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I do not want any of you to call me Maam, mistress, or any other name but my own. Ask me how I wish for you to address me and I will tell you.

I am not asking for much. Or demanding much. Come to me as you are and I will be as I am. That is all that I can promise. That is all that I can accept.

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11/2/2023 7:40:50 PM

I thought we were falling in love but it was just me. Haha. 

9/2/2023 10:44:24 AM

A Raven and a Wolf


He sat, kneeling really, slowly panting, under a soft leather hood. It was laced tightly, almost preventing his every breath. And in the darkness, under the hood, he strained his ears to hear whether she was near, or far. He inhaled, trying to find her scent, but could only smell the leather of the hood. He tried to feel if he could sense her presence closer, but nothing. The air was still. His mouth, dry from nerves, with lips slightly agape, didn't utter a sound.


So he waited, arms bound, shoulder back, chest forward and exposed. Uncomfortably upright. 


She sat before him, watching him lazily, like how a cat does with a weakened mouse, very still. A hunter and their prey. She was breathing evenly to hide the excitement pooling inside of her. Hands encased in buttery soft lamb skin gloves, the color of his hood, the color of her whip, the color of blood. The color of her lips.

A red so beautiful. Her eyes sparkled at the idea of it coming from his body. Beautiful and broken. She could sense he was searching for her; a slight turn of the head, listening, perhap?

Leaning forward gently; trying to smell?

Like a dog, she thought, just like a dog. And she sat there far longer than even she desired to see how far this "dog" would go. 


"Bark, dog" she commanded in a low voice 

And he barked immediately, no hesitation. She pulled back her hand and slapped him, his head jerked, body lurched, chest rising and falling rapidly. A noticeable difference between his legs. There it was again, a hunger to bite into him. Taste his blood. Consume him. But only silence. No whimper, no moan, not a sound escaped him. She wondered if he were bleeding from his cute little mouth. Again she slapped him. Softer than the first, a loving caress, bits of his hair peeked through the laces of the hood and she wanted to grip them and tear them away. Would he let her? Perhaps. 


The next slap, and the one after, opposite hand, and he fell forward just enough that his face touched her thighs only separated by the hood and her own stockings. The rule was he wasn't allowed to touch her unless she said. This was a broken rule, however accidental. She stood and let him slump forward in a stupor, supported only by the tension of the rope tied to the foot of the bed.


Bark, dog. Dog. He barked. 

Up, dog, and he returned to his previous place, exposed and upright. She stepped forward, the toe of her shoe pressing down on the sensitive flesh of the head of his dick. She crushed it gently until he sat even straighter. She held his head in her left hand, caressed it gently, leather on leather. The smell intoxicating her. Raising her right hand she slapped him again, over and over until her hand grew hot even under the glove. Was he bleeding? She hoped so. She hoped to kiss him and bite his lips and taste his blood. She wished she could see his eyes, dazed, glassy, far away. She caressed his head. And whispered, "you may touch me" and he pressed his face into her hands, her thighs. Still no sound, he was so silent.


"Bark, my handsome boy" and he barked, hoarse and painful as she encircled his neck with her hands. This was his idea, he had inspired in her a lust for choking him until he was nothing and drifting away in the ether. She squeezed, her hands perhaps too small, until he gurgled. She wondered if his eyes were open or if they were dimmed. The hood obscured so much. She squeezed until he seemed to go limp. And she let him. Shoulders yanked uncomfortably under his weight. 


He awoke. Arms aching, face hot but no longer enclosed by the hood. He could see her though his vision lacked acuity. She was standing over him, wrapped in pink except for gloves. He yearned for them then. Yearned for them to be around his neck, feeling the bones of her fingers threatening his very life. He wanted to ask for it, for her to choke him, strangle him, but knew it was to her whim that he obeyed. Obeisance was her pleasure. He looked at her, eyes soft, left cheek swollen, lips split ever so slightly and she leaned down and kissed him, sliding her tongue over the drying blood. He kissed her back, gentle, but hungry. 


Her kiss was soft but grew more passionate until she bit him and suckled his mouth. Did he love this part of her? The softness before the sting. 

She broke the kiss. Her lipstick perfect but her mouth and chin stained crimson with what must have been his blood.

"Open your mouth, I'd like to try" she said softly. A shy whisper. So unlike the command to "Bark". 

He angled himself upright, head back, lips parting painfully like a little bird.

She leaned forward and let her own saliva pool in her mouth and slowly let it fall into his. He shuddered. His excitement excited her and she kissed him again before he could even swallow but this time it was wild and wet. Her saliva all over his mouth, chin, cheeks. 


"I have to whip you now, are you ready?" She asked and he nodded. A question was not a command to speak. Dogs do not speak unless commanded to speak. She untied him and his body fell forward. Not used to its old range of motion. His limbs buzzed from having sat in one position for too long. He wondered about how much time had passed. Funny thing, time. Why did it matter now when he was in the moment with her.  

Without the hood he realized he could smell her. A warm sweet scent, perhaps arousal. And he thought then about being forced to please her like they talked about in passing, forced until exhausted and even beyond. After play. Her, in her pink, looked like candy and he wanted to lick her. She must be sweet. 



She looked down at him and his face was peculiar, his mind was somewhere else and he looked rather cute. But she was jealous at the idea that his mind wasn't on her and she kicked him in the stomach to bring him back to her. He coughed and curled up as she walked to retrieve her whip, preparing for the next step in her courtship. 

"Up" she commanded and he got to his feet, winded, bruised. Arms still behind his back. She released them to tie them around the post of the bed. The bed post being the whipping post, isn't it somehow romantic, she thought. 


"If you need me to stop, tell me, I won't be gentle otherwise" she said to him, her mouth on his ear. His hair was slicked down with sweat and he smelled musky. She liked his smell. She bit his earlobe and stepped back a couple of feet and threw the whip. Lash after lash until he tried moving away. Pulling at the post until it creaked. She wanted him to cry but he only moaned and groaned, no tears. Just a brow drenched in sweat as his back went from fine pink lines to slowly oozing wounds. If he didn't give her tears then she would have blood. 

He pulled desperately as if trying to escape her and she threw the whip furiously, lashing whatever she could reach, his ass, thighs, calves, neck, even the back of his head. The post groaned as if it would break under the strength of him trying to flee.


"Do you want to get away from me?" She asked. His breathing heavy, labored, his body wobbled as blood poured from him, he shook his head no, weakly, and looked over his weeping shoulders with hazy eyes. Finally he spoke, a clear and clean "No, ma'am" from his lips now dry from mouth breathing, swollen from having been bitten and slapped.


The no rang through her body and she leapt at him and kissed and licked his mouth, his shoulders, his back. Barely containing her arousal, her hips moving in slow circles. She was so hungry.&n

7/30/2023 2:44:11 PM

What a disappointment 

4/7/2023 2:39:56 AM

I do not have a problem with interacting with other dominant individuals as long as they respect that I will not submit. Some dominant men are quite physically appealing, intelligent, and have tastes that align with my own. There's a kindredness there that can be fruitful. If ever we'd meet though it would be quite "vanilla" as I will not submit, I am a Dominant sadist after all. .

What would be ideal for me, at this time, is a submissive masochist, preferably black. 

3/8/2023 5:04:48 PM

I fear I've been too kind when I stated that I'll accept someone for who they are. Lately I've been rather disappointed with the state of some of you. 

10/22/2021 4:45:34 PM

It appears that the journals have returned 

3/31/2015 11:33:30 AM
Available evenings and weekends.

1/28/2015 8:11:13 AM
I find that most people avoid talking about racism or enjoy race play. The racism and prejudices I've noticed most often involve specific adult acts that are attributed to specific ethnic groups. A black dominant male friend asked me about some of my likes and dislikes, and when faced with what I enjoy he said to me, in the most horrid tone, "you got white boys don't you?" Then he laughed. I'm obviously not white but I was offended. Especially since it showed me that through his many years in the lifestyle he never once considered that there may be black masochists. I realized that I have nothing to learn from him when it comes to the mental aspect of the lifestyle. His close mindedness is not new to me though. I've spoken to white men that want to be "abused" by non whites because, and this is a direct quote, "black people don't have power so it is taboo." When we think of racism we often forget that it does, and will, seep into our adult interactions. It will range from being avoided because of your skin color,or being desired for it. I never recommend that a bottom/sub/slave get involved with a Top/Master/Mistress if they only seek to act out their guilt or anger at how the world has been working. The same is true in reverse. Don't let people turn you into a fetish. Know the difference between fetish and preference. Never be afraid to question the motives of those who seek to interact with you. You have a voice and autonomy and you deserve respect. Always keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

1/13/2015 1:39:09 PM
I find freedom in simple destruction. Delicate toys broken beneath me. Bliss.

1/12/2015 1:11:51 PM
I love the snow. I hate the winter. I've shoveled too much snow this winter. It is killing my back.

1/8/2015 9:12:49 AM
On all fours. He was waiting. I do not know if he was eager. I was. I reached out and ran my hands across his exposed body, all of his naked flesh opened to me like a good book. I fingered the pages of him I ran my finger tips across his back, thighs, ass. Such a beautiful ass. I kissed him there and listened for him sucking in air sharply. Raw beauty. I imagine that this is how an artist feels while looking at a blank canvas. So many places to start and so much to express. He was a poem not yet realized and I was overwhelmed when it came to putting it down on paper. I didn't want to bother with a warm up, with taking my time, I had waited a long time for this. Next time I'll be slow, deliberate, careful. Next time, I'll be eager but not nervous. I won't be startled at how soft he is, how graceful he can be as he rocks with each push. His groans were like bird song especially with the bound twigs of the birch rod. I opened him a little. Milky flesh, warmed pink with angry red lines. Lovely red lines. Oozing and weeping with his life force. I was wet and trembling. He caught me touching myself when he looked back at me. This was intoxicating. There was a level of vulnerability that left me floating but I needed to return to the ground with a kiss. I ran my hands over those beautiful lines. I ran my lips over those lines. I kissed and licked where he was wet. A level of intimacy only shared with my abject slave. MY abject slave. I was alive and connected way before the whip, like a bridge of thread, had sewn us together. I was finished. We needed more room for Serene and Gaetana. Again I did not go slow. I wanted to lick him and bite into him without being gentle. Next time I will take my time. Next time I will make it last. This new motion of figure eights across his body. There weren't many, I didn't count. Gaetana left the most beautiful marks. He described them as shooting stars. Serene, the peace she brings me even with my body shooting sparks, she bit into him. I missed my mark a few times through my excitement but she cracked into him. He was unmoved save for the sweet viscous fluid dripping away from him. I had to stop. I was ready to melt away in his bed. I was ready to pinch each new wound and feel the heat of flesh and blood on my fingertips as I rode my pleasure to the highest peak and jumped off. His exposed body, his vulnerability, his kiss. This is making love, sadistic and sensual. Special, a true art of marking the flesh. This is deviant heaven and I am God welcoming him home.

1/6/2015 9:53:17 AM
5:30 meeting cancelled. So I'm free. :(

1/6/2015 8:55:43 AM
I'm a mother. I've often pondered the future of my halflings. Yes, I call them halflings. I wonder how many other kinky parents have wondered about their kids. We live in a society that is patriarchal. It is common for strong vanilla women to willingly be led by a strong vanilla male. Power couples. Most vanilla relationships involve sexually aggressive males instead of sexually aggressive females. Most sexually aggressive females that I know have engaged in femdom relationships. Something that is normal to me, to my life, has become a taboo and so is used to spice up love lives. Any way, I bring all of that up to touch on something important to me. I have two daughters. I understand and feel that there is nothing shameful about being submissive or a bottom, but I would probably be quite disappointed if my girls were more comfortable in a male led relationship. I can not imagine that the fruit of my loins would roll so far away from my tree. I do keep in mind that their father is not dominant and they have aunts and uncles that are not dominant, they also live in a society that encourages females to cater to and submit to their men. I cannot understand the appeal. The idea of submitting to anyone, especially a man, makes my skin crawl. Like I said before, I don't find the act of submitting to be shameful but I also do not completely understand why anyone would want to do it. I also acknowledge that I benefit from that strange desire. It brings me sexual pleasure, sensual delights, and money. If my lover was not submissive, well I don't know what I would do, lol. I have no desire to follow the directions of someone else and I would hope that my girls, who are so opinionated and sassy, would be just like me. I'd hate for them to grow up,end up kinky like me, and on the receiving end of a whip or collar. Blah. I'd have to accept their life choices but I'd be so confused. Any other kinky parents wonder about the future adult lives of their children? I want one thing for my girls and that is happiness, if that means that they are successful, well adjusted, tops then I'd be happy; I would also have to accept them for being successful, well adjusted, bottoms. Especially if it makes them happy.

1/4/2015 8:58:16 AM
Vivid dreams of what it felt like to have you between my teeth. Helpless animal waiting to be consumed. Resigned to this fate of pleasure. My fingertips remember your flesh, they remember raised welts on the softest skin. They remember the cooling wetness of blood. They remember the silk of your hair and the muscles on your shoulders. My thighs remember trembling until they were sore before clamping shut around your head. They remember the tickle of your whiskers. They remember your nibbling teeth. My mouth remembers your lips, soft, insistent, opening to reveal a tongue. It remembers the taste of your breath and saliva. It remembers your exhale and how you inhaled my moans. My eyes remember your body, your face with its eyes shut tight against the pleasure. They remember pre come and the beauty of a rosebud waiting to be opened as each petal is plucked. I remember and I recall earth shattering orgasms, gushing like a waterfall, unable to contain myself as I become free. I remember the safety of owning you, marking you, lovingly loving you in all of the ways that I have known how to in my fantasies. Vivid dreams.

1/3/2015 5:51:50 AM
Back home to Buffalo in a few hours. Back to Hell if you do not drink, like sports teams that frequently lose, have a car. Back to Hell... I will admit that I am, more often than not, in a state of "loneliness". But buffalo is the the place where I have felt most alone. While in NYC, I did not do much. I visited with my lover once and went to the museum with my children and God sister. Both of those things were rather fun because my lover is amazing at what he does, he worships me and loves me, and my oldest daughter almost destroyed two pieces of art, though one piece resembled trash. Buffalo, though many natives will feel it is an amazing place, is like a wasteland to me. There are so many bars. I live near four of them and they are very close by and always busy. Anything worth doing is many miles away, certainly not comfortable walking distance. Things are more expensive here than they should be. "More expensive than they should be" I'm from NYC so the fact that I have to say that is amazing. My museum visit was a suggested donation of 16 dollars here in Brooklyn, it was free for people 19 and younger. I would have suggested that I pay maybe ten dollars to get in, lol. The museum of science, in buffalo, is 10 dollar admission for adults, 8 dollar per child between 2-17. If I went alone, alone as in with out their father and paid with my own money, that would be 26 dollars for myself and my two kids. Ridiculous. So back into Hell, an expensive wasteland if you like art, science, history, but you do not drink or have a car.

12/31/2014 10:39:11 AM
My experienced lover says I am a natural with the whip, but, my lovelies, I need more work with the cane. Masochists of buffalo, lend me your rears. Pun intended.

12/29/2014 8:41:42 AM
Life is the longest thing you do. It is literally never too short. It isn't a tv show. You know what happens when you stop living life? You die. There are no commercial breaks, you can't take a year off and come back to it. Life is what you are doing, right now, while you are doing other things. How many other things do you do every single day, non-stop, without trying? Even if you only live for twenty years, life will literally be the longest thing you have ever done. Life is not short, Not at all; no matter how old someone is when they die living will still be the longest thing they have ever done. So stop with all of the "life is too short" crap. It takes no effort on your part. If you managed to avoid dying until you got a job, lovely. If you managed to avoid dying until you bought a home, great. If you survived the horribly dangerous childhood of people past, then super awesome. Not every one gets to do those things because the longest thing they had ever done, which was live, ceased to be. Don't use your life as an excuse any more. If doing something you have no control over is the only motivation for you to kick start your dreams then you should have accomplished them at conception. Life is long, it can be exciting or boring, hard or easy, sad, happy, etc. But it is not too short. You have all of the time, that you can perceive, in the world. So go for it, follow your heart, Chase your dreams, try not to harm others because you may have a lot of time to deal with your errors.

12/23/2014 5:48:28 AM
NYC for nine days.

12/13/2014 8:52:10 AM
The basement would make a good play area but it smells like cats.

11/27/2014 7:08:26 AM
If you are:

a racist

anti semite


christian basher





against religions that are considered pagan



conspiracy theorist

anti republican

anti democrat

anti socialism

anti government and hate those that are pro government

pro government and hate those that are anti government

Then please do NOT contact me.  Save yourself the trouble.

If you have an opinion that you did not come to on your own and you think it is law and fact then do not contact me.

If you have an opinion about religion, government, race, sex, etc but you do not have valid points to back them up in a debate then do not contact me.

If you claim that Jews are taking over the world but only have the proof of foil hat conspiracy theorists then do not contact me.

If you claim that muslims are taking over the world and want to kill all non Muslims but only have tin foil hat proof then do not contact me.

I am black, I am female, I have friends that are pro life, pro choice, Muslim, Jewish, christian, pagan, catholic, trans, gay, straight, communist, democrats, republicans, trans sexual and trans gendered, sub and Dom, American and non American, of all shades ethnicity and color. I have friends that believe in conspiracies and friends that do not.

I will take your bigotry quite personally so keep your right wing, left wing, nutty, aggressive, hateful, opinions to yourself.

11/26/2014 10:25:30 AM
What shall I do? I need cucumbers and Richard won't be home until later, much later and I do not want to start dinner too late. (Yes, I cook)
Should I put the girls in the double stroller and walk to the super market which is an hours walk away? Or do I just forget about the cucumbers?

11/20/2014 12:00:44 PM
I saw this somewhere and I liked it.

What is the difference between a sadist and an abuser? A sadist causes erotic pain, an abuser just wants to cause hurt.

What is the difference between a masochist and a victim? A masochist gets an erotic thrill from judicious pain. A victim just gets hurt, maimed or killed.

11/12/2014 7:30:35 AM
What do I want out of a sub/slave?

Trust and devotion. I want my boys and girls to trust that I will take them to a higher plane of existence. That through suffering unto me they will achieve a new sense of what it means to be who they are.

I want my property to trust that in being trained as a tool for my pleasure, that being trained to be a pet worthy of my love and attention, that there will be no danger not worth meeting.

Every lash of the whip, every stroke of the cane, every slap across the face and every time that my heels or my toes presses into any part of their being is a sign of love and affection.

Seek the pleasure of and for no other and you will be rewarded with my happiness, my vivacity and my sexual intensity.
Trust that I will lead you all ways and always with sensual touch and word and firm corporal guidance.

I will close with a modified prayer that someone I love dearly writ for me

Raven is my Mistress; I shall not want.
She makes me lie down with Her in green pastures:
She leadeth me to the waters of Her lust.
She restoreth my soul:
She leadeth me in the paths of pleasure for Her name's sake.
Ye, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of pain, I will fear no stroke:
for She is with me; Her belt and her cane comfort me.
She preparest a love nest before me in the presence of mine enemies:
She anointest my head with her breast milk; my semen runneth over.
Surely I will follow Her pleasure and strict mercy all the days of my life: and I will dwell in dungeon of Raven for ever.

9/9/2014 5:20:59 AM
Quite nequient when it comes to hanging blinds. I actually need help with this.

8/7/2014 1:02:45 PM
Pleasure is my power.  

He gladly is led to the altar to be sacrificed before the might of the female orgasm.
His only worth is giving what can be spent over and over and endlessly until fluid is no longer left and blood is no longer available to engorge her mound.
He can be found kneeling, working, tired, exhausted until his hair is wet with the effort and his beard is scented with her sex.

Muffled moans as her love is poured down her leg and his wrist with his head pressed tight to her breast.
He is teased, bitten, his hair is pulled and he is slapped.
Is this a sin? A sin to feel so good that you threaten to explode.
The head of his cock is pressed into the wetness between silky folds, up and down, back and forth until she reaches her peak. He waits.
He is listening to her vibrate before splitting open. He has heard that she contains an ocean and it can only be reached by sacrificing his pleasure for her pleasure.

Much is to be done to release the Goddess that he so gladly kneels for.
She asks him how he remembers the best moment when they made love.
He answers like a lions roar, a sound mighty but eclipsed by the sound of mountains falling before her, with her, in her. Her orgasm is so much more than the sound of a cat in the night.

It is magic, how many full moons did he last inside of her, pulsing heat and shiny head knocking into her until she was quaking and covered in sweat? Knees burning, back aching, lips sore from choking back screams of agonizing ecstasy.
Pleasure is her power. She teases him all day and tortures him all night.
Denying him an orgasm until she is well spent but still so hungry for sacrifices.
Until she is thirsty for an offering and swallows all that can be had from him.
And he is unraveled as an alms, benefaction before this, her Holiness, this divine sex Goddess trapped in mortality, flesh.
Until he can but only hope to prostrate his self before her. Lie supine on her altar to be mounted and delivered again into her silken, wet, Elysium. to sip Ambrosia with the Gods.

8/6/2014 11:14:22 AM
I am considering starting sessions soon.
Local Masochists only

8/6/2014 11:13:38 AM
Humid Desperation

Earthy, musky, sexy.
Warmth and wetness that fingers seek.
Nuzzling mouth, naked, save for a five o'clock shadow.
Maybe a mouth rouged with pink or red.
How it searches through an expanse of curled bush. Tasting and smelling and being thrilled
How a tongue can become erect and flutter, collecting dew like blades of grass. Amazing hummingbird dances.

I will not dare close my eyes to the sight of someone pulled deep past my brown and into my pink.
Epicenter of delightful feeling. Suckling, grazing, gazing up and into me.
Sucking until I am reduced to fluid movement and guttural moans. Maybe squeaks and purrs and rigid spine. Quaking thighs, fingertips digging across shoulders and scraping across ears.
Or tugging on feminine nipples.
Before an ocean contained with in me baptizes this person into one of the faithful worshipers of Venus in the flesh.

Venere, Venere, how one can pray to become prey to fickle divinity just for a taste of heaven between dewy, soft, dark lips.

Earthy, musky, sexy.

5/29/2014 4:13:22 PM

If I do not remember a person there is always a good reason for that.

Some people are just shitty.

5/29/2014 7:26:33 AM

Happy Birthday To Me.

5/12/2014 11:25:10 AM

I would like to settle down with one slave/sub/bottom some day. When I am stable.


I have always been the marrying type.

5/8/2014 7:57:22 AM



He stood at the sink, face flushed from orgasm. His cock was half erect and still slick with my juices. I sat at the table in my robe reading Machiavelli. He had chores to do but every time that I looked at his warmed bottom blushed pink I would feel a thrill move through me. Every so often he would tug at his collar uncomfortably.
"J. stop touching your collar." I commanded
"Yes, Ma'am, I'm trying but.."

I didn't let him finish, I spanked his bottom. It was already covered in welts. He and I had only come back from shopping a few hours ago. I was excited to see him in his shackles. He was nervous. He saw me eying the cat o nine. He could feel my excitement and lust as we drove home. I needed no excuse to "punish" him but I chose him gawking at the biker babe with her tits propped up to her neck. As soon as we were in the house I was on him. Tearing his clothes off like a mad woman. He was kind of quiet. His breath came in short rasps. He was already erect and throbbing. Pre-come oozed from the head of his cock as I gently gripped it and led him to the bedroom.

I attached the shackles to his wrists and ankles and secured him to the bedpost. I gave his ass a few pinches to test how far he could wriggle and move. I adjusted the tension as needed and proceeded to walk around the bed, one side, then the other, teasing him.
Torturing him. I took up the cane, let is whistle through the air and let the blow land beside him on the bed. He jumped and whimpered. I let it swish and fall several times before hitting my mark.
He yelped and wriggled but he was stuck fast.


"fifteen strokes for staring at the walking pair of tits, J. You will learn not to disrespect me in public. Count them out."

"Y-y-yes Ma'am." He blubbered


By stroke ten he was properly warmed up for the cat and I was properly wet to be fucked. I couldn't stop. I let the cat gently lick his thighs, up to his weeping bottom, over his lower back and then his shoulders. I could smell the leather. The sight of him, sweaty, covered in rapidly growing welts, was simply delicious.



I raised my arm and let it fall. He didn't whimper much, as if all of the fight was taken out of him. New welts came up across his back. I raised my arm again, this time it was his thighs. He was quietly sobbing. Again I raised my arm, over and over, maybe ten times until I was trembling with lust. I dropped the toy onto the floor and climbed onto the bed, I licked and kissed each welt, each bruise, each mark across his pale flesh. I nibbled and sucked and rubbed him until his whimpers of pain were the heavy breathing of desire. I was mad about him. I spread his pained cheeks and peered down at his delicate rosebud. I hadn't tasted him there yet. I leaned close and touched him with just the tip of my tongue, enjoying the feeling of his tensing and relaxing. I explored him thoroughly before trailing my mouth down to his balls and the exposed head of his cock. He began to grind against the mattress, whimpering like a puppy.


I thought he would have been too tired of being nestled in my pussy by now. I had taken him inside of me often since he and I met. Several times a day, over and over, until I was satisfied or he was too exhausted to become erect. I released his leg shackles and loosened the ones on his arms. "Now, boy, you may fuck me." I threw myself on to him and we rolled until he was on top. He thrust into me quickly, roughly, deeply. None of that slow love making that he seems to prefer. He fucked me with a ferocious lust. I moaned and traced each welt on his back with my fingers before digging into them. Instead of weakening his ardor it only increased it. His erection became hotter inside of me. The chains still attached to the leather on his wrists clanked melodically.


Finally he moaned, a real moan. He was letting go of all of his fears with me.

"J!" I arched my back off of the mattress. I was dangerously close to an orgasm.
Just a few more thrusts and I was there writhing, moaning, squealing until I was nearly limp with exhaustion.


I did not give him time to rest. I pushed him off of me and had him to taste me, taste what he could do to me. He murmured gratitude and brought me to another lovely climax with his fingers nestled inside of me.

For hours I fucked him, toyed with him, forced him to come over and again for me. Before dismissing him so that he could wash the dishes. There he was at the sink, his bottom warmed up and covered in delicious welts, his back stripped with red as I tried to focus on my books and not the come slowly puddling between my pussy and the chair.

"Didn't I tell you to leave your collar alone? You are so disobedient. Come here."

He quickly knelt beside me and I stroked his face lovingly before pulling him in between my thighs to clean up the mess he caused only two hours ago.
Those dishes could wait.

2/20/2014 10:49:51 AM

The strange dreams continue.


It started off in a hospital bed with my god sister, the bed was round and floating above the floor. blue and white lights twinkled above the bed. We laughed and talked but I had to leave to meet my lover.


He and I were intimate but I had a feeling that he faked his orgasm. I left to go back home but I forgot something and went back. When I got there he was with another woman.


We didn't argue until I got back home. I remember saying to him, via text, that I wasn't the one being naked with women. And he asked me would I have felt better if he had asked first. I just sat there looking at the message. I didn't even answer. I just walked back to the hospital to see my god sister but she wasn't there, her room was empty and I was alone.

2/11/2014 9:20:03 AM

Last night I had a dream that I was sitting down to tea with my mother.

I told her about all of my fears and desires while she sipped her tea.

I told her about all of my troubles as she lit one cigarette after another. The smoke began to burn my eyes and yet i continued to speak. Finally I was quiet with tears streaming down my face. I wanted an answer to my questions, I wanted reassurance. I looked at her through the cloud of thick smoke and she smiled, I could barely see it. She suddenly leaned forward and grabbed my face, and as she exhaled smoke at me she said, "What the FUCK do I know about you, I'm dead."


Then she disappeared into the smoke.

She became a part of the smoke.


I woke up in such a panic with such a feeling of dread.

1/30/2014 2:03:27 PM

I am always touched by despair when I finish a book. The feeling is similar to my panic, as a child, during my mother's burial. I remember her white casket and how it seemed wrong for the clay colored mud to be tossed onto it. The red mud on the white casket was like a goodbye and it sent me into years of depression.


Finishing a book is a very mild feeling but it feels the same nonetheless.

My heart aches for hours and at the most it aches for days. It aches even as I start a new book. I have talked to others and it seems that I am not alone in that feeling.


I wish that someone could explain to me why a few of us feel a sense of dread or despair upon completing a book.

1/30/2014 9:33:43 AM

I have had that dream again. The dream of whipping an older gentleman in a theater.

Accompanied by a young woman about my age who is kneeling silently at the edge of the stage. The dream is so real to me that I can smell the leather, and hear the screams echoing out.


I haven't the slightest idea as to who the man is. I also do not know who the woman is. I really do not care.


The dream puts me in a queer mood and there is no one here to satisfy me.

1/26/2014 5:13:57 PM


Riding away from our city into a darkness, holding on to a memory of a scent.

I play with my tongue in my mouth, holding on to the fragrance of parsley kisses.

I can still taste it.

It stays with me, his words, as they slithering out between a bashful smile.

"I'm sorry but I really like to eat parsley."


It was like hearing "I love you" in a foreign language. You can feel it but you do not understand.

That moment of him was more real than 50 minutes of sucking the breath from between his lips. My warm hand gently dancing across his warm back was a solid thing in a world of wispy vapor.


A shiver moves through me as the powerful seconds unfold before my eyes.

It wasn't grinding into his lap that mattered but kissing his flushed face. It wasn't soul shattering orgasms that I didn't know could exist without batteries but eating, quietly, beside him.

My mind was not racing, there was no fidgeting.

It was feeling a peace and yet a yearning for another taste of him.


I wanted to swallow each moment into my being.

Oh, I wanted to build a picture of who we were together before the goodbye.


I wanted to write him. He is a poem. I always seem to fail to capture what it was like to look into his eyes as he touched me gently. I can not seem to express how it was to be open to him and to feel his eyes running over me in such a tender way.


Riding away from our city and into darkness of my life was a microcosm of every hello and goodbye. I brush my fingertips over every inch of me that he kissed and I realize that I have covered all of me with the memory of love. Moments of us that were real. Moments that I breathe into life to send as whispered kisses to him on a light wind... back home.

1/9/2014 7:58:23 AM

How do I handle bad news? Externally, very well. No one ever has to know that I am in pain or upset or sad. No one has to know that I am frightened or worried. Inside is a different story, I am a mess. one body full of panic and terror and sadness. I swallow back tears and wails and anger.


Sometimes, I lash out at those most near or dear to me and with strangers I am curt.

I am very honest, and relatively open to people. I am also quite trusting but with these emotions, with this kind of bad news, possibility of bad news, I lie. I lie to those around me because I don't trust them with my fears, with my pain.

I know exactly what they would say and it wont help.

But I can't work through the insanity alone, I've tried.

12/28/2013 5:42:51 AM

I had a dream last night that is preventing me from returning to sleep.


It started off with me going to a gathering with a lover. He ignored me the whole time but I didn't seem to care. I was immersed in so many different conversations with a group of very interesting people. Jumping from subject to subject was fun but I could feel eyes on me. I turned and didn't see anyone looking my way although I could still feel the eyes.


I returned to my conversation, in love with the attention, but it was all interrupted by a soft but very deep voice. Someone behind me had whispered that I deserved better than him. I turned to see a tall, curly haired, black man looking down at me. His eyes were so sad. He apologized for interrupting and walked away. Soon after that a woman approached me, she was cold, her eyes were like ice. The group of people that had been talking to me quickly disappeared. The woman spoke to me. Every single thing she was loaded. She didn't like me; I didn't care. She apologized for the behavior of her "boy". I let her know that he wasn't a bother at all and that I wanted to talk to him, see more of him.


Her fake smile disappeared and she walked away from me. I was left alone again. I was alone for a while.


The party became a mall or a store of some kind. I was with the man from the party, holding his hand as I talked and he nodded quietly all while smiling. He never took his eyes off of me. I droned on, blushing, talking, laughing. I stopped walking, let go of his hand and reached up to pull his hair. I just wanted to see what his hair felt like and he moaned and thanked me.


The mall became the living room in my childhood home and he was trotting around in a circle, whinnying with a bit in his mouth. I was trying not to laugh because he looked so cute. His hair kept bouncing all around and his eyes were wild. I will never forget the eyes on this man. Every time the training whip touched his skin he went a little faster.

He ended up strung up from a beam in that huge living room with welts and bruises all over his beautiful almond colored torso. I released him and he slumped to the floor. He kissed, licked, and sucked on my toes as I leaned forward to spank him. He thanked me over and over. Then we made love on the floor.


What I remembered best, upon waking, was his cock. Long foreskin that hid an apadravya.


Needless to say I woke up very wet.

12/14/2013 4:23:50 PM

I don't always believe what I read but this thing on cafe mom seemed to ring true with me about some people that I know.



Also, since I am so giving when it comes to compliments I guess I qualify as well.



12/10/2013 7:21:42 AM

Winter is coming and I am craving some fun. It has been many years since I've had sex in the snow. I find that it is good for my sinuses.


I do not have a lover nearby and I do not have any play partners in this city.


I am not complaining, I could have them if I wanted them but I am very lazy.


January will bring someone new and wonderful. Something that I dream about often.


Winter is for lovers. I didn't buy a dress for nothing.


Maybe by February I will have written some new stories.


The Lovely Adventures of Padrona Venere and D.


12/8/2013 6:46:01 PM



No, I wouldn't harm a fly. ;)

12/6/2013 7:06:47 AM

I have been in good spirits for two days.

There hasn't been anyone to piss on my parade.


I hope that nothing bad happens until after January.

I hope that nothing bad happens at all.

11/28/2013 9:05:41 AM

He said that I should beware blue eyed Latins. Fair warning he said.

I didn't have the heart to warn him about the Siren singing on the shore.




What am I thankful for?


I am thankful that I have an open heart.

It gives love freely.

It receives love freely.


I love you all.


Happy Thanksgiving

11/27/2013 3:07:04 PM

619 399 6237

You can call that number as much as you want. It is not mine but it was sent to me.

11/26/2013 9:58:09 AM

I try to remember that everything that I have ever read is simply a different combination of twenty and six letters.


I try to remember that everything I have ever written is simply a different combination of twenty and six letters.


11/23/2013 3:11:17 PM

This site is sorely lacking Female to male transsexuals.

11/21/2013 8:11:30 PM

He came to me crawling with his tongue wagging out of his mouth.

He hadn't been able to catch his breath since the heel of my shoe slammed into his balls under the table at the restaurant. This had been months of planning. I practiced how I would touch him over and again in my head.

My pussy dripped, clenching and relaxing repeatedly, in my panties. I wanted to tear him apart and then walk all over the broken pieces of him only to rebuild him to do it all over again. I traced with my finger tips each old scar on his body. Memories of Mistresses past. I lifted one soft, buttery smooth boot to his mouth. He licked at it like a starving dog.

"You were so hungry, no wonder you came looking for Me." I whispered.
Up and down he went, stopping only to lick the buckles until they gleamed.
His cock oozed excitement onto the floor. I rubbed one sole into it and offered it to him. He murmured before lapping it up.

What a good Boy.


Ach! If only dreams were reality.

11/17/2013 7:13:33 PM

Alone in my thoughts.

The wind howls, rain patters against the window.

I watch the trees sway.

This dance is violent.

Branches creak, the house groans.

I have forgotten to breathe.


11/16/2013 5:54:42 PM

Why is it that some of you people act like children? Act your age, not your shoe size.


This idiot, LovingLeather, has been sending me messages. They seemed pleasant enough until he asked me if I liked leather. I answered honestly.

I am not a fan of animal products. From that moment on he was belligerent. Calling me all kinds of names. He even had the gall to tell me to leave him alone, mind you I did not contact him first.


A few days after that he sends me a message saying that he wants to be my slave or something to that effect. I deleted the message unread. He then sends me a message no more than ten minutes ago telling me to kill myself for crowding up collarme space.


If anyone is out there reading this, LovingLeather is a nutjob and a loser. Stay away from him, especially if you are not a fan of animal products.

11/10/2013 12:19:37 PM

It is always by way of pain that one arrives at pleasure.

Marquis de Sade

11/8/2013 6:43:58 AM

It came! It came! The sound it makes as it cuts through the air tickles me.


I slept last night.


I went to sleep at 8pm and didn't wake up until 12am and that was only because  my legs were hot. I went back to sleep around 12:15 and didn't get up to look at the clock until 3:30am. Back to sleep around 3:40 after contemplating calling mia amore. I wasn't up again until 6 in the morning. Back to sleep at 7 and finally ready to start my day at 9.



Today will be a long and interesting day with planning the birthday girl's festivities. Being 3 is a big deal, you know.

11/3/2013 1:32:29 PM

Some people just can't leave me alone. 

I have ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends that I sorely miss. I will not deny that.


I will not deny that I have done some pretty creepy things like stalking their fb pages, and looking at their profiles here on cm (but not viewing it because, you know, that would mean that they knew that I was looking. lol)


But I would NEVER make a bunch of fake profiles filled with responses from their journal entries. That is just weird and crazy.


I write my journal entries because that is how I FEEL. Writing is how I express myself. If I write about my ex guys and gals it is not because I WANT them to see, it is because I NEED to get it all out. I will not modify my profile or journal in retaliation. Nor will I modify my profile or journal as a way of creating dialogue with someone.


That would be creepy.

What is even more creepy is that this guy is creating accounts to "watch" me.

I am more than a little bit disturbed. I wish that he would just go away and move on.


11/1/2013 7:38:52 AM

Right before waking I had a dream about a middle aged white male, fair skin, brown hair, green eyes, glasses, married, maybe 160lbs or so, about 5'10".


In the dream I caught him on the computer and noticed that he had a collarme account. I looked him up and he doesnt exist but that was the most realistic dream I have ever had.














10/30/2013 2:59:39 PM

Set before me was a feast for my eyes.

My mouth watered at the sight of him.

Soft, delicious, flesh. clean and smooth, save for a few scars.

My beating heart was loud in my ears as blood rushed to warm my now very wet pussy.


My mind raced with thoughts of what I could do to him and with him.

All Mine. To touch, tease, taste and toy with.

To use and love with my whole body.

My whole being buzzed with lust and love.


Spanking, to warm the skin

Caning, to warm the blood

Whipping, to warm his spirit

Kissing, to bind him to me


A feast before my eyes. Beauty and life.

My thighs were made wet at the sight of him.

Warm, red, welted flesh. Cleaned with the tip of my tongue.

All Mine. To caress, to adore, to sooth.

My beating heart pumping swiftly in my chest as blood rushes between my thighs as he kisses my still wet pussy.

10/30/2013 7:56:45 AM

Here I am with writer's block. What else is new, right?


I haven't been sleeping very well. I am, yet again, having dreams that are so erotic that they wake me.


I have limited to no interest in shibari and yet it is in my dreams.

These dreams are probably a by product of my sexual frustration.

10/29/2013 9:39:32 AM

While cleaning I came across a love letter, already sealed in its envelope, for you.

I stared at the address for a long time, I stared at your name. And for a moment I missed you.  The letter was a test. I held it, brought it to my face and sighed. I opened it to remove my panties and tossed the letter in the trash.


I was strong.

I am strong.

10/26/2013 12:33:41 PM

Sweet torture.

What does it mean to lean close to heated flesh, stick out your tongue to taste a welt?


10/24/2013 8:55:14 PM

I am thinking about building a tesla coil. I get bored with new projects so I may never finish this one. Just as I never finished knitting that blanket, and I didn't finish making a stuffed polka dotted piggy.

10/23/2013 3:53:01 PM

It was like a roller coaster. it was building up to an insane peak before crashing down to the ground. On the way up I had ignored the fact that there weren't tracks on the other side. I held on, rode my way up and watched my sad and pained face right as I met the ground. Fool me twice shame on me. Never again will I give my attention to a person that is so insane that they don't care about the lives around them.

Little Miss safety girl should have noticed all of the signs and bid that ride Adieu.

10/22/2013 4:40:36 PM

When you give love and trust be wary. Not everyone is deserving. Not everyone will keep you safe. Some only want to hurt and destroy love and kindness.

10/22/2013 4:22:27 PM

You and he are like twins. Down to your very souls. You both chased whores so every woman you meet you treat like a whore.


Not every woman is interested in chasing every swinging dick that they see. That is not who I am. If that is what you want then continue to pay for pussy and continue to be unsafe. I am not interested in that kind of man.

10/20/2013 6:34:06 PM

I have not had to block someone on Yahoo in a very long time. I really do hate blocking people. Usually, when I tell someone to leave me be they do as they are told. Some people are persistent though.


Le Sigh.

10/20/2013 9:50:14 AM

I did not sleep very well last night. I had dreams of you that would wake me. What a feeling to wake with you on my mind.

10/14/2013 7:52:58 AM

An exchange that I had with an ignoramus:


First message, from him


"fat most ugly black women dont accept black slaves because it's immortal for a slave to be enslaved by another black and plus they know black dudes dont give up do anything they want to do only UGLY REJECTED white men do. Not even confident white men just ugly rejects."


Now I want you all to know that I was confused by the message at first. It turns out that this is a message from a young black male. Go figure, eh?


My message, a response to his own.


"What? what you said makes absolutely zero sense. Slavery was not something that had ethnic bias. Black slaves had Black masters, white slaves had white master, black slaves had white masters and so on.


I am also assuming that you meant immoral instead of immortal. Morality is a based on what the majority decides.


If you are going on today's standard then no one, black or white, that is into slavery or servitude is considered moral by popular standards. If you think that the proper way for a D/s relationship or dynamic to happen is interracial then you have some issues when it comes to race, not every one else.


And that whole "black men don't give up, they do what they want to do thing" has a deep psychological root that I am sure is far beyond your comprehension but we wont get into that. I can tell by that short, infantile message that you are not ready for that kind of thing.


Have a nice life."


His response:


"No, you lost monkey. Black women on here prefer white slaves because you apes have low selfe steem you coons can only get ugly white men but you know black men not dealing with your shit. Lmfao. White women are better. I worship all non-black woman not white women only but colored Middle Eastern women.


Black women are simply ugly."


And my lengthy retort


"Like I said, it is a you problem not an us problem. You are a self racist which is why you feel the way you feel. It is no skin off of my back, I don't care how you feel about our people, I do not share your ignorant view. And you also assume that I do not have black men, which is a very asinine assumption. You are the epitome of ignorant, and that is okay. lol


If you think white women are so much better than be happy with them. A sane, healthy, normal black woman wouldn't know what to do with a thing like you. I also hope that you know that middle eastern women have black blood. There are only three ethnic groups in the world. Mongoloid, Negroid and Caucasoid. Most Middle eastern women (the middle east is attached to the African continent) are very much so black.


Any way, there is no reason to try to talk any sense into you, you do not and will not understand because you are stupid. We both know that you are stupid and every woman that deals with you knows that you are stupid. I just hope that you never intend to have children because they may be just as stupid as you are; surely you will teach them to be.


I feel sorry for any daughter you have especially since you consider black women to be ugly ape coons. I wonder if you will call your daughter those things.

Do us all a favor and get your balls lopped off or at the very least get a vasectomy."

This guy is the text book definition of stupid.

10/13/2013 9:45:47 PM

Racing mind, loving heart.

10/12/2013 11:40:18 PM

I can't seem to help myself.

10/10/2013 7:08:06 PM

I have too much energy right now.

10/9/2013 2:48:23 PM

I had a dream about my ex last night. I was being interrogated. I was being accused of killing him. The last thing that I remember is this conversation.


"When were you last in contact with Mr. G?"


"I haven't contacted him since the day that I called you guys. I have not seen Mr. G and I do not intend to!"


I practically screamed myself awake. I was so annoyed this morning but I hope that he is okay.

10/8/2013 7:27:44 AM

I am trying to practice my equanimity. All while the gears keep turning quickly in my head. I react instead of respond. I should respond instead of react.

10/4/2013 3:16:02 PM

I will be away for a few days. I am feeling emotionally raw. If we have exchanged phone numbers I am always free to talk.

10/2/2013 10:00:33 AM

I laugh at the silly "dominant" men that send me completely ridiculous messages.


Every single day there is some new bullshit in my inbox. But never has there been anything as laughable as the message I received a moment ago.


Hello im Sean im known to have broken many Dommes, even the strongest of pro Dommes turning them into my cock sucking pig heres your chance slut come and submit to your superior Master and beg to kneel and beg for my 5 cock and thank me bitch Master Sean

I do not know what a 5 cock is, I do not wish to know what a 5 cock is. I imagine some tentacled monstrosity from Hentai. Either way, this buffoon is not only rude he is also a bloated, pig faced, weeping sore on the shit covered ass hole of this planet.

No matter how many "Dominant" women he has "broken" he still has absolutely zero right to contact someone in such a manner. I would imagine that someone, such as himself, is missing a chromosome or something.

I am amused by all of this.

Hey, tough guy, if you reading this journal entry, I want you to know that if you're ever ready to play with the Big Girls you better come with a helmet and a cup because I. play. hard. :)

Take no prisoners.

Show no mercy.

Leave no witnesses.

I'll eat you alive

10/1/2013 7:29:24 PM

The girl in the looking glass is too much temptation.

How she winks at me and teases me.

Her lips whispering to me as she undresses. I've seen that body before.


I gaze at her, her lips, her eyes.

I am in love.


Sweet Narcissism.

10/1/2013 7:51:07 AM

I am absolutely terrified of butterflies/moths. If I had to choose between spending the night in a room with a murderous lunatic or in a room with one hundred butterflies I would easily stay with the murderer.


Last night, while I was on the phone, A huge moth flew into the room. I squealed and ran for my life.


The man on the phone asked me what I would do if I had encountered a moth while with a "lover". My honest answer is that the person would be required to crush the moth.

The man then asks what would happen if my "lover" was all tied up.


I would leave the poor guy/gal.

I would. It would kill the mood, erections would be lost but that is how it would be.

I did get a chance to be brave last night.


I saw the moth again; I killed it. (I hope that I used that semicolon correctly)

9/29/2013 4:15:20 PM

There are a few things that truly get me hot and bothered


Older people (male and female)

foreign languages (italian, spanish, russian)


torture devices/ impact play toys

having my "spots" licked, sucked, kissed and bitten.

the sounds that another human being makes when in pain/ pleasure.

an intelligent person

an uncut cock

body hair on men, pubic hair on women

and getting my way.


I can find all of that in one package. :)



9/28/2013 1:55:39 PM

I stayed up late last night. I had good company. I went to bed. I had a pleasant dream. A dream about a polyglot, a human runway and a popstar.


I don't remember the dream. I wish that I did. It must have been good because I did not want to leave my bed this morning.

9/26/2013 7:58:54 PM

Up, "window" shopping. I realized that I only own ONE dress. A dress that I wore once two years ago.


I am a casual chick. I don't own any bright colored clothes. If it isn't black then it is gray.


I was a standard punk goth before the girls were born. I haven't updated my wardrobe in 4 years.  Of course, this is not including my shoes.


I have no idea what will look good on my new body. I have no idea what jewelry to wear or what goes great with my shoes. I have these amazing legs to show off and I haven't a clue as to what I am doing or what I should consider buying. I should just wear pants. Pants and a blouse.


A blouse, something else that I do not own.

What jewelry goes well with a blouse?! How the fuck do these "fashionistas" do it?!


Square one. If I ever end up dating a guy I will have absolutely nothing nice to wear. We would just have to stay home in bed, not that I think he would complain. Even if he wanted to complain he would not be able to utter a word through a gag.


9/25/2013 2:30:44 PM

Strangers pass on the street.
Always so close. Their shoulders brush but it is never crowded. He apologizes, his breath sweetened with the scent of her musk. A deep, breathy "sorry".

She smiles and nods, her nipples stiff against her soft bra. An aching throb across her clitoris.
The thicket of hair on her mons venus still wet from his tongue. From where his hungry mouth sucked and licked and nibbled her flesh.


Once a month, there is a knock on her door in the night.

Soft echo in the dark. Her shadow dancing on the walls. His is wailing, howling at the moon. The Moon.

His Moon. He leaves, broken yet whole. And they know each other. Intimately.

Before becoming, yet again, strangers that pass on the  street.

9/24/2013 11:43:00 PM

He is sjuch a tease. I dont mind him turning me on. He is good at it, from his deep, sexy voice, to the things that he says in that sexy voice.


And oh does he say all of the right things! I end up all night. When I do sleep it is he that lives in my dreams.


9/20/2013 2:21:22 PM

Dani, Dani, Dani. Are you going to be my girl? ;)

9/18/2013 8:56:20 PM

I should be sleeping right now. I am becoming the character in the book that I am working on. That kind of makes it easier. If any one, that isn't truly insane, cares to converse I am awake and bored.

9/18/2013 12:03:37 AM

I found an old picture of me. I was wearing many bright colors and yet my eyes were sad. For some reason it reminded me of you. Of my ear drums after we would stay up all night talking about things that made us laugh and snort as you yelled in your Samuel L. Jackson voice.


I never look for you, I never expect for you to look for me but I have to say it. I have to say that "meeting" nice guys kind of freaks me out. I am waiting for someone to suck me into a whirl wind of emotion, Highs and lows, only to tell me to never contact them again.


Fucking Twat. When I read that text I laughed out loud. I was furious, doing something nice, panicking over the well being of someone who could care less. I still wrestle with whether I really loved you or not. I wasn't broken after what we had had ended. I was angry, and amused but not weepy eyed. I cried once.  Fucking Twat. Never contact me again.


like Tourette's syndrome the word vomit was all over me. So when a nice man dares to "look" at me as I carry around my emotional luggage I am frightened. I am scared shitless. The collarme universe is unkind. It is unkind to those that are most intelligent, to those that are inept, those that are beautiful and those that are ugly. It is unkind to the men and the women, the tops and the bottoms, the subs, the slaves, The daddies, mommies and sensual Dommes. It is unkind to me. I have not been very fortunate and you were my last misfortune.


But who is keeping count, lol. Certainly not the dead eyed girl drowning in a rainbow. And neither is a man that talks entirely too loud when excited. Who weeps openly when hurting. Who can write such nasty things when angry. Who is so human just like me.


I am only human. I am afraid. I am strong. I feel. I can love. I can be open and kind. I can be cruel. I can be colorful. I can accept the kind words and company of a nice guy.

I can forgive you.

9/17/2013 8:50:40 AM

I could stay up all night just listening. Thinking about you. Wanting you.


And there is nothing that I can do about this feeling. I am consumed

More than I can admit.


Seconds tick away and I am lost. Floating on air, giggling through out the day.

Mon cherie amour. Hearing your voice calling to me in a breathy whisper as I whimper.

I had a dream about you. Poetry. Everything was still, quiet.

The ticking of your heart kept time. Lulling.

Tenderly, I was held. Finger tips danced in lazy circles.

Evening waltz, expert hands.

Nearing the sunrise of bliss. Morning smiles and wet thighs. A wonderful dream.


                                "Harder. Faster. I want all of you."

9/13/2013 11:21:35 PM

Oh, here we are at the precipice. Your orgasm is right there but you can't reach it with out me. Try as hard as you might, Reach as far as you can. Each time you get close I will take it from you. Your orgasms are mine to enjoy. ;)

9/13/2013 6:41:28 AM

Gosh. Every single night, for the past two weeks, I have had one or two erotic dreams before morning.


They are not all the same, the do not feature the same "mystery' man. But these last few dreams have had a woman in it. A young woman about my age. Last night's dream was a bit more steamy. It is getting so that I can NOT wait to get to bed and get to sleep.


I have never been a poly-amorous person but being loved, enjoyed, worshiped and adored by two mysterious dream lovers is AMAZING!

9/11/2013 9:00:35 AM

It was only a dream. Feather light kisses on bruises. A laugh that cuts through the heavy breathing and yelps. The heel of a shoe biting flesh with each step. A moan that sings. What a sweet song.

9/2/2013 3:29:37 PM

There is nothing better than a man with a beard to ride.

8/23/2013 7:38:01 AM

I am a slave to the moment and to her. She captured me as I watched her lick into the flesh, raise welts atop the body as she sang. Breaking the sound barrier as a threat. The sound is a laugh from her. A laugh that I have heard before but only in my head. The big laugh that I internalize when touched by a wicked excitement. Sensuality so delicious that it felt like a stolen secret. A laugh that tasted so sweet as it nearly dripped from my lips.


She took me away into the heat of night as I was witness to the weakness in the knees and yet they stayed there, helping him to stand before her might. He needed her more than she needed him.


She shackled me as I watched, frightened and aroused at the brutality of it all. Some would say that she was just an object and that the person wielding her was the Master but I saw different. In the long, thin, braiding of her body, her butt, handle, thong and popper. She was an elegant and cruel Mistress. Smiling lips, a titter as she says something snarky that cuts and kisses all at once.


She sang, again, to me. Calling through the air. Asking me to touch her. Feel and smell her. Use her to lick the flesh and weaken the knees.

   "You and I are meant to be, don't be afraid of me."

I reached out to my captor, lovingly. And she faded away from me.

A dream, a sweet dream.

Oh. Now I must have a whip.

8/17/2013 4:11:09 PM

Writer's Block. I need a muse, I've said it many times before. My poetry is best when I have a reason to write.


I am trying to type out these fricken manuscripts and I have drawn a blank. Nothing is flowing from me. I have a boring/ non existent sex life. I have not had good sex in two years. That is a long time to go without an orgasm from sexual intercourse.


It is not just that I need to get laid, it is that there is nothing interesting going on in my life. There is no drama, no deep pit of despair to wallow in for a few days. Maybe I will have a down period to fuel me. Or maybe the older gentlemen that I converse with will say something that triggers a poem or a short story. Who knows.


But for right now I am stuck, fingers hovering over the keyboard (not right now, of course) waiting for inspiration to come.

8/14/2013 6:21:27 AM

The Silence. (not the Whovian type)


Under cover of night, in the cool air, two strangers met to become friends.


After conversing there was touching. Gentle touching, firm holding, kissing. It was nice yet when it was over nothing was left but distance.


All that seemed to be remain was a red bottom, bruised lips, tender nipples and bite marks across flesh and silence.


So much silence in that night. Silence that tasted like regret and disgust.


Silence that covered up the excited tremble of a woman on fire, silence that smothered excitement.

You sure are quiet, well you have always been a quiet guy. Never speaking unless something needed to be said.

8/8/2013 8:10:11 AM

Restraint means having a conversation with someone, that you find sexually appealing, and not masturbating.  :)

8/5/2013 10:20:52 AM

"So long, farewell, goodbye, aufwiedersehn."


"I'd like to stay and try out some more pain, yes?"



8/3/2013 1:07:55 AM

It feels good to be honest.


When you wake up everyday, feeling like The Joker inside, life can be miserable.


It is nice to know that in a friend I can confide.


I wish everyone all of the love and kindness in the world.


7/30/2013 10:55:06 PM

The possibility that one can love too much is disturbing.


Some of us are given the advice to never be the one that loves too much in a relationship.

How do you tell what is too much and how do you gauge how much your partner is giving love?


I probably love too much, it is simply a chemical reaction in the brain. I am capable of loving and  I do not stop myself from feeling love. There are people that I dont love anymore and there were times when I lied about loving someone.


But have I truly loved someone too much. Only my ex lovers can tell me that. It is an opinion after all.

I wonder if Tulip thought that I loved him too much, Maybe Guppy thought so too.


I havent asked Red tie how he felt about me loving him. It feels like ages ago that I loved these people. I wonder whether I still love them.

7/29/2013 12:47:41 AM

Slaves, be subject to your Masters with all of your reverence, not only to those that are just, good and equitable but also to those with perversions
first peter 2:18


The Bible can be Kinky.

7/27/2013 11:01:48 PM

I am nauseated and frightened.

7/27/2013 1:39:57 PM

I think that it is time that I do something with my Talent.


When I get back home to Buffalo I will be contacting a publisher. I can no longer be afraid to pursue my love for poetry and short erotic tales. I have zero clue as to where I should begin.


Wish me luck.

7/23/2013 5:17:42 PM

I walked, in the heat to Fluevog. I was welcomed with many smiles. I told the sales woman about the shoes I came to see and she quickly brought them to me.


I sat down and she put the shoes on my feet for me. She had such beautiful eyes. I admit, I was turned on. I walked in the shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. I wore the shoes for a few minutes before buying them.


She asked me how I found out about the store and I told her about the sweet man who paid for the shoes. She smiled and told me that she has a pair and she loves them. She told me to scuff the bottoms up good so that I wont slip when I go out "dancing".


I have never, in all of my days, heard a person refer to trampling as "dancing".


Today was a good day.

7/21/2013 9:55:46 PM


(I am running out of juice, I need a muse)


The moans came through the wall and woke me. Feminine and full of want paired with deep, guttural vocalizations. They fucked like animals, our neighbors. I lay there, my eyes getting used to the dim light of the moon through the window.


I felt you stir, your hand so warm compared to the cool air of the room. For a moment I had forgotten that the other one was still tied to the bedpost.


The moans became louder as their head board knocked against the wall that we shared. I held my breath, listening for her climax as I wiggled closer to feel how "awake" you were.

You were listening, more to me than to her. Waiting for me to utter a word in the dark. Waiting for permission.

I wanted to speak to you with my body. I wanted to be boisterous as you gave yourself over to the pleasures of me once again.


"You can untie yourself, you know," I said with a smile "We don't want you to lose a hand."

I could feel your smile as you worked at the red tie.


You shifted your hips. I imagined what your bottom must have looked like. Was it red, slightly bruised? Hadn't you made noises similar to hers only hours before?! Noises coaxed out of you with a few well placed swats to your ass, noises that grew louder and louder until I could no longer stand it. I'd like to think so.


You stretched, and I saw you wiggling your fingers in the dark. Fingers that had been drenched from an orgasm so beautiful that I went with out sight for a minute or two. Hurting you always did do something to me. I closed my legs tight, trying to decide between listening to our neighbors and giving them something hear.


I turned on my side, pressing my ass against the soft, yet rigid, flesh of you. There were those moans again, coupled with the knocking of their headboard. A knocking that matched the rhythm of my beating heart. You planted a kiss, so softly, on my shoulder. It was my turn to moan. Another kiss echoed across my skin. A cool hand reach out in the dark and played on my hip, squeezing and tickling. It was asking a question.

A question that was answered by the excited wetness that dripped lazily from my already bruised pussy to my sore thigh.


Making love to you was a work out, slow torture.

But I didn't mind it. After all, I like pain.

7/20/2013 1:14:51 PM

I am constantly learning about myself. Always through others.

I have a confession to make, to someone who is probably dead so he wont read it.


I lied. I don't often lie, but I lied to you. When you told me that you loved me I was quiet because I did not love you. I felt bad for you. It had only been three days and we didn't know one another and yet you "loved" me.


I tried very hard to love you after that. I did eventually love you. Beyond the lust and excitement, I loved you. I don't know if I loved you in the way that you wanted me to love you. I would have gladly been Mrs. G. And I would have had a set of fuzzy kids. I guess I loved you enough. But not enough to love you still.


I don't hate you, but I am disgusted by you. The whole show that was put on was irritating. I feel that you went through a lot of work to find someone to love you just so you could get that which I was not willing to give. And then to threaten suicide, knowing that I take that seriously. I should have just left you alone and I should have moved on to someone better.


Friends warned me about you. They told me that my ideal guy was out there and that I shouldn't have compromised my happiness just because you fed my ego. You weren't the kind of guy that I found attractive physically but I did find your intellect titillating.


Now to the good part, what did Little Miss Raven learn?


Raven learned that if a guy would harm your pets then he is bad news. That if he would mutilate his genitals then you should run for the hills. That if he asks you to kill him then you change your number. And if he threatens suicide then move out of country lol.


The men that find me are BAT SHIT CRAZY.

7/12/2013 6:17:23 PM

Sitting here in Brooklyn, everyone is busy. I could have stayed home in Buffalo.

7/10/2013 2:24:22 PM

New shoes always makes a woman feel sexy.

7/1/2013 4:53:30 AM

I need to make more time for myself.

6/27/2013 6:11:37 AM

The kindness of others should never be abused. Never see generosity as a weakness. Do not try to part others from their money. Do not beg for pretty things. If something is a gift then accept it and let it be.

Enjoy the things that you share with others.


Never forget to take pictures, you will want evidence of your youth in your twilight years ;)

6/8/2013 6:44:23 PM

A poem called Clarity

She turned her nose away, eyes squeezed shut as he emptied himself onto her flesh.

Soiled, she turned away as he left crumpled up bills on the nightstand.

A bit of her soul leaves with him. She remembers the freedom of a little girl safe.


Climbing trees bare footed to reach the perfect fruit dangling from the branches.

Waddling with shirt pulled up into an apron full of warm sweet peaches.

This is what she remembers as another faceless dick comes in to rob her of her truth again.


She no longer remembers her name. It must have been softly hidden in her mind replaced by crumpled dollars and heroin.

No longer does she see the face of a pretty woman in the mirror.

A mirror she avoids to ignore the void behind her eyes.


Ignore that aching in her thighs. She is now crusted and dirty just another feign feeding a hungry demon in her.

It nags at her, the name of that child that calls out with a smile in her dreams.




the girl is calling somewhere far away. I am hungry, she wails.

She can't even remember the girls name as she injects a disgusting bit of her own personal heaven into her veins, she lolls.


Head falling back spittle collecting in the dry corners of her mouth.

She looks past that little girl who used to carry fruit, the little girl who is the truth and she just can't remember.

"Mama" the drawn skin of this child's face calls out to her.


She is her mother, or she was. Back when sweet peaches grew on beautiful trees of sunshine.

Before soiled dollars were left sweaty on a dusty night stand.

Before she locked that frightened little girl in a closet to hide her from the viscous vicious act of a man coming for her mother.


To leave crumpled dollars. For just one more fix. A fix to end all broken dreams and sadness. To erase pain to replace it with madness. To destroy acts of beauty and sanity. And to erase the clarity of a name.

6/4/2013 6:05:09 PM

My first tattoo went well.

5/31/2013 5:45:36 AM

Things are as they always were. Men are as they always were. Women are as they always were. Nothing ever changes.


I am going to tell you all a story. When I was 17, I met a strange man. He had an obsession with the ass of women. He wanted me to fart in his mouth... and of course I just couldn't do it. So he cheated on me with someone who could. I, as you all can guess, found out about it. And immediately it was my fault. He wasn't the least bit sorry because he could never be happy with a woman unless she did that for him.


I think I have had a repeat of that guy. I had met someone, not physically although it was leading up to that. The most recent guy was sweet and embodied most of what I wanted in a partner. But he craved cbt (it isn't really my cup of tea) and he wanted to be castrated. Which at first I was a bit iffy about but I could have done it. Until my heart got involved. Once my heart got involved the possibility of me doing that to him flew out of the window. I may want more kids one day, and I have a crazy high sex drive. I DO NOT want to live with another man who doesn't want sex as much as I do.


Any who, I told him I couldn't do it because our sex life would suffer. Well, weeks before that conversation he gave me his password to that account. 9 days before my birthday I decided to log into his account because it said he was online but he said he was going to sleep. Guess what I saw... come on guess...


He was looking for someone who could make him really happy, he was looking for someone to lop his balls off because he could never be happy with me with them. I was angry, I was hurt but I could understand. So I forgave him. I FORGAVE HIM FOR CHEATING ON ME.

Now here is the best part of this story, he accused me of being the woman he was cheating on me with. He thought I created an account to lure him in to trap him. Even though he messaged her first, I saw that he messaged her first and she told me that he messaged her first. We hadn't spoken as much as we used to although I wanted to go back to the way we were. (silly me and my soft heart)


I could feel in my heart that he was on his way out of what we had. I prepared myself for it and then boom he was gone... Here is an excerpt from the "fuck you, you liar" message (and yes he told me to fuck myself and yes he called me a liar... I always pick the winners)


-Here's what's been fucking me up:

You said i messaged 'other woman' first. That's a crock.
 I wish i had saved that first message. I deleted everything though. God i wish i had saved it. Anyway, i didn't message "her" first. I am not and never will be convinced you and she are not the same. Ever. But you keep trying to throw the whole 'can't trust you' shit in my face every other day. So...you once said sometimes a certain word was all that was appropriate. Here it comes.

Fuck you. You lied about what actually happened and THEN tried to keep rubbing it in my face. I tried to just let it go, move past it, but you kept bringing it back to that.
So yeah. We are done. I know you'll love spreading the news to your fan base. More importantly, i am done. It's over. Fuck life. Fuck everything.
Forgive this :P-


Yep, he actually sent that to me. I didn't change it at all apart from removing the woman's collarme information and I corrected the spelling of the word 'spreading'.


(The woman he was cheating on me with only wanted money from him, lol. He is close to dirt poor and I would never take anything from him. Looks like he would have been cheating with the wrong woman)


I am not hurt anymore, I am just numb. He is how he was when he found me. So nothing has changed. Good thing I didn't meet up with him or my life could have changed forever.


5/29/2013 6:41:41 AM

Happy Birthday To Me!

5/27/2013 4:18:01 PM

I may not visit NYC in July. :(

5/26/2013 6:55:00 AM

My new obsession: Finding Devonian fossils.

Sitting in the sun with a chisel and a hammer, covered in lime stone dust and slate is calming. I forget all of my woes and for how ever long that I concentrate on finding trilobites the shadows stop creeping up on me.


Who knew that paleontology would quiet my inner demons?


I plan on forgetting my troubles again today, or at the very least keeping them at bay.

My old heart needs a rest before my birthday.

5/25/2013 2:30:07 PM

Every eight months I have a new guy in my life. If I am single in eight months I wonder who January will bring to me.

5/25/2013 1:52:35 PM

When you have small children they decide how long you go camping.

5/21/2013 8:44:37 AM

Spring cleaning (I don't just eat when I am stressed, I also clean. It pretty much goes without saying that I am in a constant state of cleaning that has less to do with having a toddler and more to do with my level of stress)


A few years ago I lost an important document, and yesterday I found a different important document covered in cat pee. Lucky me.


On another note, someone that I thought knew me has accused me of being petty and designing tests for him to fail. I've done neither. (Although I can be petty and I have tested folks... just haven't done it to him.)

5/19/2013 11:31:07 PM

I love collarme... you can see how long it has been since others have been online.

5/19/2013 10:43:49 PM

A moment ago I moved the couch and out popped the wounded house centipede that my cats had attacked a few nights ago.

That centipede hid, possibly frightened, for a few days under the couch. Possibly planning an escape, trying to figure out how to get past the cats that are forever on duty, killing and wounding any insect and bug that happens to find its way in to the apartment.


I moved my girls out of the way (Yes, I am aware that they are up quite late) and alerted my "ferocious" felines, Maximus, Leonidas and Sir Finnigan. My boys chased that wounded bug around, swiping at it, nipping at it. They tore its legs off and its antennae. I laughed, softly at first and then louder as it slowly died. My girls laughed with me.


I didn't feel the least bit disturbed until Finn ate the remains of the twitching bug.


I frightened myself a bit. I do this quite often, if I am being honest. I think and say things that aren't considered normal. I thought of hurting him, the thought isn't new. I think of hurting others quite often, more specifically, and lately, it is he that lives in my fantasies.
The only difference is I imagined him as the centipede, writhing about. It excited me until my cat ate him.


And now, as I think of him writhing about in pleasure caused by pain, I am both amused and disturbed... go figure


5/18/2013 10:58:38 PM

I don't have normal friends in this city. All I have is a bunch of perverted "fans" that want to slip into my pants.


I wish I had a buddy to walk around the park with, someone who doesn't mind children.  I need to walk this stress weight off and not having someone to walk with is stressing me out. *Takes bite of bagel*


I am a stress eater. That isn't entirely true because I have been so stressed that I refused to eat. That hasn't happened in two years though.


I would like to hang out with a like minded kinkster (mainly because there are things that I say that would kill a vanilla person ^_^ ) from time to time. Someone who can handle me yapping, quickly, jumping from subject to subject... and they could get a word in edge wise.


And if this person has kids then that would be wicked awesome.

5/11/2013 8:03:41 PM

There will be many moments where I want to reach out and touch him.

Through tears and pain. I'd like to extend my hand and give myself over to wipe away the tears.

5/10/2013 10:55:16 AM

Today is pedicure day. I have a big problem when it comes to pedicures, at least in I do when in Buffalo.


The last professional pedicure that I received was terrible. It was so terrible that I posted about it.

The guy was entirely too gentle with the foot massage. He kept looking up at me, with these sad puppy dog eyes, and asking me "Is this good, do you like this?"


I wanted to kick him in his face. Maybe he would have liked that. Each year I am learning and noticing the signs of a submissive man in public. He really wanted my approval and it wasn't because he wanted a tip. Every time I have seen that man after that pedicure he is soft spoken and he avoids eye contact. And not in that "typical asian way".


Anywho, that pedicure was the first. If I don't like something I wont be quiet about it. I will definitely give directions.


I hope todays pedicure will be better. I don't want to be dissatisfied again. Maybe a pretty little Chinese girl will do the job right. Who knows, right?

5/5/2013 2:06:35 PM

I am a wee bit superstitious. A few days ago, while the family was in the car, we were almost t-boned. We were 6 feet away from impact.


Yesterday, the front passenger end of the family car (where I was sitting) was almost struck, we were going 50mph and the other driver was going about 35mph. We were 3 feet from impact.


Today, while going 50mph a van almost side swiped us, we were less than a foot from impact.


Death is inching closer. 17 years of suicide attempts and wanting to die, and now that I want to live Death is lurking about.

Go figure.

4/28/2013 8:41:12 PM

Who among us has had a collaring ceremony?

I am serious about him. I'd like to collar and marry him. (Not on the same day)

And although I detest weddings, a formal collaring ceremony sounds nice.

4/28/2013 10:48:12 AM

Wasted Potential.

I lament the free bodies of the enslaved minds. Trapped inside missed opportunity. I openly weep for my self. Who am I and Who could I have been? Because I too am enslaved. I am homeless, Earthless. I have a map of indescribable landmarks, it is my skin. It is within. I seek the truth of a raped land.

I feel as she feels because I also understand how it is to be entered without consent.

Have I enslaved myself? It is that I fear freedom, fear who I could be. Capability. I lament my free body, my mind locked in watching silently from inside. Unwilling to achieve for my higher being, I shush myself for vibrating too deeply, too loudly, metaphysically. I don't want you to see me, my humiliation and shame and the overwhelming truth of my intelligence. I don't want you to see the magnitude of what is locked in me. Haphazardly, not well contained, just waiting to give myself permission to be me. When my mind is also free.

4/21/2013 4:25:03 PM

In a haze, in my dreams. Sex crazed we writhe about, kissing and biting each other as if we were mad. One of us draws blood but in the heat of it all we can't figure out which of us is bleeding. You push and pull, deeper and deeper yet always so far away. Everything is dim and yet so bright. I am blinded by it and I close my eyes . If only I could live in this dream for ever. We suck wildly at each others mouths, pulling the metallic taste of blood from each others tongue. I moan, increasingly louder. I can feel the world turning and shifting deep inside of myself, in my soul, tar black. I need not say a word yet I must.


I whisper, a command, maybe a question in a strained voice. Incessant moaning. I cry out. And you are there again, inside of me. Blood on your lips. Eyes, the color of deep water, heavy lidded with lust. I can see now. I can see you. An orgasm pushes me over and it is only then that I notice the blade in my hand and the deep, smooth cuts on your shoulders. I lift my head to taste it again. It is your blood. It was your blood all along. Another orgasm moves through me and I close my eyes again. A dream within a dream. In a haze. A deep, thick fog. It is only us. Covered in blood and sweat and love.

This reverie, a happy sleep that leaks out into the real world from between my clenched thighs.


I wake with your name on my lips.


4/21/2013 10:09:17 AM

Life. Here begins our journey. I understand him, my unconventional freak.

Mine, and he pleases me. No matter my depravity. Every sick adventure that will become a deep dark memory, every sick thought explored. Life could be trouble for us but I don't care, as long as he belongs to me.

4/13/2013 10:47:10 AM

I don't know if I have what it takes. I was up all night thinking about it.


BREAKING NEWS: Woman found guilty of murdering husband. Sadistic Witch claims he wanted it that way.



I must admit that I thought about it and I Just can't think of offing my lover in 25-30 years. It isn't that I fear going away for life or anything, I just do NOT want to be single.


I don't want to wake up every morning alone. I don't want the silence to swallow me. I'd like to live everyday listening to him yell when excited.


I just can't be alone. It is a real problem when I think too much about it. My inability to be alone, my fear of being single and without someone to love.

4/10/2013 12:09:24 PM

All Mine. It is just that simple.

4/9/2013 10:15:09 AM

Is this what a hangover feels like? No, I don't drink or get high, not in the way most people would. Last night was intoxicating and I floated about in an aroused fog that felt so much more real than "clarity". It lifted me and tossed me and held me and I LOVED it. As much as I'd enjoy "hurting" you I would equally enjoy when you "hurt" yourself for me. Or that you'd do anything for me.  You know who you are and it is exciting. All of this is exciting. Such a thrill.


I felt a rush that kept my world moving in slow motion, I saw my climax as a slideshow and thought of doing things to you, personal things, because it would hurt so good. :)

And we'd enjoy it together.


I floated to bed, still cloaked in a thick haze of arousal and pain, and had a good sleep, only to awaken with the feeling of being hit by a train. But there is a smile on this face today as I question whether this is what a hangover feels like


4/8/2013 12:15:25 AM

It is very rare that something or someone surprises me. My life is such that I delight in the simple things since most of it is fleeting. When I happen to meet a truly amazing person I hold on because when will I meet another amazing human being. Most people I encounter are thoroughly screwed up. Due to issues of my own there is only so much of it I can take in others. I made a friend. A good friend. this happens infrequently as well,  I marvel at his intelligence and at the ease in which we communicate.


He makes me laugh and I hadn't truly laughed in months. I am again laughing those  deep hearty, body aching, snorting laughs. I laugh again and it surprises me. There is a peace that exists in the uncertainty of friendships. One must hold on so tightly, a tug of war ensues, and then one must be pulled and pushed and tested. It is a kind of love that teaches you about  yourself. A friendly love. That deep caring, that overwhelming (word of the week) excitement because your pleasure is truly his pleasure.


This is my life, and it is such that I delight in the discovery of him.


Thanks for being a friend. (Golden Girls)

3/11/2013 1:33:30 PM
~I wrote this a few years ago, from the point of view of a submissive pain slut. There are a few errors but it isn't all bad. Enjoy~

I knelt there waiting, in the mess of my own arousal. The hot wetness all over my legs still flowed slowly from between my thighs. I whimpered pitifully, neglected waiting for the next assault to my battered body. Out of the darkness he touched me, tugged hard at my nipples bruised and sore. I yelped and the heat of his palm across me face sent stars before my eyes and fireworks exploded across my pussy. 'Punish me' I thought. Every atom of my being buzzed with want for the pain he could inflict upon me.
"You are not to speak, to moan, to groan or scream." he growled at me, his voice almost a whisper.
I tried so hard to obey, tried hard to be the good little bitch to be used as he sought fit. I nodded quickly as he pressed his hard cock roughly against my mouth, I opened for him. My lips curled back like the petals of a flower. The head of him prodded the back of my throat thrust after thrust and I tried to swallow him, desperately tried to fit all of him down my throat. His hand, those big hands clutched at my hair finger intertwined there in ever curly lock as he pulled my face to meet his thrusts. I tried not to moan as rivers of my nectar poured from me.

Pain always made me so excited but we all like it a little rough. I could here him breathing steady and even but my breath was coming in short quick gasps, not from lack of air because deep throating is my gift, but from excitement. The sheer power of him I could almost feel him deep in my pussy. 'Punish me!' my mind screamed. My clit throbbed and my pussy pulsed I couldn't keep it in, the orgasm was slowly ripping through me, a scream was forming in my chest and rising up to my throat and on one of his thrusts as deep moan erupted from me as wave after wave of orgasm pushed through me, as I squirted down my thighs and my juices washed across my knees on the hard cold concrete floor.
"Bitch!" He yelled wrenching himself from my mouth, depriving me of the taste of him.

I groaned and leaned toward him desperately trying to wedge him back in my mouth but the only thing that filled my mouth then was the metallic taste of my bl**d as he slapped me so hard that I fell backwards. Another moan escaped me as I lay there quivering. A light came on above me and I could see in his hand the smooth bamboo cane that often left such delicious welts across my body in places that another man would never see.
"Kneel." His commands were like words from the Gods. He raised his arm gracefully and I felt the cane smash into my already bruised breasts, the next blow stung my thighs and I longed to feel it across my ass. I waited silently through 20 blows, my disobedience would scar my flesh for as long as the welts, cuts and bruised stayed.
"Stand" he whispered and I obeyed quietly bringing my broken body to my feet, "Turn" I could barely move my body hurt so bad.
"Why must you constantly disobey me?" He question rang in my head.

A new weapon stung and dug into the flesh of my ass. I turned to see, as fear exploded in my head, as small whip with thin strips of leather pulling away from my flesh leaving deep scratches. Oh the pain was exquisite.
"Do you like the new toy?" he asked. I could taste the grin across his lips without having to see him. I knew him so well, my sweet Master.
"Well?" he expected and answer.
"Yes." I whispered as a small shudder moved through me.
My legs felt so weak and I almost could not stand. My mind reeled and I could see him in my head like a silent movie raising his arm and flicking his wrist landing blow after blow upon my flesh. Oh I needed this pain. My pussy throbbed again and I felt myself losing control and then the blows stopped. His lips were dangerously close to my ears his breathing was heavy and ragged, his voice was the deep growl of a wild animal. "Spread your legs." He growled calmly.
I could barely breath yet I obeyed. He pressed against me, his chest to my back, and he drew his fingernails across my skin, over the scar on my breast that was still so raw from the branding. I was his property. His slave to use as he saw fit. He caressed his way to my collar bone and closed his hand on my throat squeezing to hard that lights exploded across my eyes. Each inhale was more difficult and he squeezed tighter.

"Cum!" he yelled into my ear.

My body convulsed and I thrashed in his arms, cum flowed from me down my legs and pooled at my feet. He loosened his grip on my neck and I moaned over and over again, each time it became louder and louder almost a howl.
"Punish me!" my brain screamed and my legs stopped working.
I collapsed in his arms, shuddering as the strength of my orgasms weakened. He let me go and I slumped to the floor in the cold wetness of my own excitement. He stepped away from me, I could hear his foot steps fading toward the door. I whimpered as he unlocked the door. And as he was closing it he grunted across his shoulder in a calm voice, "This floor better be clean by the time I come back down here."

"Yes, Daddy." I whispered trying to bring myself to my knees. Who knew when he'd come back down here, there was no mop to clean up the mess, no rags or clothes to sop up the remnants of my pain. The only thing that existed was me, his slave, his bitch to be used as he saw fit. Punished for his pleasure at his discretion, a human rag to clean the mess off of his cold concrete floor.

3/8/2013 11:17:07 AM

Marquis De Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

3/1/2013 10:20:34 AM

Kept from the tender touch, electricity shoots through me and I am alight. As each charge courses through my being, from finger tip to toe, a quiet moan escapes me. My fingertips dance across my skin, trace around each soft breast and give rise to nipples that become stiff peaks. Then they travel between them, across my belly and down into a patch of softy curls.


I delight at the wetness of me, the truly deviant arousal. Clitoris, lips sweet honey trickles between fleshy ass cheeks. I am crazed, in love with all of my womanly curves, my glory. And I am excited as you watch, waiting, helplessly. Unrestrained physically, until now you were invisible. You,the waiting sand, insistent, impatiently waiting I, the lightning rod and bolt, tempting you with my heat.


You whimper and I whisper a stern yet loving 'shhh'. You are such a sweet boy, obediently waiting. Every inhale, a question. Every exhale, a cry. I finish exploring my body and i open my legs to you, beckoning down into my depraved world. A world of wails, moans, sighs. Crescendo of sound, of feeling and desire.


At first I felt that this was unfinished but then I realized that not much else needs to be said.

1/17/2013 10:28:23 AM

I am becoming bored here. It seems that people here are almost always the same.

When one person shuts down their account another just like him or her takes their place.

It all becomes tiring. This constant rotation of bullshit. I think that I am still here because of the few contacts I have acquired. If It wasn't for that, and my journals, I probably would delete my account as well.

1/1/2013 10:13:51 AM

Excerpt From Walt Witman's 'I Sing the Body Electric'


This is the female form,

A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot,

It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,

I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor, all falls aside but myself and it,

Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what was expected of heaven or feared of hell, are now consumed,

Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it, the response likewise ungovernable,

Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling hands all diffused, mine too diffused,

Ebb stung by the flow and flow stung by the ebb, love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching,

Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love, white-blow and delirious juice,

Bridegroom night of love working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn,

Undulating into the willing and yielding day,

Lost in the cleave of the clasping and sweet-fleshed day.


This the nucleus—after the child is born of woman, man is born of woman,

This the bath of birth, this the merge of small and large, and the outlet again.


Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest,

You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.


The female contains all qualities and tempers them,

She is in her place and moves with perfect balance,

She is all things duly veiled, she is both passive and active,

She is to conceive daughters as well as sons, and sons as well as daughters.


As I see my soul reflected in Nature,

As I see through a mist, One with inexpressible completeness, sanity, beauty,

See the bent head and arms folded over the breast, the Female I see

12/27/2012 1:27:10 PM

What exactly causes a person to feel shy?

12/24/2012 2:39:37 PM

if all of your sins brought you closer to god,  and he dismissed you with a sorrowful nod.

would you stare ahead with your shoulders broad, resigned to your damnation?

would you smile sweetly and thank your lord and remember every prayerful word that you uttered in the heat of night.

Amen and Hallelujah.


When you hid your happiness within closed eyes.

When you were too afraid to cry. wishing as every second ticked by for freedom.

would you be brave enough to ask, "where were you when I needed you? what was it you wanted me to do?"

You gave him all the glory but what did it get you? No one answers.

12/24/2012 10:40:10 AM

This will be the first Christmas in years that I will be excited about. My two year old is old enough to be excited about unwrapping her gifts. I almost want to put them out early so that I don't have to wait. I haven't had a family Christmas in 4 years and I do love the holidays. I wish that the girls were old enough to truly enjoy the longest nights of the year. I have a few more years before they will be and every one tells me to not rush them but come one, every parent rushes their little ones justa wee bit.

10/26/2012 8:19:41 AM

I wonder if my girls will be embarassed by me when they get older.

9/25/2012 12:24:06 PM

Sometimes I resist those periods of deep thought. Those times of clarity where I know exactly what has lead up to this point in my life.


Are any of us strong enough, brave enough to admit our fears?

9/6/2012 12:49:54 PM

The subtle taste of rain. An endless drought.

There are whispers on the wind of hungry children crying at the moon.

Am I so starved, only nourished by poetry?

Am I only able to write when my sadness persists, does this rumble in the core of my being mean that I seek to be fed?

Is this dull ache in my soul evidence of life or death in the rain?

I wish for the crying to stop but fear it as well. It could go either way and I wouldnt understand.

I claw at the mattress as the wailing persists somewhere far off and then I am aware that I am sky and cloud and atmos....fear.

These are my tears, my rain, that smell of it enveloping me is the ocean with in and I am the starving child.

9/4/2012 10:04:19 AM

Everyone has those sad days. Usually, during my "down" periods, I would call someone special to me. That person is long gone now.

8/31/2012 9:49:24 AM

Entangled in sheets, beside a body that is not my own. Isn't it simply torture to be only 30 minutes away from me?

8/29/2012 11:39:25 AM

Fetishes fetishes.


Southern Accents, spanish accents, italian accents, nigerian accents, almost any accent really. Facial hair and body hair. Men who cross dress and anything to do with the ass and anus.


NERDS, gamers, book worms, sci fi geeks, poets and musicians.


Dark hair, glasses, nice teeth, feet, shoulders, breasts and hands.


Brown, Hazel, and Green eyes.


Dark skin black women with deep dark nipples and shiny curly pubic hair.


Tall dark skin black men with piercing dark eyes. and Chubby men.


HIGH HEEL SHOES. (I can not walk past a shoe store with out inhaling deeply and shuddering. My fond childhood memories include getting new school shoes and that lovely smell of that grey paper that preserves the shoe's shape and that packet of silica gel.)

8/28/2012 11:48:41 AM

I am looking for a new submissive.

I am NOT looking to fall in love again because I still love my ex. And am hoping that he and I will work out at a later date, that is if he and I don't both move on.

I just need someone to talk to and shoot the breeze with. I have someone in mind and I know that he would love to submit to me and he is also not looking for love.


If you are reading this, DO NOT SHAVE YOUR BEARD!

8/20/2012 11:59:53 AM

You are tempted. Beyond all self control you call out to me in the night. It has been so long since you have been touched and teased and you wait, albeit impatiently, for me.


Isn't it exciting, the idea that you can taste me on the wind? To smell me so near to you that you salivate. Just one taste.


You remeber a fantasy like a distant lover from your past, recalling bits and pieces of me to hold... if I will only let you touch me.

7/25/2012 12:40:35 PM

Pregnant women should be allowed to get free pedicures.

7/10/2012 9:55:17 AM

I saw this some where else, it is not a Raven original but I love it none the less.


Originally Posted on BigSmileWetEyes7

's profile.


I feel that many of you have been wrongfully classified as weak men.

You have not had any role models as you’ve walked this path.

Somewhere along the line, you’ve been told that submission in a man is weak.

It is my humble opinion that you are the strongest of men…  



A truly submissive man is a protector, a servant, a planner, as well as a graceful reflection of his Mistress.

He is conscious that his appearance is reflection of her and therefore endeavors himself to always be put together. He is a silent reflection of her strength and a supporter of her dreams and goals.  

The greatest submissive men act with dignity, in fact they act with the dignity of the best butler…anticipating her needs because they know her.

They know she drinks a cup of tea before bed and strive to have it waiting for her when she retires.  

He strives to posses the best of manners, and what I mean by this goes way deeper that what the general society believes.

He pulls out her chair every time, no matter the location.

He stands when she leaves the dinner table…even when they are alone.

He realizes that his manners are a reflection of his deep gratitude for her.  

The greatest of submissive men are gentlemen first.

They are honorable… they don’t act out in order to seek what might be an enjoyable punishment. In fact, a punishment is never enjoyable…it’s a failing to please their Mistress.

And it’s never fun. The fun comes not only from the deep service they provide, but also when they are alone…with his Mistress and a scene evolves.

She knows him well and because he is indispensable to her, she will make every fantasy he has come true.  

She values him tremendously.


He is not less than her, but an extension of her.


He is invaluable because even though he is submissive to her, he is not submissive to everyone.

He serves her, and in that service comes a sense of joy and purpose.

It also defines him as a man…a strong man…submissive man.

7/9/2012 11:16:36 AM

Under the bright lights in a dressing room. I pull off my jeans. You sit there on the bench holding the clothes that I intend to try on. Your are looking down at your boots as I am pulling my shirt over my head. I am watching you, waiting for you to notice how wet I am. I only brought you in here for a game.


I plan on fucking you, my personal whore, but you must be quiet. I tell you to stand up and undress. You look at me shocked at first but then amusement spreads across your face and you fumble with your belt. I giggle at the fun we are having and yet nothing has been done. I reach up to clean the fog off of your glasses, I want you to watch me fuck you. As your pants come down I notice you chose today to wear the panties I bought you and your erection is straining against the fabric.


We are surprisingly quiet. Women walk past, cackling to one another about being too fat or too thin for clothing. A child pesters his mother in the dressing room beside ours. I can't even remember how I got you in here and I begin to worry about how we will sneak out. The fear excites me and I reach out for you pulling you down so that I can whisper in your ear, "Go in my bag and take it out." You shudder, you know what 'it' is. You pull out a black harness and a pretty purple dildo. You help me into it with shaking hands.


Your thumb brushes against my clit through my wet panties. You look up at me with those pretty eyes waiting for direction. You love being told what to do.


"Suck it." Obediently you do as I say. I enjoy this, your mouth on this toy. The toy an extension of myself. Watching you, lovingly, passionately licking and sucking away at it excites me. I can almost feel you. When I can no longer control myself I have you stand. And there you are, half naked, in this bright light. You are open, secure and you are mine. I turn you around and bend you over. I ease your panties down your hips and they rest a ways down your thighs. I run one finger gently across one cheek to the other teasing you as I press softly on your asshole. You whimper and I moan softly, "You HAVE to be quiet."


You nod quickly as you shut your eyes. I can see your face, pink cheeks, with clenched eyes in the mirror. I tell you to open them, I tell you that I want you to watch. I thrust into you then and I am not as gentle as I am at home. You yelp, wide eyed, before biting into your lip to keep quiet.



I don't know if I should bother to finish this one...

6/16/2012 8:08:50 AM

What is it that you imagine when you are wrapped warm in your bed? What do you imagine as you stand in the tiny waterfall of a hotshower? Is it me?


Am I who you see when you are rapt with desire?


Do you envision my body tangled in the sheets, my back arched away as I moan softly? Am I out of reach, forbidden fruit that you could never taste?


Or is it that you imagine soap cascading across my skin, between dark breasts and a full ass? Are you kneeling to chase wet trails with your tongue as you seek something a bit sweeter?


What do you imagine?

5/30/2012 8:34:18 PM

May 29th was my birthday. it was uneventful which is fine with me. But now I can legally drink (If I ever have the desire to once the baby is born.)

5/7/2012 4:08:33 PM

Last night, once my submissive had become tired and had slipped off to bed, I began searching for our first messages that we had sent to one another. I wanted to know when he and I had become friends, I clearly remember when we had become more than that and it is a fresh memory of when he became my submissive.


I ended up stumbling upon old messages from a former boyfriend/ submissive. Someone that I was madly in love with and was deeply hurt by. I read through all of our happy times, and some of our bad times and it became clear to me why we did not work out.


We were both, and to my knowledge, we still are both the same. Completely unstable. How swiftly his mood would turn dark and depressing. How quickly he would worry about my displeasure, treating me like the abusive women he had been with in the past.


He was there for me in any way that he could be. When I was afraid or down he tried his best to help me and I assumed that when we had more time together it would be the same. That was not the case. Our issues were easy to handle long distance but too much in person. According to how it all ended, it was his fear of his family and his fear of his god that wedged us apart. In my heart I know that he just couldn't handle me, and it hurt because promises were made and I was a woman in love.


Last night, upon reading those old messages, I smiled, laughed and even wept about who we were and who I had become. And I began to hope that he has, will or had found someone after me who would love him the way he needs to be loved. Who would guide him and push him and discipline him in the way that he deserves. Who will accept him and journey with him through all of his desires. I no longer felt that I was in love with him. Nor am I in love with the idea of what we had.


I thought that I had hated him or felt loathing because of my broken heart but I realize now, like a revelation, an epiphany, that him leaving me and breaking his vows and promises was the best thing he could have ever done for me. He was too insecure, too flippant, just like me.


I have since found what I was looking for and I am hoping that he will be the last stop for me and that he will enjoy every adventure that is to come in our lives. I will not fear that he will turn out like my ex, just another boy in a man's body encouraging the little girl in mine, but I fear that he will become tired. Such is the human condition, to tire, to wane. He treats me with the same adoration that I had with my ex except his desire to be inside of me is not so great, it is quite fine with me. He loves me with the same intensity with out having to be in love with me. He knows my hopes, fears, and my past and he still looks forward to a future with me and I with him.


Last night, before heading off to bed, I WEPT. I was at peace and I sent a thank you note to my ex. He is the reason I have found my sweet happiness. And the pain that was caused at his hands has unlocked the inner peace that had been in me for so long and I had never known. For some reason I thought my peace came from the love that I was so willing to give, the love that I was so eager to receive. Of course I had known better even then that peace had to exist with in me even if I had not tasted it yet. I wept because I was free, I no longer had to wonder if this new man in my life would be a mirror image of the old one. It is clear that he is different because I am different and I hope that the rest of you can find yourself, or know yourself as deeply as I do. That you can suffer in the fire and find your way out of it into the cool peaceful embrace of self love.


I forgive him, my ex, for hurting me. And I thank him for letting go and moving on.

I forgive myself for hurting me and thank myself for letting go and moving on.


And I now know the love that I had been searching for has been with me all along.

4/22/2012 10:00:47 PM

I find that these long sexless nights are the most torturous.

No matter what, the men I choose will not have a sex drive that matches mine. Nor will they have one that comes any where near close to mine. Either way I have to settle, at least my emotional needs are being met :)

4/15/2012 6:48:05 PM

Respect My Relationship.

4/5/2012 10:26:17 AM

A short story about my most recent encounter with my Submissive, Derpinstein.


You aren't a secret anymore :)



He wore them all day, those pink rose colored panties, to the market and to the theater. His hidden secret desire hugging tight to his skin. Tanga cut, they cleaved between his ass cheeks as he bent over to tease me. Against his better judgement he undressed and got to his knees. He begged to please me, to fulfill my desires. He begged to be mine, my slut, my lover, but he already belonged to me even if neither of us admitted it.

"Turn around, I want to see more of you." he obeyed, exposing the swollen head of his cock. He tugged on his bottom lip gently as he rubbed himself through the soft fabric. He was beautiful, achingly so, and it was hard to resist the urge to tear those panties off of him and thrust my fingers into his ass as hard as I could.

My leggings were already soaked with out me having touched myself, I just wanted to watch him for a while, wanted him to beg. He returned to his place on his knees and I reached out and pulled his panties to the side exposing his puckering asshole. With one finger I pressed forward against his slight resistance. He moaned and rocked his hips slowly, he was fucking me back. I gently slid another finger into him, deeper. Twisting, thrusting, changing pace to keep up with his thrusts.

The lust was pouring off of him, his thighs trembled and it was almost as if he was trying not to climax. I reached between his legs with my other hand to gently rub the head of his cock. He jumped rocking his hips harder.

"You are a slut, aren't you? I rasped through the searing heat tracing its way from my clit to the rest of my being.

"Yes," He moaned "I am a slut." He almost whimpered

"Who's slut?" The ocean contained within me was leaking down my thighs

"Your slut, Miss." He whimpered again.

I stopped then and he yelped at the neglect. I wanted him on his back. I wanted to see his eyes, kiss his perfect pink lips. I pushed his hips and he rolled over, I slowly pushed my fingers back inside of him. I told him that I wanted him to cum as I slid my free hand into my leggings. I fucked myself with the intensity in which I was fucking him. His eyes cloudy with lust he moaned louder than before. He begged for me to orgasm, he only wanted to please me. My pleasure was important to him. He looked deep into my eyes and begged softly in a tiny sweet voice and I couldn't take it any longer.

I became feverish, wild, thrusting harder, faster, shaking us both. Taking us deeper into the warm dark pit of desire. That safe place where it is alright to just be. My pussy clenched against my drenched fingers and I nearly collapsed onto him. He moaned, his head back with clenched tight eyes, and begged me to let him cum. Torrents of fluid erupted from him as my own climax shook me. My cum flowed swiftly over my fingers and down my thighs.

I needed him just as much as he needed me. I pulled my fingers from him slowly and laid back. With the rest of his energy he was on me, kissing and licking my stomach, inching my leggings over my hips. He tickled my thighs and calves with his tongue lapping up my excitement. He lay with his head on my thigh, licking that sensitive point where my pussy meets my inner thigh, I moved my fingers in and out as he waited for me to squirt again.

"Please, cum again, I need to taste you Miss." And at that I was there, lost in a violent explosion of deep colors, the rose of his panties, the pink of his lips, the creamy white of his cum. All of it surrounded me, touching me as I relaxed. He kissed and licked all that there was to me, he consumed my very essence and found his way back to me from the gates of a deviant Heaven.

I tasted myself on his lips, a hot kiss like the core of the earth, before slipping into a silken slumber full of dreams. Dreams of a Boy Slut in his rose colored panties.

3/26/2012 12:44:10 PM

I have a problem...


I am afraid that I cum too quickly. Oh, wait, that is only a bad thing if you are male....

3/18/2012 7:33:39 AM

Some yahoo just offered to eat my excrement. I find that rather odd and a tad insulting. I have no idea why I feel insulted. It may be because shit is just disgusting, it is waste and not nearly as "clean" or useful as urine. Mind you, this person has never said hello or tried to start a "normal" conversation. All of his messages are rude in tone.

'I would like to fuck you.'

'I want to eat your ass'

'I want to be your bitch'

'I will eat your shit'


Things of that sort. The sad reality is that although I have 10 pages of unread messages, most are unread because of the lack of respect and restraint. The lot of them are full of crap like what was listed above.


I have many ranting journal entries and I always mention respect. It is important. When you approach me or when I approach you, I will most certainly not accept that kind of behavior. If I am not speaking to you in that way then you will never ever be allowed to speak to me that way. It seems like you older submissives are losing your minds. The younger ones have faults as well telling me how they will make me cum and such. I need no assistance in that department so I delete unread. Find a dumb dominant woman and take that crap to her, she will most likely accept that filthy mouth in the same manner that you will accept her brutal abuse and mutilation of your body.


I am more loving and playful. I will not expect you to just kneel before me, although I definitely deserve it, but to stand proudly in your servitude.


Is that too much to ask?

3/15/2012 1:07:29 PM

Who wants to be my cuddle buddy? ^_^ I am feeling jovial.

Wondering where Chuckie has gone. And why my good friends are all so busy. No one to cuddle with when everyone is busy.

3/15/2012 10:35:30 AM

A fantasy I have had for a few weeks:


I am sitting in a pinstripe suit, my white shirt unbuttoned to show my cleavage. My tie loose around the collar of the shirt. A cocktail in my hand although I don't drink.


He walks in wearing a long silk robe, he unties it and pushes it off of his shoulders. A pink corset hugs tight to him, underbust of course, and a matching thong fits him perfectly.


I twirl my finger and he turns obediently. I put my drink down and pick up a remote. After pushing a few buttons music fills the room and he begins to dance. After a while he is lost in the sound and I unzip my pants revealing a strap on, in a fun color no less, I call him over to me. I just want to watch him lick it and suck it, maybe gag a bit before I make love to him. Slowly, gently, no fucking because I love him.


I undress before undressing him, and to my surprise there is a pink bow tied neatly around the head of his cock. (That part always makes me giggle.) He lays down gently and I climb on top of him, kissing his chest and shoulder, making my way to his mouth. I kiss him softly as I slide into him. I can feel him inhale and shudder then he relaxes. I whisper that it is alright for him to touch himself and as soon as his hand is with in centimeters of his erecton I orgasm and the fantasy is gone.

3/14/2012 7:45:07 PM

So, I have lost another possible submissive. Hurt his feelings. A part of me feels like I shouldn't look for another, maybe a bit of a hope that he will forgive me.


I guess I am a hopeless romantic. This summer will be quite boring I suppose. I wont be "connecting" with anyone any time soon.

3/14/2012 7:23:54 AM
I've given up on sleep, on you. I can see that there is nothing I can do. And after these months of company and "bliss" I see that lonely is just a condition. A disease. I am finding comfort in this insanity, sleepless nights, cold sweats and tears. This is as it should be, I am where I belong. No matter how unhappy, this is the grave that I've been digging for 3 years- now I must jump into it. I'd searched for salvation and was always torn between the comfort of knowing habits and the excitement of learning something new. It wasn't just you, there were 3 others before you, "cures" to this ache. Salve on my heart, on my desires. I was reborn and broken and killed many times over the past 2 years. Some how I thought it would be different although you held too many similarities to a Guppy I once contained.
But fish die and flowers wilt. So I will stick to "loving" this statue, cold, rigid, never moving or touching me. Beautiful to look at like a gargoyle with all of the protection it can offer me. Because I was a fool to believe that a flower could cure all of my ache, no matter how beautiful, masculine and yet so feminine, so like me. Wilted and dead, just as desolate as this cathedral of my heart, with the stone man, and the two bits of clay that I have a lifetime to help mold. In time I will become as cold, as unmoving, as still as this statue. I can feel myself sculpting my facade. This fallacy, happy wife, perfectly manicured children, with out conceivable flaws. Just a bunch of Stepford robots. Perfect stone family, in a garden of flowers, near a pond swimming with guppies, while a lone wolf howls in the distance. I have become rigid, stoic, unfeeling. How redundant, but I have given up on you.

3/10/2012 10:45:13 AM

I give up. Wont be on for a while.

3/8/2012 7:20:03 AM

What I lack within myself I am searching for in you. The peaceful way that you embrace your submission. It is beautiful.

3/6/2012 6:54:36 PM
♥ "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." ♥ - Dr. Seuss

3/6/2012 5:49:58 PM

She trembles, bent over, arms stretched tied to the post in front of her.

Her dress is up around her hips. I stand behind her, rubbing and squeezing her exposed ass. She pushes back towards me and I laugh. She is such a slut sometimes.

3/3/2012 7:34:28 AM

Anal prolapse is not sexy. At least it isn't sexy to me. The lack of support by your sphincter muscle can not be good. The idea of you hammered open like a wizard sleeve, a gaping black hole, is revolting. I literally gag when I look at your pictures. And then I find it hard to respect you.


I know that it isn't my place to judge you, but I will. I will judge you and show your pictures to all of my friends. I will consult my doctor about what I have seen. It is just my nature. I don't care that you like to be fucked, hard and long, by what ever you can fit in there. I truly don't, that can be quite sexy. But I don't want to see the after math. The same goes to you women. I don't want to see your over used, loose pussy. I don't want to see your long lips just dangling around that chasm, that open abyss, that you call a twat.


There is no way that you can feel any sensations, and I am quite sure that your many partners can't either. In my mind, the only reason why you are a viable source of "pleasure" is because you are dtf anyone and everyone, no matter the time or place. I would imagine that you are diseased or as dry as the sahara. It isn't sexy.


Also be a bit mysterious, anonymous. Don't just post full frontal nudes of yourself that include your face. Not unless you have no career or self respect. Or you could be one of those people who are loud and proud about who you are and would strip naked in the streets if told to. If so then more power to you. But the women who contact me, with frontal nudes and long sloppy saggy old bodies that include your face, I delete unread or I don't reply because I am repulsed.


I, as a feminist, believe that women are sacred, beautiful and special. That goes for submissive females, slaves and trans women (male to female) I would like to respect you, but first you must respect yourself.


Feel free to live your life as you want to. But refrain from viewing my profile or sending me a message if your photos consist of things that could make me vomit.

2/29/2012 8:20:15 AM

There is no end to my disappointment.

2/21/2012 12:51:11 PM

Love. Stranger.

 Looming above in the darkness. Waiting to catch me in your web. I have gazed upon you, whispered to you endlessly. You listened with stars in your eyes. I fell deeper, up. Gazing up into you. Is it too much to touch. Too hot. Godking shaking the Earth with His Goddess. This Blessed Moon. Eros, erotic. His touch upon my psyche but am I she? Is his promise infinite? Love me tender and true. I am old, so old. Deja vu. Lover, stranger. Do you wonder why you want her?Are you still chasing time? I've run out, open, in to you. Your sleepy eyes open to mine. Be mine. BE MINE! obsessive. You are like me, forgiving. In the dull gray. I can give you more than she. You can give me more than he. You can be bound, buried with in me as I am buried with in you.


do you love me? it calls from the shadows the pit beneath me. i can feel my answer, my purposeful yes. the darkness reaches out, unknown, touching and pulling. i am falling in, deeper into this despair. deeper into this love. rejected by the day, ejected into the night until he is done with me.

2/18/2012 10:25:25 AM

"She" sits in front of the vanity, White corset hugging "Her" body. She is brushing make up delicately onto "her" cheek bones. I am laying in bed, half naked aside from a harness with a shocking blue strap. I stroke myself as if I could feel my own touch.


"She" stands, lacey thong cleaving its way between "her" cute ass.


"Take off those damn panties, Tulip." I demanded in an even tone, hiding my lust.

Obediently, "she" stripped down, wearing nothing but a smile on "her" pretty mouth and the white corset. I sat up, sliding myself from the bed, and stood in front of "Her". I kissed "her" hard, turning "her" so that she faced away from the bed. I pushed Tulip on to the bed.


"Lift your legs" I whispered, "Put your knees on to your shoulders."

"She" whimpered as I spat on the head of the blue toy.


"That is all of the lubricant we will need, it is all that you deserve."


I knelt with the blue monster pressing into "Her". I ran one finger up the length of "Her" erection. It throbbed hot against my finger. I grabbed hold of it, squeezed it gently and thrust deep inside of her. Tulip's scream excited me and I couldn't stop... I just couldn't stop....

2/14/2012 11:57:04 AM

So it is possible to have an auto correct fail with out auto correct. It is called a Freudian slip....


Submissive: pulled pork is 1000x better than a ham sammich


Me: i like porn no matter what i'd eat it off of a bum a dirty stinking bum

Me: pork*


Submissive: lawl


Me: dont laugh at mr

Me: me*


Chat Conversation End

2/8/2012 12:32:56 PM

It is in your lips. The words kept there locked away from my ears. The secrets that threaten to turn me to dust. 

A fine powder exhaled on the wind with every breath. Irrational rationality, my fear of your voice. Hushed quiet in the storm as it bellows out of reach. 

Tell me you love me. Tell me what you say with your fingertips as you play about my scalp. Tell me with your eyes that flutter shut,heavy with sleep. 

Tell me with your tongue that tickles the sweat from my brow. It is the fear of your tenderness, and the fear of being with out it that is killing me. This casket, this coffin, this grave, this urn, deep in my soul. 

It is in your lips, the dagger that will do me in claiming my cavernous chest as its sheath. It is in your lips, that kiss me softly stealing my breath. It is in your lips that I find the lies that are truth, the songs that are with out melody or rhyme. 

It is in your lips that I find the endless story of time.

1/31/2012 9:03:44 AM
Hopeless devotion, lips that kiss the soles of feet, hands that hold tenderly, reverent in it's devotion.
I will not deny you my touch, my glance, my melodic voice. I will not deny you my presence, I will not deny you your opportunity to kneel, to prostrate like a beautiful geisha.
If it brings you peace I can lash out to bruise your flesh, to yell harshly at your being only to, seconds later, coddle you like a baby, pressing you tight to my bosom to erase the evils that I spat at you.
I will let you carry me over all thresholds, I will let you buy me pretty things to tinker with. I will let you watch me sleep. I will afford you no physical pleasures for I am a Goddess and perfection should never be tarnished, dirtied with your lust. Unless I lust for you.
Be hopelessly devoted, tied to me with your invisible shackles, be ready with the sturdy back to kneel, be ready with a strong mind to worship. And always be ready to live in the light of my love as you remain quietly hidden in my shadow.

1/30/2012 9:01:43 PM

I am not attracted to white women. I am attracted to white trans women though.

Also, I have found a wonderful submissive, he is also a wonderful friend. So far he hasn't "failed" me yet.


Of course I am open to other submissive males, but in completely non physical ways, I tried that before and it didn't turn out well for me.


I still have my heart open for someone else of course, you can't stop love. But I don't see it getting any where (just being honest)



~ Raven <3

1/28/2012 8:06:40 PM

Latex clad bodies, move slowly across the dimly lit room.

His wrists are shackled to his ankles and the approving murmurs of the shadowy women arouse him.


A gloved hand pinches his ass gently, another spanks. One tugs gently on his balls already a bit swollen with excitement....

1/28/2012 8:37:52 AM

A part of me is deeply in love with the man that I live with. He wants to make it work, I am not too sure.


Recently I invited someone over to my home. He turned out to be a complete nut job. Not at my home of course.


The next day he and I were talking and I mentioned that an ex of mine annoys me. Curiosity must have gotten the best of him because he asked if I felt that way about him.

I admitted that I did. He asked me how, I told him, "Sometimes you are quite annoying and you act like a pussy."


He then asked me how, in my opinion, does he act like a pussy. I told him and he flipped out and threatened the man I live with. Saying he could kill him if he wants to.


Very Immature for a man in his late thirties.

Of course it upset me and I told him that I am quite sure that the man I live with could kick his ass, if he wanted to. (Which he doesn't, mind you)


He flipped out again and said he could no longer do this with me. Which I was fine with, he was a pussy anyway, and a real odd ball. He had the personality of a pedophile.

1/22/2012 8:05:11 PM

People who communicate with text speak annoy me. You don't have to shorten a three letter word like 'for' by replacing it with a number. The reason being, you may ask, is because they are two separate fucking words.


A moment ago, I was in a chatroom with someone who turned out to be an idiot.


He said to me, "Kan u kall me"

I told him that he and I have nothing in common and I bid him adieu.

1/15/2012 7:16:15 PM

The wetness consumes me, I kneel with my ass on his face. He moans inbetween licks as his tongue darts into me. I rake my nails over his nipples before pinching each.


He flinches and I tug gently at the string tied just below the head of his cock. His erection amuses me. How easy it is for him to have something that he wont often use.

1/14/2012 1:35:50 PM

Brandy is completely unreliable. He thinks he is so important that someone would beat him up in the park. You are insignificant. No one cares about you enough to attack you in the park. You are coming for me, not for anyone else. If you are that afraid there are ten other boys who would love to replace you.

1/13/2012 7:49:25 PM

And here he comes again... Crawling back. He must love me. But do I still love him?

1/12/2012 10:25:42 PM

Why wont you just let me in?!


Says an angel to a wounded child, whimpering in his arms.


Where is this Goddess, she and I used to converse.

1/9/2012 9:04:13 AM
The remnants of this day has crystallized on my skin. I taste it, trailing it with my tongue, this is my sin. Trying to savor each day because tomorrow never comes.
We are bound and trapped in this dimension of our existence trying to find peace with in our skin. Or crawling into the womb of a lonely woman with fingers and cycloptic serpents because it brings us just so much closer to freedom.
Kiss the gun and swallow the bullet to reach ascension or other. orbit this world in the hands of your god as she takes you to heaven. galaxies that collide inside of your cerebellum. Inside of our nervousness.
My being is a fine powder lifted on the breeze and this is the new age of enlightenment. I have BEEN, and I will BE and you all will Worship a male god who is dying to be in the likeness of ME.

1/8/2012 12:43:31 AM

You ever have the feeling that someone is blowing you off. They tell you one thing but all evidence points to a different conclusion. Now I don't know this person well enough to like them but I do have a mild crush. And we all know how those things go.


Constantly thinking about said person, furiously masturbating to the idea of them. Then maybe feeling a bit sick afterwards.


~If someone piques your interest more than I do then talk to them, don't talk to me. Saying you are going somewhere and then still being online is a bit off putting.


Especially since out of all of the people in my friends list you are the only one I am conversing with at the moment. Blowing others off and devoting attention to you. I pretend not to hear you "chatting" with others, are you having cyber sex? lol.


How many of your dick pictures have you sent out?~


I could say that I really don't care but when I genuinely get along with someone I kind of want to see where things lead.


Maybe the night is getting to me, the all consuming darkness. Did I ever tell you that I am TERRIFIED of the dark. This lack of sleep is killing me.

1/5/2012 10:37:49 AM

When one man fails, another one is sent my way, and he happens to be better than the last.


I am having a blast talking to this guy, he is alot of fun and reminds me of myself.


Looks like I have made a new friend. A tall, attractive, intelligent friend. Who, I should mention, wouldn't mind submitting. ^_^


Arigato good buddy

1/3/2012 8:49:45 AM

I am having difficulty with my hair again. What I can and can not put on it is changing again. My new semi natural shampoo has too many chemicals and it is irritating my scalp. I had set out to make my own shampoo but now I have to really hop to it.


In the mean time I will be shaving my head again.

12/31/2011 4:31:43 PM

Someone thought that I had breast implants.

I find that to be quite hilarious. Although I don't like my body the way that it is I would never change it.


And I have no idea if implants could affect lactation and nursing. Also I feel that only bimbos get implants.

12/29/2011 7:59:07 AM

There are times when I happen upon an interesting profile. The sex of the person who it belongs to does not matter to me.


Neither does their orientation or where they stand on the bdsm grid.


I look and am intrigued, excited, and then I become slightly infatuated. I don't meet interesting people on a regular basis. I am not as I used to be.Although I have never been one to run the streets I have become more of a hermit. Preferring to stay safely indoors with the baby and my array of pets. Safe behind this keyboard waiting for Dr. Who to come on.


On occasion, and this is true, I will turn the ps3 on. I swear to the heavens that I want company, but when company is available I deny myself of the pleasure of conversation.

A few weeks ago a submissive male from this site contacted me. I found him interesting enough to converse with him here for a while and then it moved to messenger. It was all well and dandy for a few days and we "got to know each other". Soon after that he became quite sexual and started to type differently. Text speak annoys me. I hate when a human being, possibly educated types things like 'do u rite all day???' 


I began to ignore him and all that came of it were a few 'hello, how are you' type of moments. Recently I suffered a loss and yesterday he contacted me. He asked how I was and I told him about the situation assuming he would understand that I was in emotional pain. He then told me that he didn't know me well enough for me to tell him that.


I was enraged, offended, pissed off to say the least. He felt he knew me well enough to want to fuck me, worship me and belong to me and yet he didn't know me enough to hear about my bad news.


When I encounter people like that fool I become more reclusive and am drawn to the comfort of knowing the habits of my ex instead of trying to learn the habits of someone new.


So I happened on a profile of a dominant male, he was snarky and intelligent and it made me smile. I looked at his profile long and hard, had I been a different me I would have desired one of the spankings he talked about. :)

As of right now, I am not so content but I am resigned to being alone at the moment.



12/28/2011 10:04:18 AM

I sucked at him. My tongue twirling 'round him, enveloping him. I could hear him drawing in each breath trying so desperately to keep his composure. His hips met my face and I took him in as far as he could go. My bottom lip brushed his heavy sack pulled up tight between his thighs full of the drink that I so desperately needed. I felt parched then, thirsty for only the nectar that he could produce. My lust was a disease and his cum was my cure. Only that could sustain me, give me back my life and still the quaking of the world.


I wrote this on another site. I had become a fan of a fellow writer and he and I posted stories about each other for awhile. I had acquired quite a following but now I am less than famous.


I need a muse.

12/21/2011 8:13:27 AM

There are many kinds of prostitutes, we all sell ourselves in some way.


For love, for money, for attention. But who decides which way is the wrong way?


I've sold myself for love, for the flutter of my heart. I have sold my spiritual body for love.

What have you sold, what bit of you is up for grabs, I have a pocket full of cash right here and I am itching to spend it on a whore.

12/19/2011 6:09:57 PM

He is the serpant with his tongue of lies. I let him crawl around my garden tempting me with fruit. I am not a fool....



I am single, and looking. The funny thing.... the man I want is married. I will be no home wrecker.

12/15/2011 7:58:33 AM

He knelt at the alter. His mouth centimeters from her feet. He looked as if he were in the middle of a prayer. She stood as still as stone, he could not see her. It was too dark and he was blind. Blind in his infinite ignorance. She moved slowly, surely and touched his back. His sorrows raced through her fingertips and up to her stoney face. She began to frown, wail in the silence. He could not hear. He stood and looked into her stoney face and she leaned in to kiss him. Blessing him with a part of her wisdom, becoming the living Goddess he always wanted. Opening him with love the way that he opened her with sorrow. Forgiving him for forsaking her in the light of another woman. Letting him finally become the God she always dreamed of so that she could live eternally in the light of their love.

12/14/2011 7:43:30 AM

Sometimes I feel forgotten. I can have a great connection with someone and then it is suddenly severed. That is how I felt when my mother passed away eleven years ago. I hate that feeling.


This feeling.


There is a guy, he is here in Western New York and I just don't hear from him anymore. I'll catch him viewing my profile but we don't talk anymore.


How sad.



12/13/2011 1:20:16 PM

I kiss along his jaw line. Nibbling my way to his ear. And in my aroused stupor I allow myself to love him. To let him in. How silly of me.

12/12/2011 6:27:58 PM

I bought new shoes today. And when you see them you wont be able to stop yourself from thinking of sucking on the heel. Maybe your mind will wander to you being fucked by the heel that you've made slippery wet with your mouth.

12/11/2011 12:18:56 AM

His fingers hold tight to a rose, thorns pierce his skin and he bleeds slowly.

He feels no pain as he watches her from outside of her home.


'What are the rules, repeat them to me.'

-I will choose a long stemmed rose and I will crawl up the stairs to you, the door will be open I will be naked under my coat and ready. I will be sure to be quiet. There is no safe word-


There is no safe word, it echoed in his head in the trembling voice he first used to whisper it. She was never cruel, his Mistress. She was always kind and loving even when hurting him.


She was frightening, like Caligula. That is why the thorns scared him. She had a habit of inserting things into him. He usually would come out relatively unscathed but lately she had been a bit more...rough than usual.


He crawled up the stairs, cool wind touched his warm skin. He nudged the door open and there she was, a beautiful sight. He blushed a deep pink almost red.


Teach me tiger played in the background and she danced as if he werent there. She danced towards him and he knelt low to the floor. Prostrating Geisha presenting "Her" rose. Blood touched the floor and his Mistress giggled.


'Are you hurt,' She asked in a babying tone, ' do you need Mommy's kisses to make you feel better?'


His cheeks burned crimson again.

Should he answer, he was supposed to remain silent. He peered up at her with tears threatening to fall and he nodded and whispered, "Yes Mother, Dear. I need your kisses."


She slapped him hard and he cried quietly. Quick as lighting she was down on her knees kissing his burning cheek. He fell into her lap and she held him. Rubbing his hair, wiping his tears.


'You knew better than to answer, Boy. Mommy is very sorry, very very sorry. But you musn't be so naughty.'


He nodded and she kissed his forehead. This game was a game he could never win, she was unpredictable....


~Should I finish this one?~

12/10/2011 11:09:42 PM

The nausea, the pain inside of me. It is my bitterness. The sweet anger and hate that forms a thick acidic bile that eats me up inside.


I have put up with more than I can handle. More than I should handle. I am boiling, seething with rage.


How can I be proud to walk with it, talk with it when IT is not a person.


A person contributes to society, negatively or positively. An animal does the same, as do all elements of nature. But he is a void. A silent nothingness between this existence and the next.


Sometimes a light will appear in the void and become a star, things will orbit this star and form planets, living things inhabit them and the star becomes a god.


I have given all of my resources into creating this god but it is insisting upon a nothingness, a lifelessness, void.


And in this void I can not live, exist.


Now I am sick

12/10/2011 6:13:40 PM

This Journal Entry will be about babies:


I am thinking about cloth diapering my next child. It isn't so much a thought as it is truly my mission. It is cheaper, damn near free when you think of it.


And I am looking for diaper covers. If any of you here cloth diapers your little bubbies then I want to know what brands worked best for your babes.


The websites that sell these things are quite confusing. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

12/9/2011 2:36:30 PM

A lot of you men are as valuable or useful as a singular table leg. Many of you have bitch fits when I delete your messages unread. But why should I care about what you send to me when you are only a faceless whore. I've walked through this market and all of your best goods were laid out and guess what? THEY WERE USED!. I'm not going to buy used good. 


If you have a profile full of images of you sucking dick or eating a pussy, WITHOUT PROTECTION, I will be uninterested. It is not sexy for me to see a man with a dick in his mouth or ass with cum all over his face. What ever disease you have caught from all of your dirty escapades I want no part of it.


If you have images of your asshole spread open and prolapsed then I will be repulsed. Pictures of bruised and battered testes will only serve to disgust me.


I don't need to see a picture of your face to talk to you. But nude pictures of yourself will ruin your chances. Respect is important, self respect is a must. You will all start off with a grade of 0 and will have to work up to a 100. I don't talk to sluts, or fat pig bitches, or white bois with an unhealthy desire for ebony flesh. Just normal human beings with healthy desires for a companion or friend.


I don't want to watch you masturbate or cum, that is what porn is for. The same goes for the submissive women on this site. If I have already seen the inside of your festering twat then I will no longer find you to be intriguing. I'm sorry but I am not interested in whores.

12/6/2011 9:18:39 PM

I am too tired to care. I've put up with A LOT since July. I've held on to your unstable pillar pretending stability. Cringed but stood strong beside your broken home. Cooed you back into the light when the shadow of your laziness threatened to consume you. Been mature when in the line of sight of your immaturity. Listened to you cry and moan over your terrible life although you DO NOT try to make it better. Sat depressed on the phone with you FOR HOURS even when you annoyed me to fits of rage. I've put up with more than I should have. There was never anything there for me to have faith in. I have more to think of than just myself. When all options are afforded to you you laze around and drag your feet. Then gripe over others calling you a bum. I love you. I always will but I must choose a better option that will afford me all of the "pleasures" of life. I refuse to live in a box or a roach infested motel as I wait for you to get it together. You aren't mature enough for me and the road we took together has now forked and I am on a different path. Maybe things could have been different had you grown up enough to face your life head on. But as for now I am too tired to care.

12/6/2011 8:46:09 PM

Touch like a flame licking across skin.

What is this pleasurable hell that I am in?


He crawls to me, on hands and knees. Murmuring in such an infantile manner. Mother, Lover, Mistress, Governess.

He is so pretty in his panties and dress as he scrubs the floor.


'ooooh pretty bird, you've missed a spot' Tracking in dirt just to watch him work.

Cooing to him, softly teasing. Touching a delicious erection with a toe, just to see him squirm.


'Crawl to me, Boy' he trembles under my gaze. So eager to please.

He oozes pre cum all over the floor, more mess for him to clean as the wetness pools inside my panties from between lips begging to be set free.


I lift my hips and slide my panties down to my ankles. Over one foot then the other.

'Closer, pretty birdy. Kiss me right... here. Oooooh that's it'


He moans, hungrily lapping at his reward. I push him away and he yelps like a sad puppy.


He touches his throbbing dick and I swat him hard leaving a bruise on his shoulder. He jumps. My laughter shocks me. He smiles and sits still.


What is this, my unholy desire? To hurt and bruise him, to wear him thin and tired. Torturing him with pleasure and pain.


'Miss, may I...' I spread my legs again letting him dive in.

Holding off on an orgasm that threatens to rip me open, ignoring the river of my own sweet juices that drench my thighs.


He is happy to be my boy, my toy to play with and toss away. The uncertainty of this union excites him although he knows he will never leave. He assumes he will be discarded and tries desperately to hold tight to me, to my affections.


As a reaction to his devotion I become angry, what kind of man lacks a back bone to stand straight and resist? One who has enough back bone to curve and kneel....


Too many thoughts move through me as an explosion lights them, ignites them and myself into a trembling orgasm. I tilt and lurch, I jerk and almost fall off of my chair. He catches me, wraps me tight in his strong arms and holds me until I am still.


I am in love with him, with this shameful deed, with the latex and the shiny boots, with his burns and bruises, with his chastity. And I am hopelessly frightened.

I let him stay the night, cuddle beside him and fall asleep. My Pretty Birdy, safe in his cage, singing to amuse me. Sending me in to safe dreams.








12/5/2011 8:15:57 PM

I'm Back in Buffalo. My sister's baby shower was nice. Makes me want another little one.

11/21/2011 10:30:38 PM

I am aware that I am broken. Covered with the ink of my bruises.

My salvation is the quill in my soul. Writing out to the world. Last Will and Testament.

What is it that you perceive to be true in this suicide note? You only knew me as you saw and you only saw what I would show.

I only allowed you to see so deep into my shallow pool of desperation.

Depart from me. Neglect your tears and swallow your sadness, what was, what is, has never existed.


She is aware that she is broken. Bloodied from the battering, self hate and loathing.

You kneel in devotion and she kneels in prayer, praying to herself. Your god is too fearful to listen to the wiles of this woman.

He has abandoned and flown away into the universe. Vast expanse of hips and thighs speckled with stars.

Wars paint the heavens as it does on this earth. Terra.

We are the illegal aliens to our persons, hiding in the dead of night with the singing of coyotes as our only comfort.


Is it his rambling that startles you? Are you lost? Guns point at a clean temple and voices yell in a tongue that is too twisted to be understood.

Did you know him? Look at how peaceful he looks, who would have thought that he would have...

It all trails off, he would what? Take it all away, cash in his chips and have that clean break.

Ligature, literature, his neck and his heart. Lyrics and rigor mortis are his companions.

Companeros in all black, angels with wings torn like butterflies.


I know you, I see you. I have felt your embrace all with out seeing your face.

11/21/2011 9:34:30 PM

I log onto facebook and I am appalled at the nonsense. I have no idea why, it is the same shit everyday.


Yet another picture of an abused animal. Stupid fb comments about God rescuing us, or how terrible people are. This is all coming from non vegans, with laptops, who also waste energy. They probably have cars and litter and have stepped on a few bugs in their lives. Maybe even chased off some wild animal that was only hungry and was scavenging. So I become a bit irritated to say the least and I comment on the damn picture myself.


Here is what I wrote:

Ever see the movie 'Old Yeller' they shot that dog in real life. in the movie black beauty the horses were starved to death. everyday THOUSANDS of greyhounds are put to death once they are retired from racing. horses are shot and turned into dog food and vienna sausages. faux fur comes from cats and dogs. this is not new. this is old news. there are children around the world that are starving, there are animals around the world that are suffering. this world has been "coming to" the same thing it has been coming to for years... and that is absolutely nothing. as human animals we expand and control like a disease, a parasite. we forget that we are animals just like dogs, cats, apes. we forget that plants are alive and breathe just as we do. Lambs and Goats were slaughtered in the name of god, so were people. Why does this gruesome photo surprise anyone anymore. I've seen worse things happen in real life. I've spent hours rescuing mice and rats from traps, freeing moths from the house, rescuing worms and caterpillars from the sidewalk. Instead of pointing fingers we must look at ourselves and measure what we have done, as individuals, that counteract the negativity around us.

I haven't received any notifications about that post yet, but I am sure that I will. People complain but they don't try to change anything around them. When I point my finger at someone three of them point back at me. I must watch what I do three fold. I must walk light and be gentle with this planet. After all, it is my religion to do so.

11/21/2011 1:51:55 PM

There are so many reasons in the world for me to accept your money. But you never consider that maybe it makes me feel cheap because ultimately all you want from me is sexual gratification (whether we "copulate" or not)


Here is a little known factoid. I am not good at accepting gifts, money, or anything esle. I don't like taking anything from my family, let alone a stranger. Yes, I have a wishlist a mile long and I will be waiting up for "Santa" this year to count the zero amount of nifty shiny pretty things I'll receive.


All I want is a friend. Collar me isn't just about finding a submissive, it is also about making friends.


I sit home with my little one all day, and One year old little girls aren't much for conversation. I am nerdy, snarky, and quirky.


There is a huge park across the street and I hate taking the little one there all by my lonesome. The people I love the most are all far from me.


I really could use a friend.

11/15/2011 8:10:13 PM

Eartha Kitt. She was a Goddess, a beautiful actress and a phenomenal singer.


She is my idol.

11/14/2011 12:54:20 PM

Do I truly have an inability to be faithful?


I try to be monogamous and I end up hurting someone that I love.

It isn't that I am looking for others to sate a desire that my one partner can not.

I just like being liked, love being loved and I desire to be desired.


Most of you people here are married, and something in your life is lacking.

Maybe what is lacking in mine is self esteem. Someone loves me, maybe more than one someone, and I can't understand why. I am rude, mean, bratty. I am a down right asshole.

I don't see what is so great about me and my pretend confidence that can lure someone in to loving me so easily.


Is it true that one can not love unless one truly loves themselves?

11/11/2011 7:33:01 PM

I don't understand cbt. I don't see the point of it really.


Men who approach me with out reading my profile try to lure me in with their desire for cbt. Some even send me pictures of DISGUSTING things. Testicles bruised and swollen with needles through them. I am TERRIFIED of needles. And bruised balls make me vomit.


I also don't agree with chastity devices. I don't want the key to one. If you lack the control to keep from achieving and erection or orgasm then I am not for you.

11/10/2011 3:09:30 PM
Coltrane plays in my soul, Gillespie flows through my veins. Louie is in my joints moving me. I can appreciate music. I can breathe music in to my lungs, feel it flex in my diaphragm, and let it fly loose from me as song. Lady Ella sings in my brain, scatting across synapses. THIS is rap. This is the chanted lyric of my heart. This is love that can be lost and found inside of my being. Oh, to love.

11/9/2011 9:20:18 PM

On Novemeber 8th 2011. I had completed a full year of motherhood.


Wish I could have shared the birthday cake with you all!

11/4/2011 3:31:17 PM

Since when did five feet and nine inches equal tall?

11/4/2011 12:53:58 PM

Libertarianism is the Rich man's Anarchism. 


We all wallow in our political views, believing all others to be false, broken, incorrect.

We are right in our eyes and all others are wrong.


Why can't we all be right, why can't we all be wrong?


I, personally, am a Marxist. I don't hate our democratic republic. I think it is a good idea, like almost all other political standpoint. It just isn't for me, it wouldn't work for me. Too much corruption. Just like communism and socialism. That is why I am a Marxist, because right now Marxism is just an idea that no person has yet to perfect. It is my utopia, where we are all equal.

Funny that a feminist (the kind that believes in female superiority which not all feminists believe in) believes in Marxism. Political, social equality. It isn't such a queer idea really.


In my home I am Queen, Goddess. Ruler. In the world I am just another uterus floating about. Aimlessly. Unimportant. What is important is that I exist. We are all a unified bacteria, serving ourselves while serving others. The poor exist because the rich exist. Polar opposites that serve each other. For how can we measure the rich if there is no contrast, no poor. With out government, where would we be. It is faulty at best but every now and then it gets something right. Like a poorly trained dog, roaming about and then someone yells sit and it does.

I believe democrats are right, republicans are right, socialists are right.

Just like the Jews, Muslims, and Catholics are all right. As long as they dont force their views on others.


I don't care what you believe, which god you prostrate before as long as you are happy, content in your beliefs. As long as you stand for what you believe in, as long as it doesnt hurt or hinder others.


We should all have political freedom, personal freedom, religious freedom. When did we, as a whole, stop believing in that?


We can all be right because we are all wrong in the eyes of someone else.

10/30/2011 4:09:21 PM

I love cross dressers, I love transsexuals and transgendered people.

But I hate a man in a dress calling himself trans. You are just a man in a dress. You are not trans.


10/30/2011 12:20:33 PM

A lot of dominant people on this site are delusional.


I look at your pictures before I log in. You are a huge blob of a person and disrespectful to boot. You call yourself a king or queen and expect complete devotion and obedience. You refer to yourself as sexy which isn't confidence but lack of perception. You assume that you are god's gift to man or woman but have no redeeming qualities to prove it. You are most likely power hungry and too self involved to pay any real attention to the other human beings around you.


You expect payment or the right to use and dispose of your submissive/ slave at will. (That I don't care about)


BUT I seriously doubt that you are dominant at all, I will assume that you have terrible self esteem, mommy or daddy issues, and know that you are too fucked up for anyone to ever truly want you with out being tortured first.


I laugh at the snow man shaped women who call themselves curvy.

You are curvy, like a hillside. Some men will find it sexy, some men wont. But be honest with yourself. You are fat. Your breasts touch your knees in all of your photos. Latex is not your friend.


And all of those fat or balding dominant men who lift dumbbells but wont do not one damn crunch, you type yourself as athletic. You will only be athletic if there were an eating Olympics.


You want to control others because there is not control within yourself or your life.


It is so obvious. There are truly amazing dominants in the cm universe and you are clouding up the air with your self righteous smog so that others can not see how brightly we shine.


Get a life, and get off of cm, there are more than one type of pay pigs.


There are pay pigs who give the money, and pay pigs who receive it.

There are losers who kneels and losers who have those who kneel before them.


Rant over. I am tired from all of this honesty.

10/26/2011 8:20:16 PM

I don't intend to hurt who I love.

10/26/2011 4:28:52 PM

Am I truly insane to love so openly but without a full heart?


Giving what portions of me I had saved for myself, it is suicide to risk it all for nothing.


Fond memories and plans dashed into tiny pieces of glass, love melting away into a wisp of nothingness.


Men hurt and heal into jagged slivers of their old selves just as Women do.

Dull aches that leave you open and breathless waking in cold sweats because you could taste her scent in the air. Was she ever truly there?


I have been in the company of broken hearts left to be mended by true nurses, sojourning in the confines of his affection. Dispelled when the heart feels strong like the first stretch of the day.


On the same coin and in a different pocket a woman is resigned to love herself for herself and by herself only to feel lonely by the cool touch of the cold pillow.


It is the nature of these primitive animals to be so deluded as to think they can progress with out love. Like a cactus in the desert, prickly in the heat it still needs the not so frequent visit of a flitting lover.

10/26/2011 4:18:15 PM

There is something to be said about desire, but can it also be said with out words? With the lips and torso and a prostrating spine


With a bruise, a kiss, and a thank you Miss.

With a tear in the eye or a warm soft body to hold and care for.


Could what can be said be whispered with the sound of a shower, a large soapy hand cleansing a divine body?


Could skilled fingers ease away knots in the muscles the way that the lips and tongue can ease away tension with poetry?

10/24/2011 1:58:31 PM

So, someone I used to converse with who has disappeared was a liar. Or rather is a liar.


He viewed my profile a bit, expressed interest. I knew he liked me he even said that he liked me a lot. He hasn't been around in a bit so I went on and guess what I found... HE IS MARRIED. It wouldn't have mattered to me if he had told me from the beginning. But him withholding that information shows his negative intent.


What a day what a day

10/22/2011 6:05:16 PM

When I am out of the house I look for familiar faces from collar me.

10/20/2011 3:27:40 PM
If we have intimate knowledge of each others torsos and melodies that whisper through quivering lips. Then we once governed the oceans of bliss that slipped like fluid off of skin. And we once captured the ghost of another hollow faint memory that drained from a sorrowful mind. Then safely, it can be said, we are the keepers of time.

10/20/2011 3:02:07 PM

Another point in my life where I regret not working. I have a very good personal reason as to why I choose to be a stay at home mom but my sister's baby shower is coming up and im sure that I wont be able to make it.


Who the hell has money to travel to and from nyc all willy nilly?!


When she gets pregnant again she should have her baby shower here in Buffalo instead of in Staten Island.

10/18/2011 8:44:57 PM

I've been sick for a few days. Today is the first day that I've really felt up to doing anything. So I am sitting here eating ice cream watching the baby dance to no music what so ever and I am thinking that she has amazing rhythm.


Her little leg is going and her pelvic thrusts are flawless. She is a tiny little dancer and for the first time in her life I don't want to buy her a little football (because she is tough enough to play) instead I want to buy her a cute little tutu and some tiny ballet slippers. I am already envisioning her in Julliard.


A part of me is sad because I feel as if I may try to live vicariously through her.


10/16/2011 7:39:53 PM

Sometimes I am just tired.

10/15/2011 8:41:44 PM
Sometimes our lives zigzag and cross to be the stitches that sew our souls together. When those lines are gone all that are left are scars. Some are ugly and jagged to remind us of those who cut into us deep and left us open for hurt, and other are smooth and faint to help us forget those happy accidents that will be difficult to recall later.
Standing in the sand, cool metal in my hand. Moon as my witness. Silver bullet kisses blasting out my brain.
Even with a plan that no one understands, destiny will be what was written for me.
Tongue probes a barrel and finger tickles a trigger, hearts grow bitter. Whisper farewell to the bone in the sand, blood on the land, Soul surfing to freedom
Standing over an open grave, alone, looking down onto a casket. Fear grips you as you jump in to open the lid... Your sanity is inside. You find you cant climb out, dirt is falling in and you are being buried alive.

10/12/2011 10:20:51 PM

Disconnect from reality. Who ever chooses to live in fantasy


Holding on with steel claws to a faint memory. Eating the bitter fruit of the past.


Letting go is difficult.

10/9/2011 6:18:00 PM

My daughter likes Rammstein.

 Has anyone witnessed a baby dancing to 'Du Hast' before?

10/9/2011 5:15:38 PM

What ever happened to attraction?

Why is my being black a bonus?


I would think that my intelligence is a bonus, or my artistic nature.



I happen to play violin and guitar. I sing, I dance.


I know a lot of facts and I am good at jeopardy.


I think that is a bonus. I didn't have control over what ethnic group I was born into, but I chose to read and play instruments. I took the initiative to do something extra.


Any one in Buffalo know how to juggle?


That would be a bonus for me because I really want to learn how to do that.

10/8/2011 1:42:42 PM

I don't take slaves, but I do enjoy a good submissive.

10/8/2011 1:22:32 PM

Bill Withers 'Use Me'


Sounds a bit kinky to me...


My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through
I said brother if you only knew you'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

Oh sometimes yeah it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me
But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can't get enough
I and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
Ah ha to do the things you do

10/7/2011 6:10:35 PM

Today was a wonderful day, took my little one to the park.


Was surprised at how shy she was, she didnt want to interact until it was too late.


She went down the slide all by herself, I'm very proud of that.


Almost one whole year in motherhood.

10/6/2011 6:55:38 PM

She waits upon her throne, for her boy to bring her shoes and place them on her feet.


She walks slowly to the bedroom door and he bows then kneels to kiss her shoes.


She kicks him softly and smiles.


He shudders, it is a gift to be touched by her at all.

10/4/2011 12:57:54 PM

I'm not good at making friends.

That has been made clear to me.


Someone who I liked has now disappointed me.

Sad, really sad.

10/2/2011 1:08:07 AM

Insomnia, Depression.

Up all night, lonely.

Wishing for company.



9/30/2011 1:10:43 PM

we are just playthings, toys in the system,

destroying the machines that save us and break us.


With open eyes and closed mouths, we speak with out seeing

Live with out breathing, dying to birth life.


Hands that are broken and holding love open to give it to a soulless world

Your lover is a vampire feeding on your happiness


I cant stand to be happy so I sit in my sadness

depressed into the recess of my life


When we've just begun living and dying steals the sunshine

music is all we'll have


Muted song singing, voiceless dancer twirling into a lap that rapes

Tears fall sweetly on pillows and sheets wrapped tightly around


Leather clad boy crawling into a pit of desperation, sweat and lust

Mistress sits idly pretending importance holding the master's hand

was this the plan?


to love it all and lose it all and break it all for nothing

they talk too loud and promise you that they give themselves for free

when all we've learned from living long is that we all come with a fee.


heart leaps into throats as orgasms choke beauty out of us all

we are whoring out our selves tied into our thighs

and cry when nothing is left


love is a blindfold and lust is a gag

our senses are clouded all night

when wrists are tied and bruised and asses burn crimson

we try to make it right


hell has locked us out and we are breaking in so that innocence can walk the earth

we dwell in our tunnel vision claiming uniqueness when perverts have done it all first


where is the difference between crying and laughing that we fit inbetween

i touch you with kindness gentle and ease but inside im dying to be mean


so you sit across from me dressed in your skin

looking in to see my soul


but i've told you before I locked me away to keep myself whole

on the outside its broken, cracks creep in to let you see my shine


i give myself outwardly so i can reach in to touch all the love i hope to find

im draining the energy out through my fingertips tapping away at the keys


because in this world the smile that shows ecstasy is merely a disease

so with out the cure i sit blindly with my ears open wide


hoping to listen for the call that tells me i'm still alive

hoping im not dead inside

watching as we waste our lives.



9/29/2011 2:23:15 PM

You walk into my life, into my home.


It is nice to have a stranger be born into a friend.


Sitting in silence says so much.


Even when is can also say so little.

9/27/2011 8:35:55 PM

what kind of name is that?!


Boy is more fitting, maybe nothing at all. I could whistle if I wanted you, or ring my little bell.


You'd crawl right in to kneel as expected because I'm dreadfully tired and need a footrest.


Sweet human ottoman, you know your place.

9/26/2011 12:46:34 PM

In trying to find peace he comes to me.

Bleeding open, not physically but emotionally.


Why come to me?


Simply lonliness, just as I am. Sitting in front of a glowing screen wishing for a connection that can't be felt.


Going about my day wondering about my perverse desires and why I keep losing when I am trying to win.


I am not like them, I am kind and loving yet they come to me looking for abuse. I can be sadistic but it isnt what I am after, I value you as a human being above all other things.


I would never treat you as an animal and even if I did, my pets are very well cared for so no abuse here.


I simply want a companion to rub my neck when it is sore, rub my feet when I am tired and humor me. Laugh at my stupid jokes because we are lonely and this goes beyond sex.


How can I be lonely? Don't I have a child? Yes I do, and she is remarkably independant. Growing more each day and needing me a little less. To sit and cuddle her constantly for my own sanity is simply insane.


So I talk to a few guys from here, loved a few people. And recently lost one. Who was upset by what he read in my journal and felt he had less value to me.


Like I've said, after some talking some people disappoint me, some dont. One has made me quite pleased but upon reading his journal he cant tell if he likes me or is infatuated. Honestly as a human being and not as a dominant woman, I don't care at the moment which it is.


If he is infatuated he will know soon enough and the same with liking me. I just want someone to vibe with to keep me company.

I am dreadfully lonely. And plans do keep falling through.


I go to you bleeding, not physically, but emotionally...

Why do I go to you?

9/23/2011 8:22:03 PM

He was thinking about telling me that he thinks of me.


How odd that I am smiling.


Of course he thinks of me everyday because I think of him.


I am projecting myself into his thoughts.

9/22/2011 8:41:37 PM



his animal totem is the wolf, mine is the cat.


I find myself thinking of him often, missing him when he is gone.


and still... im afraid. how long has it been?

9/22/2011 12:39:12 PM

So we talk.. it starts off nice. Then one of us becomes bored or disappointed. I wont pretend that I'm perfect for you or all you need.


But i've chatted with a few people, and enjoyed myself. A few disappointments but one dude is awesome.


Big smile on my face

9/21/2011 5:13:28 PM

When I finally show people my face most are shocked and then pleased... some are repulsed or confused.

Recently I was asked why I'd ruin my good looks with facial piercings.


Now, I have my nostril pierced. My labret and snake bites.


It isn't much, it is less than what I used to have.


I got piercings to commemorate certain points of growth in my life, kind of like why people pierced themselves in other countries.


The first piercing I got as a young adult was a nostril piercing. It was done all wrong and it got infected so I took it out. The second was paid for by a submissive and it was my navel. I had just finished grieving over the loss of my mother and decided to get pierced for my growth. I looked up where navel piercings came from and in Egypt only royalty were allowed to pierce their navels. I figured it suited me.


I have a terrible fear of needles and since I was slowly working my way to a point where I wouldnt faint at the sight of one I got my lip pierced. Then I had a break through at therapy and voila another piercing.


My most loved piercing was in memory of a son I lost in utero. After I lost him I went into a deep depression, upon leaving that depression I decided to start over, I cut my hair and got two more piercings.


Since that point I havent been pierced again although I did have a baby and I want to honor my strength at delivering her naturally and without much help. I listened to my body and there she was. I dont know what I want to pierce next but I do have a right to pierce what ever I choose.


So now you know, if you ever see my face or my body I am pierced. Love it or hate it.

9/20/2011 2:40:19 PM

Watching Dr. Who


I love this show. Wish I had someone to talk to about it.

9/17/2011 2:20:41 PM

I just received another gift. From an anonymous gifter. Maybe it is the same one. Who ever you are, thank you.


Thank you pictures on monday.

9/16/2011 5:38:00 PM

That nauseous feeling, that ball of tears that you feel in your throat when you know that you are losing.


When you love, and you love hard, and you give of yourself completely. To receive in equal measure. When you do that and you lose or are cast aside and hurt, that abandonment that was promised would never come rips you to pieces. How can you trust to love again when you were promised forever?

9/13/2011 2:32:42 PM

Received a surprise gift today. Who ever sent it, your thank you will be in my pictures.



xoxo, Raven

9/13/2011 12:42:11 PM

Okay, my page just refreshed while I were in my mail and the homepage popped up and there was the face of my ex. The boy who broke my heart.

9/13/2011 11:21:46 AM

Do not come unto me if I am just a fetish to you.

A drug to cure your guilt.

Do not beg to submit to me, or ask me to abuse your tiny white dick.

Why must it be racially charged?


How primitive of you. I do not see it as black and white, I see in black and blue and in many shades of lipstick.


I see in the expansive gray area of the taboo.

in the not so cut and dry world of bdsm.


No I would not make a great mistress only because my people were once slaves.

I would make a decent enough mistress to whom ever I choose to submit to me because I am who I am.

I am myself.

It is as simple as that.


If my ethnicity, or nationality is a fetish for you then please move quickly to someone else.

Iam not interested in men or women who see it in their minds that way.

Submit to my will, succumb to me, because it is so.

Because I am infinity and always, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End.

Because I am past and present.

Mother and child.

Because I can be it all for you, your everything.

Because you are worthy of love as am I and we both need something or someone in someone else and with me you feel you've found it.

Make it so my complexion is a bonus because you've always loved black women but it wouldnt matter to you if I were white american or korean.


Do not come unto me with your RACISM. Because that is what it is.

Take that bullshit elsewhere.


9/12/2011 11:49:46 AM

Whispers echo in my head as my fingers tap away under the light of the monitor.


I suppose I've scared you off.

My eccentricity, isnt a cloak, it is a skin. I wear it proudly.

I can see that you desire to submit but submission to me is a grace, a gift.


Nothing will be given in return except my love, protection, and smile.


It is your job to make me happy and maybe that is too heavy of a burden to you, especially since your dick wont get wet here.

Or anywhere for that matter because I do not share.


When I need you I would call and expect an answer.


But I suppose I've frightened you off.

Sent you scrambling with your tail between your legs like a sad puppy.

Your will is easily broken and you are weak.


Still I can smell your desire to submit to me.

9/10/2011 8:43:58 PM

so today i received this message from a submissive




pretty clever cover for a dome who in the end just wants money it seems.


to which I replied:

dome? you meant domme, right? and i dont ask for money nor do i need it.

people have offered and before now i didnt accept. my last sub thought i should make a registry and i did. but pretty mouthy for an unattractive submissive who looks malnourished.

9/9/2011 5:50:18 PM

blood collects and pools under the skin.

bruise. flesh is ripped open by blow after blow

lust. hips meet hips in an unholy truce

trust. hands hold hands as moaning is ceased

love. flood of eroticism thighs tremble

acceptance. dancing into the twilight

shine. blush of light pale ebony alabaster

death. tomorrow always comes

tomorrow always comes

9/8/2011 10:53:23 PM

Too late

A Goddess stood before you, ready to lay with you.

To be one with you.

And your eyes were shut tight and sewn shut.

In anothers arms she wandered, lust filled and heart longing.

Soul full for giving and taking.

Yet still she only wanted you.

Three months with out the breadth of your embrace and already she has forgotten.

She no longer longs for you, yearns for you, burns for you.

it is Too late.

9/7/2011 7:51:11 PM

Does it feel good?


I expect an answer, a mumbling around the gag in your mouth.

A tear to fall against the sheets.

Hips to move and legs to tremble.


That is how you answer me.


Now, does it feel good?

9/6/2011 7:26:28 PM

Spark found, spark lost.

9/6/2011 12:18:38 AM

So I am up because I can't sleep.

I feel as if I am hungry even though I know that I am not.

I had lost weight over the summer. A little over thirty pounds.

Even with my stress I was active.

Initially the weight I had lost was because I was too broken hearted to eat.

Then it was because I had begun to walk again. I'd spend hours on my feet, walking to prospect park and walking from Queens to Brooklyn.

Walking in the village.


I still ate less because I didnt feel hungry but I was happier.

So now I am back in buffalo and have become lazy and depressed again.

I sit at home and do nothing all day.

Well that isnt exactly true, every morning I feed the baby, change diapers, clean the living room, and make a small meal for the baby.


Then I just stare outside and think of how lonely I am. Which is kind of funny, in a sad way.

There is a park right across the street from my home, I simply dont want to go alone.

Technically I wont be alone because I'll be taking my daughter but I had a companion when I was in brooklyn. He and I did almost everything together. We were together everyday, sunshine or rain.


Now I need a new buddy.



In other news...


I've been talking with a few people.

I've felt a few sparks.

I'm seeing where they go.

Maybe I'll be escorted to about since I've nothing to do all day.

I want company so that I can have a reason to cook again.

9/5/2011 5:13:34 PM

Suddenly I am emotional. And dreadfully lonely. So many yearn for me, for what I possess, for what I can create.

But too few are willing to create with me, possess emotion with me and yearn for that spark that ignites us and leaves us bathed in a fiery love.


I had vowed to love no more, and yet here I am wanting to love again.


I have started deleting the pictures of my ex, the one who hurt me. And I feel lighter now.

I am still sad and I still miss him but it is ok.

I have looked over the pictures and I no longer lust after him. I dont feel or remember his embrace or voice.


I've showed his pictures to some friends of mine. Not to humiliate him in my mind but to show them what I no longer possess.


My next step is to remove him from my friends list.


I feel like I am in a twelve step program.

9/5/2011 4:49:32 PM

Alice crawls down the rabbit hole,

to become giant and then small again


To sit for tea with a man who is mad, hare and a dormouse

to war with a queen thirsty for blood.


How many of us venture down the rabbit hole to dance with insanity?

We are too afraid to show ourselves that we exist on the 'inbetween'


I do not live in a world of black and white, in this gray area there is so much color.


Yellows to taste, and blues to feel. And if, perchance, I find my prince cloaked in the night or my princess bathed in a glow I will sit there.


Worshipping the wonderment

Enjoying the rabbit hole. Underland and inbetween world.


Halo in the sky, I am the moon.



9/4/2011 9:48:01 PM

I have the pleasure of connecting intellectually.

orgasm of thoughts, words that soothe and caress

kisses of a thought process.

9/3/2011 7:39:41 PM

I have been thinking about a first tattoo. I want something tasteful, that might not be seen as classy.

I want a nude portrait of myself on my back. I say nude because naked to me implies something lewd and lascivious. 

I saw someone's art just a moment ago that gave me goosebumps but then again he could be a liar and it might not be his art.


Today I was talking with my daughter's father about cm. He and I live together.


I dont understand why men on this site are so willing to be a meal ticket for me.

I receive countless messages about guys willing to pay for things. They assume that I am a pro domme, which I'm not.


I do like gifts but this isnt what I do to pay the bills. I am not the type of woman nor am I the type of Domina that wants to rely on someone or take money out of their pocket.


I don't like "using" men/women/transexuals. I wont ask and I wont expect it. I might accept it but it isnt what I am after, and again please call me by my name until I decide if I want to possess you.


And another thing, if you message me telling me how sexy I am I will immediately know that you are only after sexual gratification, you dont care about my beautiful soul and you most likely havent read my profile and or journal.



9/3/2011 6:27:44 AM

I went to bed angry last night.

Not at a submissive but at a dominant. He and I have been seeing each other and although I may want to try submitting during sex he wont try at all. He mentions some bullshit about comfort even and says that he never takes me out of my comfort zone when that is a complete lie.


Now I am not an idiot, I know that I have to allow myself to be taken out of my comfort zone. And he and I dont have a d's relationship anyway. It is more of an s/m relationship.

We get physical with one another.


This boy says he loves me, loves everything about me, and he does.

He literally stayed up all night sending me messages because I was upset with him, but I was too angry to care.


When I like someone it takes me a while to want to be nude in front of them, simply because I happen to be shy and it makes me feel insecure.

I am not comfortable being naked in front of a man/woman/transexual that I like. It is easier for me to undress in front of a stranger (someone that I know but do not see myself with in the future) And this boy has seen me naked countless times and each time I was out of my comfort zone.


Double standards, or hypocritical, I cant think of which it is but I know that it isnt fair for me to leave my comfort zone. He should submit once in a while.



In other news, I've been contacted by a few sweet hearts. I'm not always able to reply to you all quickly. I am often very busy. I have a young child you know. If you contact me on yim I can get back to you more readily.

8/10/2011 2:02:19 PM

I spoke to an ex of mine, Damien, and I cried for a long time. It was so freeing. He understands me and I needed to open up about somethings. 

I needed answers to questions that he really couldnt answer but he tried anyway. It helped. He was nice and I miss him. I guess I'll always miss him.

He was the only guy I had dated that wasnt a replacement for someone else. I guess that is why Ive spent almost a decade in love with him.


I need to learn how to be happy with myself without looking for happiness in someone else.


The ex who left me, I think thats why he left. Maybe I was draining him. Succubus. Well it is over now and I am doing my best to move on.


I dont know if I am moving towards Wolfe or the father of my child though. I can be happy with both or unhappy with both it just depends on whether or not things change.


But I do miss Guppy. 


Am I ever missed?

8/9/2011 12:51:24 PM
I need a geek/nerd/intellectual to converse with. Maybe even hang out a bit.

7/31/2011 11:23:58 PM
Wolfe is no more. He is too needy, too clingy, and too annoying. I was trying to replace my ex, the guy who broke my heart. I needed his advice recently and although I didn't get it he still answered my questions. So here I am, single and alone again. Bored and looking for kinky love. Still trapped in Brooklyn, dying to go home. Avoiding my favorite shows like the plague. Still getting sentimental over him. Wanting to hate him or use his videos and pictures to amuse myself alas, I can not. I love him too much loved. I forgot the 'd'. If I had stayed in Buffalo I wouldn't be having these panic attacks. Almost moved in with Wolfe I'm glad that I didn't. Missing the ex. Promises promises I've lost it all before never did I see myself with out him. To all of the romantics in the cm universe, I look at the ocean and I see his eyes. I feel the wind and it is his kiss. Am I the only hopeless, sappy romantic out there?

7/23/2011 2:55:10 AM
I am in a power struggle with my dominant boyfriend. This guy I've known for six years. And back then he was submissve. Now he is dominant and strong. It is intriguing to meet a dominant man that I've watched grow. He has evolved. We spent the whole day together and at the end of the night he had a moment of weakness. He admitted to himself and me that he is inlove. He is making all types of promises and I want to believe him but the bastard before him made me less trusting. So Wolfe admitted to his love and this Raven must admit that she has loved him for years. She just never expected to see him again. I dated a liar so that I could find Wolfe. I'm thankful. But how does one deal with a dominant man with out submitting? I mean, he never says no to me. And comes when I tell him to. He seems pretty obedient. Maybe i'll turn Wolfe into a harmless puppy dog.

7/22/2011 3:02:24 PM
My ex is moving on. Maybe I should too. He promised me forever he even said that he wanted to marry me. I have unanswered questions that he'll never answer. He couldn't have loved me if he is moving on so quickly. He said he'd never leave lol I made the mistake of falling in love with someone. I gave him the key to my heart and he broke it. Funny how love can be

7/19/2011 1:51:29 PM

People that read my journal are awesome.


If you approach me please dont call me ma'am or mistress because you are not my property...yet.


I love tall men, dark hair and dark eyes (green is okay, so is hazel).

The chubbier that you are the more sexually attracted to you I may be.


Intellect is a turn on. I love me a nerd. ::All Geeks are welcome::


I dont tolerate drugs or alcohol. It dries me up faster than prozac does. 


Call me Raven, that is my name until I tell you otherwise.

7/19/2011 1:17:02 PM

Metronome times me, swaying along as the ticking of the clock becomes the music that i dance to


to exist is simply that, it is not to live


i wake up, from a nightmare, to the sound of the metronome. I watch it sway.


It exists, it does not live.


Who, among us, will attest to the fact that they exist and in turn do not live?


I want to live, but a part tof me has died.


 I am not a vector, I lack direction and magnitude.


7/18/2011 3:39:31 AM
Do any dominant women talk about their broken hearts? I'm in love with someone and he and I are no longer together. It literally makes me feel ill. I shared so much of myself with him and now I'm left with painful memories and pictures. I felt happy with him even if my nature was to complain. Now I'm trying to make it work with the father of my child, I'm miserable. He doesn't make me happy anymore. Everytime we talk he talks about his car instead of us. I took this vacation to spend time with the guy that I love. I know that he is moving on and I should get over it but I can't. This is a moment of weakness. I can't cry anymore because I can't tell anyone about my feelings. They all expected him to leave me but I didn't. The way that he kissed me and touched me, the way that he looked at me, I could tell that he loved me. Maybe I was delusional. Maybe it was the reflection of my love that I was seeing. Because now I don't know if he loved me. I felt like he did. Maybe I'm confusing kindness for love. Pretty soon his birthday will arrive and we won't spend it together. And that pains me. It breaks my heart. I really just want to hold his hand or cry pitifully into his chest, how weak of me. How human of me. I've done things with him that I've done with no other. -how naive of me to think he'd stay, now my guppy has swam away-

7/17/2011 9:59:23 PM
Just had the most amazing orgasm while watching a cbt video. Usually I'm not into that sort of thing but the slave maintained his erection through it all. He sincerely enjoyed being his Mistress' punching bag. Am I the only Domina that gets off watching her submissive getting off? -he pleases me. And in turn he is rewarded with the opportunity to enjoy my flesh.-

7/14/2011 9:14:45 PM

Still in brooklyn... not in a good place emotionally. I'll need time to myself. 



6/20/2011 12:04:21 PM

In Brooklyn. Be back soon.

6/9/2011 6:49:12 PM

I've realized that alot of CM users are nerds. I am a nerd also, but I wonder how so many intellectuals, gamers, and science geeks wound up on this site.

6/5/2011 1:40:07 AM

Thank You all for wishing ME a happy birthday.

6/2/2011 6:45:58 PM

Latex wings lift a Goddess into the light. He drinks her with the moon, nourished.


He kneels with out question. Prostrating Geisha.

Head low, eyes to the floor. If the Goddess is a Question, Boy is the answer.

Bound by the heart, climax of love.

Forgiving the past as a lesson of stupidity


Boy forgives and kneels, standing in submission to the great Latex Goddess

Wynter cold, killing the Earth to give birth to the spring of life, Latex wings

She forgives him and allows him to stand

She descends from the light, down into his arms, He is tall and strong in the eyes of others.

But in her eyes he is but a Boy, a patient, healed of his fears.

Healed of his insecurities.


6/2/2011 3:14:29 PM

I am not necessarily here looking for gifts from some groveling idiot. I don't even ask. I'm only observing. I have cast out my line and caught a few fish. Some fish who pay very well and others that I love and enjoy conversing with.


Another thing to clear up, I do not look fat in my pictures, that is because I am not fat at all.

Some people see weight as an indicator of what the body must look like or be categorized as. I do weigh about 180lbs. I am 5'7 1/2. Most of my weight is in my thighs and ass. Please do not refer to me as a bbw. It is only offensive because it isn't who I am.

5/28/2011 10:43:26 PM


My Boy got me the best gift.

5/27/2011 11:52:07 PM

hate mail. from a french canadian. has alot of accounts. i think i know who it is.

5/27/2011 11:25:23 PM

I just had to block a weirdo. Second person I've blocked


his name is yupvayumeit. he is a disgusting prick. probably a 50 year old obese loser trapped in his mother's basement


5/26/2011 4:45:32 PM

the mail is filling up faster than i can read it. if you have my email contact me there.



5/24/2011 9:15:15 PM

Lips torture the torso under candlelight.

Teeth tug on skin and sighs are whispered into the deep blue black of the night.

Hands reach out to touch hands and there is a moan.

Far off yet close.

Are these my lips that whisper, are they yours?

Tongues touch and there is penetration.

A yelp. An ass too tight, yet it still gives.

I am moaning now, it is undeniable. The pleasure

A bite wakes me from my lust, our bodies are so close that I don't know where he starts and I end.

I feel his face twisting in sweet agony under my lips. My mouth is saying I love you

Are we allowed to love?

We are deep, deep inside of each other.

He cums then, in the wake of my orgasm, begging for forgiveness.


Lips torture the torso in dead of night.

Stars bruise the sky.

Tongues tease and I am ready.

Riding high, falling slowly. There is a yelp, deep guttural moan.

An ass too tight yet it gives in to the penetration.

He is moaning now, my slutty boy, the sound undeniable in the humidity of our love.

I cum then, a blissful orgasm.

Forgiving him under candlelight.


5/24/2011 12:05:10 AM

He really pleases me. I have a folder full of his pictures- I think of posting some but I don't kiss and tell. I've seen parts of him that no other Domina has. Not that they cared to because most of these stupid bitches think that hostility, humiliation and violence are the only ways into a subs heart.


It angers me to know that women have treated him like an animal, not for their amusement, but because they could. Some even went as far as to tell him that he could be totally honest with them just to make him feel terrible for his feelings and secrets.


THANKS BITCHES, it made my job a tad harder. What bothers me the most is that I love him and it makes me so fucking mad to know that someone has "abused" the Boy that I love. Especially since he is so good at loving me and spoiling me rotten.


~He swims around me in circles, weaving his way between my legs.

Figure eights trailing their way through me, symbol of an eternity spent on his knees.~


He doesn't need to kneel, he knows his place. He doesn't need to call me Goddess, we both know who he worships. He doesn't need a chastity device, we both know that his orgasm belongs to me.


They've truly lucked out. I have the perfect pet.

5/20/2011 2:25:52 PM

Sometimes I am violent. If there was a way to track down all of the disrespectful fucks from this site... lets just say alot of people would be dead

5/19/2011 4:21:42 PM

I am asked this often: Do you do online cam play?


The answer is yes, I do. But for a fee. Nothing is free in life. I'm not the most expensive person on this site. You wont be breaking the bank.


Look at it this way, I most likely dont like you. I loathe you. Your existence is irritating and you are a worthless pig. If you weren't I'd be kind to you. Maybe even kind enough to have a real conversation with you. If you want to take up my precious time then it will cost you.


Bottom line.

5/18/2011 5:07:01 PM

I've fallen in love with my submissive, he is also my boyfriend. He takes wonderful care of my needs and his obedience is astounding.


subpet715. he is good at being Mine. Some fail me, most disappoint me and he hasn't.


In the near future expect a post about his collaring ceremony.


I wonder how often love is found on this site...

5/15/2011 11:40:24 PM

I'm not attracted to blond hair or blue eyes. No amount of money in this world can make me attracted to that.

Lo siento.

5/14/2011 1:29:53 PM

I've seen alot in my short life... but I haven't seen it all.


Just last night a slave boy wanted to be watched as he "hung" himself.

I have to admit that asphyxiation and breath play is highly erotic.

I also must admit that it frightened me, the idea of this Boy dying as I watched.

A part of me didn't care what happened to him, a part of me wished it were me causing his face to go red.

I sat there with a twisted smile on my face as I made a mental note of the fun I could have with my Boy if he were into breath play.


(I don't force him to do anything he doesn't truly want to do)


There is a first time for everything...

First time to be paid for watching some fucker hang himself. (I enjoyed it)

First time to be so aroused by the idea of it.


First time I have ever wanted to hurt MY Boy for my own pleasure (this brings guilt)

5/8/2011 9:42:00 AM




I haven't been in my mail in a very long time, it is quite full. I am trying to read them and respond and it is quite hard to do some days.

5/3/2011 1:37:01 PM

he has flaws that are adored, ignored, because Mother loves him anyway.


The curve of his spine as he kneels, the softness of his lips as he kisses each of my toes tenderly.


His face that reddens when I tease him. The soft moans that escape his mouth as I amuse myself by spanking him.


Even when obedient boys need to be punished so that they will always know their place.

5/1/2011 10:07:12 AM

slaveboy, swims around me in circles, like a Guppy


[he exists]


on all fours. Perfect ass in the air.


HER hand comes down upon him. he knows not to flinch.


Red bruises adorn his flesh. such a perfect boy.


Kneeling sweetly, moaning, struggling to keep still.


SHE brings HER lips to taste each bruise and he twitches.

he.. twitches


SHE raises HER hand again and swats him.


When will he learn?


the only way to enjoy pleasure is if you learn to enjoy the pain


[he exists]


slaveboy kneels at my feet like a puppy, his tongue tickling me between my toes



4/27/2011 9:14:27 PM

found interesting info for all who do not know what female ejaculation or skene's gland are


Studies have shown evidence of female ejaculation in between 10 and
40% of female orgasms. However, research is being performed under the
hypothesis that ejaculation can occur in all (or most) cases (as
suggests the article linked in a comment by my colleague Pinkfreud-ga,
which I recommend you reading too), but probably most of them in an
amount unnoticeable in an area typically humid during sexual
intercourse -- thus, those percentages would correspond to those women
who do notice their ejaculation.

According to some laboratory tests, the fluid coming out during a
female ejaculation would be a substance with some similarities to male
semen in its composition, produced by the paraurethral glands or
Skene's glands, often called "female prostate" for its similitude in
placement, structure and, given the discovery of female ejaculation,
function, with the male prostate, the responsible of the production of
semen. More noticeably in women -- but also in men -- these glands
have also a function of sexual stimulation. They are in the basis of
the so called "vaginal orgasm" (as opposed to "clitoral orgasm",
opposition that is being criticized lately), and are in the
physiological structure of the famous G-spot or Gräfenberg spot, the
location on the vagina anterior wall which would have sensitivity to
sexual stimulation. More rigorously, when that area is being rubbed --
either by a penis, finger, etc. -- the glands in touch with it are
those that experiment the stimulation. Thus, the female ejaculation is
more likely to occur when stimulating the G-spot. The website
The-clitoris.com "Dedicated to a Woman's Sexual Pleasure & Health",
publishes excellent diagrams on how to stimulate this area and showing
all the anatomy above depicted -- actually, you can have more extended
explanations of the issue in it -- at their page "The Female Prostate,
Female Ejaculation, and The G-Spot"

4/22/2011 6:18:09 PM

I ignore the same retards everyday.

It becomes tiresome

4/21/2011 1:06:26 PM

submerged in desire, lips find lips as hands caress craned necks reaching down


breasts press into large hands, he is allowed to touch, to take, to receive.


as long as he serves obediently, kneeling even when standing tall


Moaning, softly as he suckles hungrily. he is MINE


to do with what ever I please


Possessed, lover, Boy




submerged in desire, drowning calmly


ar MY feet


4/12/2011 10:31:35 AM

SHE rests.

he is kneeling, head tilted backward. he is bound.

HER ass is pressed into his face. HER weight is on his shoulders

HER feet are in boy's mouth.

he licks each toe, cleaning the day from HER beautiful feet.

it took him time to get to be near them, each torturous second that

they sat out of reach, away from his hands and mouth.

he had to pay to be near them, with his soul, with his life,

his devotion.


HER pleasure is their pleasure.

they are happy to serve her.

sweet submissives.



4/8/2011 6:21:15 PM

I will not be on for a while, I lost someone close to me. I want to mourn and afterwards if I am feeling better I'll be back.

4/6/2011 11:35:55 AM

It is his desire to taste HER. to kneel, delighting in the feeling of HER foot pressing roughly into his open mouth.


And although he is not bound he does not move. HER pleasure is the only thought in his mind. If he is denied of HER  his heart grows more fond for his ultimate destruction.


HER desire is to use him. To prod and poke his pitiful body. To use him as her foot stool, to sit upon his face. And although SHE is quiet She is enjoying him. Enjoying his tongue cleaning every toe. one by one.

4/1/2011 8:39:30 PM

love is a device of torture. if i didnt like being hurt so much i'd turn off my emotions

3/29/2011 1:49:50 PM

I'd like to taste you

from your torso to your tongue.

each eye lash that flickers in the dim light of an orgasm, each explosion that captures the senses, did I mention-

I want to taste you.

to tease your lips with a honey coated finger tip that was dipped in the vast expanse of my body.

dripping down down down to coat the sheets that wrap and tangle two naked souls but did I mention-

I want to taste you.

3/27/2011 11:27:59 AM

I love you, getting too close, then you pull away.

Is it sex that you wanted? Only sex, always unavailable pulling away, leaving me dangling on the cusp of oblivion

3/24/2011 10:41:00 PM

It is dark and I waited, in the crevices of your mind, searching for any affection that could hide behind your hate.



3/24/2011 12:05:24 PM

Desire, to rip intimately into my lovers flesh.

Pain with a purpose.

The safe word is silence.

An echo of a whisper that rains like tears from sensual wounds.

That drips swiftly along soft thighs to pool at my feet.




3/19/2011 1:20:22 PM

I don't want to fall in love with you. It is the last thing I want to do.

Each touch brings me closer to the precipice and I don't want to fall into this dark abyss.


3/18/2011 8:10:27 PM

push me away. push push push. i'll leave before i hate you

3/18/2011 5:08:57 PM

Showering alone. Good thing Jack is water proof.

3/17/2011 9:16:09 PM

he Calls to me, a wHisper in the dark. the rough toUch that captures me Contains me. the hot love that Kills me.


sit. stay. good boy. i've been looking at smother boxes... how sexy it would be to wear that read tie as i sit on your face.


you'll always be mine.

3/17/2011 5:05:28 PM

She may be on her knees but she's got you by the balls.

3/17/2011 1:42:33 PM

Had a panic attack today. I think too much.

I need to relax and get new batteries for my jackrabbit so I can keep calm.

3/15/2011 10:17:54 PM

It doesnt take much to break my heart. All you needed to do was say goodbye.

3/15/2011 5:10:51 PM


3/15/2011 5:01:12 PM

My Fears: Butterflies, Moths. Slugs. Needles. Bleeding to death. Being alone. The Dark. Gnats. Albino animals.

3/15/2011 10:36:19 AM

I use my gifts to reel you in. To make you mine. You see me as submissive but I already own you. But you want me to- to touch you, deep inside.

3/14/2011 10:12:22 PM

I lay there, imagining him. His blue tie all neat... I imagine it shoved deep into my mouth to muffle my screams as he fucks me senseless.

3/14/2011 1:59:40 PM

Feeling really depressed. Really down and low. Have that antsy feeling again.

3/13/2011 5:59:57 PM

Boy kneels quietly. His silence is like music. Boy tilts his head back to serve HER. Worship HER. SHE is the ONLY GOD he knows. He opens his mouth and waits. He is the perfect chair, SHE leans back and sits, enjoying the pleasure of his face.

3/12/2011 2:34:17 PM

Rationalize the Irrational. Love him. hold on to him. Dream of him and his red tie

3/12/2011 11:18:21 AM

Some things can really kill the mood. So I am watching porn and masturbating. It is a bukkake of course. The guys are all  jerking off onto this skinny pale bitch. They zoom in as cum is landing all over her and she has huge sore on her mouth. I thought I was seeing things and watched some more. This woman has herpes. One of the masked ejaculators proceeds to rub his penis (cum dangling and all) across this chicks mouth. I guess where ever he is from they are immune to painful itchy sores on the heads of their cocks.

3/11/2011 12:38:26 PM

If I could hold your hand so that you could feel my heart... would it make you stay with me?


I don't need you but I want you. You dont love me but I want you to.



3/11/2011 11:23:49 AM

I lay in bed and imagine, what the last time would have been like. 

If silence wasnt the only rule could I have screamed his name?


Would it have been fun to fumble around in the dark teasing each others torsos

racing to the climatic finish only to start the race over again.

Ready. Set. CUM!


Tasting his tongue and licking his cock, wishing to swallow a little more of him.


Be good for the bad boys, be the whore and the slut, bent over ass in the air wishing his tongue were there...

Why the fuck did I deny him of his vices.


With a wet pussy and a dry mouth I dream of going back and giving myself to him again.


It is great to keep a good lover as a friend.

3/10/2011 8:25:33 PM

it is in this room that she finds no peace. its empty confines that enslave her. the music that she dances to and rises to and sleeps to is her own beating heart, it slows and she sleeps, it quickens and she moves. she is a slave to her own turmoil, her own thoughts. never finding rest in the windowless room of her mind

3/10/2011 5:52:04 PM

Even if I loved you. I'd never tell you. Fruit of your tree I'd never let you taste.

I am good at not telling. Secrets die behind my lips.

3/9/2011 10:25:23 AM

Weekly Horoscope Gemini: 

Your relationships have a very competitive, aggressive quality at this time, and conflicts over power and dominance may erupt. You won't compromise yourself to please anyone.

Disputes in your marriage or other close partnerships are likely. On the other hand, you may begin a relationship now, boldly taking the initiative to pursue someone you want to be with.

You will come on strong to this person, but he or she might just love it! 



Some how this rings true for me.


3/9/2011 10:18:37 AM

I've decided I like my breasts

3/9/2011 10:16:30 AM

3/7/2011 7:17:45 PM

Deep in the wet confines of my mouth he erupts.

Sweet and delicious on my tongue, my orgasm moves me.

Dripping wet and writhing. moaning as I swallow him.

Savoring his taste.

3/7/2011 11:27:44 AM

that is as much of my face as i'll show

3/7/2011 11:26:42 AM

3/6/2011 8:12:22 PM

men are assholes and they dont answer questions

3/6/2011 11:36:13 AM

I reach out and pull him in. To feel his mouth harder against me. 

Sweet lips that kiss and nuzzle my bare flesh.

A wet warm tongue that darts out to taste a rose bud.

My thighs tremble and I feel a wetness pooling inside of me.

The most wet I've been in my life.


My lips find him and I suck him in. His hand connects with my ass and I moan.

Each thrust leaves me blinded.


He does to me only what exists in my fantasies.

A lover divine. I can't wait to feel his lips on my ass again.

3/5/2011 9:08:10 PM

very fuckable. gives a ne meaning to kiss my ass

3/3/2011 11:25:27 AM

I am loving you.

until it kills me.

because you fill that empty in me.

with these scarred arms I hold on to the echo of you. a shadow of mist that slips between my fingers and through the cracks of my mind.

And I am loving you

3/1/2011 11:38:46 AM

My drug of choice is his voice. Each simple sound stirs me to rocking.

Hips bucking wildly as tears stain my cheeks. Do I love him? Do I hate him?

I reach out for the sound waves that echo in the distance.

My mouth flutters as if his words were mine.

And I feel blind. Sitting in the dark waiting again for the phone to ring.

For the door bell to chime.

For him to whisper softly like the flicker of a flame.

My drug of choice is his voice.

2/28/2011 9:11:02 AM

Is it wrong to want to love him because he is just as broken, crazy and confused as I am?

Is it wrong that I dont love him at all, That his body is all I am after? I could care less for his heart.


Usually my journal entries are sexual but I havent been feeling very sexual these days.

2/25/2011 9:03:53 AM

Voice in the night, deep and whispering. Moving my soul, making love to my spirit.


2/23/2011 3:42:13 PM

It is like taking off your clothes, exposing yourself to prying eyes and wanting to be wanted.

Loving to be loved. You wonder if it is real at all. If you aren't dreaming.

You balance on the thin line between here and there, reality and dream.

Eyes close in a quiet flutter and the heart almost stops.

Fear is the fist that twists your heart, clenching thighs against a painful orgasm

It is the lies that bind you and the truth that you hide from

It is like exposing skin to the world. Hide behind your scales and forked tongue

Hide behind your sexuality

Be afraid of being known

it is your shield

that prevents your from viewing the world

these eyes lids are closed

2/22/2011 1:50:39 PM

I want him... to use me for his pleasure

I want to kneel for him, his fingers entangled in my hair, pulling my mouth closer

closer to him, to taste him to suckle him in deep.

I want him to fuck me to oblivion, until screaming and silence is all one sound.

I want to writhe against him, begging for release. for climatic satisfaction but only his desire can move me.

I want him to open me, cum into me. Tease me until there are no more tears

spread me wide and devour me. torture me with words and tenderness and silence.


2/22/2011 9:49:27 AM

A hand reaches out of the darkness, to caress and stroke, to grip me tightly, to choke me.

To bring me to orgasm.

This hand wants to own me and I am willing, not sure if I'm able, but I'd try to be worthy.

2/21/2011 10:45:53 AM

In front of the mirror I stand tugging on my nipples. Posing first to my left then to my right.

I imaging how I'd move for him if he wanted me to dance. Would I move smoothly like a snake, would  I spread my arms wide and dance like a bird in flight?


Will he wind his arms around me and stroke me? Will he grab me firmly and hurt me?


In front of the mirror I stand, rubbing my breasts and my neck, arousing myself to no end.


2/20/2011 9:14:38 AM

in a fit of slumber, torsos are twisted and still. black binding on wrist and ankle, the only splashes of color are the red of a ball gag and the dry telltale signs of cum on skin.

she is neither sleeping or waking. she is in a sexual limbo. senses heightened, she is begging with her eyes. he stands over her, touching and pulling, smiling.

now she is begging with her throat, murmuring, thirsty for what ever would empty from his loins.


he is JUST. gag is removed and is quickly replaced. she loves and nurtures an erection. hoping for the nectar that she craves for. wrists are released and the is able to touch him. Gently. She is giving yet receiving, dominant and submissive all on the same coin.

He gives of himself and she receives. She gives her devotion and he receives.


in a fit of slumber, torsos are twisted and writhing, she sucks her orgasm from him, feeding off of his arousal. Thriving on the cum that she'll get to taste. Thighs are clenched tight and a river pours from her. and she is JUST.

2/19/2011 9:31:39 AM

I lay there, eyes closed, in silence trying to imagine his voice through the buzzing of my best friend.


I struggle to keep my hips on the bed, resisting the urge to climax quickly with the vibrating rabbit tickling my clit, my mind explodes.


I thrust it deep inside of me, imagining it is him here with me but only he is hovering above my face. My pussy grips tightly on the toy and my breathing quickens.


In my mind he is allowing me to taste him, I want it, he wants it but it is simply not enough.


My climax, my orgasm depends on his smell and his taste, his excitement. I fuck myself faster and orgasm, the sheets soaking as I continue, my hand and arms are wet, my chest is wet, but I am not sweating. I am squirting with each thrust and I imagine him putting all of his erection inside of me. Feeling the head pressing into my throat, my nose nestling in a red expanse of hair.


The image drives me crazy and I can no longer control myself. My hips buck wildly as I fuck the toy passionately (I've broken one before during a vigorous session)


Legs shaking, moaning and screaming, I finally stop because I hear someone knocking at the door.


Damn UPS. (The neighbor was outside with her dog, I am sure she heard me. If she were a bit prettier I would have flirted and maybe I wouldnt have hid my nakedness from her.)





2/18/2011 7:48:30 PM

It is not that he commands me, it is only that I am willing and it is easy to obey.


I've done as he asked and I need to find the clean linen. My face, my torso, my legs and even my pretty painted toes were drenched in my own excitement. pleasing him gives me pleasure.


He has not asked me to kneel at his feet, or cower at his side, nor has he asked me to stand in his shadow. Honestly I don't know what I am to him. All I know is that he addresses me by name and it is like his words are fucking me.






2/18/2011 11:49:12 AM

free spirit bound to the body, a goddess trapped in earth and dust, knees planted like roots mouth open like petals

she kisses each drop of rain, swallowing it in, it gives her life, stolen vitality from gilded loins.

2/17/2011 10:14:24 AM

Received a very boring massage today during my pedicure. The only thing I enjoyed was the color I chose, it is very unlike me to wear anything that isn't black but I have been surprising myself lately.

2/16/2011 2:26:54 PM

It is easy to obey and difficult to question. Am I being led into my own sexual oblivion

Dreaming of tasting and tempting. Swallowing and kneeling  then standing to give all I have inside.


Tonight I will be gone into my own mind, thinking of him.


Ishouldnt be here when. if he returns. not until he calls for me. so i bid you all adieu

2/15/2011 6:33:56 PM

my desire startles me. the thought of him as my lover, the idea of sharing and being shared. i'd give to him my devotion as each second dissolves my sanity.i will fall to sleep tonight dreaming of serving and being served of giving and receiving and i'll wake with the idea of what he must taste like sound like and feel like. 


i will imagine wrapping my lips around him, i will dream of receiving a nectar so sweet that it could rot my soul. he is the dangerous desire of the lonely wife



2/15/2011 2:20:29 PM

It is exciting to be captured. It is exciting to be chased. Every inquiry entices me and leaves me trembling. Under the watchful gaze of your microscope I feel you studying me. Each bat of an eyelash opens me, legs and soul. I am fucked by your questions. Waiting in the wet recesses in your mind, wishing each letter were a flick of a tongue or the strike of your palm. I close my eyes and slip slowly into a soft submission where only you know how dominant I can be.


I laugh to think that if only I wore panties your very existence would make them wet.

Wet and clinging, sealing each word to a throbbing clitoris. Each question mark each period strumming me to a musical orgasm.


If only he thought like you.

2/13/2011 2:49:05 PM

It is the endless cycle of losing yourself inside of someones orgasm. The temptation of swallowing all that can be given. The desire to consume what is left of another persons humanity. Sucking and licking and fucking and hitting. Trading places at each others feet. Collars tightened and loosened like nooses made of candy. Pain strikes my sweet tooth, my drug of choice. Each hit leaves me reeling in my own liquid stupor. The only high is the one that leaves me bruised and broken and I heal as he kneels. It is give give and take. I give myself, he gives himself and I take my life as a fine line between sanity and chaos.

2/5/2011 8:09:04 AM

Assumptions make an ass of you. Do not assume, when you message me, that I will submit to you. Do not approach me with some silly pet name, do not ask me how this pet is doing today because by no means am I your pet. I am a Goddess, a wild creature and will only submit to those worthy. Like wise goes to the people so willing to submit to me. I will only dominate those who are worthy. I am not here to play games I am here to have a soul connection with like minded people because parts of my life are lacking the perverse aspect. No I will not meet up with you, nor do I wish to. I happen to be happy and in love with a man who isn't as sexual as I am nor does he like bdsm or inflicting pain on me. So I am here to talk about the sexual thoughts that run through my mind. You shouldn't assume that you know what will turn me on because words are just as powerful as actions and I am quite capable of managing my own fantastic orgasms. So before you decide to contact me think before you type out some stupid shit that I'll just have to filter through and delete in my boredom.

2/3/2011 7:33:42 PM

I seem to be experiencing writers block. The stupidity of others seems to be catching.

Ever notice tha your spouse doesnt touch you the same way? Only has sex with you because you begged for it? I hate pressuring him for sex but i'd never look for it elsewhere.

2/1/2011 8:32:07 PM

He kneels before her. His place is at her feet.

Idolatry at its finest. He worships this great Goddess praying for her breath, for her might.

Leathery fingers graze soft skin, flickering hot across flesh.

Crimson lips smile down at a pitiful quivering mass.

A pet so dear, naked and open waiting for each strike patiently, shivering with want.


He kneels before her, begging, crawling around like her puppy dog for her entertainment.

She smiles at his plight, at her stool in motion- the place that her precious feet rests.

He is everything that the Mistress' heart could have dreamed.

Obedient little man, crooning at her heels. Collar fastened to silence him. He is quiet.

Kneeling at her feet. Ass bruised and red as she sips quietly on tea. Poised. A goddess of black and red. Of blue and purple bruises, Goddess, Mistress of his dreams.

Even the wildest Mutt can be tamed.

1/30/2011 8:54:50 AM

Those finger tips that beckon me, that keep out of reach. That barely graze and touch nipples too hard to conceal from public eyes.

Do I pretend to not know you in this crowded mall. Does this collar scream your name as I shop as if you are not watching. Am I to be tortured, am I not to have the touch of your embrace. The tender palm that can inflict so much pain.

Am I to amble around like these other misers, lonely in their minds until you have decided that this tired kitten of yours deserves a rub.


I walk back and forth on every floor, feeling your breath on my neck as if you are close enough to bite into me. As if you are close enough to feel me tremble under your great might.


Those fingers that beckon me, that can wrap their long digits around a throat and squeeze until the hollow only allows a wheezing as its means for air. Those fingers that dont dare touch to tenderly because your kitten only purrs for rough. Those fingers that can dance across a tongue like a sugary sweet, that can fuck and prod until I weep, those fingers forever out of reach.

1/21/2011 6:37:51 PM

Lead me to where you will be lead, each plateau is the crest of the extension of your self. The body is a divine rod for this energy. Every palm that connects leaving the paint of a delicious bruise. Every leather tool that stings and flickers, like a flame, across bare flesh. Every deprivation of a desire that is out of reach is the blue flash of lightning. Tender is the hot wax that melts across a hot body. The ropes that bind slave to master. Giving freely frees me. Submitting can set one free.


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