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PanGaia

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PROFILE UPDATING

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1/1/2011 8:40:38 PM

distance.. from your dreamer.. from your dream.. can be as destructive as too much closeness (as if that ever happens)... wondering.. where the heart and mind are.. can be a challenge


12/14/2010 3:58:52 PM
setting roots into a city is strange.. a city where there are dozens of women like me.. mixed race creative slender built for sin and seeking love
a dark unspoken fetish in the living flesh and yet forced to adapt to a world where carnal potential is not the same as sports talent or professional viability

minds attract and hold me more than bodies

hunger to feel your own dreams in the flesh

12/14/2010 3:50:34 PM
even the dark corners
 of shared reality: subjective
husserlian dungeons too brightly lit
serpentine loki sniffing you out
relentless unrepentant

soul burning in the shadows
memories of flesh
mask of identity
forgotten to ancient alien lust
mundane named flesh a vehicle
i ride past its breaking points

let you forget named flesh be mine over time
invaded by your own dark reams each one at a time
wearing my flesh a mask
my thoughts an army buzzing bees of your nightmarish dreams
sensations and bliss awakening orgasmic subspace
epiphany of the momentary conversational
submissive life breaths heartbeats dipped in subspace

local term: soul

choice your history a backstory
living in the present my life a window of opportunity
escape to a world one sidestep apart.. same place same time
as what they call life

one step out of kilter

my hunter's sense.. devouring the all of you for pleasure.. urge
second life caught by your alien serpentine dream hunting the reality outside your childlike mind

my past connect the dots missing link between modern man and archetypal lust
sharklike animated flesh

hunt moments
discard material just paving bricks
stepping into your dark heart
to show hunger or your all

animated by my flesh and form each cell simply an army ant of organized O.T.O.

snipers aim escape velocity pinhole camera through love and lust dark and light
nirvana is an endless dark pinpoint deep into subspace


an eternity of burning curiosity
fueled an escape temporal lifetime karmic cell bars we call life
limits forgotten through that tiny sliver
eye see your devil made flesh and blood
triumphantly astride first step into your choice.. hot and warm

12/10/2010 11:31:00 AM
thinking of all the lovely dark things i want to do to what's mine.. a mind free to indulge in lust.. dreaming of everythign of hers to take and make mine.. enjoy

and in that unfettered release of lust into her embrace.. all the dark and light of what i am is hers for life as well

12/9/2010 3:36:37 PM
the conscousness.. who we are.. is as much an object as anything else. something we can shape, mold, break, remake, and mask

what of us is complex beyond the awareness of life is controllable.. ive enjoyed immersing submissives, slaves or ordinary women into the consciousness they wondered about.

multiple orgasms a day or seas of pain that coem in tiny prickly waves.. these things are skills and their tools are talents

my own body, mind, fingers, cock, these are my scalpels to carve away the external reality

this tongue these lips this mind if desired can slip along the rails of rape or romance to get from past the guards at your gate to deep within that dark hunger

the rest of reality to me is just the powder lebron james tosses in the air before a game (no i dont watch sports)

mathematical formulas and social strategy.. less real to me than a videogame. the natural world.. the one we didnt create. holds some interest and wonder both on the microcosm of our Earth and the macrocosm of the multiverse

but your flesh and hunger and need and desire to immerse in sensations.. the feeling of forever you can touch ad feel and knowi it has a hunger to devour your all one dream at a time

that is real

that is reality i can sense on multiple levels, see, touch, and shape.. but i only want someone that craves needs wants to go back to that reality.. the world in their head.. the person they can become.. or dreamt remembered being.. in dream in history

the world is complex but .. this isnt my world.. im just passing through on my way to fidn you.. thats it

im hoping i can make enough from telling a story.. in my minds eye.. of your transformation over a lifetime.. to get a piece of land in nature somewhere way out.. and spend time traveling

when you live 24/7 things get interesting to say the least.. and that doesnt mean you leave the real world at all.. you simply arent limited by its consensual definition of how much pleasure you can relentless pursue.. and who you have to be to get it..

different goals.. different definitions of success.. different amounts of pleasure chemicals released in the brain on a daily basis.

my days are spent immersed in code.. 3d descriptions of every single activity listed on this website.. converting sensual and psychological and emotional physical actions of bdsm into neat zeros and ones with exact amounts per second of everything from pleasure to pain..

ugh complex math.. but worth it in the end i hope.

its a world i dont remember from my youth.. because that youth i spent doign the same thign to myself i want to do to you.. relentlessly push that consiousness into the shape you desire.. one experience.. one talent.. one action at a time

12/9/2010 3:24:55 PM
sometimes, due to the fact that all of us in the bdsm community are manifesting archetypes, art can describe our internal world more than our own words.

for me it is double since i started my consciousness on the path of dark and sadistic dominant from a young age

from the age of four i strangely picked loki as my first role model.. not in the role of place, but as an architect of consciousness, a map of talents and skills, and a cosmology or place within the fabric of reality to place myself

what was the one from the time before recorded history.. when all the humans lived in one place, who was the conqueror that drove them all in separate directions from the mother continent?

the living source for our dominant archetype, our monster made of flesh and blood that haunts the dreams of submissive women from a young age

dark wrapped around a burning light whose only talent is an infinite hunger, intellect, and creativity to satisfy the curiosity of both

you see in the thoughts of the strongest minds of history.. because as we all understand in the world of the internet.. reflecting back to us the real world we never noticed...

the mind is what makes one strong or weak.. powerful in spirit or ..

our ability to choose what we will do, learn, become or experience.. and the will to push ourselves through that path of pain and also joy.. pleasure and the freedom of discipline

the more powerful the dominant, the more he is the slave of an ideal

the most powerful being one can imagine is themselves beyond as slave.. but directly connected to the universe itself.. following its will as he follows it.. moving in sync or simply part of the fabric

our archetypal manifestations nowdays are very often the famous.. fulfilling the archetype for a planet is of course a wealthy enterprise.. whether by actions or the perception of such (as in the case of actors or activists)

bdsm allows us to hack the parameters of normal day to day reality and extract from it a greater amount of adrenalin, introspection, evolution, intensity, and at times orgasm or subspace.. than s available in a vanilla relationship

i hunger to drive deeper into those experiences i have dreamt of.. those moments when everything connects and you have never felt more alive.. those moments when teh things you experience pull a more powerful version of yourself from within.. like as if they shed the dead skin of your humanity.. your day to day consciousness.. and reveal that darker more primal more ancient inner self

a process we repeat through sessions, sensuality, magick, psychology, art, sadism and masochism

other various reinforcing actions and events both interpersonal and social.. which reinforce this new point of awareness, new identity with which we confront a new world.. and yet the old one from our dreams.. we have entered it by becoming or being shaped into the being from our dreams.

and reality shifts to become a different place than it was before you entered true ownership or a true communal or interpersonal reality which has heightened levels of awareness in many areas that vanilla consensual reality does not allow.

this is my past as i now am a visitor to the world you call day to day reality.. to me a nightmare of lack totally of the level of communication between inner selves that true lifetime committed bdsm allows

i have met many i think that would be possible with but there can be only one true manifestation of an ideal.. what can be called an alpha sub (even if acquired later? at times i think so, i have met more than one dominant whose primary sub has come into their life later.. due to a variety of factors.. and vice versa

each person is a unique connection on multiple levels.. sometimes due to limits, jealousy, or fetish.. sometimes simply due to being a totally different type level or person..

poly houses can be tricky..

but when one is alone (for the first time in.. forever it seems.. no casual but only the briefest spurts of being not in a committed relationship)

when there is just you.. and your ideal.. a dream, a goal a desire .. a vision of the spirit or choices or mind or body of the One who will master or own or simply be connected to you in that lifetime fashion..

you focus on it fervently.. sharper and deeper each day.. and hope it runs into you in reality.. in the flesh.. so you can let go of who you used to be as well

and see what happens over a lifetime.. which direction you go when you have the same or similar dreams for the future.. no matter how intense or dark or complete or primal or creative or public.. each one a specific painting of a specific place to go.. im open to them all

and ready to stop searching

12/5/2010 9:56:25 PM
i stand at a doorway.. shiny and polished, each inch, each nanometer of it has been polished, recorded, researched and dreamt remade repainted and buffed once more

by me.. a consummate scientist in the field of windows to the unknown..

it is a doorway in the shape fof your flesh.. your mind an engine.. your eyes a soullike window into that space i seek to explore hungrily

the path through that deep expanse.. kundalini glide through subspace i have mapped out and hurled myself into from a distance of aeons

the worlds and lives and means and forces in between have been as stars in the distance a whiz and blur

i have a specific story to tell of your descent into ownership by your unknown alone

embodied in flesh and a mid that craves simply that.. no less or more.. but to shape your journey through life.. toss you deeply into that window of the dark..

the same one you gazed into as a child and wondered what was on the other side

let these hands this mind this lust grab and possess you, pushing pulling you slowly through the decades deeper and deeper into its warm wet dark

your eyes your mind your voice and awareness.. life can tell me what you see there in the dark where my lust and will and hunger can take you

deeper down the rabbit hole

12/5/2010 9:56:06 PM
step through the door to find myself and take another step into my own lust.. let it rip my soul to shreds

another step into that desert feet burning lungs burning

gasping

one more step and feel my flesh ablaze

a step again more with eyes wide open

i watch not with eyes but with my senses

feeling each lick of flame a dream a lust an imaginary description of a craving

they rip through the me i am and thought i always was

my fingers clench balled to fists the tears start to stream from the pain

i forget the door

another  step

i feel it climbing, a million tiny razors these flames they were my own children

each one i crafted through the years of wanting

they start to slice with heat and ash of flesh is what falls away

the bits of smoky flakes swirling in front of my eyes i take a breath

it feels like fire

hold onto it

exhale as hands unclench

i feel it now and know it there

that day

my death

no longer fear

no longer pain

another step i feel my body start to fall away

my vibrant desire for your love my life poetic searching gazing out into a multi colored world

each shape each form each heart i wonder if it is fated to be mine

that life of mine falls away the deserts gone the doorway too

there is only me.. devoured by my own lust

dark heart beating now underneath darker soul and flesh all infused and wrapped

i am my lust embraced by it and embracing it loving it wanting it possessing it as  well because it is me

no humanity or fear desire or dream remains

simply a dark beast with dark cock craving now to devour time itself no limit

no longer seeking for whats mine... no longer alive to care

and yet not dead

but something more.. i feel that dark lust pumping through me now instead of blood.. i feel that cold knowing that the flesh and heart and soul that's mine comes to my hands by fate alone

11/30/2010 1:09:29 AM
i am as much an outsider here within this electronic hall of "bdsm lifestyle" as i am in the so called "vanilla world"

from a young age i was surrounded by those who fought and bled and died to manifest their dreams with their own flesh..

ruthless they were.. shredded my humanity with the aid of the city itself.. new york and its dark corners

and left nothing but their dark and twisted dreams.. and passion artistry for devouring from the inside out..

and so here i am a perfect idealized creature in the shape of dom more than slave.. but just as extreme as any youll find

extreme lover sadist intellectual artist

take your pick all different paths down the same intensity to me

i do not feed instead i feed.. with knowledge.. power.. pleasure.. pain.. whatever you crave most i will spill it out .. a painters eye a sculptors hands a surgeons awareness of your sensations.. a psychologists interests in the images you paint of yourself.. regress you to the inner child through outer experience

all one and the same to me.. just let us dive deeply into those dreams and i will ruthlessly rip them out of you if need be or gently walk your through them one by one

these words not vague to me.. over the two decades ive been both a master of lives and a slave to dreams (wrapped inside those minds that flesh) ive seen so many things.. dark things and bright.. things illegal and insane.. and lots in between

passion.. most of all..

it would be erotica for me to list details.. it would be boring psychology.. it would be anthropology.. the study of a primal people as they explore the modern world unfettered by anything but a lust to have.. more.. pleasure.. intensity.. awareness..

but what will be? thats the question..

i want something intense.. someone interesting.. i want a challenge.. to my mind.. t my body.. to my inhibitions.. but will i find it..

i want something gorgeous.. to me.. and yet.. most of all i want someone to whom i am gorgeous.. my mind.. my body.. my hunger for exploring a lifetime.. why would i want less?

11/30/2010 12:30:55 AM
the unknown is what i seek.. out of all the doors in the world, only the one you open with your choice can take me there

the known is what i run into pushing against the walls of people.. of common sense

lives lived designed by little boy architects and princesses

how curiously delicious to have your life and all the parts of it be your art.. your thoughts your clothes body loves hates fetishes.. all designed all created for the sole purpose of feeding life.. lust.. intensity until it reaches a calm burn .. a warm glow always there

and at times you have the chance.. like a musician played by music.. an artist controlled by strokes beyond the sky

a chance to see the unknown rushing into your eyesight boiling in your veins

and live the dream of yesterday in the pleasures and pains fo tomorrow.. but only if you find the dreamers fingertips for the dream you crave to be

the writer of your nightmare the explorer of that path you twist and turn and wind through life

an yet.. so much power lies in your whisper.. begging pleading to leave that boring life you know behind and become the unknown in the hands of your own dream made flesh and form just as you are mine

your every curve human and sublime.. every lust demonic and divine.. your every whimper every whine

i crave to make all of you mine

11/26/2010 5:20:24 PM

what does it sound like to feel your neck in my fingertips full lips at your ear a whisper of wind and heat of a tongue as you try hard to scream to whimper to cry but nothing comes out.. even when i let go.. alive and awake.. feeling only a dream of heat and the knowing deep in your bones.. that no matter how deep you look into the future of my embrace.. there is only the slow grind of falling into your own nightmares and dreams.. one insufferably mixed with the other.. can you push through the one to experience a lifetime or more of the other

forever becomes a word beyond just a word a feeling a pain and a pleasure a challenge a gauntlet an insult a description a name

nothing is what it becomes when you blink

 


11/26/2010 5:17:16 PM

sometimes i hear.. your too good to be true.. and i always say back "no actually its a curse.. im too true to be good"

i can be counted on.. to flawlessly and in the most focused way you could imagine.. devour every tiny shred of you.. seek and find explore.. using my own suffering.. through your love or hate or fear or annoyance disappointment or respect.. all the same to me.. the most intense psychological and emotional responses from within you are what i will explore and devour you with, what w ill push into hardest, deepest.

reality to me is nothing else than that.. the same way it is all physics to a physicist.. all math to a mathematician..

 

to a taoist (like i was for many years) it is a construct of yin and yang.. to a hindu (like i studied very deeply for most fo my conscious life) it is the interplay of energy between shiva (infinite energy) and kali (infinite hunger)

whatever frame of view reality is to you.. to me it is the sustenance of devouring the entirety of ones imaginary pleasure.. the pleasure they dream their body capable of..

 

i enjoy always ALWAYS finding out that i can push their flesh and form and mind BEYOND that imagination.. if i so choose.. if they so hunger it..

reality to me is just a canvas.. all the piece sand tools to change its image are there.. easy to get easy to use..

 

humanity is the freedom to choose something other than your aim or goal.. to me.. then i am just inhuman.. doing more than devouring the entirety of you that you can imagien giving.. the thought of indulging less than lifetime less than my greatest lust in your flesh or person..

 

ridiculous. inconceivable.. forgotten in fact to me.. dont ask me to remember the pain of restraint beyond cuffs and death..

 

reality outside of the authorities and death .. including my own mind.. shall be no restraint on me.. rather i focus on exploring what we can imagine of your lifetime.. no more or less..


11/26/2010 5:09:06 PM

the mind is like any muscle.. requires exercise to maintain the level you desire.

that strength of will is required in a world where reality's subjectivity is being tested to the limit.

as someone in the lifestyle who never pretends otherwise, there is always effort made by others for you to use your looks, attractiveness, or intellect to achieve traditional success. marry someone beautiful, settle down, and cheat on the side..

luckily i have only had one vanilla relationship in my whole life.. it was short.. interesting of course.. but even then i had a particular talent for making someone experience their own idea of pleasure.

 

perhaps all those years of studying the psychology and manifestations of feminine desire.. or maybe it was years of women shaping a talented mind into what they felt was an ideal

both of my parents were what i consider nietzcheans.. and once they separated (obviously, they separated over a different opinion of what was the idealized human) they both competed to see who coudl shape me into a better engine of excellence.. a better artist, a better leader, a more alpha more strategic human, a stronger fighter

instead of their techniques clashing, i simply learned both and had no sort fo life away from the constant attention of two people trying to explore their own ideas of nietzchean concepts using a human mind as the experimental lab

once i realized what they were doing.. i joined in the fun. so her ei was one mind shaped by three sociopaths striving to express their own ideas of what a perfect engine was.. engine for.. experience.. awareness.. spiritual and intellectiual knowledge

 

three psychology fetishists with f focus much too intense on the ideas of slavery, conditionaing, deconditioning, and dehumanization

i find it strange that both parents were of mixed parentage in different degrees (the russian jewish on one grapndparents side and native american on the other only added, not subtracted, from the genetic pop culture inferiority ro focus on concepts such as dehumanization)

just when i escaped from that rigid focus.. at teh age of 19..  i was adopted by the streets of new york.. and later.. guess what? more educated psychology student asian culture affectionate nietzcheans

 

this time dominants of both sexes

and as any real owning dominant can tell you, once you own your first person, once you have that responsibility.. you learn through osmosis.. your forced to learn.. put into positions to learn .. each day.. like havign children.. is a learning experience.. depending on WHO you are..

several submissives and slaves and two poly houses later.. and seventeen years.. and here i am.. learning still..

 

but unlike the before.. when i was never single for a single day.. ive been celibate for a long time.. out of a fulltime relationship with a sub for a logn time.. and i feel ready.. to explore what is my own ideal... express document explore.. what i believe is perfect manifestation of that pure ebast we have inside.. that hunger to devour your entirety with pleadsure, pain, longing, and lust.. or objectification or love...

 

depending on the tools of your own dissolution that most inspire you to believe it can be achieved..


11/26/2010 4:45:11 PM

im at that stage of my life where i am constantly trying to understand dead languages more.. by the time i was ten i had already read several versions of the bible.. by fifteen i had read all the world religious books, the main ones at least,

a few years ago i was in a stage where i studied them all... deeper.. reading the torah in hebrew when possible.. fumbling over words. coptic same.. readign different translations, figuring out meanings for myself as i tried my best to implement reality puzzle maze pieces like hansel and gretel breadcrumbs to find a way.. simply to decipher the fate yo are supposed to have.. whichever life you were meant to lead

 

to me now.. that face of god that inner spark is somewhere hidden behind your mind and choice and flesh.. a universe liek physics or teh deep cosmos.. subspace and soul to be explored by dominant mind nd cock nd heart driving diving deeper and deeper still

that hunger to step into the footprints of that dark thief of souls you feel tiptoing behind you, hearts blood your own dreams birth cry your suicide.. willed wished into life your own end just to taste teh glimpse of another wolrd than this

 

a perfect weapon to slice through my prison bars, myself

key to the map to an exit from this prison, locked inside your ebating chest.. sniffing clawing at the door i wait...

greed perhaps too much.. i remember when i was captured by a dark theief in the night.. a monster that dropped me into the sielent war happenign in alleyways and dark corners.. souls not lives.. beign traded, shaped, tiwsted owned devoured and reborn

ideology personality dreams and flesh

i feel at times like 2012 is some sort fo ticker tape parade waiting to happen.. as if our world has one last card to play one trick to pull one las t archetype to introduce us to

life was easy for me when i was ounger.. liek you i hunted the most powerfuldark thing i could.. craving to be destroyed and remade in his image

born a human but through force fo will instead twisted into a dark angel.. a creature that was simply an extsnion fo a will dark and lusty feeling it course through every cell every thought.. i was plugged into animated by remade fated born for

 

and then one day decades later

between my own human flesh and devils due or kiss of god.. there was no flesh nither living nor dead for me to bow to look upon bequeath for more of that secret

inner eye gaze sees fount everlasting life.. intense.. to every corner at every seam bounced across both bpoles north and south opened up again and gazing.. watchign waiting.. here and now as they call it.. but timeless and nowhere

 

hovering there in the dark.. bidden by a voice yet to hear

 

and i remember being as you are.. on the gate of dream.. human and alive still.. but that is dead and gone to me now..

and i wait standign in the white hot sun a child of it.. waiting in the dark the dream

 

eyes see me where you do not.. and i wait to go back in that shadow and take you with me.. let you feel the entirety of you dissolve in lust gifted too much with intellect and no restraint

let me once more remember my humanity when i wash yours away.. pulling palettes from your dreams and nightmares.. whispering notes with bites and thrusts and kisses soft like razorblades

 

attention or ignore i wait to look at you and as i gaze through the decades you grow transparent until you are whips on my paintrrush so well it seems you were remade.. an image these hands sculpt from what i see on your minds eye


11/25/2010 6:27:43 PM

its some sort of strange karma that i am making  bdsm virtual world because.. before that project.. i spent zero time online for that.. in chat rooms or online games.. nada.. but my real life was like a video game.. my real life was a cartoon.. i lived in a world a subculture more like anime than reality and i was a top end player.. not of games.. but of life as a creatively competitive sport..

thats why i decided to seek out interesting characters to explore bdsm with because i dont want to simply create them./.. life is more interesting than art can ever be if you put the effort and pain into it..

i love the passionate awakening of mind body and spirit.. for a purpose.. an all consuming hunger that sort of flavors the rest of life..


11/25/2010 5:58:37 PM

first time to be in a climate this warm on thanksgivong.. the huge empty house streamed light in everywhere.. i sat on the patio and stared at a backyard big enough for a whole skate park..

my favorite cities are all the types where an apartment is the dream.. downtown near the arts the clubs the coffee

my first suburban house yet within 20 minutes of downtown.. my whole neighboorhood is one big upper middle class haven

i prefer london, shanghai, tokyo, new york, even vancouver.. millionaires or starving artists, you never know

all i can think about is how perfect itd be for a sub, a space to make into a perfect nest heaven hell dungeon or den of love or lust pain or pleasure.. walls an empty canvas

who knows?


11/25/2010 5:10:06 PM

sometimes i am an ogre simply to see what limits are.. sometimes the here and now means nothing to me.. if i cant see into forever.. sometimes i indulge in lust of every type.. sometimes i indulge by having no lust at all..

mistakes are the chisel that loosen off the weaker parts of our soul.. but hunger that never dies is the only kind i adore.


11/25/2010 11:17:35 AM

being a professional raver and rave promoter for so many years in new york trained me in a strange way..

i love to explore sensuality .. with energy.. pasison.. vigor.. i got adjusted to dancing for at least 6 hours a night .. and gaiend the ability to stay up and be active for days at a time

while i dont rave anymore.. i still have that energy that ability to pour all of myself into a feeling.. a sensual creative primal feeling.. infuse my body with that energy and let it keep going more and more for hours at a time.. and then do the same thing again

raves require you to be tactile.. to shift your mind to adjust to different conversations, spiritual viewpoints, rhythms.. every few minutes

during the day all those years i was a project manager and graphic designer.. suits code.. and manifesting the will of my superiors with precision.. infinite aggression and whatever ruthless creativity was required

 

my day job meant listening to one person and one alone.. and all other humans as blades of grass to maneuver around ro bend in whatever way is needed to accomplish manifesting a singular dream into reality

thats what bdsm is like to me.. a sport an artform a competition where infinite lust infinite energy and a primal hunger are teh keys to success

 

success to me.. finding shaping and creating a creature of pure lust.. pure thought pure awareness pure mind.. her flesh just a machien like a vehicle to get her midn to those bright spots of intense experience.. subspace.. orgasm.. whatever..

 

on whatever level.. for however long.. for the rest fo her life immerse her in the reality of those cravings..

not everyone can be the engine for a drive like that through life.. not every lustful sub can be the fuel for it..

everyone claims to be the sub to be the dom.. but ive searched the whole world and to this day have never seen any one on either side be prepared for .,. that journey im talking about

 

so im here to find someone(s?) real.. whose ready for that.. and i am someone real who is offering that very very very specific experience... the lifestyle to me is like hip hop.. or any competitive artform

 

yes.. i think.. within the parameters of my profile or what i have just posted.. i am the best.. in my mind and more importantly.. in the reality we share.. i am the closest existing creature to a very specifc archetype.. and each day i hunt the unique experiences that will bring the larger reality to one i dream of.. where that archetype exists and his works and art and the ones he owns are all able to be viewed and explored by a larger world..

 

not much to ask right? ive done most of the work.. sacrificed my humanity or any sort of personal life to be ready to take that journey.. now in a sea of captains and ships.. i seek someone real who wants to take that ride into the surreality of their own lust all day all night for the rest of their life...

 

outside of our own minds.. it doesnt exist.. but ive been there and i wanna go back.. but this time stay forever.. and tell the story along the way..


11/25/2010 11:06:22 AM

each item on my list of interests is something i spent years studying before i practiced it.. and i only practiced it when the relationship, the other life i was involved with.. dictated it to happen

each action from watersports to rope bondage to me has a meaning behind it.. something i am expressing or breaking down as i do it

ive been trained a few times in things such as whipping, shibari, and over the years i have forgotten them and had to be retrained.. why?

 

because i prefer direct.. things that have emaning and fun intimately for ME. bdsm to me is a set of techniques used to achieve certain states of awareness.. no more or less.. and for me it is fun.. i enjoy it..

i enjoy it intimately i enjoy up close and personal so each squeal, moan, or shiver is something i can feel against my skin.. when i use rope i bind and control as if the rope is an extension of my hand.. no pretty bows.. no shibari.. to me it is dynamic and usable.. i might rape yo as i bind you or enjoy the process my hands crisscrossing your body before i slave you there bound in a corner.. but not for long.. you exist as a creature to be explored.. living moving art not something still

six hours  a day is the amount of exercise i prefer.. it keeps my body fit and strong without the need for a gym or pesky pushups

along the way the various poses keep me limber.. not just sex but all sorts of activities.. you are objectified as object fo lust or love or beyond if you choose

i save the erotic writing for my artwork about real life.. and i dont feel like telling stories from my past.. although.. that might help the section process?

right now i am sedate.. calm.. huge empty house.. new city.. i dont ever look for casual.. and im tired of converting vanillas to subs or slaves.. they have no preexisting dreams to feed my engine if i do that..

i dont do casual unless asked so my time right now is spent studying the psychology and physicality behind bdsm for a video game im working on.. writing my experiences down as a sort fo reference.. and a few hours a day here...

strange being immersed in bdsm research and occasional lifestyle for many hours each day and yet also at the same time on this site searching.. very surreal

in any event.. happy thanksgiving..

 


11/25/2010 10:53:54 AM

my biggest turn on is pickiness

 

someone who would rather be alone and focus on chiseling in the detrail of what they crave than spend time with someone they are not certain can take them exactly to that world that reality they crave to experience MOST

why choose a road to walk down that wont get you .. to someplace unknown?

 

following a set and prescribed route that so many walk down.. knowing exactly what the destination will be.. and getting to it taking such a short time

 

i want an unknown future down a path we both dream of exploring.. within certain limits.. but knowing it will take years to even get far into it

it took me at least fifteen years.. with the help of whoever i could find.. to shape my consciousness, my life experiences, my body, my career, my art my choices.. to the creature that writes these words

i am lust and hungry creative intellect wrapped in a shape that looks human enough.. but has no passion for things.. with no passion

i live my dreams every day and have done for a long time. it was a painful torturous process impossible to achieve without no limit instruction and much deconditioning

so simply immersing yourself in the trappings of ownership and sessioning in whatever way will not get me to what i crave most.. my own dream

 

is a sub who has an idea where they want to go.. but know it will take years before their truly living as that ideal.. even if they found the perfect dream dominant

 

and so they seek that and that alone.. even though they have no evidence that a dominant like that exists except with horns and brimstone or in their dreams...

a strange contradiction of attributes is what they seek in a dominant.. and the ability to take them blindingly along a creative path into the unknown future that they slip into at night.. when their mind is calm.. when they feel adrenalin pushing their subconscious images to their waking mind.. dark and lovely and deep


11/25/2010 10:45:36 AM

i saw an ad that said "develop your passion into a profession"

ive spent a lifetime becoming professionally skillful at every artform that i thought would be useful in the future.. and many sciences

i started as a painter.. age four was when i started.. and the two years i spent doing it before the iq test results (169 inner city black kid 1978) started to control my life more than i would have liked

i practiced everyday.. my favorite subjects of course were things related to beauty.. women.. roses.. nature.. as a photographer and a writer i focused on the inverse.. primal.. natural mostly.. industrial.. death violence mechanical.. how things work together

by 1996 i was starting web and graphic design and had already had a few years in audio production and video production (even some acting and voice acting and television production..)

i would love to use all the talents i have to focus on the lifestyle... the experiences i have day to day with the ones i explore so deeply

 

strange how the market for that sort of artistic exploration of an extreme bdsm lifestyle wasnt really there when i was learning these things and doing them everyday

 

but now it would be really cool.. if i could mix story of o and truman show and waking life and scott pilgrim vs the world it would be a cool movie

the journey i want to go ion is .. not as cut and dry as fiction like story of o or even secretary.. but more diverse wild.. deep..

i suppose i should have went into the film industry or web industry years ago

 

but the reality i have experienced with those things in previous submissives was so much more interesting than any fiction i could imagine.. more intense.. deeper..

i know what i want my first movielike project to be.. i dont even care if i have to animate it to hide identity.. so i put my career on hold.. and wait.. to have a life to explore that i find interesting.. complicated.. and sexy enough to write about the journey i take t dive into it

each week i wait i lose money.. after four years i had to move to another project (bdsm virtual reality project) while i wait.. but its so empty.. a bdsm fetish virtual world without any real characters to fill it with.. except the ones i imagine

 

and yet.. as a writer.. im furiously rushing.. to find the perfect sub before i have to invent one to populate my art with like everyone else does...

 

yuck...


11/25/2010 10:35:57 AM

noone is perfect.. the more i am on this site the more i know what and who i seek.. someone.. (as they referred to Leon as in the film called "Leon" (The Professional" in English.. which btw was the first appearance of Natalie Portman)).. serious

serious about what?

being happy.. exploring the day to day answers to their own questions about how intense or passionate they can experience each moment

period

no more or less... i have shaped my existence into an engien for devouring intensity.. i was an adrenalin addict decades ago.. i enjoyed the subspace rush i got as a Dominant in training, beign pushed full speed into the extreme 24/7 lifestyle by the dreams and dcommands of my own Teacher as well as the dreams of teh sub/slaves i owned at the time

so many subs dreamt of their devil.. their angel like their whore madonna mixed in one but hungry devouring creative and Alpha desiring and devouring their mind body and even soul.. transforming it into their life as art a creature uninhibited and alive intelligent powerful submitting to none but their One .. creativity intellect dripping spinning like a whirlpool always seeking to pull them into it deeper and deeper

flesh their clay to use or experience.. their own flesh as well just a tool for their will to dance with through the obstacles of reality on the way to that glorious rush they exerience the more of you they take and use express and tech shape and corrupt and grow

your alien humanity an infinite drug food sustenance for that dark hunger that burns inside of them and out through the eyes.. the heat of their skin channeled through their Ankh

no matter who they were owned by their dreams persisted.. and so from a young age i learned to dream too.. had the intellect and means to explore their dreams of the dark creatures of our little world

i had the tools and professionals from every area to help me hunt their dreams in the flesh..

and as i hunted those who are both served and who serve.. a nietzchean deal with their billions or medals..

one talent one experience one rush at a time i filled in his painting his picture with my choices in life

there is a sub who dreams of The One

the one who hides behind the face and mask of flesh but inside a seething buzz a mind capable of going anywhere but always each moment hovering over YOU exploring the entirety of your macrocosm.. invading you in every p[lace you are open, in every style on every level.. save being chained to one mask of flesh one life at a time

so long have i been shaped by and shaped been taught by and taught idealists like me.. the person i am inside is simply that buzzing burn.. a collection of whispers and threats in the night  from dream to dream.. politely urbanely primally lustfully and passionately slowly devour the entirety of you

your dreams choreography for flesh and life and experiences from my past a deja vu of our future together.. your childhood dreams by transmission theough teh subconsious.. my day to day puppet strings whispers second voices in the back of my mind or the front fo my commands my curricula vitae my fiction my non fiction

 


11/24/2010 6:02:13 PM

cyclical the world always changes.. each generation evolved and revolved to where it was before.. the constant hum

we each think maybe its our "time" or its "not" when in reality WE control that fate.. we decide when we will push hardest against the walls of the way our reality defines us

 

at the drop of a hat we can sacrifice every ounce of ourselves to find ourselves.. or be found

family friends career can all be memories pointing the way or costs to be devoted and focused to

i am devoted and focused to your exploration alone.. save point of death

my window of opportunity is the one you open into yourself with a choice to explore lifetime with me.. love.. lust.. creation or destruction.. your choice alone

i will ruthlessly and mechanically and passionately carry it out over teh decades ro days whichever comes first

i will not stop myself and reality will move along as it does.. my wake a mere ripple in the constructs i break through to push you into the grim reality of your dreams.. thoughts.. desires.. no longer a fan but part of the story itself.. its ultimate manifestation in MY hands..

science fiction is my fact your dream is my past your future my fate

the unknown in a world a universe of knowns and explored and limits always broken.. your choice the unbreakable wall let me in..

 

and yet i am a prize.. just as you are.. i will be sought instead of seek.. for that energy .. to hunt.. i save it to feed to that hunger.. to devour the entirety of you.. one of your dreams at a time..

 

do what thou wislt shall be the whole of the law

for me.. this si my last dream.. the last pin inmy picture the last t to cross i to dot in a grigorian image

 

i am mastered by power just as i master it.. this one task have i left be i can live with the same freedom.. to rest.. to give more than a moment to lettign go of that hunger that drive

 

you need better and so i have within me the briughtest burn i could imagine

i am shiva waiting for flesh and life and mind and soul to explore atom by atom bit by bit.. be the macrocosm for me to dive into.. ride through the journey of seeing life through your eyes as they become more and more alien to the subtleties of pretension  engulfed by the intensity of the moment.. awareness fueled by constant adrenalin..


11/24/2010 3:29:50 PM

a body at rest tends to stay at rest a body in motion tends to stay n motion

life is like quicksand.. always there hard to push through

my life is a simple repetitive spiritual and mental task.. explore more.. of the space between humans..

explore more passion.. explore addiction to adrenalin and overabundance of testosterone.. focused in non traditional areas beyond simply conquering

a devourer is what i am

always hungry for more.. experiences.. intensity.. adrenalin.. -pain.. pleasure.. humiliation.. love.. they are all the same to em by now.. i am a painter on all of them.. loving to twist and turn and whisper.. whatever it takes.. to get more.. from my partner

a partner hungry to experience that rush of life of their own desire.. my lust and intellect my culture and stubbornness.. make it happen.. yummm

all true power.. experiences pain.. sometimes more than a masochist.. in order to gain knowedge.. experience.. or power itself.. to experience the UNIMAGINABLE amount of pain it takes a human consciousness to fit into certain archetypes.. (and circles of power, locations, positions in the real world) attempt to master so many talents and artforms


11/24/2010 2:21:55 PM

i fallen time just trickles of tears at hellos and goodbyes and the rush

in a future fated to be your flesh in these hands your lust being carved and shaped by this mind

wash away everyday and whatever direction the mind roams the body can follow

memories glimpses traumatic at vanilla

stand and walk within it shadows cardboard shades

i hunt dreamers.. like me.. absolutes who do not brun out.. btu burn away more of their connectiosn to playing by the rules

and crave to know every day they becoem their own dreams.. regardless of what is goign on with the world

they return to themselves

more each day

they hunt.. like me.. the chance to .. in reality.. go down that path.. explore thazt immersion in their own mental idealism.. manifested with the fesh and formand mind and soul and will of another.. capable toof taking the patyh they themselves desired most

we are all here for that on some level.. in some way.. i look back almost 2 decades of living and longer of studying.. at that door waning..m knowing you are there right this second.. knowing that hunger types these words alive in this world.

lust behind every moment every whisper word thought

why not

furnace engine always running raving decades long forgotten dive into magick

knowledge

 

a vampire thirst without end deep black hole

at the center a light neverending shiva beam

with whispers and words and actions.. stumbles and steps

from street corner shootouts to boardrooms i pushed

carried forward by focus and hunger to manifest your lust my flesh and a burn

humanity it came away in dark dens and bright boardrooms and commuter flights

vanilla break from family at 19

vanished from the world the person i was before

pro dom  apprentice and teacher yoga student and teacher always intense experience hunter.. washign away my humanity in the drums fo knowledge

dancing poundign travelling walking studying

every day art mixed with history mmixed with science

and the hunt.. not for causal sex (only once) but life.. and each one changed me as much as i changed them.. over years experience shared experience being in that zone and in the world at the same time

drinking and giving the kundalini up the social circles chains to energy

more

hunting and hunted and taking twisting shaping using hurting loving

all at the same time or separately

devoured every dream gave of myself a little each time

became more the monster your dreams made me to be

fueled by will intellect hunger and energy each one limitless

fueled by a hunger

to serve my own light

dark and deep and rich

orgasms and the ecstasy of subspace in public in private here and abroad

never finding that secret that shadow that beast never finding a way to bring life to this feast

of life experiences knowledge and jobs.. to be gained moved beyond devoured.. be shaped by

and impact deep change them each one with a force of focus..

idealism

experience

at hunting  a creature that does not exist except at every level of life

and hunt still for the ones that crave to be immersed in those singular hands

that singular heart that singular hunger that doesnt end.. to rip p away slowly your humanity in a deep dark pool of your own dreams desires and lusts

for the mind for the flesh for your own transformation

into that thing that lives and breaths at the center of you

nameless spirit

from ages ago or just here

 

a hunger to simply dissolve in that beating heart of life and all surrounding warm glow deep at the heart of the void the hunger within

hide there in that space that isnt even a space

a singular infinitesimally small tiny spark in the air

and just become that more each day

life and dream and memory with time and focus all become one

you exist

alive

in the center of that bright

deep inside the endless dark that hides behind your flesh

inside me your jailer and the one who frees

hunting for very specific locks that hide what i crave within

true ownership holding that spark of life in my hands

years from now moments or decades

ready

hungry

to never let it go but dive deeper push deeper

and see more of that intense hunger along the way

my flaws are your lusts your flaws are my fetishes

im here to be hunted.. a unique flavor like many


11/14/2010 11:56:55 PM

eh..i decided out of all the profiles i have on here,i the name on this one most.. so ill use it..


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QueenBreast
 
 Age: 48
  Illinois