We have lost the significance of a father walking his daughter down a church aisle toward a nervous groom. There is a statement being made on these important wedding days that has become totally oblivious under the hustle and bustle of perfecting the perfect 'performance' for the audience. We don't hear much anymore of the fact that Daddy is "giving her away". Painfully, even some Daddies have forgotten what they are doing.

Even the old tradition of tying an old shoe (along with the cans) to the bumper of car of the newlyweds was a symbol that the father was passing the responsibility to the groom. The old shoe was the symbol of the rubber sole in which was to be used for disciplinary reasons.

When a father places his daughter's hand into the hand of another man, after all the years of protecting and providing for her, he is saying something astounding. He is letting that young man know that she is now his responsibility. He is passing on his precious possession that he has worked so hard to protect and love, to another. And good Daddies let the young man know that he WILL perform an even better job. Daddy has to let go and for some it is a most difficult day. All the provisions, all the responsibilities that Dad had are being passed on to the groom. The groom has now accepted the hand of a woman who is used to a certain level of security and manly leadership. She expects the same worry free environment that Daddy always gave her. The groom is now responsible for this woman, just like daddy. But...there is one major difference. There is a sexual intimacy between this bride and groom that slams shut all doors of accusation towards a Daddy complex. Women don't want sexual intimacy with their fathers, however they do want the provision and security they are used to receiving from their fathers to flow through their husbands. No way does this very realistic expectation (that should have been discussed before marriage) label a woman as an insecure psychotic, looking for a daddy to love.

To the husband who says to his wife: "I will NOT be your father!" No, you're not expected to be. She doesn't want you to be her father either. She is asking for leadership. She is simply looking for strength in you to help her. Perhaps she is having some difficult times, or just needs you to protect her.

Many women denied the leadership of a father growing up seems to have this need as well. Instinctively or biologically (whichever your slant) women, honest with their emotions and not afraid of their feminity, admit to seeking strength in leadership from their man. Without the benefit of a male parent, there remains a strong drive for security from the opposite sex.

Sometimes we would like to think that we have evolved to a level where we are modern and don't need all this "macho-business". We would like to think that the days of the cave man dragging the woman by the hair to his cave is gone. We are more independent, more self-sufficient, and more capable of taking care of ourselves. However, our instincts will always be with us. The same instinct that controls us to clean everything in sight when the delivery date is near is the same instinct that wants to be protected and secure. If any of you have noticed that when you are pregnant your husband becomes more protective? He isn't simply doing this to be nice; it is just as much of an instinct for him.

Bontrager also states, “the perspective that you acquire on facing hardship makes you stronger and tougher in a lot of ways that are unrelated” to the specific sport or endeavor, though only “if you get the full dose.” When dose and duration are great enough you will be transformed. How much, and how long? Olympic gold-medalist Brad Lewis wrote, “A man goes through many changes in 2000 meters. Some of them not very pretty. Some make you hate yourself.” Brad's incredible intensity allowed him to plumb his soul in less than seven minutes. Others substitute duration for intensity, spending hours or days on honest self-inquiry. Some dedicate themselves to a lifelong process. For those interested in finding answers, the journey lasts as long as is needed, constantly attended by the risk that the answer may not be the one desired.