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SEEKING A WOMAN WHO UNDERSTANDS THE FOLLOWING FACTS ABOUT MEN:
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 3 days.
- Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex.
- Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down from point blank range. We are bound to miss sometimes. Get over it and just help us out by getting out the scrubbing bubbles.
- If something we said can be interpreted in two different ways, and one of those ways is bad, then we meant the other one.
- Let us look at other women. We are going to anyway. Its genetic. I mean seriously, how else are we supposed to know how beautiful you are if we don’t compare?
- If it itches, we will scratch it. Doesn't matter where we are, we will scratch, that's what we do. Just make a game out of it and join in.
- If you need to say something, please do so during the commercials. We don't want to hear about Jenny from your job when we're trying to figure out who the killer is on CSI.
- Please don't ask us to do housework. We'll just mess it up on purpose so you have to do it. Seriously, when it comes to housework, we are about as useless as a one-legged man trying to drive a stick shift.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. Hell, Jesus didn't even need directions. Why do you think he wandered around the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.
- - We don’t remember dates. We never will. Write down all birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. Remind us frequently. If we still happen to forget one of these precious days, just remember, it wasn’t that we forgot, it’s that we were just protesting the commercialization and capitalization of your special day…in silence.
- You never have to ask us if we liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, we didn't.
- Seriously, whatever you're wearing is fine. We thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without the belt is fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? By the time you finish putting your outfit together, we could have watched "Titanic" twice.
- It's not that we have commitment issues. We look at it like this. The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" is like an eggs and bacon breakfast: The chicken was "involved"....The pig was "committed."
- Seriously, most of the time we really don't know what's going on. 9 times out of 10 we are about as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
- DON’T RUB THE LAMP, IF YOU DON’T WANT THE GENIE TO COME OUT.
Knowing these simple little things will help everyone have a successful relationship. LOL Hopefully this has served to give you a little laugh and a break from all the overly serious profiles out there. Have some fun and don't take life too serious. No one gets out alive anyway...LOL
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