Black Sheep

In the BDSM community, it feels like everyone is polyandrous while I am monogamous thus I often feel like a black sheep and don’t fit in. I have nothing against poly relationships and if those involved can make it work, that’s great. For me, it’s difficult enough trying to balance a one-one relationship let alone adding another person.  However I have to wonder if monogamy has become outdated and out lived itself? Are there too few of us out there who still prefer monogamy to make the search futile? Here’s my antiquated viewpoint regarding my submission and monogamy: I have one heart to give thus only one to serve and submit.

Another area that I also feel like a black sheep is in regards to play. I see many others where it seems so easy for them to have casual play and have fun at it too!  I sometimes wish I was more like that, but I have hard time with casual play.  To me, play is something that is very intimate and sensual where it becomes an extension of the relationship where our bonds our strengthened.  Make sense? Playing to me is the bdsm version of foreplay in vanilla setting. It’s something that is hot and erotic, something to be shared between two partners. Don’t get me wrong,  I’ve tried the casual play or at least play with someone that I’ve known or  tried sometime type of play just to see what the sensation feels like, bit it didn’t do anything for me.  However, I think I have found a way to get my service needs met at these events and that’s by giving massages: shoulder, back, and foot. So far my offers for massages have been favorably received. I think I will continue to explore this to see how it evolves.

Yet another issue that I’m struggling with is: when & at what time does one incorporated D/s into the relationship? I seem to be out of step here too. I understand that we will have most likely met my partner within this lifestyle where our perspective roles are known given, thus there will be a D/s component to our relationship. However, it seems many want to start with establishing the D/s dynamic first.  To me this seems backwards.  I know that I’d prefer to get to know each other first as a person, what we have in common, our views & opinions, etc. on vanilla and D/s issue. In other words let’s build upon the vanilla relationship first.  Once this foundation is established and strong, and then adds the D/s component. It seems that I’m a black sheep here as well.

 But you know what? Despite feeling like black sheep at these moments, I’m comfortable with that and myself.  After all, I think many in our lifestyle have felt like black sheep’s in the vanilla world thus I’m in good company! :)