I just wrote this to a stranger having read their journal and more poured out than I expected, so I'll share it here in case it's useful to anyone else. It is, of course, just the expression of one mans thoughts after his long journey.

From your journal, it sounds like we're experiencing the same things. Men create profiles here to waste other people's time. The one thing they can take but never repay.

I'm a lot older than you and have met a lot of slaves from the Internet in real life over the years: it's not a great way to find each other. You can spend months on-line thinking you're getting to know someone and then in five minutes of real-life meeting you realise that everything you thought you knew about them was wrong! If only people knew themselves well enough to represent themselves properly online. And didn't play games! It's infuriating. You have my sympathy.

I used to recommend that profound submissives go to local munches to meet _everyone_ because eventually, someone there will know someone who would be a good owner for them - a kind of real-life version of Internet dating: get everyone to know your details and do the search for you. But now, 'BDSM' is so mainstream that you're better off not going to munches (really manly owners just don't do the scene) and make yourself available at places where real owners naturally go...

...only you probably have no idea where that is, so I'll try to help. Owners and slaves are very similar people - just in opposite ways (I refer to them as being each others reflection in a mirror). Each tries to be competent and punishment is involved (owners punish themselves internally). Owners master themselves first, until they have spare energy to control another confidently and competently. They master themselves by training. They have the intelligence to know that you get trained by experts. So you need to attend classes that teach skills that owners would think will improve their command of themselves.

Look for yoga clubs (Ashtanga being the most challenging, and therefore, the place that alpha-types attend). Don't fall for the instructor: they're generally a master of one skill, which owner-types are not: they master many skills. Rock-climbing clubs, martial-art clubs (the quiet, competent ones with no ego are the potential owners).

Owners often have a very little ego: they over-analyse themselves and remember their failures: falling down is not failing: staying down is. He who never made a mistake never made anything. Owners deliberately do everything to failure: slaves call it finding limits. Owners live at their own limits all the time. Often they'll have advanced driving licences and always drive like their in pursuit: at their limit. How can you know what 'just enough' is, until you have experienced, 'too much'?

That's how owners think.

So next time you meet a potential owner, imagine how they'd cope with a flat tyre or changing a baby. Would their aim be to be competent and efficient? Owners are not drama-queens and don't copy behaviour from soap-operas. When he takes you out, is he rude to the waiter or waitress or is he polite and obsessively creative, folding the receipt into origami shapes? You want a creative man.

Finally, an owner has enough experience to be decisive. That means that they can decide that you know more about something and should be the one making the decision! But when the subject is something that they have a full understanding of, they make a decision and don't back down if you try to change their mind.

In your life, you need certainty. They must provide that.

All sunshine makes desert. Consequently, you also need uncertainty: that's where their obsessive creativity comes in.
You both focus on the same target: self-improvement; you to be the most valuable slave, and he to own you completely. The joy is in sharing the journey: no need to arrive too quickly. Let each other make mistakes (to learn from) along the way.

Hopefully that will help you know where to be and identify real owners more effectively.

Remember that there are more around than you think and that lucky people are actually people who notice opportunities when they arise and take them!
Unlucky people are never looking (too focussed on their assumed target to notice that what they're looking for is right next to them).
Make the decision to be lucky. When you're out, don't get too focussed: take every opportunity that life throws at you.
Have contingency plans: when the opportunity sucks, get out and ready for the next one.

...and that's enough un-asked-for advice for one memo (I have no idea why I needed to pour all that out at you - you probably won't even read it)!
Perhaps I should post it as a journal entry instead!

Anyway, the short version: you deserve better luck in your search. Go where the men go (you don't have to be competent around them, they want to train you).

Watch for opportunities that aren't in your face. Notice the quite powerful creative ones that aren't the teacher. And remember to enjoy every minute of the chase and the journey. Fun isn't something people give to you: it's something you have to work at making. Go to a barn dance and you'll see people who won't dance even though not being able to barn dance is the whole fun of it. Don't be like that: see the opportunity for fun, make the effort, force yourself and enjoy the rewards - you may meet the man that can make all your taboos come true.