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Dear cock-docks, bonkmeat, dickslugs, wanton sluts, infinite cumdumps, congenital whores and miscellaneous party people:
- I am awesome. Real awesome.
- Hello! My primary goal on here is to find interesting people to talk to, and take it from there. I'm in no rush to get laid, since getting laid is pretty straightforward if you don't behave like a terminal moron (dur) or an overwrought silly-billy (tsk).
- Looking for an irreverent woman, to share nihilistic nonsense and ice cream. Oh, and a host of pitch-black sexual filth conjured straight from the Stygian ox-bow lake that is the human heart. Followed by some more ice cream. And snoozes. And ice cream for breakfast, if you are brilliant at spooning.
- Are you a hot bitches? I am totally looking for a hot bitches. If you are a hot bitches, get in touch, seen? Cha.
- To me, BDSM is a powerful form of self-expression. A heated and complex form, fuelled by its indulgence of some of the murkier (but essential) elements of human relationships. If you wish to dress it up as anything more, feel free, but don't expect me to care. All people contain dark, craven, gnarled, violent, selfish things within them, things that are difficult to reconcile with common civil ideals - this is true across the board, and always has been, and really isn't limited to (or limited by) the world of kink.
- It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.
- I don't want to see your arse before I see your face. Congratulations for having an arse and all, but this is not Top Trumps. If you think showing me your arse is an acceptable first impression, then please don't get in touch.
- Genuine congratulations on bringing yourself to a kink site, though, in a bid to explore what can be a be a very stormy and cumbersome part of yourself. Kudos, and welcome. However, minus one million points if all you've got to say for yourself is that you're an insatiable slut, or whatever. It's useless to me. It's like going onto a bog-standard dating site, and saying that you 'like music', or enjoy 'staying in with a glass of wine and a DVD'. You'll sound no different from anyone else. Such insight is about as valuable as a photo of a carrier bag. Please approach me as a person first, and some BDSM hullabaloo second. It's so much more rewarding discovering the kink in the people, rather than trying to find the people in the kink.
- I was only kidding about being real awesome. I'm about as interesting as one of those folding plastic forks you get with a shitty supermarket salad.
- If you're really fit, of course, then absolutely none of this applies, and I'll pick you up at 8.
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