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| There are points in one's life when the right thing to do just jumps out at you. For me, today, that is the cessation of this ID and the focus on a single one. I know that for many multiple IDs are a red flag to a player or scammer and if you wish to judge me so you may. I know that instead they have been part of my exploration of the Dom I am and a measure of how long I have been online. I will confess that on more than one occasion I have used multiple IDs to help identify scammers and fraud. I am not too big to admit that I have been taken in my some very good frauds. It rarely cost me money, but did knock my sense of good judgement. So long story short, I will now use the ID "TheVintageYears". These are my vintage years. I know myself better than ever before. Please feel free to connect with me there if you wish to.
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The other day a member of Fetlife called Knock_on_Wood wrote a beautifully eloquent piece "on submissive women" ( found here https://fetlife.com/users/4278591/posts/3037830 ).
It inspired me to write something in a similar vein about being a dominant. I fear it is not as eloquent as her piece and may benefit from some editing, but I thought I would put it up here anyway and see if it resonated?
the dominant that just topped you is a real man, with lots to give and many responsibilities to himself, to you and to others.
He relishes and grows in the trust and respect you give him. He is energised in the aura of your pleasure and lives for the moments your submission bites and your eyes become those deep dark pools of nothingness, yet everything. The hands that constrain, stimulate and mark you, do so with care and forethought. He is a mirror to your candle. He cannot make you something you are not, but he can shed light into dark places, offer new and different perspectives on life and support you as you grow in his presence.
He may transfix you with the twitch of an eyebrow, a single word or even a glance and he will care for and protect you at your most vulnerable; you are the most precious piece of his world at that time. If you deny him the opportunity to care you diminish the bond you hope to share.
That said many of the aspects that you find attractive, compelling even, make him an integral part of other successful ventures, both professional and personal. Take that from him and he will not be the man you chose to submit to. This means that at times you may not be top of his mind he will be dealing with other matters and needs the space and understanding to do so.
He is strong, yet flawed. We are all human first and thus imperfect. He is damaged, even if he is reluctant to recognise or admit it, and that will likely influence his approach to this lifestyle and to you. Understanding and accepting that damage and the related implications is invaluable for a relationship that will last.
He listens to you he would be foolish not to but he is not a mind reader. He relies on open and honest communication if he is to make the best decisions for you both. If you deprive him of that interaction either by intent or omission you hurt him and he will respond accordingly. The worst truth is usually a better option than the best lie.
He does not confuse punishment with the elements of play. He does not set out for you to fail in anything he asks of you and should you do so will take responsibility in the instances where he has asked for the unreasonable or failed to prepare you properly. He will however punish bad attitude whenever and wherever it manifests.
To be the dominant you crave and enjoy he must be in control of himself and his environment. That can be both exhilarating and draining and there will be times when he is operating below par. Those are times when he and indeed you both need the submissive to step up, carry some of the burden, cut him some slack and be the other half of a true partnership.
Be careful what you wish for, you may or may not receive it he will decide and your actions will likely influence the outcome. In the end the totality can be something wonderful, but it does take two.
Don't put him on a high pedestal unless you are prepared to pick up the pieces and and help rebuild what you have, because one thing is certain - he will eventually fall off. |
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Fast Burn - where does it lead?
Many times i have felt that a Ds relationship has a tendency to be a "fast burn" - like a roman candle firework from my youth, especially in the early days. By fast burn I mean that there is an intensity that is rarely found in a similar vanilla relationship. The connection between two people can bring strong emotions and passion to the surface in an intoxicating and addictive way. The temperature keeps growing for a few weeks/months until it is almost unbearable for one or both parties.
It tempts people into reckless decisions and behaviours, to do things they would not have done a few weeks before and would often advise others against (how ironic!). I have been there!
At the same time with the many added dimensions of Ds finding a match is harder and tolerance of differences is less. I don't mean that as people we are harder and less feeling. In fact just the opposite, we know better what we like and want and what we don't and are not prepared to settle for less.
In the end there seem to be three likely outcomes of the fast burn.
1) It all burns out leaving a disappointing husk.
2) One or both parties get burnt and scared, pulling apart without any real closure.
3) The two become truly fused together as one and this is the start of a beautiful thing.
I fear that outcomes (1) and (2) are the most common and I have had my share of them. I try and learn from each, and sometimes I have said "no more", but the hope and occasional taste of (3) is what keeps me coming back.
What about anyone else?
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I saw the following posted on another site.
"It's all in the eyes, I was once told.
A smile isn't genuine, unless the eyes smile too.
Words mean nothing unless the eyes speak them too."
It resonated with me and I felt I wanted to add to it and bring it here. My additional line is
"Submission is not a gift unless the eyes proclaim it too!"
We often hear that the eyes are the gateway to the soul so maybe that is why I live for the moments a submissive's eyes turn into deep dark pools! |
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This is taken unashamedly from the journal of another, but I really liked it.
There are two kind of Strengths: the strength to control and lead, and the strength to yield and follow.There are two kinds of Power: the power to strip another's soul bare and the power to stand naked.
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Well it appears that patience can be rewarded. Having recovered my profile (long story) I have now met and chatted with a number of real people. It is mostly chat (I know everyone expects there to be more), but for me this only works if you know the other person and that takes a period of conversation (verbal not physical). Also I gain considerable enjoyment from the company of a submissive lady whether that be online chat or over a glass of wine.
Here is to a brighter future! |
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I wonder why I feel foolish when a lady I talk to turns out to be a fake? I guess it is something to do with making me question my judgement. In normal life I rely hugely on my judgement so when it fails me I feel vulnerable. The usual case is that I start talking, well exchanging text based messages/emails. The trouble is that really these convey so little of the information I usually rely on eg body language, intonation, pace of speech, facial expression etc. Next comes the pictures. Some that are sent are clearly "professional" pics lifted from a site. Others look far more real. The ability to search for images via Google or Tineye is invaluable and often finds the fraud as it did for me yesterday. It is strange that people who set up these fake IDs don't check the pics themselves before they use them!!! Of course not all pics that survive the internet search are real, but it gives a increased confidence. If I still feel there is something there then the question becomes how contactable are they? Of course there is always a sane degree of self protection, but if they become too elusive in terms of a phone number or meeting then the alarm bells start ringing loud. Even then though I don't like to think I am being taken for a fool and rather than walk away I seek further verification.
Maybe this pride in my judgement is a character flaw, but at least I recognise it. I have only once been completely taken in and fortunately there was no lasting damage there.
This last lady was good but I found her out within 12 hours so I guess I am getting better, if no more successful in finding the right partner here. |
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| Age: 35 |
| Sarawak,
Malaysia |
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