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Hetero Male Master, 58,  Bluegrassland, Kentucky
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PhilipMarlowe

PhilipMarlowe - photo 2
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PhilipMarlowe - photo 4
PhilipMarlowe - photo 5
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PhilipMarlowe - photo 10
PhilipMarlowe - photo 14

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Friends:
subspaced67AJUSTMAN4me

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Tall, well read, well rounded, experienced. Quite willing to share more in correspondence. A bit thinner now than my photos show. Lost over 30 lbs so far.

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 PhilipMarlowe

 Dominant Male

 Bluegrassland 

 Kentucky

 6' 5"

 230 lbs

 58

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 12/14/04

 

Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

 Lives For:

 Museums (Expert)

 Travel (Expert)

 Conservative Politics (Expert)

 Economics (Expert)

 History (Expert)

 Intellectual Discourse (Expert)

 Liberal Politics  (Expert)

 Libertarian Politics  (Expert)

 Psychology

 1950s Lifestyle (Expert)

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Victorianism

 Americana

 Funk

 Jazz

 Oldies

 R&B

 Show Tunes

 Auto Racing

 Baseball

 Horse Racing

 Loves:

 Art Galleries (Expert)

 Coffee Shops  (Expert)

 Going to the Opera

 Movies (Expert)

 Musical Theater (Expert)

 Volunteerism (Expert)

 Bicycling (Expert)

 Singing

 Political Activism (Expert)

 Alternative Music

 Opera Music

 Operetta

 Rock Music

 Darts

 Likes:

 Amusement Parks

 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets (Expert)

 Garage Sales (Expert)

 Shopping (Expert)

 Walking (Expert)

 Historical Shows (Expert)

 True Crime

 Web Surfing

 Alternative Medicine (Beginner)

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 Keto (Expert)

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 Blue Grass

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 Classical Music

 Electronica / EDM

 New Wave

 Pop Music

 Reggae

 Seventies Music

 Buddhism

 Christianity

 Judaism

 Mormonism

 Reiki

 Taoism

 Basketball

 Tolerates:

 Eighties Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 New Age Music

 Nineties Music

 Punk Rock Music

 Curious About:

 Beachcombing (Beginner)

 Bird Watching (Beginner)

 Fishing (Beginner)

 Biology (Beginner)

 Chemistry

 Catholicism

 Hinduism

 Islam

 Kabbalah

 Dislikes:

 Bar Hopping (Expert)

 Raves (Beginner)

 Renaissance Faires (Beginner)

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Swinging

 Vampirism

 Hip Hop Music

 Atheism

 Neo-Paganism

 Hates:

 Rap

 Hard Limits:

 Female Supremacy

 Scientology

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Journal Entries:
11/4/2017 10:36:16 AM
Oh my! The mail system has crashed today. Epic fail...

4/25/2015 3:58:28 PM
Intelligence should be respected, the lack of it noted.

10/7/2014 9:18:12 AM
Many on the site, not so many in the lifestyle...

8/31/2012 4:43:28 PM
It's getting tougher and tougher to be yourself in the land of diversity...

1/27/2012 7:46:21 PM
It is antithetical for one to control the control of herself by another....

1/14/2012 7:49:55 PM
I've lived a lot like Don Draper. Never had to change my identity, not ever married though. Still a lot of that left in me, although I gave up the drinking...

9/5/2011 3:25:10 PM
By the way, I'm a deep Gemini (in the middle birthdaywise, not on the cusp of anything) so if you're with me, fasten your seatbelt....

3/20/2011 4:47:06 PM
 

 

In the most basic sense, our sorts of relationships are an entirely different paradigm from the conventional. The "vanilla" trappings may certainly be there, but in a developed relationship with developed persons is is not the core. Many concentrate on the "checklist" items for "compatibility"- but those things are, like the vanilla aspects, more in the realm of ornament and manifestation, if you will- the "color" of the relationship. As a metaphor, one may like the color and look of a car, or a refrigerator. It may look sleek, stylish, even attract attention from others. But if it is not the right size, uses too much juice, or is unreliable it wont work for the person. As I allude, many get consumed with the package and wrapping of MSDS relationships, mistakenly thinking that is the core. With such a view, once things like unreliability, bad fit, and sucking of a person's energy come into play things break down. The "lists" (preferences) and  "things in common" (vanilla)- "compatibility" aspects can make for a good portal into MSDS, but make a lousy foundation. It is no wonder to me why so many out there who are involved are unhappy- their focus is woefully misplaced.

 

Of course there are those who truly enjoy the sensations of "play" and fetish, but have no interest in cession to another. Such a bent is perfectly fine, but outside the realm of power-based relationships. My term for these folks is sensualists as they engage based solely on the "feel" of things.

 

I expect now you are ready to quiz and ask, "OK, pal, what IS the core of an MSDS relationship? The most concrete answer is- power. I submit that dominant types have a force that resonates with others of the submissive sort. The reaction formed when these complimentary types engage surmounts the rational. Those used to a conventional paradigm- with so much of it (the majority) of a concrete, sensible nature- attempting to apply that to MSDS will end up confused, frustrated, and likely angry- what happens then the wrong template is applied, no? So one must base their outlook in an MSDS relationship on the fact that much about it may be irrational, often trumping personal preferences and choices. Both uninitiated D and S types can find themselves in situations and attitudes not considered, let alone exercised, when they were in a conventional relationship paradigm. Obviously it takes a bit of getting used to, and there will be much turmoil and internal conflict due to inculcation. it does make a lot more sense actually and smooths out as inculcations and inhibitions are shed. One sort of has to adopt and attitude of "everything you know is wrong" when leaving the conventional for MSDS.

 

Based on my observation and experience, those who possess the innate power, the talent to control, have an easier time adjusting and attaining comfort in their role than those you need to cede.  This may sound self-serving, but human nature being what it is, at the outset it is much easier to control than it is to obey. Certainly there is no guarantee that controlling will be done well, with aptitude and awareness. It is, in my view, a bit more understandable that those who need to cede will have a difficult time. Inculcations and the life situation of the ceder are the reasons. Perhaps the ceder has a career and/or a family that requires control on their part. Inculcations- what society and culture tell us is "right" in relationships and engagement with others- are an encrusted part of a mindset as well. The wise dominant sort will realize that one who cedes will have turmoil, backtracking, anger, and confusion- after all the cession of one to another is a process not an event. Patience with a bit of detachment is needed for the dominant sort to deal with this. Once the submissive type while going through the process of ceding actually begins to cede., the dominant will find his attitude rewarded with permanent "victories" over aspects (and eventually the whole) of the submissive type.

 

Power is what holds this all together. the dominant type has it, and when it resonates in a submissive type they are drawn to it. The power and the draw are of an addictive nature, once the submissive type starts down this road, there will be a drive to cede, and demonstrate that cession increasingly. Eventually cession will become a reward in itself. There will be episodes of of reactance and rebellion as the submissive sort sheds the old relationship "self" progressively, but as these former notions are replaced there will be a new and more complete sense of contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment- futher feeding the addiction. The addiction to the power of the dominant sort on the submissive type becomes primal, helping to form a new core.

 

The above I feel is how this all works, albeit in a basic sense. It certainly lacks detail and is by no means complete. It does make vital points that are often not covered and ignored to the detriment and disappointment of most.

 


10/23/2010 11:26:25 AM

Some useful quotes from Miles Davis, jazz trumpeter- expandable to all areas of life.

“Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself”

 “Do not fear mistakes. There are none.”

“Don't play what's there, play what's not there.”

“I'll play it first and tell you what it is later.”

“I'm always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning . . . Every day I find something creative to do with my life.”


8/22/2009 1:36:42 AM
"Modern liberalism has strong totalitarian tendencies. Institutions and associations, it implies, exist only with the permission of the state, and, to exist lawfully, they must abide the dictates or norms of the state. Modern liberalism is remote indeed from traditional liberalism, which sees the individual and the family and the association as prior to the state, with the state existing only to fulfill functions that are beyond the means of individuals and families to provide. "

George Cardinal Pell, Intolerant Tolerance
First Things Magazine Aug/Sept 2009 


6/19/2009 7:41:24 AM

A fair amount of who I am is on the profile, overall few would guess this side about me. I suppose the "dominant" trait that might come out is that I don’t suffer fools gladly, and stand my ground with others when needed.

To be particular, I've a BA in History. I'm not tightfisted, just prudent. I bought a new smart convertible because it is cheap fun and tends to make people (including me) smile. I've got over 6300 songs on my iPod and my taste might be beyond eclectic. I'm a definite Gemini since I was born on June the seventh- so a person should likely be certain to keep my attention. If they expect the reverse of that, I may grow bored and move on. I usually do not have trouble commanding the attention of enough folks anyway. I am a freethinker- but realize I can veer to the right and the traditional just as much as I can to the left and the new- ergo if something is new, it is not necessarily better. Things have to be proven to me. I'm not much for contention- if that pops up I may walk away. Not because I am weak or frightened- but I don’t like to waste time and effort. If contention is necessary, I certainly take it head on.

To those "out there" I am pleasant, thoughtful, and unassuming- but likely mildly eccentric with a whiff of enigma about me.


5/16/2009 8:09:20 AM
“I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.” --Thomas Jefferson

12/28/2008 11:27:57 AM
Here a few musings and philosophies on the nature of the control based relationship… from my point of view, obviously.

I feel submission and obedience is personally based. One does not submit, or dominate based on role or predilections/peccadilloes. There must be attraction across the board, corresponding with a sense of the natural, capable, adept, and right about those who enter into such an alternative relationship- and there must be love. Love that will take many forms beyond the conventional, often seeming to the outside to be oxymoronic, or counter-affectionate, but to those involved it holds a unity and the most perfect forms of affection.

- One does not gain permanent submission by coercion. One might get short term gains, but over time such a tack leads to resentment- certainly a breeding ground for dissolution. The dominant man wishes to create an environment where the submissive woman wishes to cede increasingly more of herself, likely compulsively until total submission is accomplished. This is best accomplished by patience, allure, seduction, and enlightenment on the dominant man's part. These "soft" qualities are a recipe for success in harnessing the woman, where coercion is a prescription for failure usually, not to mention boorish.

- She obeys because of what he does- not what he says, because of who he is- not what he proclaims himself to be. Such should initiate and fuel her desire for increasing cession of herself, leading to the sense that total yielding to him, is not merely a goal, but a destiny.

- I've found I don't care much for the meek, the mute, the self-deprecating. If a man has that, how does he know what he really has? No, the submissive woman for me must be of substance, engendering respect among others and having power in some respect of her own. Submission is not the stripping of power or respect but the the control of those qualities by another (among others). She places those at his disposal, not just for her fulfillment and his usage, but also for personal growth and realization of her true being.

- One dominates when one controls, that's all there is to it. True control, however is understood and felt. It is not a series of constant material or physical demonstrations. The submissive feels the need to indeed be controlled, be under. This, however is not best accomplished by the natures of the domineering, or micro-management. The dominant man can afford to give a long leash if needed, due to his knowledge and security in knowing he has what the woman needs. he knows she will always return, literally, figuratively, and psychologically when summoned.

- Validating feelings of others is vital, but only as long and there is substance and reality to them. Validation to placate or ingratiate is counterproductive to a control based relationship. The dominant man must find the root of expressed emotions, and have the skill to handle them accordingly.

- The damage of subtle manipulation. On who's part? On that of the woman he must guard against, as such manipulation is cancerous to the power structure of the relationship. Submissive women naturally test the limits of power in this sort of relationship. If it is met swiftly, surely and often with enlightenment, such increases her security in the relationship. On his part manipulation is a useful tool, when wielded skillfully and carefully. Sometimes he must use it to prod or steer the developing submissive more into her her being- as well as more firmly in his orbit.

- The dominant does not negotiate. what is does do is listen and consider. "Negotiation" implies some sort of withheld power on the part of the woman. He should welcome suggestions, criticisms and complaints. He always owes the submissive a fair hearing. Since he does dominate and hold control, in the end she must accept what he decides. Of course if she finds the result intolerable, she is free seek better for herself elsewhere. Admittedly there are instances where the dominant man must place her needs before his desires or needs, but to get this she must raise pertinent issues, and a convincing case.

- I've personally found that, for myself if I become defensive when criticized or questioned, there is something about my position I am unsure, or insecure about- hardly a position of strength. Secure positions require thought, examination, and deliberation. Therefore I can put something out and others are free to do with it what they like, agree or disagree. Nothing personal, then, to take about disagreement. I am simply secure in what is right for me.

- Life gives us curve balls and can blindside us. The process after that is not one of blame finding, but that of honestly seeking the cause. This requires total self-honesty. One should look first in one's self to see what role they may have played the disappointment- often they have played some role in it. After that, one can then look at the actions of others and the situation- sometimes, indeed we are at the mercy of things we can't control. To reflexively seek cause by fixing blame on others or circumstances is a sign of weakness. Often, disappointment is a result of disagreement or rejection- therefore one should not take disappointment personally.

- One should have enough self-honesty to admit their wrongs, dominant men included. Too often today many will go around, and even perform the motions and actions required of an apology- but to actually admit it face to face seems to be less frequent.

- It can be gleaned, I hope, from the above, that being wrong is not a devastating experience for me. I'm quite human, and have been proven wrong many times! It is educational to be wrong. One can see something not seen before, gaining new insight into an issue. It does not make one less of a person to be wrong, actually the opposite. Anyway, being wrong is just another condition of one's humanity.

I do not hold these views in general for women at all. They are not second-class citizens, and it it up to each woman whether she needs to be under a man. They just illustrate the paradigm I need for a control based relationship. I'm not for everyone, and I shouldn't be.


5/14/2007 12:01:01 PM
Quite a quote one of our agnostic Founding Fathers. It seems to be be popping up a bit for me lately...

"Those who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Benjamin Franklin- 1775

9/15/2006 10:31:09 AM
A quote from my favorite D/s novel, "Gordon" by Edith Tenpleton:

"We do because we must." 

4/4/2006 2:30:38 PM
I've gotten a few questions on Jefferson and many on Deism. Here is something from a site that may tie them all together for others:

The following quote from Thomas Jefferson points us in a direction free of the confusion of priest-craft and revealed religion:

"I hold (without appeal to revelation) that when we take a view of the universe, in its parts, general or particular, it is impossible for the human mind not to perceive and feel a conviction of design, consummate skill, and indefinite power in every atom of its composition. The movements of the heavenly bodies, so exactly held in their course by the balance of centrifugal and centripetal forces; the structure of the Earth itself, with its distribution of lands, waters and atmosphere; animal and vegetable bodies, examined in all their minutest particles; insects, mere atoms of life, yet as perfectly organized as man or mammoth; the mineral substances, their generation and uses, it is impossible, I say, for the human mind not to believe, that there is in all this, design, cause and effect, up to an ultimate cause, a Fabricator of all things from matter and motion, their Preserver and Regulator, while permitted to exist in their present forms, and their regeneration into new and other forms. We see, too, evident proofs of the necessity of a superintending power, to maintain the universe in its course and order."


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