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People are not disposable.
PERIOD.
This is a core value of mine - and to me it separates BDSM and what we do from abuse.
I am a nurturer yet I also desire to get deep into your mind, to reach deep into your core & your soul...... and tattoo myself there, to plant my seed there deep within you.
The beauty lies in your willingness to welcome me in.
In turn, I extend the same - the same vulnerability - to those I am with.
For me there is no other way, no other option, because of this core belief.....people are not disposable.
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So what do I want ?
I want a partner.
I want a primary partner.
Compersion comes naturally to me, I may be open if the risk to others and "us" is not present to "opening" things up to other people - yet my partner must be mine simple as MUST & I WILL be hers.
I want the person who is the perfect fit for me - and me for her.
I want a lot - I give a lot.
I want someone whom I can open myself up to and give everything I am and all I may be to - and I want the same in return. I need the same in return.
I want someone who I can look straight into her eyes and see her soul, even the darkest deepest essence - and I want someone who is capable of doing the same with me.
There can be no looking away - there should be no NEED to.
I want someone who can feed off my energy, I want to open myself to them - and I want the same in return.
I want - I need - balance and harmony.
I have a perception many people perceive I am intense or serious.
Raw - passionate - emotional.
Fact is people have not seen 1/10th of what simmers in me.
I am not - and I do not seek casual - convenient nor cursory.
For me all of what we do in BDSM centers around the psychology of what one seeks, craves, desires and needs - the character of trust, the freedom to be vulnerable - and connected & bound to & with another.
Everything else, all the lure and trapping of this "lifestyle" merely flow around and or extend from the above "root".
Own the mind, and the body & all else will follow.
Vulnerability.
Courage is not being without fear or angst.... courage is being willing to let go of them and the power they have over us.
Buddha said "Pain is certain, suffering is optional"
One truth I have learned in the past 5 years is this....PAIN IS CERTAIN.
I used to never feel vulnerability, angst , pain - or much of anything.
I also had never felt love.
The truth is once we are open we do not get to select what we feel, only how we choose to process it..
We all must make our choices, and my life, my being, my core, is infinitely richer for the ones I have made.
The flower may stay safely nestled as a bulb, buried under the surface.
By doing so It may never be exposed to the bitterness of the cold, the risk of loosing its bloom - or being eaten by something foraging the forrest ....
Yet without blooming, opening its petals - it can never feel the moistness of the morning dew, the warmth of the rays of the sun, or the joy of being swayed by the gentle breeze.
There is also another tragedy - it can never truly be what it was meant to be......for itself, or for others.
That to me was the greatest realization I have made in my journey, in fact, it was the harsh realization that caused me to start my journey in the first place.
Sometimes one may be best served by being closed, being the bulb in the ground or the closed bud, even if just to weather the winter so it may choose to bloom again in the spring.
The fact is it will never be all it can be until it blooms and is open to the world.
That though is a choice the flower must make..... like being open in a BDSM realm - it's the power of personal choice - and the risk reward of being vulnerable.
I know this, I would rather be an annual and only bloom just once - than the perennial afraid of blooming and having remained constantly buried beneath the surface .....
but that is a choice I made - and one we all must make.
There can be no submission without freedom. There can be no power exchange without power to give. This site requires arbitrary labels - yet I refuse to self assign a label or "title" to myself - it is up to those who know me to recognize and determine what I am to them. In short, I will not label, limit or restrict myself to help strangers identify with me as if they are not willing to invest the time to get to know me - as I shall them - then they are not deserving of my time in the first place. I am simply myself. I can be nothing more and will never be anything less. There is no label that can describe me. There is no role that I will allow to restrict me. The reality is I am whatever I choose to be and more importantly whatever the person with whom I choose to be with needs for me to be Those who wish to know me I would encourage to take the time to get to know me and I will do the same in return. A thought or two about power exchange and submission. I have read banter back and forth as to whether submission is a gift and am amazed by the lack of humility that permeates both sides of that debate. All kinks and fetishes aside in the end it is about the power and bliss of personal freedom, freedom to give oneself, to submit to another. Dominant and submissive are not **states of being** but rather comparative states where one can not exist nor thrive without the other. There is - or should be - an equality, balance - a harmony - between the two. This quote by Barbara Hambly perhaps sums it up best and I would suggest anyone who perceives themselves to be "a dominant" would do well to have the humility to realize this: "That was the first thing I had to learn about her, and maybe the hardest I’ve ever learned about anything--that she is her own, and what she gives me is of her choosing, and the more precious because of it. Sometimes a butterfly will come to sit in your open palm, but if you close your hand, , one way or the other, it--and its choice to be there--are gone." The true beauty, the true power - lies in the others freedom of choice. If the above does not resonate, perhaps one would be wise to ponder what it is they seek in this lifestyle. Relationships and "power" dynamics: The appeal of interactions with others for me is rooted in the interpersonal and the intimate energy exchange that occurs between people. I view BDSM and any other interactions, albeit physical or mental, as merely conduits to an end. OWN THE MIND, AND RHE BODY WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW. I have always found seduction to be quite alluring, enticing and powerful. Nobody can make another do anything they do not want to do, yet we can alter or shape anothers perspectives or perception of what is desired. That to me is sexy. Yet, in the end we all must must all ultimately take responsibility for our decisions. True power is the ability to inspire another to find the courage within themselves. The courage to change, to grow - or perhaps simply to find, accept and love themselves as they are. So, what and who do I seek in others ? Simply to be INSPIRED and CHALLENGED - emotionally, physically and intellectually - and those who seek the same. If anyone wants to get to know me then I welcome them to do just that, get to know me - as I shall enjoy getting to know them. I assure you there is no fetish or kink list that will aid you in the above regard - however here are some simple quotes that really resonate with me and may help give some insight into what is important to me: The tale of Two Wolves... One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a fierce battle that goes on inside us all.... He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then looked intently into his grandfathers eyes and asked : ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old Cherokee wisely replied, ‘The one you feed.’ Fact is I need less "noise" and negativity in my life and it is my responsibility to create that environment for myself. We all have that power in our lives and it is each of our responsibilities to seize it. Therefore I shall surround myself with those who I deem to add value and positive energy to my life - and I shall in return strive to give the same to those who welcome me into their lives. "He Who Knows Others Is Wise. He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened." - Tao Te Ching Nosce te ipsum ~ Know thyself *Tibi ipsi dic vere ~ To thine own self be true "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be ~ Lao Tzu I have learned more about myself in the past few years than the in the 20 years that preceded. I am amazed and delighted at how many new things I am learning each day. One truth that has become apparent is that we are all often shackled by own ego - true happiness and freedom can only exist when we have courage in ourselves - and the trust in another to step away from our own sense of self. We all ultimately seek the person with whom we can share the above, a person with whom we may share both our strength and share in vulnerability. My journey for the above started when it became painfully obvious that I had been sleepwalking thru life. Simply put I was being a coward and shackled by my own ego driven fears. I imagine I am not alone in the above and while I have made great strides in that regard I still stumble now and then - I am human. I recognize and accept that I need to find the balance, serenity and humility in myself to move forward with growth each day and I seek others who share this fundamental belief. We all have a nature - some are kind and nurturing, some are selfish and destructive, some may be a mixture of or have the propensity to fall within the above. I have always known & recognize my nature, my essence - and as such realize that my spectrum can be vast and deep on many ends of the spectrum - I am a Scorpio and good bad or indifferent those traits for the most part do reflect my nature - thus I strive hard each day to be patient and humble. Humility and balance will be the key for me. With that said some other quotes that speak to me: "Never mistake kindness for weakness" ~ no idea who said it but very prudent advice "Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde." translation: Beware of the anger of a patient man. “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” ~ Saint Augustine I enjoy observing others. " We were all were given two eyes, two ears and just one mouth for reason" Communication is 90% about listening to the other, how sad is it that most of our failures stem from ineffective communication. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu "A candle looses nothing by lighting another candle." ~ I can not find the original source but thank Master Rusty for this quote "You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." ~Malcolm Forbes “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” ~ Wayne Dyer "Have the humility to speak not in definitives when you do not know it to be fact. Be free to hold others responsible for their words & actions yet not so arrogant to rashly judge or presume their intent." ~ moi “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” ~ Wayne Dyer quote "Guilt is like a bag of fuckin' bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down" ~ John Milton (the devil) in the devils advocate. "Leave all things - and people - better than you found them" Franklin Roosevelt said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" --- I think that may be a little simplistic. I am more of the belief that the concept of allowing our fears to paralyze or limit us is usually worse than the thing we feared in the first place. One of the more practical aspects to me of the BDSM li in general, is identifying the things that frighten &/or scare me - and engaging in and confronting them. This doesn't need to , nor should it, be limited to BDSM themes. This to me is a crucial element of growing and evolving as a person in all facets. "Cowards die a thousand deaths. The valiant taste of death but once." ~ William Shakespeare Enough of the heavy stuff, a little about what excites me: ( In a clean way LOL ! ) In terms of "vanilla" interests and things I am passionate about: MUSIC: I love music, anything that is passionate and has soul or heart behind it: motown, jazz, Sinatra, all rock, 60's/70's and yes I will admit it some from 80's as well ! WINE: I am passionate about wine, love the subtle nuances, the fact that you never really know what you will get despite how educated you think you may be, the fact that they are always changing/developing and there is nothing like discovering it at it, or permitting it time to reach its peak. You may find a very expensive and well reviewed bottle that is just not good, but sometimes you can find a $10 bottle that rivals all others. I love anything Red, Merlots, Cabs, Anything everything from Italy or Spain or Chile. The best thing about wine is the opportunity to share a bottle over a long conversation with someone when you are so engrossed that at that moment you would not be anywhere else nor with anyone else. * Favorite Movies: Gladiator & Unforgiven * Favorite Food: Fillet * Hobbies: Giving & receiving long deep massages ! * Place to visit: Italy, Rome would be great but give me the wine country * Would like to: Take a cooking class - just seems really cool. * Interests: Photography - low skill level but a good eye (2 of them thank God ! ) * TV: Not a huge fan of most TV but some shows worthwhile are Trueblood (addictive), MadMen & Dexter. There is not much I enjoy on network TV. Things/places that have great interest to me: Great restaurants saturated with character and rich atmosphere, exploring museums, the zoo, aquariums, checking out old neighborhoods with unique and classic architecture, photography, watching anyone compete with passion for the love of competition, the sport/event is irrelevant. Camping, canoeing, kayaking, a raging crackling fire ! And one of my all time favorites - people watching ! Not in a creepy stalker way (lol...seriously !) - just watching people interact as the mingle thru a mall or down a street. Ok maybe I have a little too much free time. Most importantly, I enjoy making people feel comfortable, accepted and relaxed - making them laugh and feel at peace. This is one of there greatest gifts we can give.
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