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In the past 10 years that I have been in this lifestyle, I have been on fetlife on and off and with no luck in finding what I seek from this website. Am I too picky.... maybe? But what I want is not some rough sweaty piggy grunting sex. BDSM means a lot more to me than just that. In these 10 years, I have evolved through a lot of different roles. I started out as a dominant. Then I experimented being a submissive and I realized that I did not like giving up control. I tried switching and while it was all good, deep down, I knew that submitting to someone wasnt something I will enjoy in the long run. I came back to being a Dom again. I explored various dominant roles like being a Daddy, a care taker, a rigger, a Sadist and then when I had my first slave is when I felt at home. I have identified as a Master ever since. Sure I enjoy some masochistic activities like being bitten and being scratched. I also enjoy oral sex a lot, both giving and receiving. For this reason, people have judged me and honestly, I couldnt care less. I enjoy it and my partner enjoy it and as for your opinion, it only matters to you.
Thats what the sad part is about BDSM, really. A lot of people wanna just jump into it without proper knowledge on the subject. Result, they pass on their half no knowledge on to others. It seems dominantsubmissive role play is in vogue these days. From my observations, though, it is simply play for most. Most people confuse being dominantsubmissive for simply being topbottom.
Many men feel being dominant is simply being ultra masculine. Women likewise feel being submissive is feminine. The funny thing is that simply being bossy or rough does not make you dominant. Getting on your knees and calling someone sir does not make you submissive.
It is also interesting how many women I meet who think they are submissive but are actually dominant. They want to find someone strong enough to dominate me. They walk around with a submissive chip on their shoulder almost auditioning men to knock it off. Maybe they feel like they should be submissive to be more feminine. Maybe they need an escape from the rest of their life where they are always in control.
The sad thing is these women are probably sexually dominant and would get the relief they seek by filling that role. Like a lot of sexually dominant men, they need to find another area to submit-- exercise, religion... and embrace their sexual dominance.
I seek the woman naturally inclined to submission. Like many things in life, you either have it or you dont. And if you have it, you know.
If you are unsure, meditate on these thoughts.
In a quiet, dark room, close your door and stand before your mirror. Shut out all distractions so it is just you and your thoughts. Close your eyes for a minute and slow your breathing.
Do you feel the heavy feeling in the core of your belly? It feels like a small lead cannon ball. The distractions of the day make you forget it most times, but is is always there in the quiet, in the dark. Sometimes it is lighter, sometimes heavier. It is always there, though.
A glass of wine at the end of the night might keep it quiet most nights. There is an itch that starts building in you, though. A craving, a hunger. If you do not scratch it, soon you find it consuming your thoughts and filling you with a desperate urgent anxious feeling.
Now, stand there and feel the full weight of that feeling. Face it. Breathe with it until you cannot stand it.
Open your eyes. Pretend I slip into the room unheard until I am standing behind you. You g as I put my hand over your mouth. You want to run, but cannot. You are ashamed to admit to yourself that this is one of the fantasies your mind plays when you are disparate to soothe your anxious feelings.
I remove my hand. You whimper but do not scream. You are free to run, but stand there. Head down, ashamed. Heart racing, breath shallow. Goose bumps. Wet.
I move back and recline on your bed. Hands behind my head, relaxed, watching you. Turn back and watch yourself in the mirror. Slowly undress for me. I want to watch. I want to watch you watch yourself.
Now, turn, face me and sink to your knees. Close your eyes. You are naked, vulnerable, helpless to do anything but what you are told. You feel my strong hand brush your hair back and stroke your face. Good girl,
As you imagine this, did you feel the world shrink around you? Did the heavy weight in the pit of your belly disappear for a beautiful moment?
If the answer is yes, you my good girl are indeed a submissive.
If this is something you would like to explore further, I would love to help you on your journey.
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