the night she fucked him was one of  the many nights that we had fought.  She came home the next morning and said she had spent the night with her bff because she didnt want to come home to a fight...which I believed....and then we proceeded to have makeup sex.  I dont remember anything special about fuck session.... I'm guessing she didnt even feel me inside her that morning after fucking Bob...and nor could I ever remember if I had went down on her and licked her pussy that morning. Regardless, I didnt want to be someone whose marriage only lasted 3 months and I thought I loved her, so I forgave her.  Bob and I had our face off and stopped being friends.  But being in the small town I constantly saw him and he would purposely wave or smile...both of us knowing the meaning behind the wave was "yep, I fucked your wife", My wife and I moved to Florida a couple of months later. But to be honest, even before we moved I was masturbating thinking about the 2 of them together.  At the time I told myself I was turned on by the typical fantasy of seeing your wife fucked by another man, but over time realized it was more about her being with that man....and THAT cock.

 

Time passed.  Divorced 1st wife, Married and divorced from a 2nd.  It was during the 2nd marriage that I began to realize how much I am attracted to cock.  It started with my new wife and I watching a porn movie.  We happened to be watching a scene with the guy butt fucking a woman and I pointed out to her how much she was enjoying it and why would she want to try that?  "It cant hurt if she is enjoying it that much!"  And yep, she actually said if she could fuck me, then I could fuck her.  Yes, its not just a standard porn scenario....it did happen!  lol  Well, I did want to fuck her ass and it did make sense that it couldn't hurt that much if the actress is enjoying it as much as she is. Besides, the little dildo we used on my wife when we played was smaller than my dick...so really, how much could it hurt?  So I agreed.  Of course, it hurt like hell at first!  But I didnt want her to know that as I wanted to get in her ass, I balanced the difficult act of not wincing but yet not tensing up at the same time.  After awhile the pain went away and at some point the pleasure began. At the time I still believed in needing to be a "macho" kind of man, so I certainly couldnt let her know how much I was enjoying it.  "Unfortunately", as this was my first time and no idea what could happen, cum had been streaming out of my cock and splashing on her leg with each thrust...which she laughingly pointed out to me.  After that, she fucked my ass about once a month (I only got her ass once, btw!).

 

I DID enjoy the monthly strap-on sessions, but I was continuing my internal struggle of should a "real man" be enjoying getting it up the ass.  I was able to somewhat justify and hold on to my masculinity by telling myself it as it was my wife who was doing it and it wasnt a man or an actual cock inside me giving me pleasure.  But I also found out that not all of my arousal was being caused by having my ass penetrated.  I found I could be embarrassed or humiliated by something,..and yet get hard at the same time.  Peggy would sometimes call me her "bitch" or ask me how my pussy is enjoying her dick or laugh at me as my dick seeped a never ending stream of cum, and I would have the dual feeling of humiliation and intense arousal at the same time. I was not comfortable with my own feelings nor felt our relationship was secure enough to tell her how much I enjoyed being submissive to her.   

 

 About this time, internet became easily accessible. I found some comfort in surfing the net and seeing other men enjoying being pegged (which, once I realized that was the name of it, I found ironic as my 2nd wife's name was Peggy). Sometimes Peggy and I searched together and looked at a variety of porn, including pics or videos of pegging.  As internet searches often do, pictures that you didnt specifically ask to see were included, including those that would show two men together. When alone, I soon found myself looking at cock pics as much as at women.  I would look or watch a woman fucking guy with a huge strap-on (as my world has opened up, I've found that I am what they call a size queen!), but then it eventually became almost exclusively man on man. I didnt care what the man the cock was attached to looked like, mattered not to me.  But I found myself mesmerized and aroused by a big fat cock.  Didnt matter what color, didnt matter if the man was fat or muscular, it was literally all about the cock.  I started to bring home gay dvds to watch when no one else was home. My new found fantasies were all directed at me being a bottom...of being the one looking up at a big dick or moaning (or whimpering) as one entered me. At some point I mentally accepted the fact that I was attracted to cock. AThis in turn increased my exposure to other previously unknown things on the internet, and my awareness of other fantasies and things that turned me on rose to the surface. I found myself drawn to submission and humiliation type of scenarios. While the cock was still the key to most of my newly discovered fantasies, I found that big burly white guys, and black or Arab men always seemed to be part of the domination aspect them. My mother in law lived with wife and I, and I began to sneak in and putting on her dirty granny panties or night gown...and then her bras. I both liked the feel of them as well as the humiliation of wearing or smelling her dirty panties...even it was self inducded!  My wife and her mom played bingo a lot at night, so I often had several hours alone. I would surf the net dressed in my mom-in-laws undergarments and rub "my clit" thru her panties. I started to fantasize about the mom in law dominating me (even though she was ugly as sin!) and being her bitch behind Peggy's back. Blackmailing me to lick her.... what I pictured to be overly hairy...pussy while wearing her bra and panties.  The internet had quickly and thoroughly changed my thoughts of what sex was and what turned me on.

 

I slowly became less and less interested in having sex with my wife.  Perhaps better said, I was losing interest in both the conventional male/female dynamic as well as "normal"