon He made for me, trusting He would get me to the other side. He did. I was declared cancer free on Oct 2nd.
But life is cruel. 2 months later we were in the kitchen and He was complaining of a headache and then dropped to the floor. He never regained consciousness. In a strange twist of fate I held Him while waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't look deep into His eyes but His hand held mine in a fierce grip and I tried to tell Him everything would be OK but I guess I didn't have His magic. Suffering from a brain aneurysm, He bled out in surgery.
He taught me to fly, but the sky is so empty without Him. |
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| Age: 22 |
| San Francisco,
California |
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