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OutGoesAnne

OutGoesAnne - photo 1
OutGoesAnne - photo 2
OutGoesAnne - photo 4
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I'm here to keep in touch with old friends and journal a bit. I'm not interested in meeting anyone new or chatting.

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5/3/2015 4:57:58 PM
See? It really hurts. It feels like they are going to pop.

5/3/2015 10:59:47 AM
I feel like I'm in labor. I literally feel like I'm giving birth. I think it was 6 or 8 weeks since my last period. The longer between cycles, the more intense the pain is and the more intense the pms is. It's like being fisted by Freddy Krueger.

5/2/2015 11:54:47 PM
I know where my anxiety is coming from, and tomorrow I'm going to handle it. Another day of organizing for me. It will be good, though. Yep, I'm a good girl.

5/2/2015 4:16:22 PM
Went to a park by the bay, and let the breeze off the water through my hair. That's one of my favorite things to do. Yes, I'm a redhead. It just looks brown in artificial light. I guess it's called auburn.

5/2/2015 1:25:11 PM
My tit's feel like they are about to pop. They are very engorged, but I can't pump today. I know thats not supposed to be good for my milk, but it doesn't take much for me to get my milk back in. I breastfed a couple of years ago. Maybe that's why. I feel much better today. I finally got some sleep. I have a lot to do today, by I get most of my energy in the evening, so it's ok.

4/30/2015 8:08:15 PM
What a relief. I'm not pregnant and all medical testing that I had to set up is set up. I know I've done everything I can do, so I am collapsed into bed. I am exhausted.

4/30/2015 12:37:35 PM
Hooray! I'm not pregnant. I don't have unprotected sex, but stranger things have happened. My tits are swollen up like balloons and hurt so, so bad. I had good reason to wonder.

4/29/2015 3:42:17 PM
Maybe I should get my tubes tied. My GYN thinks I should. I never want to be worried about being pregnant again. How many god damNed child bearing years does one woman need? Tomorrow morning Ill do the test.

4/28/2015 11:19:30 PM
I'm looking for an architect. I may be interested in some kind of short term contract. Please be local

4/25/2015 11:00:49 PM
I think I only want to see those that beat me that severely, but I think I'll only be able to session every 2 to 4 weeks, probably closer to 4. I'll write more soon.

4/20/2015 11:46:09 AM
That's what they look like today. Not too bad.

4/18/2015 9:45:24 PM
I need to be hurt like that all t b with time. I'm ready to be hurt much worse.

4/14/2015 12:03:09 AM
I want to always be hurt like this.

4/13/2015 10:28:51 PM
Oh, man. My tits look bad. The bruises have formed into just a few large bruises that are dark blue and blood red. I'll post a pic if I get a chance.

4/13/2015 12:10:55 AM
I'm home now and my ass really hurts now. I don't even know what it looks like, but the came marks on my tits already look way worse than in the pic. I think they are going to form solid deep bruises. He was a really nice man. I'm getting better at maneuvering around SF, too.

4/12/2015 10:42:23 PM
Tonight I got a really good caning on my tits, legs, and ass. I got an electrode up my ass and pussy. He turned it up all the way he said. He says I am a good degradation slut, and I can take a lot. I still smell his spit all over my face. I'm noticing my pussy is having a mind of its own. Even when I have bad attitude in my head, I am still dripping wet.

4/11/2015 2:13:08 AM
I squirted tonight. I always thought the guys that said I did that were embellishing. I guess I do squirt, but even though it's totally nothing like taking a pee, I still believe it's comprised of pee. It was a trip though. Felt like cum. Had a lot of fun being shared publicly. Maybe I'll wrote more about it tomorrow.

4/10/2015 6:44:45 PM
Tonight I'm going to wear my red dress. I'm bringing the toys I don't like used on me and I'm bringing these restraints I have that have a tight latex bag to squeeze each of my hands into. I haven't used them in about a million years at least. I want to be hurt very bad and also to be bound which isn't typical for me these days. I'm going to organize the toys too instead of just throwing them in my bag so he can carefully choose what he wants. Why is he so special? I don't know. I think it's because he called me, "lass." I'm a sucker for sure.

4/9/2015 1:20:16 PM
Ok. Time to give up my Mexican card entirely. I just ate the best salsa ever and ended up in the bathroom gargling with milk and baking soda. So good.

4/7/2015 7:06:24 PM
I got a tens unit because I have pretty intense chronic pain, but I can't take narcotics. I laid there for two hours with it just feeling what it felt like not to ache. I'm still using it for pain, but I've started using it for breast stimulation too. I guess a lot of women use it to help bring in their milk. I was careful figuring out how to place and hold the electrodes safely away from my heart. Pumping makes me let down quickly, but the tens unit puffs up my tits fast. The pain feels good, too. its way faster than massage, but I am still going to do marmet massage, too. My tits are very sensitive and I love breast torture and getting tit fucked. Sometimes I have more milk than others, but I always have a little milk. It's very easy to make my tits swell and make more milk.

4/3/2015 2:12:05 AM
Oh oh oh naked lunch is next ! I'm so fucking excited!

4/3/2015 2:01:33 AM
Thank you for such a wonderful night, G.

4/3/2015 1:42:28 AM
Mona Lisa Overdrive and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. So awesome.

4/3/2015 12:00:44 AM
Williams Burroughs: I love you.

4/2/2015 1:12:55 PM
That's it! No more doormat mom! I have to let go of what others do but this is my home, and there's going to be some rules. All big hands do their own laundry. I'm going to IKEA and getting everybody their own baskets. I have done my own laundry since I was 12 years old. I even had my own place since I was 16. No excuses here. I'm getting a few basins to set by the sink. Everybody is going to have a place for their own damned dishes. I'm not sure about the rest of the chores yet, but you can bet I'll also be purchasing a large dry erase to chart and plot an assign them all with. Even little hands will have chores! I'm going to have some peace if it kills me!

4/1/2015 11:16:09 PM
So, there's that, and just a lot of other stress. A few days ago I was having panic attacks again, but that has gone away since I put my foot down and got certain people to stop contacting me. Was dealing with a sick family member that got much worse for a while. I love that people depend on me, but sometimes I feel unappreciated, but I also in the last few days have been accepting that I can't control how others act and feel. As long as I do that and pray, I tend to be as alright. I feel more present tonight, so at least I'm going in the right direction. I just need to make sure that people that don't care about me have no access to me. That's really important because once I let them in I can be pretty defenseless. I know how open I am sometimes makes people uncomfortable, and there's a wide range of strong reactions to that sometimes. I'm sorry if I impose on your sensibilities. I have lots of people that love me, but I don't have anyone I can really talk to like this. Obviously, if it bothers you, please don't read it. Goodnight.

4/1/2015 9:08:11 PM
Years ago, I came our of a very dark time in my life. I lost a good portion of my memory from then. I can remember gut feelings about people and circumstances, but the actual memories seemed gone. I did go through therapy over it, and have been considered stabilized from that time for I think about 6 years. I have a difficulty with time spans, too, but it has been at least 6 years. The doctor and I decided it was best to leave those memories where they are and try to do my best not to trigger any of those memories. Other than medicating the insomnia the ordeal has left me with, my therapy is over. There is nothing left to do except take good care of myself. Lately I unintentionally triggered some memories. I left myself open to seeing vanilla men. Fortunately, it turned out to be a good thing because within those memories where a few things I needed to know, things my safety depends on. I thought that taking all those beatings damaged me, and that may be true in small part, but I didn't remember the whole picture. It was a certain group of vanilla men, disgusting vanilla men that hurt me. They took something spiritual to me and equated it with the dirty monkey sex they think is so much more moral and shat on it. They turned it into something dead. They tried to understand it. It's something they will never understand. Ive never had a real sadist treat me in this manner at least not after the first session. I don't want to be called legendary. I see what you call legends, and I don't need to belong to that group. Some guy even just threatened me to try to bully me into seeing him. I know these guys look for my profiles, so let me talk to you apes: You will never lay a finger on me again. OK that feels better. Ill be OK now that I have eliminated this trigger. Tomorrow someone's taking me out to the city. That should be really good.

4/1/2015 12:37:56 AM
There is now one man I will allow my boundaries to be blurred with. I don't mean in session. The goal in session is to lose all boundries, but I need firm boundaries out of session. Limits and boundaries are important to maintain balance in my life. I am no good to serve anyone without that balance, and I run into a lot of people that don't care about that balance and don't care about my life. My first reaction is to be accomidating, and there are too many people waiting to abuse that trait. Being owned hasn't been the most important thing to me in a long time. It's a nice dream, but I feel like I am a better servant having a life. If being owned and used was at the top of my list of priorities that would make me a giant asshole. I need to protect myself a little better. I already know what I need to do. I just need to take break and center myself again. It is nice one man cares about me that's also so, so sadistic. The rest of you will just have to wait.

3/29/2015 3:02:38 PM
Does anyone know of a good sex club in the sf bay area where I can be used and shared? I know about power exchange. I'm looking for more. It can be just a swingers club. It's my homework assignment please help.

3/27/2015 11:29:53 PM
Dealing with a certain group of men in the last two days has reminded me of how precious my time is. No more wasting it on negativity or a certain group of creeps. Oddly enough, sadists treat me the best, and I'm not dealing with anyone else from now on. I'm happier to be done with that, and I'm happy to move on.

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BindMyHeart88
 
 Age: 42
 Elkart, Indiana