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"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh" - François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire)
"Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige."
"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them" - Thoreau
I've written plenty of journals. Read those; perhaps from them, it's possible to infer a bit.
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From the profile of a poor, unfortunate slave, who is now, surprisingly, in Kenya, but, thankfully, willing to relocate. In the meantime, however, she has to eat, right?
"Please note i can not pay for relocation and i kindly request for fifty dollar weekly for food until you can relocate me."
Sound pretty legit to me.
I'm just wondering if $50 / week is enough. |
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CS: New Site Behavior.
As you know, if you log on to CS, you'll be presented with the profile picture of whatever CS member it selects for you.
Obviously, different people find different images attractive, etc. But, sometimes, I think, in my own estimation (of course) that some of these are simply horrifying, for one reason or another. And, naturally, I'll press "refresh", but I've noticed something, which I think is new.
CS has, evidently, spent all of their development money not on updating the site, making it more versatile, useful, feature-rich, reliable, etc., but, instead upon an ultra-sophisticated, automated system for assigning what I presume must be called a "Horrification Score" (HS) to each primary profile image, and, for reasons known only to CS, the greater the HS, the longer CS lingers on the page before refreshing it. Some images (with, I infer, a low HS) refresh almost instantly. Others, for the reason mentioned, last what seems a lifetime before go away.
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GreatHonkingDoofusWoman on 11/20/15 at 3:51 PM:
I'm looking for obedient and loyal male slaves who can obey My orders and do all My tasks as i require to become My precious servant and slave for My pleasure. Email me at GreatHonkingDoofusWoman@***.com and lets talk over there okay?
Persevere on 11/20/15 at 3:57 PM: Well then, by all means, you should bulk-email dominant men. That should work out pretty well for you. Also, I should point out that at first I wanted to completely dismiss your message, but, I have to admit that when you uppercased the "M" in "My", I was pretty blown away. It took all of my resolve to not turn submissive and serve you. I mean You. I mean YOU. Etc.
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I notice a lot of profiles wherein the person is "Looking for Friends only".
That's fine, but, really, limiting yourself to just Quakers, especially on Collarspace... I'm thinking that's a pretty small subset. |
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"Udders". Seriously? When did that get sexy?
Look, I'm good with the idea of degradation, debasement, humiliation, etc. More than good. But, let's think this through.
Cows have udders.
Now, hayseed farm-boys from God-Knows-Where, Iowa may get hot thinking about Bessie, lowing seductively (as only a hot, young, bovine can) in the meadow, but, me -- no. I don't think I'll be fucking a cow any time soon.
So, dudes - when you talk about "udders' - yes, sure, you can feel pretty manly, harsh, Domly, Masterly, or whatever-the-Hell you're aiming for, but, keep in mind: it is you that is making the choice to fuck a cow. It is you who is getting the boner over Bessie, dig?
Have at it. But we're not going to be double-dating any time soon. |
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My New Favorite Kind of Profile:
The text says...
"I'm just here to make friends, talk to like-minded people. Not looking. Done with looking. I only want friends. And, also, in case it isn't clear, I'm only interested in friends."
The picture says...
"Anddddddddd, here's a close up of my ass. Because, really, when I want to just be friends with someone, what I usually do is make a little small talk, and then, I lift up my skirt, and say 'Oh, by the way, this is my ass. I just thought you'd want to see it. I'll just show it to you for a while, because, I think that'll help us to be, you know, just friends.'"
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The Beginner's Guide -
The first in a series; designed to help newcomers to Collarspace.
Let's get right to it - here on Collarspace, it's considered the height of savoir faire to always substitute the letters "cum" for "come." It's sexxaaayyyy. So, for example, the sentence above might be better rendered as:
The first in a series; designed to help newcummers to Collarspace.
(Believe me, the laydeez love this; they will think you are All That. Because, you know, "cum". hee-hee. Get it? It's like ejaculating, so, it's really clever.)
In this first installment, I thought it might be helpful to cover a few terms and concepts you might see in profiles, and to explain what they mean, and what they don't mean.
1. "Threaten me with public disclosure of incriminating information "= "I want to be blackmailed"
whereas "BBC" = "I want to be black maled"
2. "CumDumpster" = "a female (or male) receptacle for semen" whereas
"DumbCumster" = "a male who uses a cumdumpster"
3. "Golden Slumbers" = "A song on the 1969 Beatles' album 'Abbey Road' " whereas
"Golden Showers" = "While it can still "fill your eyes", not at all the same thing"
4. "AB/DL" = "Adult Baby / Diaper Lover" whereas
"ABBA" = "See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen" whereas "Dancing Queen" = "Terpsichorean Gay Man."
Next installment to follow...
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Also, while I'm in a grousing mood:
Is it possible - is it in the realm of the doable - could it happen - that submissive women could come up with a synonym, or two, or three for "doormat"? Seriously, the number of women who caution that they are not doormats. It's utterly out of control. I say, to save everyone time, let's stipulate that the default condition is that you do not want to be a doormat. Doormat = no. Non-doormatosity.
Then, anyone who wants to be a doormat, put that in your profile. |
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Do you ever find yourself presented with an inescapable choice between two unavoidable options?
A: Send messages here to every single effing profile with an obvious, egregious typo on the effing first page which an effing chimpanzee would notice and would immediately correct.
OR
B: Drink to forget A.
Drinking. |
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Beyond Hucowism
In the time I've been here are Collarspace, I've observed, perplexed, the accelerating pace at which the Hucow phenomenon has manifested itself. At first, there were only a few, but, now it's gotten to where you can't swing a string of sausages links without hitting a Hucow. They are everywhere. You may not have noticed it, but I would say, based on a totally scientific sampling of female (well, mostly, and that's another story) profiles, that at least 98.733% of all women here on Collarspace are either Hucows now, thinking of becoming Hucows, or have breasts which would allow them to be Hucows.
So, that's a big number.
And while I admit that, previously, I took the position of "what? ew" regarding Hucowism, I am nothing if not pragmatic. I re-which the Hucows and their admirers refer to as "udders"). Nor is it an attempt to fill the silence of the morning and evening hours, now devoid of the gentle lowing of majestic, slow-moving, submissive Hucows needing to be milked.
No. It is something else, altogether.
Hucowism is the vanguard of what is most likely epigenetic adaption and short time-frame evolution to an entire menagerie of new submissive species. Today, sure, there are only Hucows. But tomorrow, I believe we can look forward to additional female animals. Perhaps they already exist:
HuBasset: Women with highly-elongated ears and soulful sad eyes. They emit loud, long, howls, and are generally inconsolable without their Masters. (Masters who take on HuBassets are advised to be sure their penises bear NO resemblence to rawhide chew-toys.)
HuBoa: Women whose arms an legs grow to unusual length and suppleness. They are without voice (frequently a plus), and keep the dungeon free of rats. They wrap themselves around their Owners, and, while this is thought to be affection, there have been reports that their extreme devotion can be what has been described "suffocating."
HuTurkey: Women who, for reasons still unclear, grow large neck wattles, become extremely foul-tempered, and lower their IQs to the single-digits. Their primary attraction is that they enjoy being trussed up, enjoy being stuffed, and crave "gravy".
HuMan: Women with penises. Draw your own conclusions.
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There has been a lot of snide commentary, by we who have been "doing this thing" for decades, about the "50 Shades of Grey" phenomenon. Most of it focuses on how wrong the books are, how stupid the film is, and, let's face it, how "trendy" BDSM is. I haven't said much about it, because, mostly, I don't care. BDSM isn't something I jealously guard; we aren't really a secret cabal. It's not like we're the Illuminati, and now everyone knows our terrible, powerful secrets.
However, in the interest of standing shoulder to shoulder with my Snarky Brethren and Sistren, I'll tell you another reason why "50 Shades of Grey" is completely fake, wrong, and stupid, and it's not based on opinion. Instead, I shall turn to scientific fact. And the scientific fact is that while human beings are capable of differentiating between millions of colors, the cold hard fact is that we unable to distinguish between more than thirty shades of grey. That's right: thirty.* So... the entire basis of the book... impossible. Impossible, I say.
*Lest you think I'm making this up, here's a handy cited quotation:
"Humans possess three cone visual pigments for conveying colour information that is said to allow humans to be able to detect approximately 10 million unique colours [8
,9
] but only distinguish about 30 shades of grey [10
]."
http://rsif.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/early/2012/09/22/rsif.2012.0601.short
Biological versus electronic adaptive coloration: how can one inform the other?
Eric Kreit , Lydia M. Mäthger , Roger T. Hanlon , Patrick B. Dennis , Rajesh R. Naik , Eric Forsythe , Jason Heikenfeld
DOI: 10.1098/rsif.2012.0601 Published 26 September 2012 |
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True Tales From Collarspace:
I saw a nick here which explicitly referred to the 8th Circle. I'm must admit that had I thought of it first, I'd have probably chosen it for myself.
If you have not read Dante Alighieri's "the Inferno", I strongly urge you to do so.
Hereby committing literary rape, assault, and mayhem, I summarize: Hell is divided into 9 "Circles", each of which is described in great detail, and each of which is focused on a particular aspect of the nature of Sin. (e.g. Circle 1 is "Limbo", Circle 2 is "Lust", Circle 3 is "Gluttony", etc.)
Circle 8 is characterized by "Fraud". Liars, panderers, seducers, flatterers.
Seriously, is there a more apt deion of most of Collarspace? |
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True Tales From Collarspace:
Observed in the wild - a profile wherein the sole "LIVES FOR" was "Soap Making".
Most people would probably just let that slip from their mind, assuming it made its way in, in the first place.
Not me. I figure the most logical, reasonable, and likely explanation is that this is a woman who lures men to her "apartment ", and then engages in irresistible sex with him, which compels him to move in. She then feeds him absolutely delicious high fat, high carbohydrate, low protein meals (with plenty of beer) for 6 months or so. She does everything for him. Massages, sponge baths, palm fronds; everything. He barely needs to move.
Only then does she strip the pictures and hangings from the wall, press various hidden buttons, pulls assorted disguised levers, to reveal that what looked like an apartment is actually a rendering factory. She produces, seemingly out of nowhere, a gleaming bonesaw. Naturally, his first instinct is to run - to escape. But, no, that's not possible. Six months of feeding at the trough have turned him into a near beachball-with-legs. Try as he may, his pathetic waddling attempt to get to the door is no match for her swift interception.
The rest is too gruesome to describe, but, suffice to say, what's left of him goes on to wash her delicate face, as one of many bars of lavender-scented soap.
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There are, truly, so many terrible, unfair, annoying, irritating, just... awful things which women here on Collarspace endure; the evidence for which is abundantly clear in the detailed narratives which describe each slight and injustice.
A suggestion: "Amanda", a character played by Anne Bancroft, in the film "Point of No Return" speaks of dealing with adversity to "Maggie". If you know the film, you know the power:
"I never did mind about the little things."
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Because, as I frequently say, there is someone for everyone, here at the fabulous, and fully-stocked Collarspace:
This morning, as I look at the automatically-generated "New Member" list, I notice that two nicks are displayed, one beneath the other:
"nospeakslave" "gabbyslave1"
Do we not live in glorious times? |
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Women are looking for all sorts of characteristics, traits, skills, talents, and capabilities in a man. I know this. And I also know that many times, women can be very forthcoming, specific and detailed. They'll mention "must-haves" and "can't-haves" by name. They'll discuss body parts. They'll insist of that anyone who thought Moe was the best of the 3 Stooges simply can't be part of their life. I get all that, and, in fact, I support it.
What I don't like are the hidden qualifiers/disqualifiers - those sneaky ones that the sneaky women sneak into their sneaky profiles.
And, here, of course, I'm speaking of a man's Color Blindness and Color Discrimination abilities. The number of women who are clearly (perhaps the wrong term) eliminating men who can't read their fucking text because of their fucking background and foreground color choices is on the rise. To wit:
This is unreadable by nearly all adult male human beings.
So is this.
This, too. |
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There are many genres and categories of journal entries here, but I really think my favorites are the strident complaints about how terrible it is on Collarspace, and how terrible the people are, and how terrible are the terrible fakes are, and how terribly the terrible people do terrible things here, and how terribly terrible people are in general; that Collarspace is awful, and it's a complete waste of time.
Keep in mind that these are people complaining... on Collarspace... about how awful it is here. They usually use caps (which, I have to admit, I love). So, evidently, it's not a complete waste of time, since at least some of the time they spend on Collarspace is valuable, in that it is high-quality complaining time.
It all reminds me of the old joke that Woody Allen quotes in "Annie Hall", where the two old-timers are eating at a Catskills resort and one complains "The food here is terrible", and the other replies "Yeah, I know. And such small portions."
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There is a difference between politics and biology. There is a difference between political gender neutrality and the dynamics of a one on one relationship. There is a difference between the Social Contract, and the personal, intimate rules of the male/female dyad.
The degree to which a man doesn't understand this is, to my mind, the degree to which he eliminates from his consideration women of intelligence, competence, and strength. (And a measure of how he is eliminated from theirs.) |
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Suggestion:
Many submissive/slave women have profiles that simply say "under construction". A fair-sized subset of these women take the position that ownership involves being re-formed and shaped according to their new Master or Owner's desires, goals, and vision.
For these women, I suggest that once they hook up with someone, they change their scant profiles to read "under deconstruction."
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But, seriously.
There are thousands and thousands of men and women on Collarspace. Some, clearly, are certifiable. Some are sane, but, let's face it: it's pretty much a crapshoot, right? I mean, here, in this BDSM World O' Weirdness, we frequently, literally, put our lives in the hands of others. We suspend people, tie 'em up, choke them (well, you know, a little, etc.), we shock them, we stick God knows what into them, we gag them, we do edge "play", we do a million different, pretty much crazy things, because we dig it.
So, given all that: I think if you were to look at 1,000 women's profiles, you'd find that about 950 of them "HATE Gambling."
Really. So, it's that risk-taking that really bothers you, huh? Righhhhht. |
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My favorite new trend in completely-legitimate, not at all fraudulent, and 100% sincere "slave" profiles: the ones that include some version of this: "If you can't afford to relocate me right now, then please don't message me."
Which, for those of you who don't read idiotese, I can translate: "Oh my fucking GOD, you hopeless moron." |
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My fellow men:
Judging by the number of women whose profiles complain about men sending email after email, after being informed that a woman isn't interested, I have to ask:
What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
Why on Earth would you be such a pest, and why on Earth would you disgrace yourself? If someone isn't interested in you, be a man about it, and move on.
Either you're the greatest thing in the world, and she's an idiot (in which case, why would you want her anyhow), or, much more likely, you're about average, she's about average, and you just didn't hit the right notes for her. So - who cares? You're not a fit, move on and stop being such a wuss. |
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You know how in this so-called life-style of ours, how it is that we are tolerant, and we practice YKINMK , and all the rest of that?
Yeah, well, not the diapers. Just... no, not diapers. |
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Because you know I'm all about debase, 'bout debase
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I really love the profiles and usernames wherein the woman proclaims that she "wants to be a slut."
Who's stopping you? Seriously, I think you can manage this. On your own. I have confidence that you can do it. |
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Ok, that's it. If all of the fakes don't leave CS immediately, and if all women don't recognize me as just swell, at once, then I'm leaving Collarspace. Forever. No, I really mean it. I'm going to just up and leave. I have italicized, boldfaced AND underlined that, so you know just how strongly I feel about this.
Jussssst kidding. I love the profiles wherein people "threaten" to leave Collarspace. Gosh, please, please, PLEASE don't leave, ok? |
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Some people say that submission is a gift. I disagree.
It may be a matter of terminology or word choice. It may be a lack of precision in expression. But here's my thinking on the matter: a woman feels submissive not because of a choice, or because of reasoning, or as the result of analysis. The feeling is a physical, psychological and emotional reaction, and it can be controlled no more than blushing or pupil dilation can be controlled - i.e., it can't.
The decision on what action to take as a consequence of that reaction - that's another matter. And perhaps it is that action to which women who contend that "submission is a gift" refer. Even so, the notion that it's a gift seems misplaced. It is no more a gift than my dominance is a gift. |
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I am fascinated by profiles which hysterically shriek about how angry the person is about the idea that someone might contact her. No, I don't contact people who create such profiles, but, I have to admit, it sounds like fun. |
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Evidently, minimalism isn't all that attractive. Oh, well. |
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Fundamental Concept: I decide; you abide.
Easy, right? |
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Age: 30 |
Chicago,
Illinois |
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