Daddy and I just got back from Fetcon. It was so much fun! We bought lots and lots of new toys, and clothes. I love new stuff!
Since Daddy is so new to the lifestyle, sometimes I have a hard time communicating my needs to him. I forget that he doesn't have all the experience that I have, and he gets frustrated when he doesn't get me into the headspace that I crave. And when he gets frustrated I get frustrated. I try to help him learn what I need, but sometimes I feel like my needs change. Sometimes something works one night and not the other night, and since I'm not a Dominent, I do not know how to tell him what to do to help get me through those rough points. We have a few lifestyle friends with a lot of experience who have taken us under their wings to teach me and Daddy how to work with eachother within the dynamics of our relationship. I am happy to have made such good friends. Also, on collarme, I have put on my profile to search for a Mentor of sorts, to teach Daddy how to get me through those times when I'm feeling uncooperative.

I believe with time and practice, he and I should be able to find that happy ground. I know that we will overcome.

So much has happened in the last week, I suppose I should start from the beginning.
As I have said in earlier posts, I have a long term boyfriend who was on the fence about being nilla or kinky. In the past week or two, he has fallen over to the kinky side of the fence, and we have started playing alot more frequently.

That came into fruition thanks to an in depth conversation he had with Becky *the name of my submissive side*. Becky told him that she felt like she had been ignored for the past few years, and now she finally had some attention, and she had gone a little crazy. Michael then realized that Becky is as much as a part of me as I am, and she needs a daddy to love and care for her. This made him come to the dark side.

In the mean time, he still allowed me to see the Dom from earlier posts. Some things happened with him, and we were forced to split ways. He did some things that I felt were unfair treatment, and I could not get past them, so it was best that we parted.

So, now Michael has taken the roll of Daddy. This is ideal for me, because I always wanted Michael to be Daddy anyway. He knows me better than anyone else on the planet, and he cares for me like no other. He's so happy and willing to learn, that it makes me very enthusiastic to try new things and teach him everything I can.

Now, we search for a mentor of sorts. Someone who can teach him some new techniques, and give him ideas to help him become the best Daddy he can be. All in all, I believe that this is going to be a big step in our relationship, that I am so glad that we can take together.

I wanted to make an entry about the gift that my Sir gave me two nights ago. My boyfriend went on a date and left me home alone for a few hours. Mother Nature is going to mess with my life for a week or so in a few days. So, it was the perfect time to play with myself.

However, usually I am on strict orgasm control. No masturbation, No orgasms. I asked my Sir if I could please masturbate while Michael was away. Sir gave me permission to masturbate. I was so excited! This would be the first time I was allowed to masturbate since he and I met. I was wet before I even started. I got my favorite toy. The black and decker pecker wrecker I like to call it. I put some good erotica on the internet, and I slowly set to work.

I started on low, and worked my clit up to a throbbing hardness. It started to feel good..then it started to feel really good. I was really enjoying myself. I started nice and slow, working myself up into a frenzy of rolling orgasms, except my usual frenzy didn’t come. Then it started to go numb…Wait! That’s not supposed to happen. OK, start again, breathe….feels good….Mmmm… then numb. DAMN! My pussy wasn’t responding as usual, and then she stopped responding all together. That’s when I lost interest. I can’t believe I can’t make myself cum anymore I sulked. I told my Sir that he had played an evil trick on me. He never told me that through his orgasm control I wouldn’t be able to masturbate myself to orgasm anymore. I am not dependent on hearing the command before I can cum.

I IMed him at work, and told him of my predicament. He didn’t answer for a bit, so I decided to go read my Harry Potter book. *It’s getting really good now, by the way*. About an hour later, I remembered my dying cell phone in my purse in the living room. I went and found my phone, and noticed that I had missed two calls. I called to check the voice mail. The first message was from mom, “Hey hun, call me when you get this. I love you!” I thought “Awww, mom loves me.”

*Waiting for the next message* “Hey little girl,” (my face starts to go red, I love when he calls me his little girl),  “I’m just getting off lunch. I just wanted to tell you that you need to cum for me. Cum hard! Cum two or three times baby.” I was squirting by the second “cum.” So, here I am, in my chair in front of my computer cumming from the message on my voicemail. My chair now has a wet spot on it, I can feel my cum dripping down my ass and puddling on the chair. I thought, well hell, Daddy said I could cum more than once, so I told the voicemail to play the message again.

Off I went into the deep land of orgasms, plummeting into the dark abyss of pleasure. Somewhere far away I hear the door open, my boyfriend is home, but I’m in the throws of orgasm. I stop mid-scream, and wait. I know he’s coming back, I can hear him walk down the hall. I can’t pull the phone away from my ear. My legs are shaking, my pussy quivering and soaked. My clit is a hard, throbbing little stone between my legs. Michael came back to check on me. “I heard screams, are you ok?”

Quickly, I have to think. Do I want to embarrass myself by telling him that my Sir just made me cum from a voicemail command? What else can I tell him? I certainly won’t lie to him. “My Sir ordered me to cum on my voicemail, and I just got the message.” Michael smiled. I love when he smiles at me. Thank goodness Michael knows about kink, or that might have made him uncomfortable. Indecently, Michael wants to learn how to make me cum on command now. We’ve been practicing since yesterday, and he’s been doing a great job.

I’m so happy that I got an opportunity to orgasm. My boyfriend and I talked later about Becky. Well, he really talked to Becky. Becky is my alter ego. She’s the little girl inside me. She’s a bit unruly sometimes, and needs direction. Michael gave Becky some rules about how often she’s allowed to talk to Sir, and a few other things that she needed direction on. It’s good for her to have boundaries. And if it keeps Michael from feeling jealous or upset, then I’m pleased to follow them.

Now, for what happened last night. Since Michael had that talk with Becky, she told him that she had been feeling neglected from him for the past few years. I think we may have had a breakthrough with her.  I had broken one of the rules that Michael had set down the day before. I’m only allowed to call Sir for 10 minutes a day during peak cell phone time, and I had talked with him for 14. It’s wasn’t a big infraction, but it was still not what I was told to do.

When I got home from the doctor, there was my paddle, cane, and strap sitting on the bed waiting for me. We had dinner, showered, shaved and such. Michael was fixing the playlist on Rhapsody, and when he turned around he found me on my knees waiting for him. He rubbed his fingers through my hair. He got me deep into space before he started spanking me. He tied me to the bed with my hands above my head. He then spanked me, paddled me, and caned me. MMmmmmm I love the cane. I was so bruised up. I got so deep into space. He then let me cum several times. I’m so excited that Michael is becoming more Dominant!

i got to go see my Sir over the Friday/Saturday evening. He and i have been together only a short time. i also have a boyfriend of 5 years, and even though my boyfriend is mostly nilla; he understands my need for a Dominant male in my life, and he allows me time to be with my Sir.


This weekend was one of those times. It was the first time in 5 years that i have shared a bed overnight with a man other than my boyfriend. i thought it might be a bit strange, but it worked out ok. i went over to his house late Friday night after he got home from work. He was tired, and after a week without orgasm, i was about ready to burst. 


Even after a hard day at work, and him with no energy, he still managed to stay hard for hours allowing me to worship his cock. i am getting spacey just thinking about being around him. We stayed up late talking, snuggling, fucking. It was wonderful. He allowed me several fantastic orgasms.

He has started me on orgasm control. Even as an experienced sub, i hadn't had pleasant memories of orgasm denial and control. When he and i first met, he told me that was something that was important to him, and if i wanted to be with him it would be a part of our relationship. i had to admit that i was aprehensive about the idea of giving over my orgasms. i am a super, sexually charged woman, and i absolutely love to cum. 

i had to think about whether or not it was something i was interested in. i finally decided that what he said made some sense, and it would be worth the try to see if he could do what he said he could do. On a side note, he can do it. =)


So, even in the short time that he and i have been able to play together, he has trained me to cum on command. It's a very interesting orgasm, cumming without direct stimulation. Its not totally mental, because my pussy just gets completely soaked, but it's not completely physical because there's no direct stimulation. It's the most interesting sensation, i would almost call it a mental orgasm with some physical side-effects.


Anyway, after sleeping about 4 hours, we woke up and played some more. he took me to breakfast and a movie. Harry Potter was great by the way. We went back to his house. He caned me to orgasm. i just love the cane. There's nothing like the sting of the cane, and then the burn. Sir allowed me to go home with his mark, that i will keep until the next time i see him. When i hope he'll allow me a new mark to carry for him. i love feeling the mark on my ass, and staring at it in a mirror. It allows me to have a physical reminder of him all the time.


He and i live about an hour or so away from eachother, and i live with my boyfreind as i said earlier. So, we may get together once a week, or less depending on the week, and what's going on. Anyway, i think i'm journaled out for now. i hope i can make the committment to continue it. i'm sure my Sir will keep me motivated.