So I've been thinking on this for awhile and I decided that I should share these thoughts. This is for me but I also want people to know a little but more about me because no one really knows much about me.
My submission is complicated, just like the rest of me. Its not something that I identify with first but that doesn't mean it isn't a huge part of me. I AM a strong person. I'm head strong and stubborn and I let the little things in life either make me really happy or really stressed out. So I need someone equally strong or stronger that can handle me. I've always been sarcastic and pessimistic and cynical but have gotten more so over the years. I don't trust easy, well maybe I do its when you do something that makes me doubt that trust I have placed in you that shit goes down. But I digress.
My submission is something that must be earned. Not just the once at the beginning but every single damn day. And on some days it has to be fought for. I have my days when I'm going to challenge you just because I want to see if you are strong enough to put me in my place. I like to push because I like the reassurance that you are powerful enough to handle me. That you can do it in a way that shows 'yes I know what you are doing and now the fun is over and I'm in charge'.
My submission is touch. I love to be touched. If you don't touch me I'm automatically going to think that something is wrong and that I've done something wrong. Whether I'm sitting beside you or at your feet, touch me. It doesn't have to be a big touch just something that acknowledges that yes you know I'm there and yes I am still yours. I don't want just your sweet touches either because I am also a masochist. I want the rough and the powerful. I want the hand in my hair or around my throat as you kiss me. I want to feel your strength and power as you hold me down or up. I want the lines that we have drawn together to be pushed every once in awhile. For you to take me to that edge so that I can learn to yield to you even more because I know you will keep me safe.
My submission is structured and held accountable. I like instruction, direction, I don't enjoy being in charge. I don't want you to micromanage me, that would just piss me off, but I want rules and guidelines that we have both agreed to that I know you will hold me accountable to. If you don't I start to see a weakness in you and will just push more and harder til the relationship crumbles around us. I will rail and fight against it at first because that is just who I am. I need time to adjust and form workable patterns and routines. Nothing is ever easy at first.
My submission is ever changing. Name one person who doesn't change in someway with every situation that they face. Why would you expect me to be any different? I want someone who is strong enough to guide how those situations change and affect me. Not to just sit idly by and watch as those changes occur and then to try and deal with the aftermath. I won't see you as someone I can come to for help if that happens I just see someone who wants to change me because they don't like who and what I've become as a result.
My submission deserves respect. It deserves respect just like anyone deserves respect, just as a basic politeness. Anything other than just the basics is something I have to earn. That being the case, just because this is something that is a part of me does not mean that upon our first meeting you have the right to demand that I call you anything other than the name your parents gave you when your mother squeezed your over-sized ego out of her body. I am also not your doormat so wipe your boots off somewhere else because I won't let you walk all over me. You say that I have to earn your respect as a submissive, well its a two way street with me. You try and earn my respect and I'll to the same for you. You disrespect me and I'll go out of my fucking way to throw you, your ego and your reputation under the biggest bus I can find.
The last thing I'm going to tell you about my submission is that it doesn't define me. I define IT.
