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9/17/2013 12:26:29 PM

Oringinally written April 27, 2013

The BDSM community is ever growing and growing fast. With the release of the book 50 Shades of Gray and the fascination by the DD/lg dynamic on Tumblr, you’re going to see more and more BDSM related blogs. You’re going to find a lot of newbies with little to no experience. With that being said, you’re also going to find a guy or gal who is looking into the lifestyle because their partner is into it, but they aren’t. While the community welcomes everyone to hop on in, get your kink on, and learn about the lifestyle, I think there is a big misconception.

With all the newcomers coming in, it’s only natural that you’d run into questions from people like, “How do I make my partner submissive or dominant?” “I want to be in a D/s relationship but I don’t think I have what it takes to be a dominant.” “How do I learn to be a Dom? My wife has an interest in BDSM and I want to fulfill her needs.”

Can you really learn to be a Dominant or submissive? Now you’re welcome to disagree, but Daddy and I were discussing the topic of “learning to be a dominant”. Daddy and I believe that being a Dominant or submissive is a mindset and a part of one’s personality. It is something that has been with you prior to your discovery of the lifestyle, but you may not have known the terms or that there was a community of people similar to you.

Maybe you had thoughts or fantasies of dominating someone in the bedroom and even outside of it. Maybe your mind has crossed over the idea that it would be nice to find a woman who would like to live a 1950’s lifestyle with you. Maybe you have naturally found yourself to be submissive in bed and fantasized about a man taking control of you with your consent. Perhaps you even want to have a man take control of certain other aspects of your life with mutual agreement on it. That’s natural. Or maybe you’re not into D/s at all, maybe you’re a Sadist or masochist or even just a kinkster and have found such topics appealing and want to give it a try.

Then you have the folks who come into the lifestyle because they hear it’s cool, edgy, or just have the complete wrong impression of it. You’ve ran into them. The “Dom” who thinks you owe him respect right off the bat. The “Dom” who thinks every sub is automatically his. The sub who wants nothing more than a man to give her all the pleasure she wants and needs but isn’t willing to return it: I’ll be submissive when it’s convenient for me.

There’s a difference. The former have the basic foundation and have potential. They may not be an official Dom or sub yet just because they've only had true interest in it but no experience. For them to pursue a D/s dynamic, it would feel natural once they accommodate into their respective places. No one is born knowing what it takes to be a proper Dom and that’s where refining comes in. They do the research, they read up, they join communities to learn what it’s like. They can learn how to bring out their dominant or submissive side. They can learn how to make themselves better as either. They can learn which D/s role they would prefer to take on: Master, Sir, Daddy, etc. The latter can always learn but not in the same way. They don’t have that foundation laid out for them. It is not naturally part of their personality. These people tend to be best at just keeping it a roleplay in the bedroom. They don’t have what it takes to carry on a 24/7 dynamic because for them, they would have to fake it almost. There’s nothing wrong with tops, bottoms, and kinksters though.

The bottom line is, you can learn to dominate, but I you can’t learn to be a Dominant.


9/15/2013 11:50:34 PM

What am I looking for?

 

I withheld this information from my profile because it's long enough as it is and I know people prefer short and to-the-point ones. But since I've been getting this question asked a lot, it's time that I address it.

I am not looking for specific gender - male, female, or trans is fine by me. Please note that while I am bisexual, I much more attracted to women for a romantic relationship than men, but I have no problem having a male sub.

At the moment I can not offer a live-in D/s dynamic or 24/7, this is because of my living situation and I am not looking to relocate for anyone except My Daddy. But I will not limit it to online only, I am fine with meeting you in a public place, perhaps at a munch hosted by Tampa's local BDSM community.

I want someone who is honest and serious. I believe that honesty in any sort of relationship is very important but especially in romantic and D/s ones. I want someone that I can know on a personal level or even a friendship level and that understands that I am not looking for a quick thrill or to sate your quick thrill*; I want to explore My side and yours as well. I want you to trust Me before I can even consider ownership. A D/s dynamic is nothing without trust. Submission is a gift given through trust and even love, do not give it so easily because it can be taken advantage of; it's not safe.

I do not want someone that has no limits. It's fine if you're not sure if something is a hard limit of yours or not, but to tell me that you have no limits is ridiculous. I will not take someone who has no concern for their own well-being or safety. Please realize that I am still learning what interests me as a Domme, I have many interests as a submissive but some of those do not apply to both sides. I am fairly open to kinks, and you have one that is not listed on my profile, talk to me about it and we can come to some sort of agreement.

*If you're looking for a quick thrill in terms of having me control you, humiliate you, degrade you, give you assignments, tasks, etc. then that is fine. Just realize that some sort of payment would be nice. Please message me to discuss what you're looking for and to find out what I'm comfortable or uncomfortable with.


9/15/2013 10:05:11 PM

I'm running behind on messages. I have at least 26 pages of messages now and there's a lot of messages that just get pushed further down as new ones appear. So please be patient as I hunt find your message if you haven't gotten a reply yet.

 

Thank you.


9/13/2013 11:43:50 PM

9/12/2013 3:54:31 PM

When you hear "spanking", you probably think of it in terms of punishment. Spankings can actually be more than that: punishment, funishment, and therapeutic. And while the act of spankings may be the same between punishment, funishment, and the therapeutic, they are actually quite different and give off a different atmosphere for the spankee

As a sub, when you receive a punishment spanking, you know for sure that it's a punishment. There is no leeway or play to it. It's not about making your bum red, but more about teaching a lesson and hoping that you won't make the same mistake. I can say from experience, that my punishment spankings are far more painful and the amount is much harder. Because I'm in a long distance relationship, my spankings are done by me with a brush while Skyping. Daddy has a rule that if he can't hear the sound of the brush hitting my skin, I have to redo that number. I'm also not supposed to squirm too much or make a fuss or that will increase the amount even more.

I won't go too much into a general punishment explanation because I'll probably make another post to explain that. Punishment normally contains three parts to it: the lecture, the punishment, and the aftercare. Not everyone may engage in all three but I think each have importance. The punishment act without the lecture defeats the purpose because the sub won't know what she did wrong. As a Dom/Domme, You should explain to Your sub what they did wrong and why it was wrong in your eyes. The punishment act, in this case spankings, should come after the lecture and should be to teach a lesson such as, "if  you do this, you will receive x many spankings." Remember to be strict but fair, that means that You calm down and think out the appropriate spanking amount based on the severity of the act. You want to make a point but You do not want to come off as abusive or use fear as a tactic to make Your sub obey. And lastly, the aftercare; you normally hear this after rough play sessions and how important it is and it's not different during a punishment session. After Your sub has been told what they did wrong and spanked, sometimes they could be shaken up from either the pain or feeling guilty. This is Your time to explain to Your sub that you love them but that what she did disappointed You. You should also remind them not to dwell on the issue and to let it go; the punishment was to make Your sub realize what she did wrong, but now that it's over, it's time to let it go. Give Your sub cuddles and/or kisses. Let her know that everything's okay now.

Funishment is different and it's common among masochistic subs. Depending how well you or Your sub deals with pain, the amount and intensity varies; this is something both parties need to discuss. Funishment differs from punishment because, obviously, nothing wrong was done; it's simply for fun. My funishment spankings are not strict, I don't have to redo them if I don't hit hard enough (but I will anyways) and Daddy and I will agree on an amount. It makes both of us smile.

Therapeutic spankings is something that a lot people don't realize exists or comprehend it. Some people do pay for such spankings, even vanilla people. Just check out this site

. There is some science behind it (or psuedoscience depending on what you believe in):

"This supports recent research suggesting that spanking can be an effective tool in relieving anxiety and working with depression. This effect may be caused by the physical release of dopamine and endorphins into the system during and after a spanking.  These neurotransmitters stimulate the pleasure centers of our brains and can make us feel very happy and satisfied. "

With that being said, this certainly does not mean to spank Your sub every time they're stressed or upset about something. People deal with these things differently and sometime need time for themselves to destress. But the concept is like funishment but with aftercare. The idea is for Your sub to be able to let go for a bit and focus on a fun session with You. In a way, it's almost like letting Your sub exchange the emotional pain for physical pain.
Spankings have many uses and if You and Your sub (or you and your Dom) are curious or interested, it doesn't hurt (much) to check out funishment and therapeutic spankings. I would recommend starting off using Your hand if You're a first timer so You can control how much pain You're inflicting. Once You're comfortable with the the varying strength of Your hit, You're welcome to switch to a brush, paddle, or even a crop. Remember to keep the happiness and safety of Your sub in mind.


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cinthiakwlo
 
 Age: 50
 Netherlands