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October 2011: I'm in a relationship with RBT55. Happy to network for friendship.
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What I look for in a partner:
Tapping into my submissive side is what makes me happy in a relationship; being able to completely surrender to one person is what I yearn for with every breath.
I know that the right Dom/Master for me is one who embraces the roles as a protector, teacher, guide, and lover. He knows the value of communication and strives towards being an effective communicator. He is patient, firm, and consistent. He knows what he wants and what he is willing to give in return. He is dominant enough to deal with a strong, stubborn, intelligent, and well-educated woman who really wants to be able to be weak, yielding, and open.
He is secure enough to be emotionally and physically close to his slave, wanting to give and receive physical intimacy (and not just sexual intimacy). He understands the value of positive reinforcement and the necessity of occasional physical punishment.
He is someone who wants to continue learning and growing throughout life, by seeking out new experiences and new knowledge both in the BDSM sense and in a vanilla sense.
--- About me: I was born and grew up in Norway. I currently is in the USA finishing up my education. My educational commitment will keep in southwest Texas/ south New Mexico through July 2011. At that time, the world is my limit.
I'm generally a pretty easy-going person who enjoy a wide range of activities, always looking to learn and expand my horizons. I place a lot of emphasis on self-improvement and being healthy, holistically. I work out regularly, eat healthy, and use medical services when needed. I don't believe in compromising my health and life by being irresponsible or foolish, hence I don't do drugs, don't smoke, and drink rarely.
I'm a very honest person, loyal to the core, and I value integrity. Although I prefer leaving the assertive and authoritative side at work, I will access those traits if the situation calls for it. I communicate well - it's a necessity in my profession - and I expect that my Master would strive for good communication as well.
The things in my life that truly make me happy are family, friends, animals and children. I gain a sense of renewal and peace from mountains, and the playful side of me comes out when I'm by the ocean. And I thrive when I have stability coupled with change and adventure.
Relationship goal:
I am looking for a LTR and I know I want that to be with a Dom/Master. Denying who I am doesn't make me happy so I'm done with it. If that fits with your goal, email me. I probably will respond if I think you are serious. If not, please don't email me to tell me you want to hook up or chat.
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A BDSM PHILOSOPHY
I wrote an email earlier and as I wrote I realized I was formulating part of my basic
BDSM philosophy. It's written from a female sub-male Dom perspective, but it is inspired in large part by a Domme who also happens to be a close friend and experiences she has shared with me from her relationship with male subs.
I believe that BDSM relationships require a very solid relationship foundation to truly work and be fulfilling. That means that there is never an excuse in my eyes to not communicate and work on trust within the relationship. With power exchange that becomes even more essential since it is based on a high level of trust. I've seen the same view over and over since becoming involved in BDSM, and I think it is an important tenet of the lifestyle. I also think vanilla relationships that work well has the same foundation.
When I talk about communication and establishing trust, I'm talking about long, deep, difficult conversations. I'm talking about revisiting the same topics over and over and over again until both parties have processed through their thoughts and emotions. I'm talking about a willingness to always look at multiple sides of an issue with an open mind before making a decision. And that is not just something a sub does; in some ways it is more important for a Dom to be able to do that. In this, a Dom leads and guides and has to be willing to take responsibility. Without a Dom taking responsibility for communication, I don't see how a pattern of communication can be established since by definition the Dom has the power in the relationship. I'm not saying that a sub automatically does not have a responsibility. Of course she does. She needs to contribute equally to the discourse. What I am saying is that the Dom has to take responsibility for that pattern to be established; to create the space for the communication to occur.
I realize that this view might sound idealistic, but I believe that men and women have the same abilities when it comes to communication, although socialization often tends to favor women when it comes to communicating about thoughts and feelings. I don't think, however, that a Dom can afford to be a poor communicator or ever think that he has learned all he can learn about communicating. I see communication as a skill and a process. It is something that can be learned and it is something that happens gradually over time. That means anyone can get better at it, can learn to both listen to another and express himself clearer. I wouldn't say it is easy to acquire that skill, but then, things worth having rarely come easily to anyone.
In regard to how this philosophy affects my approach to BDSM relationships:
I deliberately take a step back in communicating with men online because I don't want to be the person leading the conversation and thereby creating a dynamic where I'm expected to basically be in charge of where the conversation starts and where it goes. If I wanted to be in charge of that, I would have been attracted to the opposite side of the power dynamic. I know myself well enough that I am not attracted to men who take a passive approach to communication. I care a lot more about the personality of someone than the looks. I would rather be with someone who can carry a conversation than someone physically attractive. It is similar to how I'm attracted to strong, dominant men rather than submissive men. So, since I'm not looking for a passive communicator, I'm not going to establish those dynamics with men.
I have been accused of having too many wants. And others have told me that I know what I want and I don't settle. I think the latter is more accurate. I see no reason to waste anyone's time by pretending that I think something more can come out of something. And I have a feeling that if I hold out and wait, the person I need will come around if he hasn't already. He will recognize that how I view communication and BDSM is how he views it. He will see that that by providing that, he will be able to lead us to a stronger, deeper and more fulfilling level of power exchange. And he will share that goal. |
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Looking for cybersex and/or a chat buddy?
Move along!
I'm not going to engage in chats with you. I'm certainly not having cybersex with you.
I might be online to check and respond to messages throughout the day, but that is not an excuse to send one-liner messages as if we are having a RT conversation. We are not.
If you read my profile and find me interesting as a potential partner, email me. I'll probably respond unless you trigger a spam filter or is flat out rude. I'm on here because I want to meet potential partners. What I believe I need in a partner is rudementary described in my profile. If you are serious about finding a LTR - not a playmate - we have a foundation to build on.
If you are insulted by me having demands/wishes/wants/needs and/or an opinion - MOVE ALONG! I honestly don't care about your opinion and I'd rather not hear it if you are going to attack me. I'm cool with discussion about differing points of view, but not being attacked. And there is a vast difference.
If you are looking for a cheap thrill / cybersex - I'm not your gal/girl/honey or anything else in that realm. I personally don't like cybersex and I'm not going to engage in it with a total stranger who has no claim to my attention or time.
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I am developing a new pet-peeve quickly. As a submissive woman with a picture on this site, I get a lot of messages. Some messages are decently long, explaining why my particular profile appealed to the person. This makes me actually want to look at their profile and respond.
Others send me a brief message giving me a compliment. I usually respond with a thank you.
Then there are the ones who send a "hi, how are you, i want to chat". Those I find annoying. I am not going to chat with anyone who I have not established some foundations of a relationship with. And I don't care if yahoo has 15 different buttons for ignoring someone. Having to ignore someone means I probably had no business giving them my IM information to begin with. Never mind, there's the entire thing about being able to track someone's physical location through IMs.
But my real pet-peeve is about the guys who write to me to tell me what they want and basically give me the same spiel as 95% of every dom on this and other sites would give me if asked what they want from a relationship. And when asked to elaborate about themselves specifically, they either throw a temper tantrum because I dared accuse them of not being honest and genuine or they paraphrase the last message they sent me, basically repeating the same information again. That's really annoying.
How could this easily be fixed? Think about that pesky 5 paragraph essay that was taught in primary school. You have an introductory paragraph. Then you write three paragraphs about three different points. And finally, you summarize it in the last paragraph. And if you have more points to cover - you add paragraphs. It really is a very simple recipe, and having discussed the issue with female SUB friends I have, we agree that it increases someone's chance to actually develop a relationship with someone.
Of course, what do I know? I am probably just an unreasonable, silly sub who has no idea what I am talking about. That doctorate I have in psychology does not count for much either, I am guessing. |
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Age: 35 |
Atlanta,
Georgia |
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