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Not completely sure of where i am going on the path before me.
I have always been a believer things happen as they should so if it is meant to be...
it shall be.
It is not for me to question where or when, though i do wonder.
~smiles~
There just so happens to be some things we cannot avoid in spite of how we try to keep ourselves clear of them. I have had many in my lifetime but never before has it been anything i could not bounce back from. Maybe it is age or it could simply be the lack of strength to do it again. I will not say i am a quitter nor am i one to stop fighting for that which i believe is right, but, sometimes there is no comeback. One can no longer go back for there is nothing there. Being who amd what you so strongly felt inside you always have been is no more. Some call it a crossroad, some may think of it as a bump in the road and that may be so, for them, but as i look around i see no road, no signs not even an indication of what may be the way to begin this part of the journey. Please do not ask me what i am looking for because i am unclear of the answer. I have to find myself before i can begin again. I doubt that those who claim to know what i need have a clue as to what is really going to help me find my way. I may be wrong but i doubt that also.
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I am not sure what to say the last few relationships i have been in seem to have damaged my confidence. I have also gained some weight. I know i am a good person and i am not a liar or a bullshitter, i just dont tolerate it well at all. I find it an insult when someone tries to bullshit me and yet they insist, even swear, its the truth. I have no time for that. I am a sub but i am a strong woman. Not a doormat in any sense tho i am a softy for those i care about. I am pretty smart and have been told i am a pleasure to be with. Humor is a part of me, i am respectful, tho i can be a lil sassy now and then. I do have 3 dogs 2 lil ones and a big one. What i like the most about this lifestyle, is having the freedom to be and feel what i always felt but never let it show, because i believed it was a sign of weakness. Most of the time i do like rough, sexually moreso than physically. Gradual spankings work for me. I am submissive, i do not wish to take or have control, I do like to be able to share my thoughts and or feelings concerning whats going on. |
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5-19-14
In life there are things you seek yet may never find. At other times you are found by that which you never knew you sought. |
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It is nice to know there are still people that believe in manners and respect. |
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i am not looking for anything that has not already found me and made me wish i could just..... just be.... be there..,. be that....be me.... be sure....be all of the above and more. |
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The fine line between
pushing & pushing past
is easily blurred.
Speak from your heart
to clearly be heard.
Open your mind and heart,
Give your body and soul,
Give all that you have,
surrender control.
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Obviously,it has nothing to do with worth.....
it is not my self-worth i question. I do not feel i am that out of touch with myself.....i know what i seek is out there, i know i deserve much more than i may have lost.....so for now i will remain.....Comfortably Numb.
She knows that she cannot deny who and what she is. So much she longs to let out. The feelings of letting go. The need to serve, to be taken into His arms and under His control. So much she has to give. Is there any hope of a gentle hand to lift her up? Hopefully .....there is so much inside that she keeps a secret. So much that makes her worthy.
Ones ability to move forward sometimes depends on what she is holding back. Now that I have come to terms with all that has brought me to this point, I am able to recognize that my scars serve to remind me that strength comes from letting go and not holding on. And wisdom is a gift that comes with time and experience. For that i am grateful and know that in all of the things that come into my life there is wisdom and strength. And that patience is the key to to unlock the answers within.
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How does a person determine the "right" one. I have been told it is an overwhelming feeling deep inside. I agree and have been lucky enough to have known the rush and feel all of my senses ablaze. Having all doubts leaving a trail behind you as each step forward takes you where you have always known you belong. |
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It has been some time i have been away. No, i did not get lost or fall off the face of the earth, just had other things going on in my life. But the one thing that never changes is what is inside of me and what seems to still be missing. |
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The journey is but a moment
in time,
The reward is everlasting.
Though my path has not always
been without obstacles.
I would not know the joy
had it not been for the pain.
As i move forward with
the strength of my lessons,
with me also are the burdens
of bad timing or perhaps in
judgement.
Any servitude, obedience and love i have been fortunate enough to be shown or show,
now becomes part of me.
Thanking those who have
been there when i was spreading my wings and for being kind and gentle and generous with advice and guidence.
When one loses touch with her inner self,
it is sometimes difficult to return to what she knows is right.
This is a time when i am on a path to find my way and my proper place. For somewhere i lost a sense of my own reality. I let go of something i am and had never before denied myself of the enjoyment of the relinquishing control to another.
I know what and who i am and will no longer deny in any way that this is the life i am meant to live, that this is where i belong. Although my trust is not yet fully restored in the words of some, I will do my best not to be judgemental to all who wish to communicate on this level. Time heals all wounds and i will proudly bare the scars of my past.
I do not feel shame that i opened myself and allowed myself to be taken for granted or abused in any way. For that is what makes me who i am and helps determine what i can be in the future. My strength and wisdom can only be an asset to the Master that will find me...
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| Age: 34 |
| London,
United Kingdom |
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