|
bitchy mood today everybody... fair warning. tread lightly. |
|
|
|
|
nothing worse than struggling up to the edge and not being allowed to jump. started off bored today, got my groove moving and all was lost at the last second. fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! |
|
|
|
|
Was a bit brisk today.
Would have been nice to have something warm to wear but not too upset I didn't.
At least I felt warm inside. |
|
|
|
|
love a wake up call that says simply;
get over here NOW.
hopeful thoughts.... evil, hopeful thoughts.... |
|
|
|
|
3am, just got home.
tired, a few muscles i forgot i had are sore and a couple bug bites that would be hard to explain but overall, quite content right now.
my mind is still wandering and disconnected... lovely feeling. |
|
|
|
|
looking forward to this weekend. |
|
|
|
|
I am old enough to do what I want and young enough to what what I do. |
|
|
|
|
I refuse to give any details on the grounds they might inseminate me... I mean incriminate me... again... hoe-fully... I mean hopefully. Ah.. fuck it. |
|
|
|
|
Think I am boarder line turning Domme on this site. Only here. Something about this site has just been pissing me off lately... maybe longer. Keep forgetting why I wander away after a week or so. Then I get a big reality slap across the face ... not the good kind of slap across the face, the bad kind.
Deep breaths and more wine.... need the empty bottle to wack a couple heads here. UGH!!! |
|
|
|
|
Ok, you ever do something you really want to tell everybody but you can't say a word because they'd think you were an absolute pervert? That and it's probably illegal is 39 states, the District of Columbia and strongly frowned upon by anyone that likes canned vegetables.
Mom would not be proud... envious, but not proud. |
|
|
|
|
Every have one of those days? The kind that gives you nightmares? Wonderful, exciting nightmares.
Thank you Laura, may I have another? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with my cherry on top? ;) |
|
|
|
|
Was a good Christmas ... landed square on the naughty list for next year but was worth it. |
|
|
|
|
Math puzzle time Start with a minuend of 100. The (number of words in your message)x(3) is the subtrahend. The absolute value of the difference is the percent chance I will delete your message without a response. Score 95 or above and win being blocked too. I am such a bitch Most Bitches have to constantly practice and work at being such a perfect Bitch, however, it comes naturally to me. I carry the Bitch gene and a Bitch bat for the special idiots. I think this decaf coffee is crap. |
|
|
|
|
Mmmmm... three down, 3 to go. |
|
|
|
|
Ok, I've seen some people post photos in their journal.... how the heck do they do it?!? |
|
|
|
|
Is it just me or do others find it pathetic that somebody would send a friends request without any kind of message?
I mean, do these people walk up to strangers on the street and say "PPPPPPlease be my friend"? (Imagine Rodger Rabbit voice).
And that has been my "Bitch of the day".
For a trans cript of this Bitch or any previous Bitching, send a stamped, self addressed envelope and check for $10,000 to;
That Fucking Cunt
0 Fucks Given
If you're still reading, URA. l0ser.
Be sure to mention this post and your have no life. |
|
|
|
|
Where is this site going?
Got this message the other day...
startonline on 10/7/15 at 6:33 AM:
Hi how are you white slut?
PublicPuppy on 10/8/15 at 12:59 PM:
Happily owned and well played with. What else could a puppy want?
startonline on 10/8/15 at 3:42 PM:
Send me a verification picture or fuck off
PublicPuppy on 10/9/15 at 2:49 AM:
Wow... anger issues. Luv, YOU WROTE TO ME?!?
All I did was RESPOND to you I am OWNED and HAPPY.
I have an idea.... how 'bout YOU FUCK OFF?
----------------------
She wrote to me... she initiated the conversation.
I politely replied I was owned and happy... as is ever so clearly written in my profile...
She goes head first, high dive into the shallow end... can you say "brain injury"?
|
|
|
|
|
Mild, nervous trepidation. Today I was asked (read as told) to be available this weekend and to pack for two days. Not much else but being told to pack is mildly reassuring. Always get a pain in my chest when told I won’t need to bring anything so mostly calm. Not been too busy for a while... worried I might be out of practice ;) |
|
|
|
|
3am and just sneaking in the door. Completely exhausted but not going to get a lot of sleep tonight. Between being wound up and hardly any time before I have to be up… going to be a long day tomorrow.
Had a good time though, worth it. If my mom only knew…
Ok, time for a quick but VERY thorough shower. I feel dirty… in a satisfyingly good way.
|
|
|
|
|
Gawg!! I am in such a BITCHY MOOD!! What is with all the IDIOTS here?!?
If I get one more SINGLE WORD message "Owned?", I am going to kill a puppy. Please, none of us really want that so STOP WITH THE DUMB ASS MESSAGES!!
My Gawd, there is only ONE word in my profile... 'OWNED'. How hard can that be to understand? |
|
|
|
|
Last weekend was... interesting. Enjoyed it in a sadistic kind of way. That is all I'm going to say. 0_o |
|
|
|
|
Went out over the weekend but wasn’t into it. Went along with most of my duties but kept looking over my shoulder. Still pissed and trying to figure out who’s been fucking with me. Think most everyone noticed… I let some of my bitchy-ness slip out and I almost never do that on play days. That is the whole purpose of them… to let go and not think. Do enough of that the rest of the week. Till we get this figured out, I doubt I can really enjoy myself. Add to that all the idiots stalking me here lately....Sucks. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What is up with this site?!? Takes 20 minutes to open a page if it opens at all... nearly impossible to use it anymore. |
|
|
|
|
Games are fun only as long as all involved know it is a game.
Otherwise it just being an ass and pisses me off. |
|
|
|
|
Seems there is a mole amongst my friends....
Nobody wants to fess up to the deed and I am none too happy about it. |
|
|
|
|
What the fuck is with people!?! Fucking send me shit, read my replies, then don't have the balls to respond?!?
Great... then the whole fucking site goes down... what a fucked up day. |
|
|
|
|
Now I'm fucking pissed. Finally in a good mood and now my day is fucked to hell. |
|
|
|
|
Fuck. There goes my good mood. |
|
|
|
|
Finally got some attention this weekend. Not the center of it but more than a few eyes on me. Was wonderful to finally let go and zone out for a few hours. Nothing better than being so preoccupied with the moment that you forget everything else in the world. Strangely relaxing yet stressful at the same time.
Best part, I EARNED BACK ALL MY SHIT, all be it with a few strings attached but hey, nothing I haven’t agreed to before.
If you all could only see the little smirk of satisfaction on my face… almost a rosy glow. Kind of a combination of the “I just got laid” look, the blush of shame glow and the “I’ve got a secret I really want to tell but can’t” look
Bet $10 I get asked if I’m pregnant by the end of the day.
|
|
|
|
|
Just got off the phone (no, not MY PHONE) and been summoned for the weekend. Again I am not in the loop, just told to be there immediately after work. I use to worry over orders like that but lately I just show up and accept what happens. Sometimes there is play, other times we all just hang out and chill, but lately I’ve just been given waitressing duties while everyone else has fun. The gofer girl, more or less detached and ostracized from everyone else. Just don’t know what to expect lately. Find myself in a robotic mode a lot.
Still no indication of when or if I will ever get my phone or other privileges back. Getting to where I don’t miss them much anymore. On the bright side, saving a butt load of money not having my credit cards. Having to use cash for everything has made me put a value on everything I do and realize how much crap I wasted money on. Not to mention the pain in the ass it is to have to go to the bank every time I need more cash.
No way to run home before tonight so I guess it will be another clothes on my back event. Really ought to start keeping an overnight bag in my car. At least keep a toothbrush and other essentials in there. Funny the things that don’t bother me but not brushing my teeth really puts me off. Yea, real sexy, I know.
Maybe I’ll run to CVS instead of eating lunch and grab a few things… still have some cash and doubt I’ll need it this weekend.
Just in a daze…
|
|
|
|
|
Another mellow week. Just not felt talkative at all… not just here but in general. Still not earned back my phone or other stuff so life at home has been painfully quiet. Except for last weekend, I’ve not done shit. Even last weekend was less than satisfying. As expected, I was pretty much the invisible waitress for everyone else. Nobody talked with me except to tell me what to get them and I was not allowed to engage anyone in conversation. Had to address everyone as “My Lord” or “My Lady” and exit with an oddly difficult to master cross footed curtsy. Really not me and left me feeling like the help. Did have a few interesting moments but they were quelled before anything could become exciting. There was a sub couple there that got all the attention and I was left in the shadows. Even though I was dressed only in a short skirt with nothing underneath, nobody seemed to care. Thought I might have gotten a little attention when someone ordered me to take off my uniform and use it to wipe up a mess. Sadly that was all I was ordered to do. By the end of the night I was naked except for a stupid little apron and my collar but no one so much as grabbed my ass the whole night. Kind of demeaning when exposed and there serve yet nobody wanted to take advantage of my situation. Was given the privilege to clean up after everyone including walking all the trash out to the dumpster al natural. So sexy. Anyway, same as last week, my presences has been commanded again tonight and I’m killing time before I have to head over there. I don’t know of any plans but was told to “clean up and be presentable” so maybe there is something in store for me. Would be nice to be given a chance to earn back my privileges. On the other hand, hardly miss them anymore… however, a little attention would be welcome even if there is no hope of getting my stuff back. Well, about time to head out. |
|
|
|
|
Leaving a little late today, suppose to stop off at Miss’s house to help get some stuff ready for tomorrow. Too far to drive home and come back so working a little late then going straight over there. Not really talked to anyone or done anything all week… just not in a social mood. Not having my phone is no help either. Moping is the word of the week for me… if I hear one more person say that to me, I’ll fucking punch ‘em in the face. Difference between moping and giving up.
To the point I just don’t give a damn. Don’t miss any of my crap, don’t care what happens next… I just give up.
Doubt I’ll be invited into any conversations tomorrow … pretty sure I’ll just be the silent ‘waitress’ for the night. Probably better… I’m so out of practice talking to people and not done anything interesting for so long that I’ve got nothing to say… and if I did, it’d probably be sarcastic and I’d catch hell for it… not a good mix with you just don’t care.
Just the same, nobody has said a word to me so no idea my status tomorrow.
Well, I'm the only one here, nothing to do and killing time … just like home… oh boy, I can hardly contain myself.
Think I’ll sit in my chair and spin until I throw up, at least that’s something to do. With my luck I’d puke all over my clothes though. Almost time to go, better start gathering up my stuff… oh wait, I don’t have any crap to gather up…
Guess I’ll just mope very slowly out to my car… and punch myself in the face for saying mope.
Peace out.
|
|
|
|
|
In a haze since yesterday. Not sure I care for the new mental play. Always what we’ve done has been an escape from reality… less thinking and more primal emotions. I’ll admit this is a deeper place but the thinking is work. Too many decisions, I hate making decisions sometimes. Nothing else to say today... not feeling social. |
|
|
|
|
I just realized that last night I had absolutely nothing. They took everything from me in my own house. That is the one place I am in charge and last night strangers took over my Castle and I didn’t do anything about it. It never occurred to me to object or call off limits. When I’m out and about, I’m at an implied disadvantage. Usually naked and out of my element, reliant in some way on the people I’m with. It makes me feel more submissive. At home I’m in charge, Dominant. Granted I’ve occasionally played there before but it was only Miss or her and one or two close friends. I act more like a servant than puppy, willingly relinquishing control and know I could stop it anytime I want. It is relaxing, gentle and soft play. Last night was not that way. It never felt like it was my house. Nothing extreme happened but I felt less human than usual and lower than I would have ever dreamed to feel in my own house. Wow, thoughts to ponder for the day. Crossing some into some gray areas… confusing. |
|
|
|
|
Well last night was interesting…
Had an unexpected visit from the gang. They stopped by on the way to dinner to check up on me and be sure I wasn’t cheating… basically not having any fun. Anyway, was decided, or planned, that I had access to too many things to entertain myself. Boat guy suggested I come along but wait in the car. Of course that get upped to waiting naked in the car and then again to blindfolded naked in the car. Was like a bidding war. Ended up not going though… kind of wish I had as that would have been more exciting. They left me at home, all be it with even less to entertain myself. Rather than take more stuff they left me tied to my front door while they went out. Naturally was not that easy. Made me strip, put on my collar and tied my wrists to my collar. Then they put my leash under the door and looped it to the knob outside. They where generous enough to let me use the bathroom first. Not a hell of a lot to do and impossible to get comfortable when you’ve only got 2 feet to move around. Not to mention my wrists tied so close to my face I had to sit with my hands on my cheeks the whole time. Was officially BORING. Sucked even more that I was in my own house with a nice comfy couch, food in the kitchen and things to entertain myself in sight but out of reach. Couldn’t even reach far enough to entertain myself other ways. That lasted the nearly 5 hours.
When they finally got back, boat guy wanted to walk me outside but Miss put the kibosh on that. I’ll play at her house but not mine. She has a different kind of neighbors and they know me by my other self. Younger crowd there and more wild. Here I’m a regular person.
Anyway, was nice to have some entertainment. They stayed for an hour or so and chatted about all the fun stuff they’ve been doing. I got to lie on the floor while she rubbed me with her feet… just enough to tease but not enough to feel satisfied. It was odd to have everyone at my house, which never happens. It was even more peculiar to be in puppy at my own house with guests. Happens occasionally with Miss but extremely rare. Not use to being forbidden from talking and using my furniture in my own house in front of people. I felt even less human in my own house than at hers. Felt like more than just my will was being taken. Actually was a little angry but excited over the humiliated feeling of it all. Can’t explain it but it was more emotional than I expected.
Except for Miss teasing me, nobody touched me; in fact they mostly ignored me. I was kind of an outsider in my own house. I’ve been the invisible puppy hundreds of times at Miss’s house when we’re alone, very relaxing but totally different at my house with other people there. Very odd feeling. I’ve been the invisible puppy at Miss’s house hundreds of times; I find it very relaxing to escape my human thoughts. When we get together I’m more the show dog. Definitely has me distracted today. I feel a little off kilter. This whole month has been that way. Not sure what to expect next or what my status is. Distracting. Wasted too much time babbling here, I need to get back to my human problems.
|
|
|
|
|
Hope to get out of here in a few minutes... ON TIME! Few errands on the way home and call it an early night. Guess I’m still in the doghouse as a few people are going out for dinner tonight but no invitation was offered to me. Means another quiet night for me. Oh well. Time to make some more parallel lines. |
|
|
|
|
Was a quiet weekend, very quiet. Just sat around and did nothing. It was actually pretty nice… for the first few hours. Hung around the house the whole time as Laura said she might stop by. Since I have no phone for her to call me, had to stay close by. Other than that, no new punishments. Just locked in my cell for the weekend. Killed a few hours making parallel lines with the vacuum, dusting places that shouldn’t be dusty and counting random things. How many people know how many spoons they have? I do. Hope they don’t get taken away. Not sure if they did something and I wasn’t invited or nothing went on anywhere. Usually we don’t do much for a few weeks after a bigger trip or event so probably nothing happened. Good chance I’ll hear from somebody around lunch as most everyone knows I have no phone and that is the only time anyone can talk to me. Like I’m living in a cave and people stop by to feed me scraps out of pity… or just to torment me… maybe a little of both. At least I’m caught up here and back to my normal workload. Shit, forgot to get cash or lunch! Crap! Goddamn it sucks to not have my shit. Little stuff you’d not think was such as big deal and somehow we lived without most of our lives, but what a pain in the ass not to have now. Maybe I can get ahead a little and take a long lunch. Better get busy or never going to happen. Back to work. |
|
|
|
|
How do people survive in this world without a bank account or credit cards? I had to go into the store to pay for gas yesterday, had my credit cards taken away, and what a pain in the ass. The store clerk looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead when I asked to activate the pump. I don’t know how much I’m going to buy… I’m going to fill it up. Do you people have any idea how spoiled we are? Unfortunately I am learning quickly and might be a slap in the face to some of you to give up a few luxuries. I really have come to appreciate some of the smallest things lately. Karma did smile on me a few times yesterday though. Whizzed right though the gate last night. Perfect timing, didn’t even need to slow down, much less have to pull over and wait.
Still had a lot of time to kill though… still no internet or TV allowed... and was desperately looking for something to do. Put on some gloves and carefully pulled my gift coat from its hermetically sealed, double knotted trash bag. I expect I will be using it again so might as well wash it. Of course dry clean only and honestly I’m not sure what would be worse; wearing that crusty mess or the embarrassment of taking it to the cleaners. Looks like something my great grandmother’s indigent next door neighbor’s homeless friend’s less fortunate mentally disturbed acquaintance would have throw away rather than be seen in. 10 points to whomever followed that. For now, it’s back in quarantine.
No plans for this weekend that I know of. Not sure if that is good or bad. Kind of want to get out of my solitary confinement cell… I mean my lovely house but don’t want to risk some other privilege or luxury being taken away. Or just as bad, going on another shopping spree at the thrift store reject dumpster. You know they had underwear at that place?!? That can’t be sanitary. Mental note; Find religion and pray to all the Gods I can think of to thank them for making the trip to NC an underwear free event. Though I might consider lowering my shoe standards to thrift level should I ever hear the word BARN or FARM in any of our trip plans.
No other word from anyone after that one e-mail yesterday. All is quiet on the Russian front for now… either they are resting or preparing for the next attack. Suddenly I am nervous again.
Oh, for the sick-o’s that have imaginations that boarder on insane… I wasn’t legs up in the air, ankles around my neck dragging my ass across the ground. Not sure how one would do that. Was more scooting along the ground. Must be a scary place in the minds of some of you.
Is nice to finally be caught up enough to breathe a little and vent. Not being able to communicate with anyone for so long is making me a bit crazy. Started talking to things around the house… ok, I did that before but it is happening more now. So far nothing has answered me back though. I know that would mean I’ve officially lost it but I can accept that under the circumstances. Funny, I can go for days without a word as a puppy but this is not the same. People talk to me and there is a different mindset. My brain shuts down and I just exist. Is very relaxing. I love the contrast between the highs and lows. The extremes. Being exposed and humiliated as the center of attention then the next day quietly disappearing at the feet of my family and not having to think at all. Exploding and then gently falling to the ground. I think I need a few puppy days right now, even though I really need to vent too. Wound pretty tight right now.
Ok, wasted enough time babbling here. Surely you all are tired of me bitching as much as I am doing it. Back to my other life.
|
|
|
|
|
Wow, might actually get out of here on time or a least close to it. Maybe it will be a little busier at home and I won't have to wait forever to get in the gate. Not sure why I'm In a hurry though... Nothing to do when I get there... Boo. |
|
|
|
|
Just got an e-mail from Miss with a couple pics from the drive up to North Carolina. Always nervous opening messages from my friends here… never know what might be in them or who might pop in when something incriminating is on my computer. Luckily everybody has been leaving me alone the last few days, they know I am swamped with work since I got back.
Anyway, not a big fan of pee or poop stuff and that is no secret to my friends but the one person wasn’t keen on how much I hate it. Long story short, part of my punishment was I wasn’t allowed to talk most of the trip, only nod yes to any question asked of me. Kind of halfway puppy rule, but I wasn’t being the puppy at the time. Was sitting and walking and all, just no talking. Anyway, he asked if I had to pee and I had to nod yes even though I really didn’t, not in the least. Asked if I had to go now and of course I nodded yes. About that time my Miss and her friend got the biggest Cheshire cat smiles but didn’t say a fucking word. Naturally the next question was; “Do you have to go RIGHT NOW?”. Got the evil eye and big smile from the front seat and nodded yes like I had to. I can tell they were all loving where this was going because they know how much I hated doing that. Not being allowed to talk and having to nod yes to everything only made it worse. Really wasn’t being puppy at the time and wasn’t completely sure what I was supposed to do, but couldn’t ask any questions because I wasn’t allowed to talk. Not sure if anyone picked up on that or not but I kept giving Miss that what do I do look. Part "am I being a puppy or human?" and part my best to respectfully object without saying anything look. Near as I can tell, the two cancelled each other out and I just looked confused in general. Kind of hoping somebody would suggest something else but never happened. Guess this is a big build up for nothing, bottom line is she sent these three pics because she knew I was very uncomfortable during the whole thing and loves to remind me of when I get that way. Same thing with the elevator pics from Miami. Still can feel the panic attack I had when the doors opened as I was locked naked in the hallway. Ok, skip to the end. I had to strip right there on the side of the road and squat until I peed. Problem was I absolutely did not have to pee! Kept asking me if I had to pee and I kept nodding yes. Asking me if I needed longer and I kept nodding yes. Are you sure you need to go?... Yes… you get the idea. Meanwhile they’re all laughing and snapping pics of my most unladylike pose. Not sure how long I was there but was long enough for six cars to drive by on what was not a very busy road. Luckily I was hidden by the car when I stripped and close to the trees while I was waiting to pee that nobody noticed... or at least nobody turned around to see what we where doing. Finally found a few drops of something wet that I am reasonably sure was mostly pee fall and thought it was over. Stood up and stared to get back into the car but instantly get asked if I needed to clean up…I had to nod yes. Of course nobody offered anything for me to do that so I stood there for a few minutes confused over what they expected me to do. Finally Miss barked out, wipe your pussy on the grass puppy. So there I am dragging my bare ass across the ground on the side of some road. Stood up and tried to get back into the car but get the question if I was still dirty. Not sure if that was what they meant to ask but ended up scooting around a few more times before I was ordered to bend over and spread my ass so they could be sure I was clean enough to get back into the car. She sent the pic of me stripping, one dragging my ass and the butt inspection pic. Oh, and one of me sitting puppy style in the back seat. Oddly enough, I prefer those kind of rules… Pretty clear. Embarrassing and exciting. Not at all like the phone, internet and tv stuff that is long, drawn out and more mental solitary confinement. Not exciting at all… maybe effective, but nothing that burns into your memory forever. Will say, I look pretty sexy naked on the side of the road… except when I was ass to the grass… that is just embarrassing. Funny now, but embarrassing. Well, with that I need to get back to work. Little more free time since I stayed here to use the computer to get my internet fix, but time is up.
|
|
|
|
|
Ended up having to stop off at Laura’s house on the way home yesterday. Seems all involved are still getting a few laughs from taking away all my worldly possessions and last night they wanted to take a few more. I know this is for fun but I truly have learned to appreciate everything so much more than I had ever expected… even if it all started as mutually agreed to fun. I willingly took my position under her and her friends so I can’t bitch about it now.
Anyway, the latest casualties were my credit cards, bank card and gate remote. Less than a day and already been a huge pain in my ass. Blew though my lunch running to the bank to get cash and getting home last night was reminiscent of days long past . That is a story in itself. What the hell, funny now so might as well tell it. Stupid me started bitching about all the new rules, losing all my shit and how I wish we could go back to the old kind of punishments I use to get. Went on about how I learned my lesson, I’ll be more polite, how I really, really learned to appreciate everything that I was allowed to have and grateful to be included in any activities other felt nice enough to include me in…. blah, blah, blah. Involved a little begging, some groveling, bit of pleading and a pinch of crying on my knees. Guess it worked, kind of. Didn’t get my shit back but I was ordered to strip, hand over all my clothes and drive home naked. Not so bad, done it a dozen times before but not having the gate remote was inconvenient to say the least. Must have sat there for an hour waiting for someone to open the gate so I could sneak in behind them. Being naked in the car so close to home for so long had me pretty fidgety. I have two very separate lives. The normal, respectable, professional work me and the ‘you wouldn’t believe what she does’, kinky sub side. I work very hard to keep the two separate and the one hidden from my ‘nilla friends and neighbors. Anyway, thought for sure somebody was going to call the police about me lurking outside the gate for so long or maybe worse than that, have one of my neighbors recognize my car and come ask if I needed help. Figure that would take less than an hour to spread across my complex. Funny thing, one of my first activated was to lock my keys and clothes in my car and find my way home. Only a few blocks and although it terrifying (was my first time doing something like that), I thought it would be pretty easy. Late at night, lots of places to hide, knew the area well, made a good plan and exciting as hell. Went well until I realized I had locked the gate remote in my car too. I kept thinking about that as I was waiting last night. Somehow I felt more hidden without the car…. Except for those few seconds I had to come out of the bushes to run though the gate before it closed. Nobody saw me that night but I was still nervous for weeks wondering if anyone in my complex saw me. Think that was the start of my addiction. Just the same, not about to sell my townhouse and move so best keep my other self secret and separate from my ‘nilla life. Always find waiting for the right moment to dart naked into the open more nerve racking than actually doing it. Second guessing if that was the best time or if there might be a better chance in a few more minutes. Waiting and stewing in self doubt. Just like waiting for the next order or punishment is often worse than the actual event… though I find that is not always the case… sometimes the event is worse… never know. Take this whole phone thing now… ugh. Was nice to get a little old fashion humiliation punishment again though. Call me a Masochist, but I love it. Literally feels like my heart will explode from my chest when Miss gets that look and starts to bark commands. Fall into my obedient puppy mode. A cross between wanting to please my owner and fear of what will happen if I don’t. Hard to explain but love it. Shit! Fucking 3:30 and nowhere close to getting what I need to do done. Guess with no phone, text or even e-mail to vent my thoughts, I’m losing it. Odd as when I’m in puppy character, I never talk. Then again, I make up for it other times… not having a phone is really getting to me. Never, ever realized just how addicted to it I am. I really need to get some shit dome or I’m never going to get out of here tonight. Oh, almost forgot… I had to go dumpster diving last night too!! Was told that crappy coat I got was a gift and it was rude to toss it out. So… I got to dig it out from under two days of other people’s trash. At least I had something to do when I got home. Sucked.
|
|
|
|
|
Small reprieve. Was asked to stop by tonight after work but I expect to be pretty late leaving again today. I was told to take care of that first and if I’m too late, I might be allowed to skip it. Missing a week at work without warning is kind of tough for me and she knows it.
On the bright side, my house is fucking spotless!! Lots of free time when you don’t have a phone, internet or TV. Did notice my mind wanders a lot more with it so quiet. Did get a smile when I unpacked from the trip…. If you call picking up a gross coat with a broomstick and slipping it into a trash bag unpacking. I did decide I’m keeping the Princess toothbrush though. Got attached to it I guess… when you only have one nice thing, you grow to cherish it. Maybe when you have too many things, you don’t really appreciate any of them like you should. The stupid woman says as she bitches about having all her fun toys taken away. Maybe tonight I will start working on a shine to keep my phone in when I get it back… someday … I hope… I pray… I beg… Yea, first world problems I have. Can’t imagine living in a third world country.
Finished my salad and time to go back to working two handed again. No more me time left today.
|
|
|
|
|
Ugh… after 8 and still here. So much crap left to do too. Not sure what I dread more, staying here working late or going home to the entertainment wasteland that I’ve been sentenced to. Which is punishment more? Too tired to think straight so decision is made… solitary confinement actually looks good right now. Goodnight all. |
|
|
|
|
Finally made it home... all be it a nearly a week longer than I had planned. Had to burn a few vacation days I hadn't planned to use but no serious ramifications for missing a few extra days... not happy with me and the my short notice, but nothing serious. Still catching up on stuff that piled up while I was busy with other duties however. With the short notice they couldn't arrange someone else to cover for me and things stacked up. Might take several days of staying late.
Trip was interesting... some firsts for all. First time I ever saw Miss have to strongly intervene and calm somebody down. Hill folk are something we're not accustom to. Usually quiet but excitable. A bit different than I am accustom to. Go with the flow was the phrase repeated to me over and over again.
Still no phone or home internet privileges. Not sure what it's going to take to get those back. Thought going on this trip would fix that but guess I was wrong.
Didn't miss my stuff much up there with all the other things going on but now that I'm home I'm getting jittery again. Wish there was a clear explanation of what is wanted from me to get everything back.
Got to... make that had to do a little shopping at some thrift stores up there. Wasn't allowed to pack or bring anything, not even a change of clothes or a coat, so I was allowed to pick out a few things to keep from freezing to death the first couple nights. All I'll say is the things I was allowed to buy were priced by the pound and not the... ok, was gross but no choice. I really, really missed not having my usual things. Was allowed a new toothbrush though... thank Gawd... a real human one too! Not something from PetSmart. Albeit a pretty Princess child one from the clearance table. Wish they had a razor there too, I was looking a little like a werewolf by the forth day. Use to playing the part of puppy, not actually looking furry though. Yea, gross... I know... but nothing compared being barefoot in a barn. Reminds me.. stopping for a pedicure TODAY!
Anyway, I have a crap load of work to get done and looks like I will be cutting lunch short as it is.
|
|
|
|
|
About 15 minutes to go and more than a little apprehensive. When we went to Miami, there were some pretty clear expectations. The general plan was explained beforehand. I knew roughly what to expect and what was expected of me. I can deal with that. Nothing has been explained about today. Not having my phone for the last few days, I've been out of the loop so I didn’t even know this was being planned. No idea what is going on, who’s going, where we are staying, what we are going to do when we get there… nothing.
On top of that, I checked the weather in North Carolina and they are forecasting SNOW on Saturday! I got nothing! I’m going to freeze my ass off! At least let me run home and grab some warm clothes. Have a bad feeling about this. Not having my phone seems not so bad right now. Shit… 5… time to face the music.
Have to admit, is also kind of exciting... in a scary way.
|
|
|
|
|
Just got off the phone with Miss... work land line, still no cell... and seems I've been partially forgiven... kind of I think. I guess the epiphany I had yesterday was enough to satisfy them a little.
Good news, I’ve been invited to go to North Carolina with her and a couple others… not too sure who, didn’t offer to tell me and asking would not be pretty stupid of me.
Bad news, we leave tonight as soon as I get off work. I have to;
“head straight over to her house the minute I get off work… do not go home, do not pack anything… you won’t need it”. Sounds eerily like the Miami trip again.
Still no mention of my phone or other stuff, but I dare not ask… just go with the flow and hope for the best.
Blew through most of my lunch on the phone so no time to babble here right now…. Back to work, can’t be late… well, could be but not a good idea.
On the bright side, no mention of having to pick up a couple balloons and a kazoo ;)
Wish me luck.
|
|
|
|
|
Coming up on lunch and finally have a few minutes to catch up on all my personal calls, e-mail other shit. No idea how many texts and calls I’ve missed and no way to check. Hope nobody reports me missing because I’ve not responded to anyone for a few days. Feel stupid just calling random friends and asking if they called, assuming I could remember any or their phone numbers. Mental note; Make a written list of everyone’s phone number the second I get my phone back. –I suggest everyone do that right now, trust me, you will thank me should you lose your phone-
Anyway, was pretty quiet last night… that is the polite way to say f’in boring. Spent some time staring out the window. Noticed I needed to clean my windows… that was good for 38 minutes… then I noticed I have a pretty crappy view out most of my windows. Read a little but couldn’t get into the book. Was going to sneak out to eat but decided there was a good chance there would be another surprise visit to check up on me. Not suppose to go out for anything, even essentials. Thank Gawd I stocked up on toilet paper. Anyway, no idea what would be missing next if I wasn’t here when they came by. At least give me something to do… some stupid task, some order to accomplish, anything. Being given nothing to do worse than being told to do something I don’t like. Fuck, epiphany moment. I just got something… Be right back… need to make a few quick phone calls.
|
|
|
|
|
Done all I can do....Angrily storming to my car now... very slowly. |
|
|
|
|
Looking for anything else I can do around here before I head out to the black hole I call home. Dread this. There are days I can’t wait to get out of here and rush home… this is not one of them.
I am in such a foul mood. I pity anyone that crosses me on the way home. I feel road rage brewing and I'm not even in my car yet. |
|
|
|
|
And it just gets worse. Yesterday evening I was paid a visit at home by my friends (no air quotes – but I really wanted some sarcastic ones). They left with my cable boxes and internet box. They also physically took my phone too, so no cheating. That means I am pretty much living the life of the Amish until further notice. At least they left the electricity on… thanks. So, except here at work, no internet, TV, Netflix, texting or phone for the rest of the week. Going to be a long, long, long weekend. Guess I should stop by the book store on my way home. Maybe a good time to start that book I’ve been meaning to write too. Might also be a good idea to see if there are still any payphones near my townhouse just in case… hummm, CVS still has those Redbox DVD things? Anyway, to say I am not looking forward to the rest of the week would be an understatement. That is assuming the plan is still only for the rest of the week. They have already changed things up on me several times; with such joy on their part might I add, so who knows which of my buttons they will laughingly mash at next.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be sitting in my bath with a few dozen candles and a couple bottles of red wine, rocking back and forth pretending to watch a movie and talk on the phone.
|
|
|
|
|
Another day and no relief. Seems apologizing, negotiating and even begging has done no good. Still phoneless. Feel like a teenager who’s been grounded. Is one thing to be punished in a way that is fun in some way, feeds some dark fantasy, but this is just cruel. Never really thought about how much I use my phone everyday… never noticed. On the other hand, this would classify as REAL punishment… in the sense punishment should not be enjoyable. Personally, I prefer the enjoyable kind. Nice spanking, little embarrassment and on occasion, flat out humiliation. None of that here…. But lesson is being learned. Cooperate and graduate. That is something I have mastered. Just in the past I kind of wanted to be punished… secretly enjoyed it… ok, not so secretly. Still there was some fear and trepidation inside me over what I was being told to do… it can be very scary but also very exciting at the same time.
I know, I am going on and on about a freaking phone… so what. Well, it bothers me a hell of a lot. I think I have a better understanding of a drug addict going through withdraw… ok, maybe more like a smoker trying to quit. Though it feels more like I’m underwater trying to breathe. Alright… little exaggeration there.
Not kidding when I say I’d much rather do something embarrassing, humiliating or maybe even physically painful than this. But then again if I want to do it, not much of a punishment. That is the nature of the relationship with my friends… they know I enjoy it as much as they do. Is serious roll play with real orders, but all in fun. I can quit anytime I want but it is no fun if I think that way. I voluntarily allow myself to be cornered and put into situations I can’t easily walk away from. If I bitch enough, they would allow me to stop… but I would have to bitch a lot… ok, maybe beg would work better.
Time to wrap this up… still have at least 45 minutes of stuff to do and only 10 minutes to do it. Looks like another late departure. Eh, traffic will suck anyway. Later is better. Back to work.
|
|
|
|
|
I'll have everyone know, I will not be texting and driving on the way home... probably the ONLY person not doing it.
On top of that, I will not be speeding and driving extra carefully... as I don't have a phone to call anyone should something happen.
Ok, I know most of you think this is no big deal, but until you are forced to give up your phone, you have no idea how much it sucks. |
|
|
|
|
Honestly, I'd rather walk to work naked with a balloons tied to my nipples playing a kazoo than go the whole week without my phone.
This is just evil guys. The other stuff I am willing to obey, but come on, this is just mean. Please let me have my phone back, please?
Come on, I've done some pretty embarrassing things without objecting ... much... but this is not like that. It is not the same, this is just cruel.
Can we come up with something else please Sir? I am serious, I will wash the boat and the truck, clean both your houses top to bottom, cook and even serve all the food and drinks at the next cookout. You have no idea how crazy this is making me!
|
|
|
|
|
Dying here!! Had to surrender my cell for the week as part of my atonement. Didn't really think much of it, no big deal. Well, it is only noon on Monday, and I’m already shaking from phone withdraw. Thought it would not be such a big deal but killing me here. Was one thing to have it off but handy over the weekend but to actually not have it with me here at work is torture.
Please, please, please, I beg of you Sir, please talk to Miss and tell her I am truly sorry, have learned my lesson and promise to be good. I cannot explain how truly sorry I am and how much I regret the disrespect I showed to everyone. I’ll wash the boat, I’ll wash your truck, I’ll clean your house… I’ll even wash the house if you want… Just please let me have my phone back. You have no idea the agony this is causing me. This is not the kind of punishment I am use to Sir. If nothing else Sir, may I at least keep the phone with me but off for safety reasons? Please?
|
|
|
|
|
Well, seems my punishment is to be excluded for a while. Few other conditions, but mostly to appreciate not being bored at home alone while everyone else has fun.
Please, to the idiots that think I am not happy with my life and you are somehow my savior… you just don’t get it. Part of what we do is structured and real, part roll play… living the part as true to character as possible …and part tongue in cheek. It is all in fun and for fun. It is only fun if everybody takes their part seriously and does what is required of them. Think voluntary slavery… oxymoron… big word that is not a miracle product powered by the air your brain was deprived of and activated be the morons that surround me.
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Sir,
I am truly sorry if my apology sounded sarcastic or condescending Sir. That was not my intent. It was explained to me in great detail that I was a guest, I did not need to be included, I embarrassed the friends that brought me and how rude I was. After it was ever so clearly explained to me, I understand now how reprehensible my actions were. I felt it was both necessary and expected of me to offer more than a cursory apology. My intent was to fully and clearly express how deeply I regret what I did. I was and am truly sorry for implying I was anything other than greatly appreciative and indebted to everyone for allowing me to be included Sir. Please Sir, I beg you to accept my sincerest and deepest apology.
brainless, stupid dog
|
|
|
|
|
Well, I've been ridiculed and rightly so…
Dear Sir,
I had fun and thank you for inviting me Sir. My remarks were more trepidation before the fact based on my ignorance and dim-witted assumptions. Ultimately I did have a wonderful time and am grateful for the opportunity to participate. I would be indebted to you Sir should you choose to invite me to join you again Sir. I apologize for the inexcusable tone of my remarks. Clearly I was rude, impolite, and ungrateful. My attitude was unacceptable and unforgiveable. Clearly I am a brainless, stupid dog that does not appreciate the kindness others have offered her despite her many faults, flaws and short comings.
I will try to improve in the future and promise to stop with the fucking air quotes when I write and talk.
I beg forgiveness from you Madame for embarrassing you with my actions. Additionally I plead to you Sir to accept my apology for my lack of gratitude.
Please forgive this lowly bug Sir. What I did was my own fault and in no way a reflection of those that presented me. I take full responsibility for the error of my ways and poor character.
I kneel before you all, head down, eyes at your feet and wait patiently your decision. I will accept your judgment and punishment both gratefully and without question.
Thank you for the chance to correct my mistake.
stupid dog slave
|
|
|
|
|
Had a pretty good time yesterday. Enjoyed myself more than I expected. I guess it is not accepted practice to park anywhere you want with a boat but we did get to explore a couple places. Nothing special but was nice to walk around some. I get bored easily and expected a whole day on a boat to be a prison but was fun. Glad I was ‘invited’. Three of us were subs and usually don’t participate in conversations much. More passive participants if that makes sense. Not big on tossing out a witty comment or quoting some fact about something I know nothing about. Lots of nodding in blind agreement. ‘Nilla is work at times. Still was interesting with few awkward pauses. Anyway, was nice. Still prefer land parties with the boat as an activity on the side. Please understand, I did enjoy it though. Would love to go again if asked. Would just like to explore more
Anyway, lots to do before I head home. Nothing planned for the week so should be quiet, restful and boring.
|
|
|
|
|
As the group has shrunk considerably, one of the guys has offered to take everyone out on his ‘boat’ today. Not sure if that is the official name as it is more of one of those floating table things. Pontoon boat. More for hanging out than traveling. We’ve been out on it before and was fun but not a lot of room to move around. I am more a land lover (lubber?—wow, that is a real word!) Maybe, hopefully, the plan is to try to find a new, private place to hang. No suggestion there, just a quiet place to be ‘nilla. I like walking and moving around a lot and the boat is claustrophobic for me after a few hours… or less.
Anyway, need to get moving… don’t want to get in trouble for being late… on the other hand… might be fun.
|
|
|
|
|
Just back from a sadly small get-together. Noting even R-rated. Just a regular old 'hangin' out sort of thing. No new faces so was pretty much catching up on the past. Fine by me, not really in a wild mood for the last few weeks. Not complaining, is actually kind of nice to be calm and relaxed every now and then. Not a rut as much as a rested state. Called dog's life around here. Like it sometimes. Just lay around on the floor and be the pet. No thinking, just lay at the foot of the couch or under the table. Only get one, two at the most, days a week to escape lately... is nice to chill. Anyway, nothing planned for the rest of the weekend. Will head back over to my 'other' home soon. Just have to get a few human things done first. |
|
|
|
|
Wow, what happened to everyone? Was talking last week that Summer is approaching and how many of our acquaintances have just vanished. Miss tried to call a few ‘next circle’ friends to see if there was any interest in a cookout or something… a dozen texts, twenty e-mails and like three hits. Some have just fallen off the face of the Earth. Phones disconnected, accounts closed… who disconnects a phone or closes an e-mail anymore? I can get losing a few to the collarme to collarspace move, but like two dozen missing from outside here?!? Fear this will be a boring Summer. |
|
|
|
|
All the other kids got candy this weekend and I didn't... really sour and nasty candy... lucky bitches. |
|
|
|
|
I hate when other people are having fun and I can't. I feel like the kid in detention listening to all the other kids playing outside.... Except they're all screaming and crying... Lucky bastards. |
|
|
|
|
Damn! Just got a call if I could join Miss for a few days with her friends in Miami again but I have to work. Fuck. Not done anything in weeks, really had some sick fun there last time and would love to go but I have to be responsible... really would love to go but have to pay the bills too. Oh well. Dinner for one again. |
|
|
|
|
Gawd, this site sucks sometimes! Never can get any pics to work the first, second or tenth time. Just keeps the old ones until it feels like allowing the new ones. No sense to it, just randomly refuses. |
|
|
|
|
Try one more time... attempting to change out a few pic from the weekend. Nothing huge, just Laura, her original slave couple, me and a few others I've met before. Was more a get together and only I got the order to show off. Was fun though. The one guy there I remember from a cookout before. He has been pestering Miss's friends about me and lucky for me, Miss decided to fuck with him... pretty sure that is the only reason I was told to get naked and play. Usually I am the one being teased but this time I was allowed to play with my toy enough to cum pretty hard. The guy was clearly uncomfortable as he didn't really know us and the mutual friends couldn't come. Usually not a lot of new faces and when there are, they are with someone Miss knows well and are in the know of how to act. Was funny to see that lost and horny look on someone other than me. First time I ever got a hint of what Miss feels when she is taking charge. Think I tried a little harder than usual knowing I was doing it to torment someone else instead of myself. That and knowing I was suppose to cum on my own. Managed to make one of those one in a hundred messes that usually only happen when I am out of my element, a little nervous, teased, denied and then someone else controls the details. Anyway... need to finish my lunch and get back to work. Miss sent me a few pics and asked me to post them and describe what we did... so here I am. Something tells me Miss or one of her friends is grooming a certain guy to become a new sub or slave. That is rare. Ok, too much to do to be musing here all day. |
|
|
|
|
Ahhh... had a little fun over the weekend. Mostly alone but did get to be 'socialize' a little too. Feel better. |
|
|
|
|
Bored and wasn't invited. I'm gonna' go get naked by myself . So there. |
|
|
|
|
Stopped by my other home after work today… had some quality time that I needed. Earned the privilege of driving home naked with my clothes locked in the back of the car. Cheated a little and stopped short of home to get dressed… not good to have the neighbors see the crazy woman running around outside naked. Is ok in the right environment but not good to involve people that don't understand and know where you live. Even though it was after 2am, better safe than in jail.
Still none of my pictures updated, so frustrating. Pretty much an exercise in futility to even bother anymore. No logic to the whole convoluted mess that is CM.. I guess CS now.
Never did find my dress from the cookout on the 4th. Someone got a nice trophy… about $60 bucks worth. Wonder if it was just to leave me naked or they wanted something to jack off on later? Maybe both. Tell you now, if I see one of the other women that was there wearing it, I am going to be pissed… well, on the inside at least. Oh well, look on the bright side… was fun.
Is way past my bedtime… off to dreamland. Hope I have some exciting dreams to keep me entertained. Think I might do something to suggest a few dreams before I fall asleep… in that kind of mood. Think I’ll skip the portable and go for the heavy equipment. In a NOW kind of mood.
|
|
|
|
|
Looks like my pics aren't updating again. Tried to post a few yesterday and still not showing up. I give up. |
|
|
|
|
Posted the last known picture of my sundress… if anyone happens to find it… eh, never mind, I don’t want it back. |
|
|
|
|
Despite a slow start to the day running around fetching food and beers for everyone naked and playing up the part of the dog, and a few fire ant bites from sitting on the ground, I came home happy.
Thought all I was going to get was a few pats on the head and the occasional grab at my nether regions but in the end I had a good hour of dedicated attention followed by more than a few private moments with most everyone. Got a little worried when the fireworks came out and a few eyes fell to me but calm minds prevailed and other arrangements were made.
Was not the center of attention all day as Miss brought the sub couple she lives with and there were two other women that I did not recognize. Except toward the end of the night when the two other women and I were making the rounds when called, we all were solo for our special time. Think this was their first time as they clearly were a little nervous when I stripped and even more so when I was being held down on the table. I think they thought I was being raped and they would be next. Maybe they were uncomfortable knowing they would be told to undress like me before the day was over . Not sure. Everyone did take it pretty easy on them so I am pretty sure it was new to them. Didn’t ask any questions as I was under bark and whimper only orders all day. I did pretty well with that, even when I got attacked by the fire ants. Took a minute for her to notice what was happening when I started yelping but everyone helped brush the ants off and carefully search everywhere to be sure they were gone. That was when I got lifted to the table and I completely forgot about it after a couple seconds. Was a bit surprised to see a couple toys that weren’t mine come out so I know there was some premeditation to my fate for the day. Maybe the toys belonged to the other women. Is normal for me to be told to bring mine but somehow I feel they weren’t expecting them. That said, still had that wild, out of control, feeding frenzy vibe I so enjoy.
I am sure there are some bad mental associations being made in my head… picnic tables, fire ants, cookouts and more than a few other triggers that shouldn’t have the effect on me they do.
I did learn a little after last time. Lost a lot of my clothes to souvenirs (maybe it was planned that way) so this time I wore a sundress. Figured that even if I lost everything else, I’d at least get the dress back for the drive home. That didn’t work out too well though. Ended up not only completely naked but I also lost a dress that was not cheap. Not sure if asking for it back is appropriate. Not sure it that is a prize expected to be surrendered and my asking would imply it was stolen. Don’t want to hurt any feelings… not my place to question either. Funny how I am worried about my dress but I have no problem with allowing the person that took it hold me down and poke and prod me as they wish. Still, I kind of liked that dress.
Anyway, I have to get going. Suppose to be at Misses in less than an hour. We all are going over to one of her friend’s houses. Lives on a lake and we are going for the evening. I understand there are a couple jet skis and a boat for everyone to enjoy and dinner will be server… by me I expect ;)
Hope everyone is having a great 4th weekend. I know I am. Live when there are fireworks… both the ones in the air and the mental ones.
|
|
|
|
|
Satisfied. Exhausted. Too excited to sleep, too drained to stay awake. Was a great day. |
|
|
|
|
Ahhh, long weekend with some promising possibilities. As much as I love an unexpected surprise, there is a lot to be said for nervous anticipation. |
|
|
|
|
I give up. Tried to post a couple pics from the cookout but damn profile refuses to let me delete some of the old ones to post the ones from last weekend. Why must CS be so difficult? |
|
|
|
|
Feeling a little better. Been a while since I’ve gotten to vent my frustrations, but had a chance last weekend. Little unplanned performance at a cookout with a few of her friends. Was both fun and incredibly frustrating at the same time. Had to strip and masturbate for them but nobody was allowed to touch me at all, just watch. Hate that. Really wanted to be touched and manhandled a little. As frustrated as it left me, I enjoyed it. Lost a few of my clothes to souvenirs but well worth it. |
|
|
|
|
Back from Miami and pup is on her way down here now. Nothing special planned, just a quiet evening with everyone. I do expect to give her back her profile. I am just so tired of all the dumbasses I can't take it anymore. Not sure how she puts up with it. Anyway, have to unpack the car and take care of a few things before everyone gets here. |
|
|
|
|
Just walked her down to her car and send her home. Was nice and didn't send her off completely naked... I let her keep her collar. She was in that needy mood all day...too obedient to be fun. Is OK if there are a lot of people around but only a few of us today. Sure I'll hear from her tomorrow and she'll be whiny. |
|
|
|
|
Puppy is whining for attention, told her to come on down and we'll let her tag along. She's in one of her moods. Sometimes more fun when she is not so eager, sometimes more fun. We'll see how it works out today. |
|
|
|
|
Finally her pics updated. Took two days, WTF is up with that? Anyway, was fun. Maybe more fun for her next weekend. |
|
|
|
|
Got to delete some pic to make room for new ones. Really don't give a fuck which ones, let you guys fight it out.
Puppy stays...keeps the amateur trolls from perving so much, the others are all on the table.
#0 is puppy(stays)
#1 spread ass --- might be lost in update hell
#2 Toy in front of the elevator
#3 Valentine panties --- might be lost in update hell
#4 Field facing
#5 Field doggie
#6 Leash in the car
#7 Hand in her pants next to the car at the mall
#8 Panic when the elevator door opened
#9 Topless in the part field
#10 Hand in her pants at part field
#11 Naked at the field
#12 Bent over in the field
#13 Kneeling red towel
#14 Doggie red towel
You guys pick
1 and 3 might be lost when I tried to post when I caught her in the car. No fucking idea what goes on here sometimes.
|
|
|
|
|
Gawd this site sucks sometimes. Can't mess with her if I can't update pics. Days delay after updating before anything shows up ? WTF! Is there anyway to post pics to a journal? |
|
|
|
|
Just caught someone half asleep in the car!! So cute when she is daydreaming... even cuter when she is startled while busy. Came back to invite her to join us but she found a way to entertain herself. Not sure if I should leave her or make her stop to go with us. |
|
|
|
|
Left her in the car. It's ok, the windows are down, as are her panties and shorts. Decided to bring those with us while she waits in the car. Might pick her out something interesting to wear for the rest of the day... not too sure what though. Maybe a nice swimsuit for the other mall. Just enough to make her out of place but not arrested. Might try a few kids stores. Something either tiny or juvenile... or both. |
|
|
|
|
Such a beautiful day, going to take pup out shopping with us today. OUTLET MALL!! See if we can find her something appropriate to wear... or not wear. On her way down here now... and I feel mean today. |
|
|
|
|
Just got a lovely text. Wish I could post it. Anyone know if it is possible to post pics to journal? |
|
|
|
|
Just called... she is on her way out. About to be exposed, dignity gone, surrendered to me. Open up and show me every detail pet. Not allowed to hide anything. Every part of you open for inspection. Your most private parts exposed for everyone to see, critic and criticize. How does that make you feel pet? Ashamed? Excited? Both? Keep you eyes open... never know if I am watching you... never know who else might me. |
|
|
|
|
In cerebration of the first day of spring and being such a beautiful day here... told pet she needs to spend her lunch break naked outside. Makes me smile when I know she is exposed somewhere at that exact second. Feeling so evil today. Humm... I know she won't have much time so only a few places she can go... should I be really mean and ...
Nervous ? Might check up on you ... better not be hiding. Put on a good show pet. Keep your eyes open. |
|
|
|
|
Gawd I hate this site sometimes. Takes forever for photos to update. What is the fun in that? Can't mess properly mess with someone's head when it takes hours to embarrass them. |
|
|
|
|
I am laughing so bad right now. Found the one where the elevator door opened and you jumped 10 feet. The look on your face! Your little hands balled up instantly into tiny little useless fists. WTF did you think that would do? Your heart must have stopped until you saw nobody was inside. But you never made a sound. Such an adorable pup you are, so well behaved. Only speak when told and obediently silent the rest of the time. Drives you crazy when you have to hold everything inside. But I can see it in your eyes. We all know you love your puppy time. All our eyes on you. Every part of you exposed and your body ours to toy with. You are just a little dog that has to do what we command you to do. No human rights or thoughts, just an animal to serve, obey and amuse us.
See you didn't waste any time.
Log in. Skype. I want to see you when I talk to you. |
|
|
|
|
Here pup, let's let everyone see your tight little asshole. Spread nice and wide for all to see. Sad you have no idea who or even how many people have see you bent over like this. Such a slut you are. So desperate for attention. Should I show your face to everyone? Maybe someone from your real life will recognize you and you'll get lots of attention. Careful what you wish for pup.
Ah, just found one of my favorites, remember this one pup? How good you were. Bet you where so scared when you knocked on that door. So many new people and not a stitch of clothes. So cute when you blush. And to think you went from trying to cover yourself in the room to masturbating in the hallway right in front of the elevators by the end of that weekend. How did you feel knowing we all where watching you while you were locked out there ? Your favorite toy buried deep in your bare puppy pussy. How wet you were when you earned the privilege to come back in and entertain us. Complain as you did, we all knew how excited you really were.
I know you are reading this at work and I know you are getting wet remembering what you did. Worried what else I might share. Maybe you need something to do to keep your mind busy. Txt me pup. I think you need something to do.
Oh my, just found the ones of you in the hallway. The expression on your face is priceless. You trying to act sexy as told but you where so scared you just looked silly and beet red. Your eyes were so big as you kept looking if anyone was coming. You liked going the whole weekend a hundred miles form home without a single stitch of clothes? Not that we care, we all loved it. Our little pet. Naked and obedient. txt me now pup. I want you to do something to amuse me right now. While you wait for me to reply, look at yourself naked in the hallway. Think what you did for us. Fucking your little puppy pussy while we watched. Such a good dog.
|
|
|
|
|
Pup, remember this? You look so adorable masturbating inyour valentines panties that we ought to share with everyone. Good pup.Let your friends know what you do, how well you do what you are told. Better yet, why not show them. If you are good I might post more. If you are bad, I'll post them all. Funny how your pussy gets so wet when you blush. How easily you blush when you are watched. Are you blushing now pup ? |
|
|
|
|
I hear a little yelp from my cell. Too early pup. Txt u. |
|
|
|
|
Says a lot about someone when they blindly write without even reading a damn word of what is written. Hello? I guess when you are so desperate and you cannot afford to be picky, it is ok to hunt with a machinegun. How in the hell pup ever felt special here I will never understand. Meat market. Not sure I will ever let her back. |
|
|
|
|
I didn’t realize what a distraction this site was to you pup. Kind of like the extra neediness in you lately pup. Yea, I know you are still here. Bet it is pissing you off you can’t post anything. You so love showing off but not allowed right now. Only when Mom says it is ok, that is the rule. I so love seeing you so frustrated. Like a little puppy begging to be out to pee. You really have too but someone else is in control. If you go without permission, you get in trouble. If you don't, it hurts. Now, are you going to call me and tell me you saw what I said and apologize, or are you going to pretend you never come here and that you never saw it? I am not stupid pup. No history is the same as seeing exactly what you did. Valentine’s day? Was that fun? Be good and honest and maybe we can work on your frustration problem. Wonder how long before you call? Come on pup, I know you are still here, don’t lie to me. I will be out to lunch with Eric and Lori and a few of their friends that don’t know you. Don’t you want some new people to hear your special ring tone? You sound so cute when you bark, always makes people ask about you. If you call, I will have to tell them all about you. Now wouldn’t that make you blush? So cute when you turn crimson red and even more so when you are at work. Call me pup. |
|
|
|
|
Been looking through all her messages and seems someone way playing a lot more than I knew and without permission too. Me thinks she will be in timeout for a long time. |
|
|
|
|
Here going through pup's old messages. Curious what she was up to when no one was watching. Still grounded from her account because she was wasting too much time here. |
|
|
|
|
Puppy was spending too much time on CM. Keeping her locked out and busy with other things. Not sure I am going to let her to come back. |
|
|
|
|
Argh. Finally catching back up with life after my trip. Still a little behind but could not pass on the invitation to share Thanksgiving here with Miss and a few of her friends… not that I could even if I wanted to .
I did manage to find a few places to explore on my trip and was sharing the pics here with Miss and the others. Was ‘suggested’ I post them to my profile as some of Miss’s friends that we’ve played with follow me here. Who am I to ? Only problem is my profile will not let me post more without deleting some that are already up. They think it would be fun to pick what stays and what gets shared without me so I am surrendering my profile to them for a few days. Miss is staring at me with an evil little twinkle in her eye as I write this… not sure I like it… usually means she has something more than I expect planned for me. Ok, brief discussion, a little begging and a couple promises that I might regret later but she agreed she will stick to the trip pics only. We do have a rule that I can only post pics of only me and I prefer to keep my face kind of vague for obvious reasons… eh, fuck it… I hate getting all gummed up in rules and crap. Hands up… surrender… whatever they pick is not my choice. This is taking too long and they are all waiting for us to get back. With that said… Miss is impatiently waiting to change my password and get back to the other room… hopefully my surrender cancels those promises. Maybe not.
|
|
|
|
|
This sucks. Have so much to do and expect to lose a few days to my conference in Charlotte that I have to work through lunch again today. Probably will have to all week. Not much of a brown bagger but vending machine cuisine plays hell with me and my diet. At first I was excited about the possibility of a few days off and some play in the woods… now I have extra work a couple boring days in a hotel room to look forward to all week. Better be a damn good breakfast there or I am going to be one mean bitch. |
|
|
|
|
If your message includes or your primary profile picture is a cock shot, expect your message to be deleted and future messages blocked. Nothing screams “I DON’T GET IT!!” more than a picture of a prick with his dick out. Just saying. |
|
|
|
|
Wow, lost track of time... Just pulled my head out of my thoughts and see it is 10 minutes into lunch. Not a good frame of mind to have a free hour. Wonder the ramifications if I stripped naked and started serving customers at Romano's? Probably not good... in a bad way. Better hurry if I am going to go... they are none to fast there... Might welcome my help ;)
|
|
|
|
|
In such a good mood today. Yesterday was just what I needed. Don’t get me wrong, I loved last Sunday’s last minute summons. And the play last Sunday was a little more exciting for me, but I do so love the pleasures of simple role play. Being puppy is impossible to explain to someone that has not done it enough to ‘get it’. Two entirely different worlds. Private puppy commands are more gentle, soothing and just a hint of embarrassing. Just enough of a strange feeling to be a distraction from real life. Little things that tell me I am not expected to be equal and don’t have to even try to act as if I am. Simple commands, easy to understand… come, sit, down. Basic rules… stay off the furniture, stay in kitchen unless invited, no begging, no talking, no thinking.
Public puppy commands… like crack cocaine. Totally erases your mind of everything except that instant. Brain washed. Being the only one naked in the room is terrifying … center of attention… humiliating yet uplifting. Feeling of abandonment yet wanted by everyone. Compliments without the pressure to think of any verbal response. Being desired without the pressure of doing anything more that what I am ever so clearly told. I know I am the entertainment… all I have to do is be there… and I make them happy… The opposite of private time yet exactly the same. Sometimes I despise my human self… is such a relief to surrender it. I imagine my private time as escape from thinking to relax. And my public time as my penance for how I have to treat others during my human time. I cannot describe what happens during either time. I can’t say everyone is mean to me, but it is clear I am sub-human to them. I am filled with every emotion you can imagine yet they all conflict… cancel each other out and leave me emotionless. I can’t express anything, not because I am forbidden, but because I am not mentally able. I want to scream out but have nothing to say. Leaves me completely exhausted and empty. No choice but to rest, recharge and start fresh.
Funny, I am so far from lesbian and I never would have guessed the place I allow myself to be put in by a 20-something girl. The kind of girl I guide all day long at work. Truth is, I feel detached enough from her that I can. To allow myself to be treated this way is so foreign to everything I am, that honestly, I don’t think I could surrender to anyone my equal and better. Don’t misinterpret that to mean she is below me… just the opposite. She is far smarter than I ever will be when it comes to all things social. It is just the perception that she is so NOT me that I could let her guide me… control me.
I have decided this is impossible to explain. Either you understand without a word from me or you think I am a lunatic. Wish I could stop thinking right now. Have someone tell me exactly what to do. Society always looked down on people that have to do menial jobs… servant, maid…. In a way, I envy them. When they go home, their work is done. Even when they are working… their minds are free. Enough… I have to walk away… go in search of fresh coffee… a feat that is nearly as impossible to do here as explaining my problems to a computer screen.
|
|
|
|
|
Ahhhhhh, better. Simple, sweet.... relaxing. Going to bed in a good mood. |
|
|
|
|
Miss is heading home to her house now... going to go over that way in a couple minutes. Finally going to get to have a little quality puppy time. Nothing extravagant, just a quiet afternoon curled up on the floor at her feet. Not a thought in my head or a care in the world. Just the soft touch of her feet petting my bare skin. Mmmm.
|
|
|
|
|
On a whim, shared a face pic with someone here only to have them forward it to a guy friend that lives near me… without thinking to ask if it was ok with me. Lesson learned. |
|
|
|
|
Beautiful day and nothing special planned. Called Miss and asked politely if she wants to see her puppy today. Tried to not come across as begging but still sounded needy... hey, I tried. Still bummed about the mountain thing. Anyway, she was just going out for a few hours and will call me when she is headed back home. Nothing outrageous, but any puppy time is better than none. |
|
|
|
|
Looks as if I will have to go to Charlotte next week some time. Nothing in stone yet but more likely than not. Had visions of some fun in the mountains but sadly two minor problems. Called Miss and she can't go. Also she knows nobody up that way whom she could call. Second problem; I checked and seems there are no mountains there. Boo! |
|
|
|
|
Was told my 'apology' was too condescending and to remove it. In the process, I managed to delete all my profile photos by the magic that is CM. Thought I'd just leave them in never, never land, however, I've been told to put them back up. Not even sure why as she never comes here, nor does anyone else we know. I am not to question though, not my place. Sooo... been quietly trying to find the magic button that'll undue what CM did. Will admit it is a little exciting sitting here talking to one of my Cherubs while the photos of my other, secret self are emblazon across my screen. Granted they can't see them without coming around my desk, but if they did.... no way I could hide the window without looking suspicious. Emotional conflict... Displaying my strong, bitchy persona to them while my secret and shameful life is just barely hidden from view. Anyway... think I got everything back as it was. Just need to give CM a little while to digest the changes and then I'll check if they took.
|
|
|
|
|
So close. 15 more minutes. Need to think of a reason to leave a few minutes early. Dreaming of a warm bed... hell, I'd be happy with the back seat of my car right now. |
|
|
|
|
Normally I have a nice, rosy afterglow the day after... little embarrassment, little regret, little anger... today I am just f'in tired. NOT COMPLAINING! I enjoyed myself. Just saying there is not much life in me right now. Can't concentrate on anything. Really should just call it a day and go home. |
|
|
|
|
Dog tired (no pun intended). Sitting here trying to keep my eyes open but not having much luck. Had an unplanned late night and paying for it… again. Not big on the Sunday night summons, especially without warning, but went ahead and obeyed. Did enjoy the extra attention. I always questioned how someone can become addicted to something, but now I come to understand how addiction can happen. Take a fix when you can get it… especially when feeling withdraw. Ugh. Coffee… must find more coffee. No idea how I am going to stay awake after lunch. 10 minutes more. Might just skip it, close the door and sleep here at my desk. Expect my little cherubs will think I am hungover if I did… funny. |
|
|
|
|
Ever have the need to do something terrifying and humiliating just to feel alive? Feeding off the rush of conflicting emotions that make you heart race and your eyes tear? Furious yet totally devoid of any desire to object. Mentally starved. Drifting into a place where all your emotions cancel and you float in state of mind impossible to describe even to yourself.
My Gawd, if anyone near me knew what I am dreaming of right now. The secrets I keep hidden behind my everyday face. None of them would ever suspect the shameful things I’ve willing done. To them, I am the leader, the bitch that commands, controls and micromanages their every action. In private I am anything but… I become a laughable dumb animal that obediently obeys every humiliating command asked of it. Farther than opposite of what they see.
Imagining their reaction if Laura walked in right now holding my collar and barking loud enough for them all to hear “STRIP and get on your knees pup”. Would they sit in silent shock or gather around and offer commands to aid in my disgrace? I imagine the tone of ‘revenge’ commands would be different than the ones I followed in the past. I’ve been a body… a piece of meat to others but that was detached, impersonal… animalistic. With these people it would be personal, they know my daily face. I would never be able to show my that face to them again… lose my job… my life. Sometimes I wish that would happen. I hate being the bitch all the time. Always planning, demanding and commanding, then taking to blame when they fuck up. They have no idea how much I hate it or the depraved ways I escape it in private. How hard I work to be totally NOT in control once I leave here.
Sometimes it is enough to just sit at the feet of another while they tell me everything I need to do. Other times I need to be torn down completely… every emotion pulled from me against my will. Left naked and empty inside and out. A fresh start.
Gawd, I am so desperate for that right now.
Think I need to stop off at my other home tonight. I think some serious begging is in my future. This is so fucked up. Begging to be abused. Something just not right about it. I would NEVER allow another to abuse me, physically or mentally, but somehow this is acceptable in some sick way. I am a contradiction in so many ways. Strong with a week foundation. A whimpering bitch. An emotionless witch that survives by riding the peaks and valleys of anger and humiliation.
I wonder if any of them are secretly like me? Wonder if someday I might unintentionally meet one of them on the other side of my façade. Something to think about...
Well, fifteen minutes into lunch, need to quell my thoughts and eat.
|
|
|
|
|
Okay, as my frustration level goes up, my patience for stupidity goes down.
Question; If you were walking down the street and some stranger walked up to you and without so much as a 'hello', announced 'Will you be my friend?'. Would you say 'Sure' without knowing a thing about each other, or would you think them a little mentally challenged and try to politely ignore them?
Now, apply that scenario to the people that send a friends request without a single message. Makes me wonder if your belt doesn't go through all the loops. Maybe you should hold off on the friends requests until I actually reply to you in a favorable way? Really doesn't matter, I do not do friends requests, not anyones business who my friends are. Not so insecure I feel the need to advertise how many imaginary internet friends I don't really have.
And another thing. Can't anyone write here? My God, try some punctuation or at least a capital letter at the beginning of a sentence... or what ever you call it when there is not a period at the end. Doesn't have to be correct, but at least try.
I hope there is a plan for me this weekend. Getting bitchy. Need to release some frustration.
|
|
|
|
|
That's it. Going out. Been looking over some pics from Miami and need my fix. Heading out to see if I can embarrass myself. |
|
|
|
|
From:
DirtyTalker
Dated:
7/13/13 8:21 AM
LOL absolutely the stupidest fucking pic in the history of the internet. What a pathetic thing to have to see.
He sent this and blocked me without a response. Guess he thought that pic was serious and never looked deeper? His loss.
Yea, pics are coming down again... the quality of people writing has fallen off dramatically.
By the way; my formula is spot on. Try it... |
|
|
|
|
30 minutes past quit'n time and I am still here. Time to go home and ponder my next plan to take over the world.
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, today is a bust… too preoccupied to get anything done here. In that special place where my brain runs off on a tangent and refuses to get back in the yard no matter the tone of my voice or the yummy treats I pretend to have. I think it knows it is not going to get the treat and the promises are hollow attempts to trick it back on the leash.
Ok, I get to be shallow for a minute. Someone asked why I want to be a puppy… what made me choose that?
Hummm… well, I guess because you can do really slutty stuff and it just comes off as being cute. Also you can deny any responsibility for your actions under the guise “you are only an animal and doing what you are told”. Also, I love to do my puppy dog eyes when weird things are happening to me… invokes more pity and extra attention. Who’s really in charge? Ok… not me… but I like it like that… at least when I don’t HAVE to be the one barking orders and just get to be the one barking at the moon for no reason.
|
|
|
|
|
I just made an observation that warrants further study. In my preliminary analysis, I’ve made a rough calculation that can be expressed in a simple equation…
100% (-) N/M (=) %C/P
Where N/M = the Number of words in the initial Message sent and C/P = the % Chance that person didn't actually read more than 7 words in your Profile and only looked at your photos.
Example;
Wow puppy.
100%(base)-(2 words) = 98% chance they didn't read a word.
Now I love a compliment and all, but say something. Give me a reason to compliment you back over your witty or insightful words. Give me a reason to go read YOUR profile.
This is what I am going to do...
I am going to look at the next ten messages I get. If more than 7 are crappy pick up lines from people that have not even viewed my profile before sending them... My photos come down. Like gas on a fire... Show'em some skin and they explode in stupidity.
Yes, I have tits. Yes I like to get naked and act like a dog. Yes, I have a brain that needs stroked too.
Score after five minutes...
Idiots 6 Insightful musings 0 One line.. 'what do you reply innuendo compliments' 9
If your name sounds EVIL.. you are probably not someone I will talk to. |
|
|
|
|
Wow. I thought it might a good idea, and a way to kill a particularly frustrating night, to update my profile. Suddenly I am reminded why I took down my photos, retreaded to my journal and ultimately to a nearly year long hiatus from CM. Granted, there are some interesting people here and even the OCCASIONAL interesting and thought provoking one liner message. Case in point, the one asking about what I revealed and removed from my profile. That got me digging up past memories and wanting to rewrite the main body of my profile. Most of it was written during a more naïve and dark time in my adventures. As I sat there struggling for words, I started looking back at some things from the past couple years to help remind me how I got where I am… as I honestly am not sure myself at times. Anyway… I could not get my thoughts in a straight line, as usual, and unfortunately most of the e-mails have long since melted into the CM void. Left are only are some later, outside e-mails between Miss and I along with many, many photos of a few ‘tasks’ that were suggested to me in order to self-test my desires. Blah, blah, blah… I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted and nearly got abducted by some idiot from here. Enough about that. I was lucky enough to have someone notice what was happening and come to my emotional rescue. She wasn’t into puppies and didn’t want one, but saved me anyway. Thanks Miss. Damn, those onions I need to cut later are already making my eyes water. Hummm, this started off as a rant and has morphed into a really boring look into my un-interesting metal problems. How do I do it? Over thinking… I mastered in that at College. Is all really pretty simple. I got a metal block trying to explain something I don’t understand. Searched for inspiration (read; procrastinated) by looking at some old photos of ‘tasks’ I did before I had the strength to actually trust someone enough to meet with them after my first horrible experience. There I go again… over sharing. And I wonder why I have no real friends . You know, this is a lot like jumping into a really cold pool. You circle it for a while. Nearly jump into it a few times. Even try the count down crap and bend your knees like you really mean it this time. When you finally do it, it sucks for a little while, then you die of hypothermia and it is all done. Wait… maybe not a good example. Maybe better than we think. I better dumb this down for the target audience. People!! Yes, you, Mister “I go a bone for you”. Do you all really think you are going to swoon me with a one liner like that? What the hell are you thinking when you send a message with a phone number that just say call me? And the endless FRIENDS request from people that NEVER EVEN WROTE A MESSAGE TO ME. People!!.. eh, never mind. I give up….
(In my best robot voice) “ I am so wet.” Beep. “I will do whatever you command Master (insert name here)”. Beep. “I am yours to do with as you please.. even if you have no idea what that is.” Beep.
Gee, I am good… I went from procrastinating doing one thing to avoiding the subject I was using to procrastinate because it was harder than the first thing to using sarcasm to distract from both. I have issues. Time to get naked and act like a dog… they always seem happy and people think it is cute when they hump their leg. Humm, I still have a lot of pic to look at… damn… I can’t… never good when someone walks up to your desk and see a pic on the computer of you tied to a tree, naked with a tail hanging from your ass. Funny.. you never get the same reaction in person as you do from some of the anonymous trolls here. Just the small nod of your coworkers head and I simple comment like.. “Vacation photos?” “Nice.” “Do you have that Timberland contract?”
Oh my.. if they only knew. Wonder if Hitler had a hidden side… like collecting Hummel’s or pressing wild flowers? I like to think so.
|
|
|
|
|
What the hell... had my hair done and figure I'll put up a face pic... Let you all see what a dog I really am. ;)
That is the best one I have, if ya' don't like it, not much point at looking at the others. |
|
|
|
|
Fell asleep so late last night. Couldn’t clear my head of recent events, though honestly I was trying to do just the opposite by struggling to remember every detail. Won’t go into details of what I did to fan the emotional sparks nor what I did to quench the little fire that I worked hard to start. Always have the most wonderful, dark dreams when I finally drift off after forcing myself to stay awake far past when my body is begging to rest. Woke up with a few embers still smoldering and hated to waste a good start to the day. Miss is busy all weekend so I was thinking of playing a certain solo game she suggested when we first started talking. Drove down to one of the few daytime places we have but unfortunately the whole place was under water. Was tempted to try to find the place we used last weekend but no idea how to get there. Even if I could remember, I know we went through a gate and there was fence as far as I could see down the road.
Sat there in the car for a good 20 minutes thinking how desperate I was. I have been on the road there naked before but that was always a night. Daytime I always stay back in the woods and mostly out of sight… especially when alone. That is the place I had some of my first ‘real’ risky orders to follow. Risky in the sense I was outside for the first time naked without the freedom to easily back out. I have had a lot of firsts there. Looking back it was all pretty childish compared to some more recent events. First time I ever let someone who wasn’t a boyfriend cuff me and the only time anyone ever did it to me outside. I could go on and on about firsts I did there but I’ll just say I have fond memories of being terrified there. Thinking I might go back after it gets dark to do a little freestyle on the road but I doubt I will… have to work tomorrow and I am already way behind with all the daydreaming I’ve been doing lately. I did put in my tail while I was sitting in the car contemplating what I was going to do, but without someone to see me like that, really didn’t hit that spot I like to find. Is still exciting to drive on a busy road like that, but is pretty desolate down there… only the occasional jogger. I know someday I am going to run out of gas or get a flat tire on one of my outings and end up humiliated and in trouble… well, I can dream about it. Will say I pay closer attention to my tires than any other woman I know. Humm...just caught myself rolling my hips to get my tail to move around inside me... yea, I'm in a bad way. Someone asked me if I got to orgasm last weekend when I was fondled and I told him “I blushed a few times”. Not sure what he thought I meant but I don’t think he got it. Sort of suggested I was treated bad (duh) and he was trying to woo me. Yes!! I did have several orgasms Luv. I blush profusely when I do that in front of a crowd. Besides, saying it that way makes what I did sound less slutty. Ah, good place to push away from the computer. Thinking about his tone has cooled me off enough I think I can eat with both hands above the table. Hope I can find a good movie or something to distract me. Just smiled… last time I watched a movie with my tail in was over at Miss’s. I was sitting there unconsciously flipping it with my fingers. Was all very natural until Miss pointed out to me I was doing it. Then it took a real effort to not start doing it again. Some people smoke to keep their hands busy… I fondle my puppy tail. Sad… so, so very sad.
|
|
|
|
|
Can’t sleep. Just laying here, my mind racing with thoughts and memories of the last few months. Scary what a few twisted thoughts have grown into. A lot of ‘nevers’ have become ‘pleasures’. Not sure I am happy about that but glad I was given the opportunity to be forced to do it. Confusing dilemma. At the time, each new order was a baby step more than the last. Something scary at the moment, something I could just barely obey, but I managed to do what was asked. How I got from letting someone slip a collar around my neck and telling me to sit on the floor… fully dressed to stripping in front of nearly two dozen acquaintances in the middle of a cook out just because I was told to… I’ll never know. When I look at some of what I’ve done… I realize this has progressed far past the embarrassing games I was hoping someone would nudge me to play. I still love my private little outings… simple things. Car rides, being secretly leased under my clothes or lead naked to a secluded place where being nude is unnatural and uncomfortably exciting. Only had four BIG outings and as terrified as I was, I thrived on the rush. All things considered… if given the choice, I would prefer to keep the BIG outings to a minimum. Hate to become immune to the rush… to lose the ability to scratch my itch with a quick drive to the park or the imperceptible sound of my leash hidden beneath my clothes that only I can hear. The simple pleasures of a person that is only slightly insane and twisted. Maybe I am trying to give myself a reason to be satisfied with not being invited to play this weekend while others were. I am the noob of the clan. The odd child. Grateful I was adopted into a family that was complete before I arrive. I know my place and am ever so thankful to those that made room for me when I was desperate and stray. Still awake but never going to get to sleep if I keep fondling this computer. At least it is getting stroked. ‘night all. |
|
|
|
|
Enjoying a quick lunch and reminiscing a little. Was an exciting weekend to say the least. Was a little different than I am use to. Most times I never get to interact on a ‘human’ level with anyone, I am just the lowly puppy girl that doesn’t talk. Kind of sets a mental barrier between myself and what I do. I am anonymous to who I meet and they to me. Allows me to do things I would never consider if it weren’t for the separation between my real self and my puppy persona. Also, being taken somewhere naked without any clothes available, without the option of getting dressed and escaping even if allowed… kind of makes doing what I am told pretty easy… terrifying, but easy.. there is no choice. That is my mental excuse… I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to. Truth is, I wanted to, but needed someone to push me... force me. Anyway, had a little twist this time and was worrisome. Miss built up the cookout and suggested just enough to get my mind racing without actually saying anything. When I showed up at her house, I wasn’t told to undress or even grab my leash. Was kind of disappointed to be honest. After the trip to Miami, I was expecting something terrible... in a good way. We (she owns another slave couple) all loaded up her jeep with stuff for the cookout and drove over there like normal, sane people. Actually, was an odd feeling being in the jeep dressed. I was dumbfounded… very quiet, nervous and at the same time; relieved. I was becoming worried I would have nothing to talk about to anyone as all her friends are twenty-somethings and I have a ‘few’ years on them all. We drove to a dirt road south of the airport and met up with about twenty or twenty-five other people… a lot more than I’ve ever been shown off to at one time. Was really glad I was allowed to be ‘human’ at this point. I’ll be honest, I am not much of a talker and being puppy fits me well in small groups. In a larger crowd I can be invisible... avoid talking to anyone without anyone really noticing. I did my best to melt into the crowd but every now and again I had to respond when someone approached me. Was very uncomfortable facing some of the same people that have seen me naked and on all fours. What do you say to someone that has never met you as a person but has intimate knowledge of you and your embarrassing hobby? “Hi, I’m the woman that you dragged around naked last weekend. You know, the one that had to run around the hotel naked and bark and beg while you all felt her up.”. Have to admit, it was far more humiliating to have to talk to them, knowing they knew who I was. Couldn’t look anyone in the eye… head down and feeling far more subservient than ever. They were getting to know me!! Is one thing to expose my body to them, another to expose my thoughts and personality. Just when I felt a little confidence, they would call me “puppy” and I shrank back to nothing. I was not their equal and they were clearly enjoying teasing me with who I was. Opening the door a little, showing the puppy the other side of the door, then shoving the dog back outside where she belongs. Talking to me one minute, then acting like I wasn’t there as they discussed what humiliating thing I did in front of them last time they saw me. I felt so small… but at the same time I craved the embarrassment. One by one, everyone was singling me out, announcing who I was and ostracizing me from the ‘human’ part of the crown. Was far more emotional than showing up naked and anonymous. Some looked me in the eye and ‘requested’ I strip, get on all fours and show them how good of a puppy I am. What the hell do you say?!? Do you ignore it? Smile and pray they don’t push the command? Or do you just strip and let them order you around? Having a choice, making a choice, to be degraded is different than being ‘forced’ to obey. Far more degrading when you CHOSE, even beg to be shamed. That was when the little light went off and I got what Miss was talking about when she suggested I need to practice begging. I thought she meant I would be begging for scraps of food at the cookout… not begging to become puppy so I wouldn’t have to deal with being human. Didn’t take an hour before I was sulking and following around Miss like a beaten pup. I know damn well she played me… manipulated my weaknesses to make me chose being humiliated as a puppy over being embarrassed as a human. It is so mental and almost nobody gets that. She kept announcing to everyone how silly I was. How I did not belong with them. Exaggerating my weakness and everyone’s wish to see me stripped, collared and below them. It was like the whole crown turned against the human me and demanded I be reduced to the lowly puppy where I belong. I was ordered to stand on one of the tables and ask if I should strip in front of everyone. I had to ask them with my own words then obey as they demanded. I tried desperately to avoid making eye contact with the people I was just talking to as I undressed in front of them. The instant a piece of my clothing fell to the table, it vanished into the hands of Miss’s friends. No turning back. These people knew me now and I could not hide behind my anonymity. I have NEVER felt so naked and exposed in my life. Not even hundreds of miles from my home, naked, without a single possession or anyway to escape. I was stripped mentally… exposed as a person that is too weak to deal with others as anything other than an obedient dog. I was left standing naked in front of a crowd of a couple dozen people that loved the fact I was nothing compared to them. I was ordered to all fours and instantly felt a collar slip around my neck. It felt so natural as it was being secured tightly around my neck. It gave me comfort knowing I was relieved of having to think as soon as it wrapped around my neck. Pulling and twisting as they adjusted it to hold me in my place. Was like a feeding frenzy and I was the food. Was nothing gentle about it. Was not like other times where there was a feeling of control and restraint. I felt hands pulling at me and groping me. My head was yanked to the table by my collar and I felt fingers probing my mouth, pussy and ass all at once. Was a combination of laughter and forcefulness in their voices. I was worried Miss has lost control of me and I was truly scared. I just allowed them to touch me as I searched for Miss, Sonya or Todd… just to see if the look on their face might give me a hint if this was planned or things were getting out of control. I just accepted what was happening and tried to be as calm as I could. The hardest part was dealing with the feeling I had whenever my eyes met with one of the people I was just talking to. My body burned with shame, my heart sank and I had the most awful taste in my mouth wondering what they thought of me now that I was more than a puppy to them. Now that they knew as I human, I was so weak and pitiful compared to them. Even the ‘few’ years of life experience I had over them, I was stupid and worthless. Whether that is what they truly though, I have no idea, but that is what I felt and against everything right, I begged for more. The fact that I couldn’t find my protectors in the crowd told me I was safe and to enjoy what was being done to me. Or at least that misconception kept my from freaking out. The frenzy lasted less than an hour but I was kept leashed for the rest of the weekend with nearly endless commands and orders. Everything from fetching a stick from the lake to … well… having to try flipping burgers holding a spatula in a rather unnatural way. In case you are curious… didn’t work very well and I ended up eating the ones that found the ground… was the kind of thing puppies are suppose to do. Anyway, I am way past the end of my lunch hour and probably better I switch my thoughts to my proper life. |
|
|
|
|
Home and exhausted. Have to work in the morning so I really need to sleep but still wound up. Just can’t get the feeling that consumes me when collared and ordered to crawl naked out of my head. Exposed and defenseless… all eyes on me. Surrendering control of my mind and body to another. Allowing myself to be trapped and forced to trust them with my fate. Asking… begging, to be scared, humiliated and used to amuse others. They all want to stare at me, touch me, control me. Wanting to hide but excited to be the center of attention. I am so fucked up. I have a normal life, nothing dark in my past… WTF is up with me? Anyway, need to sleep. |
|
|
|
|
Getting giddy. Heading over to Miss’s house soon. Other than we are going to a cookout with some friends she has been pretty stingy with the details. I know she does that just to get me thinking wild thoughts. As much as I love the physical attention I get as a pup, the mental aspect is what feeds my soul. |
|
|
|
|
Might be some 4th fun… Just got ‘invited’ to a cookout. Not a lot of details but the few I was given sound like I better work on a few ‘begging’ poses tonight. |
|
|
|
|
Got a reprieve. Miss had a bad feeling about tonight and not having anyone close by. Saying home after all. |
|
|
|
|
Got bored and called my mentor to complain about it. In response I was told to go for ‘a drive’. Too far and too late to go to her house so time to explore some by mine. Special rules apply because of no supervision… allowed to keep some clothes in the trunk and wear a bra with my collar and leash. Off to a specific place off of Red Bug for a mandatory walk. I’ll go but not as fun as when someone else is ‘urging’ me along ‘against’ my will. At least the parking lot will be empty by now. |
|
|
|
|
Boo, looks like this weekend is a bust. Maybe best that way. Always goes in spurts. Get to do something outrageous and gets me all excited then have to take a few weeks off to let things build up again. Actually I think that is better... keeps me in check. |
|
|
|
|
Jealous. They’re out playing games without me. Not all hope is lost, gotten a late night summons to appear before. Snuggle up with a book, a glass or two of wine and wait. |
|
|
|
|
Actually made it to work on time. Only a couple hours sleep at best though.... going to be a looooong day. Looking forward to crashing when I get home. This is one day I will not be too disappointed to be sent straight home. |
|
|
|
|
Just got home and showered. Winding down before bed. Really need to get to sleep soon, have to work in the morning
Had fun. Went to one of our usual play spots. New game though. Got left behind for a couple hours on my own. Was kind of warned I would be on the way over there and didn’t think much of it. Is a dead end road with not a lot of traffic and pretty wooded. Actually made it back to the apartment once from there but that was late at night. Tonight I had to wait there until picked up. Wouldn’t have been so bad but I had to be waiting in a certain place when my ride came or they wouldn’t pick me up. Was told to wait on the opposite side of the road in a little strip of bushes about 3 feet wide. One side was bordered by the road I was dropped off on and the other by 528. Was kind of exciting being left naked so close to such a busy road. Plus not being sure who was going to pick me up or when meant I had to be visible enough the whole time that someone looking for me could see me. All in all, pretty scary and I enjoyed it. Not as fun as last weekend but filled a need. Have to admit I enjoy being touched more than only being looked at. Both are exciting but there is an added tingle that runs down my back when someone strokes my bare skin or slips their hand up the inside of my thighs. Having to obediently hold still as they try to make me squirm. It is like I do not own my body… I have nothing human about me. Anyway .. should have been sleeping hours ago. Will be exhausted tomorrow.
|
|
|
|
|
Had fun last night. Not anything new, but added a few 'twists' to some tried and true favorites.
Just waiting for tonight to begin. Don't think there is a plan but hoping there has been some scheming among the powers that be.
The waiting is nerve wrecking but I love not knowing too.
Feel like a little puppy, been running over and peeking out the window for hours every time I hear a car go by. |
|
|
|
|
Errrrrr... everything is running late, NOT WHAT I WANT!!
Miss called, she will not be home until after 6. Eh, usually don't get in character until a little after that anyway... think positive. |
|
|
|
|
Still wound up from last weekend. Definitely the most outrageous thing I’ve ever done. Tried to ‘suggest’ if they wanted to do it again…. but no matter how I worded it, I came across as begging... which I was. Anyway, not all is lost. Been told to head over there tonight after work. Nothing like last weekend but something to occupy my mind. Trying to tie up some loose ends here so I can leave on time or maybe even a few minutes early. That said, better get busy. As much as I love to reminisce, I’d much rather be doing. |
|
|
|
|
Didn’t sleep much. Going to the gym a little early. Have to get rid of some frustration.
Guys, if your message involves the words; bury, hide or play and bone… don’t bother. You are not cute and far from original. Yes, I know you would love a puppy like me but if you think simply saying that means you expect me fall to my knees at you feet… time to turn the rocket ship around and head back to Earth. Never was much into other women but lines like that remind me why I chose another woman to hold my leash. There is something more cerebral to being a puppy then sit, stay, cum.
|
|
|
|
|
Got instructions I have to take the batteries out of my toys and leave them in plain view so I can’t use them. Sucks. |
|
|
|
|
So horny. Desperate to be dragged around by my leash tonight but no such luck. Miss is too busy and she thinks it is hilarious the way I am BEGGING. To make matters worse, I have to be naked at home and I am NOT allowed to ‘enjoy’ myself. Told to make sure my computer is on and set to auto answer so she can check up on me. No sure I can obey that order. Want to cum so bad. Time to head home… mixed blessing. No distractions to get my mind off what I want. |
|
|
|
|
Damn. Just can’t clear my mind. Been out and about leashed and naked a few dozen times. Even been sent out a few times alone with people I don’t know (friends of my guide so safe). Nothing terrible, just embarrassing stuff. Always been local and only a few hours at a time. This whole trip to Miami has me freaked out. Never been so far away from the safety of ‘my stuff’ and for so long. Never felt so out of control and dependent on others to care for me. One thing to do what I’m told because I like it. Even if I am out naked and ‘dumped’ somewhere, I still could figure out a way home. Hell, that was one of my first commands and basically what got me hooked. Scary but at least I knew where I was and could make a plan to get home. A whole different story to be in an unfamiliar city without anything. No purse, no money, no id and no clothes. Pretty much at the mercy of others. A true slave that dare not refuse anything. Not sure I would feel this euphoria if it was an everyday event, but as a rare event it was indescribable. The absolute trust you have to have in others. All the time having that little doubt in the back of your mind you might be abandoned… especially if you present the ‘wrong’ attitude to what you are told. The fear building with every mile from home. Being sent to wait naked by the side door of the hotel. Mind racing when you hear the door opening. Praying the person that swings it open is someone in on the game. Told a room number and left to my own to get there. Sneaking around trying to figure out where the room is and how to get there without being seen. The deafening sound echoing through the hall as I tapped ever so timidly on the door. Kneeling there collared, leashed and exposed to the whim of whomever opened the door…. IF they open the door. How time stopped waiting for those few minutes that felt like hours to be lead in to the relative safety of a room full of people I don’t know. My eyes searching for a familiar face as the hand of someone I’ve never met slipped down my ass. Wrapping around the inside of my thigh and suddenly yanking my legs apart forcing me to sit awkwardly while they looked over my nude body. I know it was orchestrated just for me (mostly) and I was safe, but it was impossible to convince myself of that at that moment... for the whole time I was being handed off that whole weekend. Ok, granted I was not fucked at all but I had no idea if I would be. Not sure if I would have objected if I had been. Between feeling their eyes on me as I performed for everyone and the sensation of being touch everywhere, I would have questioned my limits at that instant. I am so horny just thinking about it. No way to hide my submission when the first person to force their fingers inside me announced loudly how wet I was. My face turned so red it felt like it was on fire. I was terrified but would have willingly begged for more if they told me I was allowed to speak. I was the center of attention and it was overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong. I do so love my little adventures here at home but from now on I will be thinking about this weekend for the rest of my life. I better stop here… as much as I love thinking about it, I am getting too excited and I still have work to do. Need to pay bills and survive. Humm… just remembered I got my tail back last night and it is still in the car…. Arrrgh!!!! WORK, WORK, WORK. Only an hour to go. Fuck me! Nothing would make me happier than getting a call right now to keep my weekend open again. On the other hand… probably best to keep this a rarity, reserved for special occasions. Thank Gawd I am wearing a skirt right now… surely I would have a wet spot the size of a softball for the world to see if I was wearing pants. Back to work before someone notices the look on my face. |
|
|
|
|
About an hour and a half left here. Little horny but really think I need to go straight home and get some sleep. Exhausted from the weekend and last night. Do kind of need my purse though… need gas and my wallet is in there. I know I am going to end up leashed if I go to get it. Decisions, decisions. Better call and ask if I can get off easy tonight or if I have to get off some other way ;) |
|
|
|
|
Ok, not working...heading out to the balcony to bury one of my toys. Be very, very quiet. |
|
|
|
|
Made it home safe and sound. Thank goodness for Sunpass (-_o)
Getting pretty good at sneaking in and out of the house naked. Gotten a lot easier after having to sneak in and out of the Hotels in Miami. Opening the door to my own house is nothing compared to standing stark naked in a hotel hallway, knocking on a random door. Praying it is the right one and then having no idea who or even how many people are waiting inside. Trust can only calm my nerves so much… there is always a lovely terror that comes over me when I have to fall to my knees be and lead into a room of people I hardly know by my leash. Something about dog people… always want to pet me. Damn, my tail is not here. Have to urge to sleep with it in tonight. Definitely going to play with a few toys before I fall asleep.
|
|
|
|
|
Have to work tomorrow so getting sent home now. Allowed to take my collar, leash, keys and nothing else. Miss is keeping my purse and clothes here. I am to let my leash hang out the window all the way home. Have to take Lee Vista to 417 but I do not have to say what kind of car. Those are my orders. |
|
|
|
|
Been told to get my leash, we are going for a drive to get something to eat. Usually only back roads when I am naked in back but since I ‘begged’ for tonight and Miss is hungry, main roads. Wonderful. Anyway, I have to post we will be looking for food near the Florida mall on OBT. Yellow Jeep Wrangler. I’ll be leashed in the back. If anyone says cute puppy, I have to sit up and beg or I’m walking home. Me and my big mouth. |
|
|
|
|
Broke down and basically begged to be made a fool of tonight. Seems it was rather obvious I enjoyed the naked car ride to Miami a little too much, not to mention some of the other stuff, sooo….
If I want to play, I need to be waiting in the parking lot. NAKED, windows down and all my shit in the trunk……. Clothes, purse and keys. She’ll be there between 5 and 7. BETTER be waiting. I am such an idiot.
|
|
|
|
|
Half an hour to go... Don't want to go home though. Something tells me it would not be wise to ask if I can be puppy on a weeknight. Besides, getting spoiled. Need a little more than a 'quiet night' on the flood.
|
|
|
|
|
My thoughts are still spinning and my toes have yet to touch the ground. Never had a near death experience but I imagine this is the euphoria you would feel afterwards.
Learned a lot about myself and erased a few dozen of my old limits. Hummm, if you have no choice, does it make you a slut or a slave? Did I mention it is a bitch to concentrate on work when you’re horny as hell reliving what you did over the weekend? Never been so out of control over my own fate. Oddly relaxing and terrifying at the same time. And as an extra bonus, I don’t have to do any laundry from my trip. Never fully understood the mindless slave thing but now I kind of ‘get it’. Not a way of life but fun for the occasional weekend here and there.. and there… and there… and…….
Starting to sound like begging… that cannot be good.
Really need to get back to work before someone notices my eyes are glazed over. |
|
|
|
|
Heading home from work in a little while… what a rough day! Absolutely no way I could keep my mind on work. Got back late last night and did not sleep at all. Dead tired but too wound up to sit still. Never thought I would say this, but feels weird to be wearing clothes. Anyway…… time to head home and crash. Emotionally devastated and physically beaten… literally ;) Might be back later, maybe not. |
|
|
|
|
Wow. Beyond words. Want to do it again… PLEASE. |
|
|
|
|
Little on edge right now and kind of enjoying it. Little bit terrified, a little bit excited. Ok, make that a LOT of both. Nice to know I am looked after yet so f’in scared because I have no idea what is planned for me. Less than an hour to go.… errrr. Shaking a little and desperate to just get going and get it over with….the waiting is killing me. Not sure what is worse. Being blindsided with some command I was not expecting or being told days in advance to expect something but no idea what the f’ it is. Can’t even distract myself with packing. Did I mention that whole ‘don’t need to pack ANYTHING’ part has my mind racing. Something about how she said “ANYTHING” really makes me nervous. Hate that she knows how to push my buttons. Knows exactly how to get me into my ‘obedient puppy’ persona. Yea…. Hate it but thrive on it too. F’ me. I think that is the most I’ve ever cussed in my life. Damn. Put a fork in me, I’m done… I DO NOT MEAN THAT LITTERALLY!! I better get off (not that way) now. Time to head home to my fate. Wish me luck. |
|
|
|
|
Ok, getting a little nervous now. Not even sure we are going anywhere but the implication was we are not going to be local. That will be a first for me. Will find out tomorrow. A least I am not the kind of puppy that pees when she gets nervous…. I hope. Arrrrgh… driving me mad!! Not going to get anything done today or tomorrow. |
|
|
|
|
Got a call today. TOLD to keep the weekend free for a road trip and I do not need to pack ANYTHING. No idea where and not about to ask. Kind of worried and excited too. |
|
|
|
|
I love the messages that ask where I live right off, first message. Yea, like I’m going to tell a complete stranger from a BDSM site where I live. Just the fact that they would ask me screams “STAY AWAY”.
Yea, I’ve done some things others would consider insane with people I hardly knew, but friends I know and trust vouched for them. BIG difference people!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Not been here in a long time. My weekends with my ‘special’ friends had gotten fewer and father between and just not much exciting to say.
Only here because we all got together the other day and it rekindled my interest a little. Been so long since anyone new joined us and even with the infrequency of my visits, I had gotten rather comfortable in my place.
Will admit having some new eyes on me and a few fresh commands was exciting. Even some of our old games seemed to be more interesting too. Is nice to trust the person you allow to control you but there is a certain excitement when there is a little doubt what will happen next.
I’ve been on rides in the car naked and collared before but to be told to jump in the car with someone I just met was scary like it was the first time all over again… which I guess it kind of was. I nearly backed out when my friend closed the door without getting in the car to go with us. Did get to see some new places and got to hang my head out the window for a bit too. Best part was when we pulled into the driveway of what looked like a crack house and I thought for sure I was about to be traded for drugs. God I was terrified until I got the ‘evil smile’ and told only disobedient pups have to live in places like this. Can you say over the top hint? Ok, did get me a little excited at the thought but just the same, a bit more than I like for a first meeting. Anyway, was fun and has me considering getting back into things… miss the excitement.
|
|
|
|
|
Debating on going public again with my journal. Keep having it pointed out how excitedly embarrassed I got having to chronicle with my own hand the humiliating things I was allowing done to me. Have to admit; one’s thoughts are consumed wondering who has seen me and if they might recognize me in public. Was exciting. |
|
|
|
|
Just to be clear; I am still happy and greatly enjoying my weekends living on all fours.
I have just grown tired of dealing with the endless sour comments from the envious bullies that are jealous of all that they are not capable of. I found it is best to not rub thier noses in what this silly little puppy was able to find while they bask in their 'superior' and lonely lives. |
|
|
|
|
I keep getting a lot of messages asking what happened to my journal. Well, it all disapeared along with my profile a while back and I have no plans or trying to recreate it as it would be without the emotions of the moment I wrote them.
I also have grown tired of the few here that have to belittle the excitment others feel in a sad attempt to make thier own lonely and failed lives seem less miserable.
As much as I giggle and crave to tell everyone what I am doing, it is not worth dealing with the loosers. |
|
|
|
|
I just noticed all of my journal entries dissapeared again and my joined date changed... this puppy thinks someone is yanking her leash. |
|
|
|
|
|
