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Welcome to my profile.
There are many levels and many different flavors of submission the nine listed below are but an example a guide a suggestion if you will.
Take some time and relax...Open up the journals.
The Below Levels Were Not Written by me.
Try the Nine Levels of Submission
"Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words 'submissive' and 'slave' to mean many different things. When submissive s say 'I want to be your slave,' sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their (usually not very genuinely submissive clients) as 'slaves.' At the other extreme, there are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Doms use, pleasure and convenience. And there are many shades in between these two extremes.
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1-THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST. Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).
2-PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing "slave," but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantile, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.
3-PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshipers).
4-TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
5-TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant, but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.
6-UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.
7-PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominants property at all times. Wants to obey and please in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom has first pick of the slave's free time.
8-FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom's pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
9-CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.
The above list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissive s don't fall neatly into one of these categories; there are still further shades in between. (For example, a live-in slave with an outside paying job would be category 7 1/2. Also the same submissive may attain different degrees of submission with different Doms. The list is intended simply to show the wide range of different possible meanings of the words "submissive" and "slave."
In the S/M subculture, the majority of "submissive s" seek scenes in categories 1-3, whereas most of the Dom(mes) I know seek slaves in categories 6-7. If you're a submissive in categories 1-3, you are probably best off seeking a relationship not with a Dom(me) but with a fellow "sub," or with a switchable person into both roles. The two can take turns acting out each others "submissive" or masochistic fantasies.
Of course there are exceptions.
You may never have heard of this writer or read any of her books. However the statement that follows gives a good example of a strong woman that desires to be submissive to another.
In real life she wanted what she never found.She died before she knew the peace that comes from submission to that special person.
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding." - Anais Nin
There are places we desire to go and places we say we don't want to go.
There are things we desire to do and things we say we won't do.
Yet we can't stop thinking about them.
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You can have a great time with role-playing games, safe-words and other means by which to simulate a master/mistress-slave relationship for a period of time ranging from a few hours to life. If that is what you enjoy then no one has the right to criticize or belittle it. But it is just not submission. Establishing limits and expecting the dominant to abide by them reduces him or her to the role of assistant to the sub missive's pleasure. It is conceptually impossible to submit and stay in control at the same time. Nor can one switch it on or off as fancy or opportunity takes one. Submission is an on-going, permanent and irreversible process. It doesn't end with the words or the collar or the brand or whatever. In point of fact, it only just begins there and must be renewed hour after hour, day after day. The security, the caring, the love perhaps, even the turn-on; all these things are the results of, not the prerequisites for, all genuine submission. A slave is entirely and absolutely free to choose whether or not to submit, and to whom, but having chosen s/he relinquishes all control to his/her owner completely. S/he can only do so on faith, because there can be no guarantees. Submission by its very nature dictates no terms and sets no limits. It is undertaken, not because one wants to, but because one cannot, not do it, come what may. It goes far beyond the merely sexual, to the point where it isn't gender-specific at all. It goes far beyond reason or logic, since no one who has ever submitted, has done so without their alarms going off all over the place. |
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Do you have problems making up your mind?
If you have straight hair you want it curly.
If you have curly hair you want it straight.
If you have small breast you want them larger.
If you have large breast you want them smaller.
The list goes on.
One day you say you are submissive the next day you change your profile and say your dominant,switch,or something.
It is tough to be a woman.
So how do you know you are ready for D/s
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D/s and BDSM are not the same.
Kinky is not D/s/M/s.
There are shades of kinky and shades of BDSM in every "Power Exchange."
D/s is something you are. Not what you are doing. It is something both of you are being.
This will be lost on some.
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How alive do you really want to be.
Most sleep walk through life and never know the things they are missing.
What are you missing?
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Without understanding, one setting out to do a thing will likely fail. On the matter of ruling, the powers of sound judgment, influence, and intuition must be sought and clearly honed. These skills are not effortlessly obtained. As ruler, a Master shouldn't be brash or assuming, or allow his sensual pleasures to override his self-sovereignty. He must be comfortable in his own skin, balanced with knowledge of forethought and understanding always that though he is essentially a teacher, never does he cease to learn. |
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When a Master punishes, it is to correct—not reward. Some may find this idea flies in the face of pop bedroom bondage, but our focus is to clarify the reality of the Master, not its kinky facade. If a Master truly wishes to shape his girl correctly, he must not offer discipline as the impetus of an elaborate bedroom game or sensation-based thrill ride. A Master is clear in what pleases him, and does not enable disobedient behavior through his guidance. He rewards obedience with positive reinforcement and corrects with pain of the physical or emotional. Mixing what is punishment and what is reward corrupts and confuses a slave, just as it would a child or pet. |
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Here in the Journal section are thoughts and Ideas that I have found and saved over the years.Some fit and some do not. Each moment that passes we find new things and see older things and ideas in different ways. |
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When you read an entry to the journals like the one dated 4/15/2004,
You will see an over all view of how many people see the lifestyle we have here in this group.
The D/s life is thrown around as if it means nothing at all,as if it is just a walk in the park that one takes every now and again...
However
It is the deepest most important relationship two people could,ever/will ever have.
There is not match in any form. |
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..."it is you who enslaves you....i merely give you permission.....can you understand that simplicity?"
Profound statement,yet so true in its simplicity.
Not only does the Master give permission
he guides and directs as well.
The guidence and direction you so desire.
A person can not direct another if he first has not gain control of his own life....
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It really is all a fantasy. The more conversations I have with people here, and elsewhere, the more it becomes clear that, despite their proclamations, everyone is truly searching only to have their fantasy fulfilled. Every sub/slave wants their knight in shining armor, albeit carrying a whip, to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to a lifetime of subservient bliss. Every dominant male wants his ideal woman to come crawling toward him, offering her mind, body and soul to him unconditionally, to use however and whenever he see fit, and promising to be eternally grateful for the pain and pleasure she receives at his hand.
Of course, in retrospect, I guess this is in many ways, a form of escapism from the mundane rut of daily existence. The popularity of BDSM personals sites attests to the reality that the thought of giving or receiving pain, control, humiliation and degradation provides many people with an avenue to envision themselves in a way unlike their everyday self, and to receive vicarious satisfaction in finding that others share their dark thoughts and feelings, and that it is OK.
So the new reality seems to be this: there is no reality on these sites. The very few of us who are truly looking for the One will stay, providing the only grounded, practical responses to the fantasies of the majority. We will do so because we have invested significantly of ourselves in pursuit of this lifestyle, and in the hope that, eventually, one who is as true as we are will find us, and our search will be over. | |
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Found on the web.
7 Pleasing Characteristics of a Submissive
1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be truthful in your desires, experience, fears and limits. I have seen many submissives tell "little" lies thinking it will make them more desirable. It usually ends up getting them hurt. If you have questions about what your Dom desires or expects, be honest and speak up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable to looking ignorant. Remember, all Doms are different. Don't assume because one wants you to wear stockings that another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc.
2. Submissiveness. I prefer my subs to submit. I want them to surrender their will to me. I like them to be polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned. There is nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top from the bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Master, if it pleases you, I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that happen much sooner than intentional misbehavior.
3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to, and how deep your submission goes. If it is a relationship situation, get to know the person as a friend before you consider submitting. If it is scene-play, get references and follow safety rules, watch them Top others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for you. Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with your Dom. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and get to know more on the subject. Keep up on current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take up some of the same hobbies as your Dom. These are good relationship skills...be it vanilla or D/s.
4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom happy, and do your best to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires, and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your TDom have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two times that I like my coffee black, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.
5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and figure out everything that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much rather have my sub tell me her fantasies so I can store the info to use when I choose, than have to guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly say "Whatever pleases you, If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't be enjoying it, either. Admittedly, I am occasionally selfish, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100% of the time.
6. Self Respect. Value yourself. There is no thrill in dominating a doormat, or someone that thinks so little of themselves they will submit to anyone at anytime.
7. Patience. patience is the mark of a good submissive. I do know that the best things are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding submissives are really not submissives at all. |
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What is it you dream about when it is just you alone with your thoughts.
Have you served before? what does the word serve mean to you?
Can you let go and be...Be that which you really want to be.It is easier to say you can let go, than to really do it.
Everyday we are swamped with so called experts telling us all the ways we should live,the products we should buy...how much better our lives will be if we just do and use what they suggest.
Its the same in the M/s/D/s lifestyle. You are attacked from all sides with info...info on what you should look for...what a real Master will say in his replies to you.What a real slave will say...or should say when she contacts a Master.
The problem with all of the above...is: Everyone is different...You who are reading this...you are different. You don't want to be just like everyone else. If you did you would not be here on this site reading these words.
Decide what it is YOU are really seeking and what type of training you really want and need.
How do you want to live? If this is all new to you and you are just starting down the path to this wonderful world we call the lifestyle...then welcome. Be careful of the evil serpents along the way. Unless of course you are seeking an evil one.
What does it all mean to YOU? |
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