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I struggled for a long time to find the appropriate thing to put here...after all, I think its the most important part of the whole profile! Of course, it has to be true to yourself; that's a given. But you can't encapsulate a whole personality in a few text paragraphs, so things are necessarily left out. Is it most important to state interests, experience, life story? I don't know, but I love a good story, so here's one of my own. Yes, this is a long profile, so if your the skimming (or lazy) type, skip all the good stuff and jump to the bottom for the translation.
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I was raised very conservatively when it came to relationships and sex, "Open the door for a lady, but don't you dare kiss her on the first date! Sex is for procreation and marriage" that kind of thing. Like most teenagers I ignored such admonitions, (never underestimate the power of teenage lust!) But this vanilla stuff just didn't seem to satisfy, and I couldn't figure out why.
I kept wanting...something more; something different. I treated women with respect, with politeness and with compassion, as equals, and sometimes as betters. But what I really wanted was for them to kneel, to let go, and to need me, with everything that implies. I'm an ethical, moral person and so for years I repressed these feelings, tried to "overcome" them in the hopes of being a "better" person. In my mind, such feelings were coarse, vulgar, wrong, but of course that just made me want them more! BDSM and the scene didn't even enter into the equation, that was just something goths and leather freaks did, not someone normal like me. I looked at myself and saw that I was Western, English-Speaking, White, Male, Middle Class; and to top it all off I couldn't stop my desires to "oppress" women. In a nutshell, I saw in myself everything I was taught to hate. (Not a healthy place to be in!)
So when I really discovered BDSM; learned about it and began to get a sense of the wonderful diversity and life within it, the truth of it, and most of all the freedom that it offerred it was quite a shock for me. I saw this enormous vista of opportunity for happiness; the satisfaction I've always sought and never achieved and I was terrified of screwing it all up. I wrote a nice little profile extolling my virtues, and tried to act in a manner I thought was appropriate for a "Dom." (Mistakes can be so instructional. ;) ) When the first couple of contacts on collarme didn't work out... I gave up. (Internet classifieds? That's for losers, I don't need that! :D )
But you can't turn your back on yourself, it's just not possible. After thinking endlessly about it, I still can't explain why I need D/s, just that I do. Maybe its Foucault's power relations made real, maybe its Freudian, maybe its biological, maybe its cultural...but it doesn't matter! All I know is that its me. And at this point in my life, (and lets be realistic, probably for the rest of my life,) all I want is to try and become the person I know I am; and find someone who feels the same way about herself.
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So if your still reading, (and hello to all those without that patience for expository stuff) I'm sure you have some sense of who I am. If you don't yet, here are a number of adjectives that sorta describe me, strung together randomly. Witty, geeky, caring, perverted, strong, optimistic, analytical, comitted, weird. In terms of kink I have no specific requirements, almost all of them are pretty sexy. I am currently looking for a submissive woman in the Montreal/Toronto/Ottawa area between 18-25, as well as a Mentor, but all are welcome to message me.
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It really is ridiculous that a Canadian 20 year old, who supports himself, lives on his own, and is allowed to drink, drive, and do any other adult activity, can be kicked out of a chatroom for being under 21. We are not all American so what the hell is up with that??
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Well, I'm back! I've been away from the site, and from actively looking, for 6 months now as I sorted myself out...and I gotta say, its pretty damn exciting to be here again!
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So I've begun this change in my lifestyle...I know I want this, but I am of course nervous as to the course it will take in my life...time will tell I suppose.
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| Age: 21 |
| Oceanside,
California |
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