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Olorin

Olorin - photo 1
Olorin - photo 2

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Friends:
paynloversexymommy86SilentSubmiss

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I'm the kind of person who always has a dozen thoughts going through his mind. It's not that I necessarily talk a lot - it's just that I value opinions and thoughtfulness, and my mind is always in high gear.

It's been a long year filled with loss, uncertainty, discovery, resolution, and resilience. For the first time in my life I find myself truly giving myself permission to live, to embrace who I am at every level. There are things about me that WILL frighten and possibly repel you, and there are things about myself that I am trying to make different. It's not that I've avoided taking responsibility for myself before; it's that I never before realized I could.

I'm mercurial, tempermental, and focused. I'm disorganized, romantic, and cynical. Like Whitman, I contain multitudes, and playing along the multiple dimensions of who and what I am is a joy that I'm just learning to explore.

I have an insatiable curiousity, a boundless sense of personal elegance, a deficiency of self-discipline, and a capricious and playful cruelty. Sex occupies my mind near-constantly, and I am learning to explore the wonderful infinity of combinations that letting myself go allows me to discover.

I love the aggressive, violent side of sex - inflicting pain on another not an end in itself, but a means to release the pain twisted inside myself. There is something divinely beastial to just letting yourself go - not loosing control so much as letting the demons you CANNOT let the world of polite society see, slip their leash.

The paradox about me is that my outward conservatism - the button-downed, straight-laced persona - belies an intellectual iconoclast and a sexual degenerate. Trapped too long in the straightjacket of others' expectations, I am now pushing the edge of what I am willing to accept in myself, learning to ride those demons to the very edge.

That beastial side revels in power over others - and finds nothing a bigger turn-on than a no-limits slave, one who is a blank, unbordered canvas for my limitless depravity. If given the opportunity to run loose, this side of me will find no cruelty it will not learn to enjoy.

Part of me wants to let that side out completely. Part of me prefers the elegant predator - the vampire, the lion - to the unfocused berserker. The side that comes out depends as much on my dancing partner as it does on my mood. But only someone with an iron core, secure and certain in herself - or alternately, a woman seeking her own sublimation or immolation -? can hope to keep up with this rhythm.

There are as many varieties of sexual experience as there are individual partners, and I believe the purpose of life is to experience as much novelty and variety as the world has to offer. I don't know where I'll end up. I'm certainly not saying that I am incapable of "settling down" - but fundamentally I suspect I'm more poly than anything else.? But I dislike labels and am always seeking to expand beyond them.

I am who I am, and have never found another like me. And I'm looking for others, themselves extraordinary and impressive, with whom to share this wonderful experiment called "life."

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OpaBirdsong
 
 Age: 23
 Honolulu, Hawaii